Chapter 13:

Reminiscences (III) / What Love Does To A Lonely Soul

The Door to a Bittersweet Ending


After professing Makoto’s name, Akira went silent for a bit, looking at the sky full of stars with his eyes, on the verge of crying, like even remembering her name was enough to make tears come out from his eyes, but he kept them inside him and went on with his tale, while Samai was looking intensively at him.

“You see, before that I had never experienced love before: I said that I felt something for Anastasia, but that was more of a crush rather than a real feeling of love. But, when I first saw Makoto, I knew full well that something awakened in me: a feeling I had never felt before then. I first encountered her during my second year of middle school, in front of a convenience store: she was getting out of it, with the uniform of the store, making it clear that she worked there. I observed her from the distance, and it was like a lightning had stroke me: her short brown hair was moved by the wind, her not fully developed figure gave off an energetic aura, but the thing that impressed me the most was her face. Her grey eyes, her mature yet juvenile traits enthralled me, but what really remained impressed in me was her smile. It was like she was trying to cheer everyone up, like she was a beam of hope in that neighbourhood of despair. It made me question whether she was from around there, because a smile such as her was a thing really out of place in that area, but, exactly because of that, it made her look like a goddess on earth, or a miracle. Or maybe like an idiot, I am sure many thought that about her. Anyway, I stood there, looking at her like an idiot, and then she met my gaze. When that happened, she smiled at me, and I felt a warmth in my heart, something that I never felt: it was like she was smiling only for me, like she was trying to be my ray of hope, like she didn’t want to give hope to all the other people around her, but only to me. At that sight I smiled, trying to return her the warmth that she was making me feel. Then, she returned inside the shop, like nothing happened, but I was sure that I left an impression on her: I was sure that, just like she made such an impression on me, I had done the same thing to her. Maybe it sounds a little arrogant or self-confident to say, but at the time I was sure it did. I returned various times, wanting to see her, and she was always there, out, taking her break. When she saw me the first times, she always smiled back at me, without making any moves, until I did it and started chatting with her. Then, we slowly started getting to know each other: her full name was Nozoe Makoto, of full Japanese origins, born and raised in Sapporo, and she lived in that exact same area. She worked part-time in that convenience store so that she could have money to spend for her things and also to help her parents, which were in a difficult financial situation. She was also in middle school, a grade forward than me, even though we had the same age, but we went to a different school, as she was yes in a public school, but in a better one than mine. At first we just chatted during those pause periods, and, when I couldn’t see her, my mind always wandered, searching for her figure in my mind and everywhere around me. However, at a certain point, I made a move on her and asked her number: she agreed to that, and, when she did, her smile was like thanking me, while I had to be the one thanking her for that. We started chatting even on phone – at that time I had a cell phone always with me, unlike the last years of my life – and we found ourselves being more and more intimate with each other, starting to see even during our days and outside of those fortuitous yet premeditated meetings in front of the convenience store. Around that time, I also told her that I was part of a gang: I didn’t do that to boast or anything, but only to warn her that I was involved with some shady environment and that she could have been in danger by only being near me. Up to that point, some people were killed or injured because they were affiliated with the gang – Sergio, Cho, and others that I haven’t included in this tale because, as bad as it sounds, they were only minions with whom I had no real relationship – and I didn’t want to put her in danger. However, she accepted that fact and said that she cared more about me than her life and that, if it meant that she could be near me, she would have done anything possible. That discussion also marked the start of our relationship: we were slowly becoming more intimate with each other as time passed and we were both conscious about that. Plus, we were both madly in love with each other, so much that, at the end of that discussion, we kissed passionately for minutes, before unwillingly separate us from each other and parting ways. Still, a few days later, she asked me that, if our relationship was to become a real serious one, I would have to step down from my role in the gang and live a peaceful life, with no more fights, protections and stuff. A life I was more than willing to take up even in that instant, but, before that could happen, I wanted to save some money so that we could move away from there, in a better area of the city where to live together. Around that time, another happy event took place: Hana and Eduardo were getting married. Having both reached 18 years of age, they wanted to get