Shadow of Doubt

Most normal people don’t hide in public restrooms. But here I was again, hiding behind my stall walls that felt safer than being in my room. The academic floor girls restroom was empty now that classes were over so there was little chance I would be bothered.

I hadn’t slept the last few days. All I could think about was the choice before me, accept my fate and stay here at the academy, or make a deal with Angie and potentially escape…

The more I thought about it the guiltier I felt that I didn’t totally hate it here. Sure the people on the whole were cruel and competitive but not all people were bad. I was making friends beyond just Lyla and a couple of the instructors were really cool.

I saw Principal Rook again. He didn’t give me a second glance when I greeted him. What’s his deal? Was he being serious about the offer?

On the other hand, if leaving was an option and he would grant me my freedom if I impressed him; then maybe, just maybe, I should suck up my pride and ask Angie for help?

However, there was a third option. Up till now I had bigger worries than Angie but there was still the possibility that she was being sneaky by helping me against the teacher and the demon. She could still be out to get me if I wasn’t careful.

Dammit what do I do?! I suck at making these important decisions. I always mess them up! I wish someone would just tell me what to do!

“Of course you suck at making decisions.” Angie spoke for the first time since I lost it in the dorms. “You left that for others so you can play the victim.”

I’m shocked that Angie heard my thoughts, I thought my mind was the one thing I could call my own but now I felt violated. I hated Angie even more.

I pushed open the stall door and marched straight to the mirror. A restroom mirror is the place it all started but this time I was ready, and angry.

“Come on out Angie! If you’re going to read my thoughts then you might as well hear it directly from me!” I shouted at the mirror.

However nothing appeared. It was just my reflection in a dirty mirror from the 1960’s.

“What’s wrong? You too chicken? Come on, demon show yourself!

“What’s the point?” She said in a subdued tone.

What’s the point? What’s the point! Are you being serious with me right now?

“You—dirty—little—

Bitch!”

I swore at her, but the only person in the mirror was myself. She was gone.

I knew I should have felt triumphant, even happy that the personality that had haunted me for years was finally gone! I did it!

“….”

”…”

But the longer I stood there in the bathroom, in the deafening silence, the more I felt kind of lonely.

I guess that's it then. Mission accomplished. Yay…

Yippie…

Hurray for me…

››››››››››››››››››››››››››› / △ \ ‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹‹

I decided to go back to the dorms. Maybe I could focus on improving the relationship with my two roommates and explain to them that I wasn’t a scary person. It was just all a big misunderstanding.

The elevator doors opened and Sable was standing right there—in my face. The jump scare freaked me out and I cried out in surprise.

She wasn’t alone, the other two henchmen were with her. They were waiting for me again!

“Come with us fourth-year, we have to get you caught up on training.”

Sable shoved me back into the elevator and sent us to the fifth floor—training and workout area. My card only allowed me the dorms and the academic floor but I had been down with the class for PT sessions.

I didn’t know what to do. This was another misunderstanding that I needed to fix or else it would get worse. But every time I tried to say something I could feel a powerful and overwhelming energy coming from them. Without a doubt they had the most powerful kanon abilities of the entire school.

These were the elite of the academy and here I was the new girl in school. I had broken one of the most important unwritten rules of any school or social system: don’t stick out. I had Angie to thank for that.

“Hey umm, guys?”

She turned around and glared at me. Her red hair flickered like a fire.

“So shouldn’t I get my PT clothes on?”

The two lackeys snickered. ”Oh don’t worry this won’t take long.”

We arrived at the main dojo which had padded floors and sections of padded walls. It smelled of sweat and cleaning supplies.

Sable grabbed me by the back of my collar and pushed me to the middle. I spun around and took the basic defensive stance I had been taught a few days earlier. I am sooo screwed…

“You’re going to give me a rematch right now, Angel. I challenge you.”

Rematch? Angie literally picked a fight with the top girl in school! This couldn’t be the girl Lyla warned me about?

“Let’s go Tyrantess, kick her ass!” They cheered.

The one person in the whole school Lyla warned me about was her…

A golden orange shimmer sparkled around Sable like a tiny fireworks show. It was beautiful and deadly. A hot burning atmosphere emanated from her kanon field.

“Hey Sable, please listen to me whatever happened in the first days I was here wasn’t me! It was—“

Sable’s existence blinked out. A tenth of a second later she appeared behind me.

When I turned a foot smashed into my face.

I saw stars—so pretty…

Then I felt myself getting pulled back into the deep—

Splash!

I inhaled sharply and cried as a bucket of cold water was dumped on me. I coughed and wiped the water from my face to see Sable and the gang parading over me.

“Ugh she’s so pathetic.”

“Right? She totally cheated or something the first time.”

”Sable, that kick was actually insane! We should do this again.”

”Yeah for sure.”

I tried to speak up, “Guys… please this is a big misunderstanding.”

Sable squatted down and grabbed me by my face, and with one hand lifted me up in the air.

I felt like my face was about to be crushed. I flailed around trying to free myself from her death grip.

She punched me in the gut—the air was taken from me and I started to see stars again.

“Listen to me Angel, from now on we’re going to train you every day. If you try to run away from training, we're gonna find you and train you even harder. Got that?”

Tears are coming out of my eyes, the pain is unbearable.

“Yes…” I whispered.

Sable dropped me to the mat like I was a paperweight. One of the girls spat on my face. They turned the lights off as they left.

I was alone in the dark.

The cruelty of it all was too much—I wept.

I cried so hard but not just from the humiliation. I cried for home: I missed my mom and dad, I missed homemade food, and I missed…

I guess, I missed how easy I had it, as selfish as that sounds. Was that really what drove me? Comfort?

Who am I? Where did I come from? Where am I going?

I wrestled with the meaning of my life in the dark. I was so insignificant. So little. So cursed…

“The kinds of people who are cursed… they believed a lie about themself…”

The words of the old man from the plane come echoing back for some reason.

The lies that I believe about myself…

After I exhausted my tears I climbed back to my feet shakily. The entire left side of my face was on fire and swollen. I was lucky she had hit me dead on the cheek or else I wouldn’t have any teeth left.

When I got in the elevator my hand hovered over the third floor button.

I'll just wash up and go to bed. That’s it, I’ll figure things out tomorrow but first, a good night’s rest. You’ll feel better tomorrow. There’s no reason, no reason at all to—

I pressed the second floor.

I walked through the maze of classrooms.

All the way to the restrooms.

I rolled in and beelined straight to my stall on the far corner.

Sat down and—

I began deep diaphragmatic breathing.

In through the nose.

“….”

Out through the mouth.

“….”

Before I knew it, I slipped into that deep place—my beige room.

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The emphatic warm light greets me and…

I don't care about that stuff.

This isn't what I'm looking for.

I tear down the door to my room, I don't have time to mess with these stupid locks! I sprint out into the vast foggy wasteland.

Into the emptiness I traveled the plains for ages until I found what I was looking for.

At first they didn’t acknowledge me but continued sitting, prodding the ground with a stick creating ripples that danced across the world.

“So, you're finally awake…”

The person turned their head—they had a face that was both a small child and an older adult.

“What do you want?”

I approached and stood in front of the person. It was unmistakable now.

It was no longer the small child, it had grown older into me. My mind had been clouded but now it was clear. I could see through the mirage.

“Angie… we need to talk.”