The Heat of the Attic

 “Such beauty… Oh, I may perish before ever seeing anything as beautiful as her again! But how blessed I was with today’s glimpse…”

“You might see her again tonight, though?” Yuame offered. The two of them were walking back through Nakamise street, where the merchants and pebblers had started setting up their wares for the last day of the festival. Kaoru was swaying as he walked, his gaze at the sky. Yuame had to steer him by the sleeve several times to avoid a collision.

“Tonight… Oh, if the gods are kind!” Kaoru sighed dramatically. “But then I will no longer be satisfied with merely looking… So no! The gods would be cruel to show her to me again!”

Behind him, Yuame rolled his eyes.

After their poetic exchange, the woman had swiftly taken her leave back to her paladin. Without her usual high and precarious shoes, her gait was quick. Still, her movements were now much more poised and polished than when she arrived with the sun. Yuame could read expertise and skill in her every step, and in the way she lowered her eyes demurely after granting Kaoru a final, lingering glance.

Kaoru had enough sense not to follow her, though his eyes did so hungrily. When his vision of her was blocked by a red umbrella, he finally seemed to come to his senses.

“Shall I help you carry that?” he had called after the young girl, smiling. She gave no answer other than turning her head, and sending him the nastiest glare she could muster.

Remembering the fierceness on the girl’s face, Yuame couldn’t control another grin. Her small stature and large attitude demanded respect. Kaoru had pouted about her immunity to his charm, but it was far from enough to deter him from fawning over her mistress.

He was still going on about the courtesan as they reached the crossroads where the theater stood. Yuame, already growing bored with the tanuki’s latest obsession, breezily uttered: “Well, if we do meet her again tonight, I shall at least try to distract her pupil. She didn’t look too fond of y–ow!”

Kaoru had stopped walking so abruptly that Yuame bumped into his back.

“… ‘we’? I thought you were going to stay at the theater.” Kaoru slowly turned around.

Yuame frowned, rubbing his chin which had collided with the tanuki’s shoulder. “I was… but I have changed my mind. I would like to join you after all.”

Kaoru stared at him. He then gave an incredulous scoff, shaking his head as if he had to process this highly unexpected news. When he spoke again, it was deliberately slow. “Yuame… Yoshiwara is a pleasure district. It’s filled with brothels. I thought you never wanted to set foot in such a place again?”

Yuame narrowed his eyes, disliking Kaoru’s tone. “While that is true… After hearing what Yasu said about studying the fashion and gestures of the women there, I thought I could make myself useful in the same way. I could study their garments, and make new outfits to use in our plays–”

“But it’s dangerous out there!” Kaoru blurted out. “And–I won’t be able to keep my eye on you at all times!”

“Well, you won’t need to! The others are there too, remember?”

“They’ll be off as soon as they find someone who catches their fancy,” Kaoru grumbled, his face increasingly redder. “And then you’ll be on your own. And you, by yourself in Yoshiwara – that is not happening.”

“Kaoru–”

But the tanuki scowled and shook his head, forcefully ending their conversation. “Going to bathe,” he muttered before stiffly turning into another road, leaving Yuame alone in front of their theater.

***

Even with the window open, the attic was uncomfortably warm beneath the midday sun. Yuame felt faint, his eyes blurring as he tried to concentrate on his needle work, to no avail. It would be a lot cooler downstairs near the earth floor doma, but that meant he would have to face the other actors. He was not in the mood for that. And neither were they.

From down below, their increasing frustration was rising through the floorboards, making the attic even hotter. Kaoru was late for rehearsals. Much later than usual.

After listening to Toshi, Masa and Yasu stubbornly rehearse the same scene a dozen times, Kaoru finally returned.

“Kaoru-dono… I do believe we had agreed to go over our lines of the climax scene, but now–”

“Yeah yeah, it’s still the same play right? It’ll be fine,” Kaoru threw back. By the sound of it, he was still in a bad mood. Yuame sighed, his own irritation sparking back to life like fresh kindle.

They had to get dressed if they wanted to ensure their performance was timed around the most of the crowds. Yuame moved down to help, mainly focusing on the three humans. Kaoru and him did not exchange a single word.

Hours later, after the sun no longer lit the street enough for the actors to display their skill, they finished their final performance. Yuame had half listened to the day’s results, hearing the actors deliver their lines and the crowd cheer, but there was less fire in either party. Perhaps the people had grown tired from the festivities, but the actors had certainly given better performances before. Especially Kaoru. He was clearly distracted and though he would improvise his way through parts he forgot, the other actors could not keep up with his mood swings, often halting the fluency of the play. Yuame tried not to listen when that happened, but the second-hand embarrassment smoldered in his chest.

As the actors reentered the theater to undress and remove their makeup, the atmosphere was less than triumphant. Toshi still tried to make merry, but Yasu’s icy remarks (mostly aimed at Kaoru) instantly cooled down the heat of the day. Still, the plans to go to Yoshiwara remained unchanged. One by one the actors appeared in the attic to change into their own clothes, choosing them with more care than other nights.

Yuame found himself alone with Masa, who had greeted him as warmly as always. The young man’s eyes did carry a glint of worry, but instead of voicing what was on his mind, he shyly rummaged through his belongings.

Yuame observed Masa as he pondered which kimono and belt to match.

“That green one would look great with the brown,” he finally offered. Masa blushed.