married as soon as possible, knowing from experience that, if they had continued with that life, as it seemed they wanted to do for a while, they could have ended up dead before they had the possibility to live a life together. The gang financed their marriage as a collective wedding gift, while every one of us made them an individual wedding present, and we organized a ceremony for a few intimates: however, that didn’t stop us from doing things in big style. We spent all we needed in order to make it a memorable occasion for both Hana and Eduardo and, some months later, the marriage took place. I can still remember that occasion like it happened yesterday: the luxurious place in which we organized it, the smile of happiness that Hana had in her beautiful white wedding dress and the one that Eduardo had in his expensive smoking, the joy that permeated the hall in that moment, the faces of their families, beaming with happiness even more than their children, as if they were happy that, even in those unhappy – to use a euphemism – circumstances, they still managed to find happiness, and then… And then I clearly remember Makoto being with me there, in a red dress that we chose together for the occasion and that suited her like it was only natural that she possessed and wore it, with her figure emanating an aura of happiness that was seemingly impossible to surpass, even for the bride, the groom and their families. That was the first occasion she came in contact with my other family, the gang: when she met Eduardo and Hana for the first time, the impression she left on them was so positive that they asked me, seeing me as happy as them near her, if they needed to give me help about organising our marriage, an offer I laughed off as a joke but that I was seriously considering, at least deep inside me. In fact, during the months we spent organizing Hana and Eduardo’s marriage, me and Makoto developed our relationship constantly: we went around the nations, visiting places and partaking in many events, as if we were trying to make the dress rehearsals for our escape from Sapporo. We went together to Okinawa, to Tokyo, Osaka… in a word, around all of Japan. Plus, we also had a common interest: racing. It was a passion I had since when I was young, when I assisted to my first ever race – which wasn’t even a legal one, but a street one, like those you see in films – and Makoto liked cars from an aesthetic value, like their aerodynamic forms, the accessories that could make a car look even cooler and things like that. That brought us many times to circuits all around Japan: the Fuji one, Suzuka… if there was a race, we were almost there every time. During those months, our love for each other just developed in every possible way, which was also why, when Eduardo and Hana talked about marriage, I took their offer a bit seriously. During that time, I also started my third year in middle school, but, at that moment, school wasn’t a priority: my only priority was Makoto. In general, the interactions between Makoto and my family during that occasion were very cordial and left on Makoto a good impression. After the marriage, Hana and Eduardo went on their honeymoon to the French Polynesia and stayed away for two and a half weeks, during which I managed the majority of the gang’s business. When they returned, things went back to normal, until they made me and Makoto a surprise: they gifted us a free trip to wherever we wanted as a thank you gift for freeing them of the gang’s worries for their honeymoon, or so they said. While we were thinking about where to go, a Russian member of the gang offered to book us the perfect place for a romantic holiday in Vladivostok, with a friend of his that could give us a hand if we wanted to organize something in particular, especially if we wanted to make a trip and visit bits and pieces of the Siberia. We liked that proposal – we both wanted to go to Russia at least once in our lives and that occasion was the best opportunity to visit the oriental part of the country – and so, a few days after, me and Makoto arrived at the Vladivostok airport, ready to live a month of relax away from that grey and depressing zone in which we were slowly dying and getting tired of living. That month is probably the best memory I can possibly have of my life: we spent a month like newlyweds, enjoying each other completely, in every way possible, and we made a lot of memorable memories that I still treasure. So much that I sealed them away, indeed. Seeing her sleeping near me every night made my heart skip a beat; eating with her and seeing the delight on her face every time she ate something delicious made my day; going around with her, hand in hand, and occasionally kissing us when we wanted made me be overcame by joy; enjoying her presence around me every moment of the day and of the night, never leaving each other’s side, made me feel like I was blessed, like I had found true happiness, something that people struggle to find. Then there are the memories of what we did, but I am going to keep those to myself: I don’t want to share them, they are my most precious treasure. But I can say you that we did pretty crazy things there: just to make an example, I fought a bear with only my own two bare hands and won, even though I was a bit injured after that. That month was really the happiest moment of my life: but, unfortunately, it would also be the last”.

