Riona - the whole liking women thing

Riona’s investigation started on Sunday. The double fry dose plus the milkshake plus the burger left her bedridden for the rest of the day; she couldn’t even tell Yuu about what happened. Besides, knowing her, she probably knew by then.

The first thing she did was to marathon her favorite BL.

She had a notebook and a glittery pen in hand.

Why did she find watching this enjoyable? Because… because…?

Did she find either of them attractive? No, they were both horrible people and deserved what happened to them at the end (they die after sharing a cigarette).

Did she find either of them PHYSICALLY attractive? It was hard to separate them as people from their fleshy vessels. So no.

Would she date one of them in real life? Of course not. She wouldn’t ask them out.

She sent this information to Misao. After she didn’t receive a response in fifteen minutes, Riona called her. Misao’s greeting was, “IT’S TWO IN THE MORNING.”

“Check your messages,” Riona then hung up because it was two in the morning.

Misao was a terrible investigator. Monday morning arrived. Riona went to school. Still nothing. She saw Niwa in the hallway and waved while Niwa averted his gaze. Still nothing.

Second period.

Third period.

Yuu ate with other people today, so Riona went with the choir kids. Niwa was also there, and again, he averted his gaze.

Fourth period.

Riona apologized to him. “Why are you apologizing?” Was his response.

“Because, uh…”

“Yes?”

“For… kicking you?”

“What else?”

“W-what else? Did I do something else?”

He nodded. “But I don’t think you’ll realize what it is unless I tell you. Anyway, thank you for apologizing. How’s your friend?”

Misao. “Not sure. We haven’t talked since Saturday. Do you want me to ask her what she thinks of you or what?”

“Uh, no, I just… I was just asking.” He sighed. “See you.”

“See you.”

Sixth period.

Misao finally replied: I’ll watch the thing you sent later. I have cram school and club activities today :/ and thanks to a certain someone, I couldn’t sleep.

Riona waited until the end of the day to reply again. It was unbearable, but Yuu had told her not to respond immediately or else it came across as needy. That’s fine. I also have club activities. I’ll send you an audio.

Unfortunately, most of the practice was warm-up exercises. Apparently, several club members struggled to reach the high notes. Those who tried strained their throats; those who didn’t fell silent. The end result sounded like someone sliding down a giant violin. Needless to say, she ended up sending nothing.

Still, she hummed on her way home.

Misao: Where’s the audio.

Riona squeezed her arm to mimic a fart sound, then sent her that.

Misao: Gross >:(

Riona: Have you watched it yet?

Misao: I’m in cram school…

Riona: ? Then why use your phone?

Misao answered hours later. It was strange. The entire day had felt like a dream, as though she slumbered or replied, or was replied to. The story was an interesting study on class commentary and eugenics, but the main issue is that it also tried to tackle humanity’s dependence on artificial intelligence and morality as observed through the lens of a robot and a slave, as well as their budding relationship, so it feels as though, because it tries to grasp so much, it ends up taking very little. Their ultimate fate is tragic but well-warranted. I especially enjoyed the symbolism of a last kiss being shared through a cigarette, even though they had already done much more. In the end, we’ll never know if their feelings were real, or mimicry born out of trauma.

Riona read that five times. She ended up calling her. “What the fuck are you talking about?” Was her greeting. “I sent you the BL, remember?”

“Uh… yeah? That’s what I’m talking about?”

“No? What’s all this robot trauma nonsense?”

“...the story? Hello? Did we watch the same thing?”

“I mean, I guess there was social commentary and stuff, but what I wanted you to focus on was the BL. One: did you find them attractive? Two: did you find their physical appearances attractive? Three: would you date them IRL? Oh, yeah, and also, was it enjoyable? Please reply like a normal person.”

Misao was silent for some time.

“Hello?”

“...Tsukishima, I wish I had your brain sometimes.”

“Um, thanks.”

“To answer your questions: one… I guess? That’s the point, isn’t it? Two… no, not really. Three… I don’t know, maybe the robot. I feel like he’d go to prison in a week, though. I think it was enjoyable, just for uh. Different reasons than yours.”

“What if I don’t like men?” Asked Riona, then hung up.

Immediately.

She blocked Misao.

…well then.

The thought had surfaced and left her mouth before she could register it as such. The logical conclusion, then, would be to assume that she liked women.

She unblocked Misao.

She called Misao.

After the third ring, she picked up. “Why would you say that?”

“Um. I don’t know. I honestly just said without thinking.”

“Then there’s probably a reason why. Do you find women attractive?”

“Uhh…” Did Riona find Yuu attractive? She was… pretty? Between her and Niwa, she’d date the latter, which was precisely why she’d asked him out. Also, no one else in her friend group liked their same sex… that she knew of. “...no…?”

“Is that an ‘I don’t want to tell you’ no or a real one?”

“I’m not sure? But if I liked women, wouldn’t I watch GL instead of BL?”

“Ah,” Misao said. “True.”

“I could try.”

“Maybe. If you send me something, I can watch it, too. But like. If we discuss it, could our analysis go beyond the surface?”

“Like that boring shit you sent me?”

“Yes. Like that. It’s not… it’s not boring to me. Never mind.”

Riona curled her legs to her chest, then wrapped an arm around them. Her room didn’t have much—a coffee table, a bed, a desk, a bookshelf with more dirty clothes than books. She watched anime on her phone. “We could watch it together,” she said. “I do that with Yuu all the time.”

“Wait, what—you watch gay porn together?”

“Yeah.”

“...wow.”

“I have to ask my dad for his laptop, so you gotta give me an exact time and date.”

“...you… you ask your dad for his laptop… so you can watch gay porn with your friends…”

Riona lay on the floor, legs hanging perpendicular to her. Perhaps it was time to try doing her nails again. The kitchen had caught fire last time (long story). “So will we do it or not? I can’t tell you about the, uh. You know. The whole liking women thing.”

Misao was quiet again. “But you can tell me?”

“Just did, yeah.”

“Why? You barely know me.”

“Maybe that’s why?”

“I see. Transience brings forth easy trust.”

The random change in register probably meant that she’d quoted something. Riona could see the logic: part of the reason why orange things were beautiful was their transience. Fireworks. The sunset. An autumn leaf. By the time one got used to their presence, it was nighttime, and it was winter, and they were gone.

In that sense, Misao was a breeze away from vanishing. They shared no class, no grade, not even a school. Where did Misao live? What did she like aside from drawing and pretentious yapping?

“Sure,” Misao said. “I don’t think my parents will give me permission to go to your house, but you can come to mine. I’ll text you the address.”

“...oh, I meant…”

Yuu and Riona used to watch stuff ‘together’ all the time. In this day and age, all it took was a call. They streamed at the same time. They talked.

Even then, those memories would eventually become orange, too. Yuu had already dated several times. She had other friends now. Every day, little by little, they had less and less in common. Someday they’d share no classes, no grades, and no school. They wouldn’t know where the other lived anymore.

“Never mind,” Riona mumbled. “Send it.”

“Alright.”

Misao was the same. Everyone was.

Everyone.