“Oh! T-thank you! … Are you not going to change? You’re coming with us, right?”

Yuame sighed and gave a shrug. “I was curious about going, yes.”

Masa smiled wider. “Good! I was looking forward to it. To tonight, I mean!” He swiftly moved behind a few crates to change. Yuame blinked, but looked away out of respect. He had already seen enough of the actor’s body while he dressed him, but Masa seemed to want privacy.

“You often go to Yoshiwara, right?” Yuame asked after a moment.

“Not -really- often, it’s expensive to drink there. Well, everything is more expensive there…”

“Like the company?”

Masa coughed, stumbling from behind the crate as he tightened his obi knot. “Y-yeah… There are various ranges, but even the lowest ranking brothels ask quite a price. As for the top courtesans… I think only those at court can afford them!”

Yuame hummed. He knew that men didn’t go to pleasure districts only to drink. He himself did not have that urge, but he could well recognize it in others.

Truthfully, Masa did not strike him as the lecherous type, but he could be wrong.

“Do you have any… favorites?” Yuame asked, still trying to make conversation. Masa turned red, but shook his head.

“No… There certainly are beautiful women there, but… there is no one I really… like…”

His large brown eyes clung to Yuame suddenly. The willowy male tilted his head, looking back at him. When Masa did not speak again, he hummed again in feigned understanding, granting him a warm smile by lack of an answer.

Someone noisily scraped their throat.

Masa flinched violently, and again when he saw it was Kaoru standing on top of the stairs. The older man made no effort to hide his displeasure, pinning Masa with his gaze. The young actor quickly made himself scarce, sliding around Kaoru who kept blocking the stairs.

“W-We’ll wait for you two outside!” Masa squawked awkwardly before hasting down, as if outrunning a downpour.

Despite the lingering heat, the atmosphere in the attic instantly turned icy. Yuame boldly watched Kaoru as the tanuki stalked over to his futon, ignoring the zashiki-waraji. Unlike Masa, Kaoru stayed in full sight as he redressed in a charcoal-dyed kimono, black as night. It didn’t faze Yuame, who kept glaring at him stubbornly.

Finally, Kaoru broke the silence.

“So you’re still planning to come.”

“Yes.”

“And I still think it’s a very bad idea.”

“Will you relax? I’ll stay with Yasu, or with Masa.”

“That’s exactly what I’m worried about. I don’t trust that Masa.”

Yuame forgot to look angry, utterly confused by that statement. “What? Where is that even coming from?”

Kaoru scoffed, shaking his head. “If you don’t even know that, then you really shouldn’t come. Trust me, I know what men are like.”

“Oh?” Yuame bristled, Kaoru’s condescending tone fanning the flames. “Because you are the same kind of man?”

“Exactly!” Suddenly Kaoru was right before him, his white teeth showing in a growl. His kimono hung open, untied. Yuame was not impressed, his chest only filling with more fire.

“I’ve long known the type of ‘man’ you are, Kaoru,” he hissed, poking the tanuki’s bare chest with his finger. The tanuki’s eyes widened, fear flashing within them. But Yuame did not see it.

“And I’ve never faulted you for it. I know what you’re after tonight and by all means, go ahead. I shall not mind. But you can’t expect me to stay here just so you can freely indulge in your vices! I’m telling you I will be fine, even if the others are not with me. And Masa is a decent, gentle young man. You should feel ashamed for thinking badly of him.”

Kaoru spluttered, before his face darkened with anger. The comment about Masa especially seemed to make his hackles rise.

“Well, forgive me for wanting to keep you safe among unpredictable, horny humans.”

Yuame gave a harsh, humorless laugh. “You’re being so dramatic! You know, I think I spent longer among these ‘unpredictable horny humans’ than you ever have! Did you forget where we met?”

“Pfah! Oh yes, very brave! Back then you were a tiny thing living in the walls! You didn’t have a body to worry about!”

“Just let me worry about my own body for one night! I never asked you to always do that for me!”

Color flashed across Kaoru’s face, before instead of shouting again, his voice dropped to a cold hiss.

“Aha. So this whole past year, you would have been fine on your own, huh?”

“I never said that!” Yuame groaned, throwing up his hands.

“You’re right though. You never asked me to take you away either. That was all me.”

“... Kaoru? What–”

“Maybe I shouldn’t have done that. Seems like you’re regretting a few things now.”

In that instance all the heat left Yuame’s chest, leaving him feeling flat and deflated. Shoulders slumping, he stared at his companion.

“That’s… That’s not true...”

Kaoru scoffed, his temples and ears still bright red. He firmly averted his gaze as he tied his obi, tightly securing his gourd and money pouch to it.

“Yeah, well… You’re not going out. I forbid it. And that’s final.”

Yuame froze, too appalled to speak. Still avoiding his eyes, Kaoru stomped down the stairs to join the waiting group outside. Over the din of a crowd, Yuame just heard him tell them that ‘Yuame decided to stay behind’.

The actors responded with discontent, and he heard Masa speak up. Then came a growl from Kaoru, hushing murmurs from Toshi, Yasu’s court snips. The door closed, and he no longer heard their voices. He was alone.

Solitude between walls usually brought him relief. But at that moment, Yuame felt his blood continue to boil.

For the first time in his life, given the choice, he was not going to stay put.