Charlie

"Listen, I love a good rumor as much as the next guy. But I still haven't laid eyes on this 'Kitty' girl that everyone keeps talking about. I'm starting to think it's just nonsense." Charlie muttered, a lit cigarette hanging out of her mouth. Her fingers typing furiously on the keyboard in front of her.

"I swear, I saw her" said Marjorie, who was seated across from Charlie's desk, typing at a much slower pace, seemingly in no hurry to finish her work. "She was there one second, then she was gone. Like some kind of ghost or something."

"I'll believe it when I see it." Charlie shook her head. She had seen a lot of weird stuff down here in Hell. But a small child that no one could catch? Seemed highly unlikely.

Charlie finished what she had been writing and aggressively hit the enter button on her keyboard. 

"There, another one finished." She smiled, satisfied with the day's work, ready to head to her meeting with the Gossip Gals.

"How do you write those so fast?" Marjorie stared at Charlie incredulously, looking back at her own screen where she was slowly working on Chapter 6 of her novel.

"Smut is my thing. It's easy, most of it is based on things I did back when I was alive." Charlie lit another cigarette as she gathered her things from the desk. 

"Wait, so all that stuff in '50 Shades of Beige', that actually happened to you?!" Marjorie stared at Charlie in awe, her mouth agape.

"Most of it, yeah." Charlie turned and walked toward the door. "Night, Marj. Don't work too late." 

Charlie thought back to her life as a living, breathing, human on earth. She sometimes missed those days, but then again, she mostly didn't. Being trans in her small town was basically a death sentence. She was well known in her town for doing stand-up comedy, and every show, there would be a group of big burly men waiting outside the venue to beat her ass. And not in a fun way. The last night she was alive, she had just about enough of these buffoons, and when they asked her if she was from Transsexual Transylvania, she responded with "No, but I saw your mama there once." They literally beat her to death for that one comment.

When Charlie awoke at the desk in front of Agnes, she was confused, to say the least. Agnes also seemed perplexed, looking over her paperwork.

"There doesn't seem to be a reason for you to be here, Dear. This must be some kind of clerical error." Agnes adjusted her glasses as she read the document again. "Just hold on, I'm going to call someone about this." Agnes picked up her rotary phone and began dialing.

Charlie glanced around Agnes' Receiving Room, as all the others had done before her. It didn't seem to be as bad as people had made it out to be, she honestly didn't see what all the fuss was about. It was rather warm, a bit smelly, bit otherwise just like the places she used to do stand-up.

"Yes, well she's here now." Agnes spoke into the receiver. "But she hasn't done anything to warrant being down here." She paused, looking through the glass at Charlie, who offered a quaint smile. "That's not a reason." Agnes was scowling. "What does that have to do with her destination for the afterlife?" now she was yelling. "Fine." She slammed the receiver down and actively changed her face before speaking to Charlie again.

"Well, Dear, it appears there has been a clerical error, and thus you will be staying with us for your afterlife. Sorry about that." Agnes shook her head in disbelief.

"I'm sorry, a clerical error?" What does that mean?" Charlie asked, the confused look reappearing on her face.

"Well, apparently, Saint Peter up at the Pearly Gates denied your entry due to the fact that you were born a man, and are now a woman. His antiquated system doesn't allow gender changes, and because you were listed as female when you died, your admission was immediately denied. I think it's ridiculous, personally. Gender should have no bearing on your entry to the afterlife. It doesn't change the good or bad behaviour for which you are accountable. But, nonetheless, here we are. If you'll excuse me for one more minute, I just need to make one more phone call." She picked up the receiver and dialed again.

"Hey, it's Agnes. I've got a situation down here. I need some guidance." Agnes spoke softly into the phone.

Charlie took a step back from the counter. The bullies that beat her to death kept saying she would go to Hell for her sins, she didn't think they would end up being right. But if that's the kind of people they had up in Heaven, she didn't want to be up there anyway.

"Okay, yes, thank you, Abaddon. I'll send her your way." Agnes hung up and stood from her chair, smiling at Charlie.

"Good news, Dear. Since your arrival here is due to error and is not warranted, you avoid all punishment and torture. We will set you up with a job, and provide a bed and your meals. It may not be Heaven, but it's the best I can do." Agnes sighed as she passed over Charlie's paperwork, this time without the big rubber "Approved" stamp on it. She gave Charlie directions to Abaddon's office, and wished her well.

"By the way, Dear, down here there's no reason to hide your true self. You just be unapologetically you. And I love your hair."

Charlie brushed a hand through her bright magenta pixie cut, cheeks turning red at the compliment. She wasn't used to getting those.

She walked in the direction of Abaddon's office, hearing the occasional distant scream or painful moan. She briefly wondered what was happening behind these doors, but thought better of opening them. There would be time for that later, after all, it looks like she'll be here forever.

Charlie knocked on Abaddon's office door. It opened on it's own, and a deep voice from within ushered her forward. As she entered the office, her eyes struggled to adjust to the darkness. After a few seconds, she saw a tall, slender figure sitting behind the desk. He motioned to the chair on the business side of the desk, and Charlie quickly sat, keeping her eye on the shadowy figure.

"I am Abaddon, Right Hand to The Boss. I hear Agnes has gotten you up to speed on why you are here, is that correct?" He tented his fingers and waited for Charlie's response.

"Um, yeah, she mentioned some stuff. It's about me being trans, right?" Charlie looked Abaddon up and down now that she could see him better in the dimly lit office.

"Yes, that is correct. Transsexuality is not something they are equipped to handle upstairs. I don't understand why. In any case, you're stuck here, so we might as well make the most of it." Abaddon leaned forward and snatched the paperwork from her hand.

"Oh, I see you did comedy, and you were a published author. What kind of books did you write when you were alive?" He looked up from the paperwork, raising an eyebrow.

"Smut, mostly. Harlequin romances, and some other stuff." She replied without hesitation. "Did you ever hear of the '50 Shades of Beige' series? I did that. Under a pen name, of course." Charlie smirked, thinking about the success of that series.

"Wonderful. I have a department that writes smut and devilish romance novels. It's one of our biggest revenue sources." Abaddon opened a desk drawer and pulled out another stack of paper.

"I'm going to send you down to see Marjorie, she will help you find a desk and get everything set up. There's a dorm room for you just next door to the Writing Room, she can show you that too."

"Great, thank you. Where can a girl find some grub around here? I'm famished." she stood, glancing once more at Abaddon.

"Cafeteria is one floor down, follow the signs. I think they're making Maggot Mac again today."