Lost and Found

I can’t believe it, the person who had been the cause of my torment, the person who had shaped and ruined my life, sat cross legged on the ground like it was nothing.

It was a pitiful thing to behold this creature: emaciated, naked, and dirty. She barely resembles me at all. But I can see the likeness and feel a connection.

I could see who they really were—and it was kind of sad.

“You know I used to dream of you coming down to visit me. But now that you’re here, just looking at your sad pathetic face pisses me off. I have nothing to say to you. Just leave me here and go. We both know that’s what you do best.”

I’m taken back. I don’t understand what she’s saying at all. I’m the one who’s supposed to be pissed off here!

“What are you even talking about? You can’t just say those things like you're some kind of—some kind of…”

”Victim?” She interrupts. “No you're right, sorry my lady, that’s your whole bit. My bad.”

Gwah! The nerve on this girl! She is so full of shit I can’t believe it.

My anger rises and there’s nothing I want more in the world than to shake her like a ragdoll. However, there’s something important I need to do. I can’t let myself be ruled by my emotions, not this time.

“Angie listen, I—I mean, we are in trouble and I need your help.”

”Well holy shit that’s news to me! I’m so sorry to hear that princess.” She scoffs, “You think Tyrantess is your enemy? Pssh! You really have no idea…”

What does she mean? I wish she would stop being cryptic!

Angie stands to her feet. She’s so thin that her body is almost—see through. I realize she’s fading away.

She pats me on the shoulder as she passes me by, “I hope things work out for you Angie, I really do.”

She walks past me, towards the endless abyss of the fog. I’m shocked by those sad sunken eyes. I didn’t detect the same sarcasm as before, she was being genuine.

“There’s nothing for me here. I’ve lingered too long.”

She turns to me one last time and I see the real her for a split second: not a terrorizing demon, but a sad lonely soul who was always alone, never acknowledged, never loved.

“Goodbye.”

She disappeared into the fog.

I see it now, I understood: the sad lonely child crying in the dark for eternity…

The ground around me stirs as the memories come swelling back. I look down through the ground, through the ocean, to a vast world that seemed to contain the past, present, and future.

I dove in head first.

Sploosh!

I paddled down and down and down: through the seas of forgetfulness I swam past things so wonderful I couldn’t describe. It's here I find out why I would wake up with melancholy and the feeling I had forgotten something important.

I’ve been here many times, countless times. When I was little I came here often to escape the outside world. How did I forget all of this?

We found each other, me and her, we were both two broken souls crying in the dark but we were brought together.

I was the one who asked her for help when things were hard.

This revelation sent me flying. I was no longer swimming but rocketing downward.

I was the one who promised her love.

I was the one who promised to acknowledge her…

And I was also the one who never kept a single one of those promises. I had left her alone, frustrated, and bitter. She was alone and betrayed.

When I invited her in, I became angry and upset with her but it wasn't her fault, she didn't know any better. She was just trying to help but I never once tried to understand her.

The deeper I ventured into the sea the heavier it weighed on my soul. It seemed to go on forever, but I could no longer bear its pressure. Whatever else was down there was too pure and I was too sinful.

I turned around and paddled back to the surface.

I sat down in the emptiness and pondered what it all meant. Who was she? Who was I? Who are we?

I want to find her, I need to find her.

But this place is infinite. I could spend the rest of existence looking and still never find her. There had to be another way…

Before, we had found each other because we were alone and we wanted to be found, like two magnets we had been guided to our connection.

While searching for answers I came across something in my possession I had also forgotten about—it was a small candle. I had used this the first time many many years ago to first find her.

It was my light in the darkness. This little light would help me find what was lost.

But how do I find someone who doesn’t want to be found?

Another memory floats to the surface and pops. It’s the voice of the old man.

”Nobody chooses to be alone. We may think we have a choice but it's against our very nature to isolate ourselves.”

Does that mean she doesn’t really want to be alone? If so then there’s still hope I can find her.

The small candle with its little light grows brighter—

and brighter,

and brighter.

Yes, there is always hope.

The light is dazzling yet it doesn’t hurt my eyes to look at. It looks familiar, like I had seen it somewhere before.

Ohh, now I understand. The warm emphatic light gently pushes back the dark and blows away the fog. We walk together illuminating my cold dry world.

“Hear me voice, feel the warmth of my heart, see the fire that I carry. Come to me now!” I commanded.

“Come to me my love, it's time to wake up.”