Can I Please Not Cook?

Panic, fear, and five litters of sweat, none of it good. It cleared out of the body. But none of that really improved the mental state of Noriko. Even after her accepting that Hiroyuki had feelings for her and she started dating, whatever what they were doing was called, the stress upon her didn’t compare. She could handle all of that. Even if she often stated otherwise. This was something completely different.

Knife in hand and crimson spread everywhere like a crime scene. What she saw at her hands was indeed criminal. An assault on her senses and likely any professional. Though her nightmare no one would even step into willingly, let alone for cash. No, her kitchen suffered in silence, alone.

As did Noriko.

But also with laughter coming from the gallery, known as the living room.

“You’re a cliché from a comedy.”

She grumbled. “Tell me about it. Cutting vegetables shouldn’t be this difficult.” They weren’t bad. It certainly could have been worse. She could have made the tomatoes into a mush. But she didn’t really have the practice for precision. Also the fear of cutting herself made her make wider cuts that needed. Everything was uneven and diced. The recipe didn’t ask for diced, it asked for slices.

It would get diced.

“You know you can just give this up and come clean.”

“And say what, the book wasn’t for cooking you a nice meal, but masturbation material? Yeah that’ll go over better.”

“You don’t have to be that honest. He already knows you can’t cook if you were buying a book.”

“Do you give up after you’ve died for two hours on a boss?”

“No. But you can’t get food poisoning from failing a boss.”

“I can’t, but you can.”

Maiko gasped a little at the threat as she playfully hid a little behind the couch. “You wouldn’t poison your best friend.”

“Just the one being the constant gremlin in my ear.”

“You’re the one providing me with entertainment.”

“I’m not a new chapter for you to read.”

“That would have an actual conclusion.”

“You really want to die that badly, eh?” That silenced her friend for the moment. Though she knew it wouldn’t last long before she was cutting in with new barbs.

Noriko stared down at the counter. She would just have to make due. To her right was the last mess that she made in the wash basin. Chars of peppers and rice stuck to a supposedly non-stick pan, marketing lies. There weren’t any more tomatoes. What did it matter if it was diced or sliced, the stomach didn’t care.

Though she did a little. But she swallowed that thought. It might be the only thing she swallowed that night.

She made it out of the chopping without losing any blood. That counted as a win in her book, meager as it was. Cooking should have been simple enough with a basic recipe, but she really didn’t understand heat very well. It got out of hand faster than she thought and then it was all just a waste.

Ten minutes and she had the first taste test to make. While she was already pulled a little aside, Maiko walked in, stopping her gaming to peek in. Noriko already took her bite as her friend grabbed her arm to sample it as well.

They both stared at each other in silence as the food sat on their tongue. For her there was a little bit of fear. She really didn’t want to poison herself. But everything looked cooked through, maybe too much. It just had extra flavor profiles. From a general taste and seasoning, it didn’t seem the worst. The recipe claimed it was easy, even if she did fail twice before.

But together they swallowed. More staring and hesitation between them in silence as though they would be poisoned and dropping dead immediately. Nothing happened.

Of course.

There was a sigh of relief from Noriko. She began to open her mouth, but Maiko went first. “It’s not—“

“Good.”

“No, it’s not. But…”

“It’s not bad either.”

“Right? Maybe okay?”

“I’m not winning any awards.”

“Hell no!”

“Alright, Ms. Critic.”

“I mean, c’mon, girl.”

“Yes, I know. For the first time that it didn’t become charcoal, it’s edible.”

“Probably not something you want to give to him.”

“No…” She sighed heavily at the thought. “What am I doing? I’m not a cook.”

“Girl, I’ve been asking you for the last two hours. It’s not like he’s going to like you less because you’re not experienced in the kitchen. He’s not like that.” Though her friend leaned in quickly. “He’s not right?”

Noriko shook her head. It hadn’t come up directly. Not quite the conversation starter to ask how he felt about gender roles in the kitchen. “He doesn’t seem like that sort of guy.”

“So what do you care? It was a stupid thing thrown out in panic.”

“I know.”

“You could have explained that to him. There’s a million other things you could have said after correcting your mistakes that he would have believed.”

“I know…”

“Why stuck on this?”

She turned the stove off and sat down on the floor. There wasn’t a chair nearby. It had been something her friend poked at all day since she committed to this mad course. She should have given up. She couldn’t cook. She didn’t burn down the apartment, that was a success in itself. Hell, if she called her mom about what she did they’d probably burst out in tears.

Between games, doujins and math, she really didn’t do normal girl things. Her mother was a bit on the traditional side. Thankfully, she was also accepting enough to let her do what she wanted. But even Noriko could see a part of her was sad that she didn’t share hobbies or interests that her mother could understand. She wanted to connect, but games didn’t make sense to her.

“I dunno… Part of me saw it as a challenge, another part thought maybe I should and another part was already committed to the lie.”

“That’s three parts.”

“I didn’t say they were halves.”

“You implied it. They were halves I felt.”

“You can’t feel halves.”

“I did.”

“You feel horny looking at the Tokyo Tower.”

“I mean, it’s so wonderful and tall.”

They smirked between each other. Maiko joined her on the floor. Noriko brushed back loose hair. Looking around the kitchen like it was going to give her an answer, she fell back on her friend in the end. “It’s not working.”

“No, you can’t keep running away. You’re trying to create someone you’re not for him.”

“You think so?”

“Yes.” Maiko pulled up a little closer to her. “What are you going to do if you really start dating and move in together or he sleeps over here?”

“Hide everything.”

“You want to live a lie for the rest of your life?”

“I don’t have to date him.”

“No. But what about the next guy?”

“There’s not going to be. Hiroyuki was surprise enough.”

“Girl, I’m going to slap you! There will be someone else.”

“Then I’ll be a cat lady!”

“You’re running again. Stop being afraid of what others think of your hobbies.”

Part of Noriko understood what she was saying. It wasn’t something that she could reject. It was logical. But part of her also saw all of the drama from it and didn’t want any of that stress. She loved what she did. Her hobbies were personal to her. And part of her feared that she needed to abandon childish things, that she never was an adult. Maybe it was time.

Three parts.

Maiko reached over grabbing her hands pulling her attention back. It had been a while since she had seen her so serious. “I think it’s time to ask yourself the important question. Do you love him?”