When he said those words, Akira showed a bitter smile, but his eyes were emanating a different emotion: they were a mixture of primordial rage, fear and, most importantly, sadness. A pure sadness that made Samai shed some tears and skip a beat of her heart, like she was partaking in his sadness, not because it was his, but because it was so pure, so sincere, that probably anyone near him would have had that reaction, for how much melancholy his glance showed. Then, Akira picked up his tale from where he left it off.

“That month ended very quickly, too quickly for us. What we had lived in that month was enough for us to understand that we were ready to make the next step: escape from our city and go live together somewhere safe, where we could live the life we had lived in that beautiful month. When we returned home, we immediately started looking for a house in the south, to be more precise in Okinawa. We wanted to escape the furthest possible from that city: plus, we both loved the hot climate that Okinawa had, and, well, having the possibility to see Makoto in her swimsuit every now and then was seriously a tempting thought… Fortunately, her parents didn’t do anything to stop her: I got to know them and they were two honest hard workers, with no connection to criminality whatsoever, even though I’m sure they were envious about them, because I was like them, before setting the gang up. At first they weren’t that much cordial with me, but, when they saw how much I loved their daughter and how much Makoto loved me, they opened up to me and treated me like family, making me living the real dynamics of a family, a thing I had never lived in my life. Knowing that, they didn’t stop Makoto: if she really loved someone, she was to be able to stay with him. It was her life, not theirs, and they did not want to chain her up in that horrible place when she could have lived a happy and hopeful life somewhere else with someone that really cared about her. Then, it was my turn to tell it to my family, the gang, and, when I said to them that I wanted to quit the business, I remember Hana looking at me in the eyes, smiling, and then saying 

“Go: Makoto is a good girl, I can understand that, even though I didn’t get the occasion to get to know her that well. So, go, and live your life: we know how hard it was for you, as well for all of us, but now you can turn page and start again. So, what are you waiting for?” 

I can still remember the tears that shed her cheeks, while Eduardo was looking at me with excited eyes and Viviana proposed a cheer for me and Makoto. However, a person was missing: Anastasia. That was when I discovered that she had been killed while I was in Vladivostok: they found her in an alley down in the worst zone of the neighbourhood, with a knife in her waist and various scars on her, like she had been tortured. They also told me more about her conditions, and blood froze in my veins: I won’t say anything more about that, but her conditions when she was found were miserable, to use a euphemism. Apparently, the culprits were a new gang, full of violent people with precedents that apparently had no fear to act violently, and that was said to have been starting dealing in prostitution and human trafficking. I don’t know where they obtained their contacts from, but that was a hell of a market where to start your activities, which made it clear that they weren’t newbies and that things were starting to get dangerous, if a person of the Anemakai had been caught in their claws. That was when a plan came to my mind: I proposed to the other three senators to shut down the gang. Hana and Eduardo had married and they were surely going to go out of business in a while and Viviana had capabilities that, with the money she earned in her career there, could make her go to prestigious schools and find her a job and make her have a good life, so why should we have kept that up? People in the gang earned enough money to escape and have a better life, and the many we lost during the way could have become even more if we continued running the organisation. Plus, Anastasia’s homicide made it clear that there were people that wanted to expand in the area and that they would have done anything they could to do that, so why had we to run the risk of being killed for just a rather little territory? When I said that, all of the three pairs of eyes in the room were locked on me, but, when I finished my speech, all of them nodded in silence, and that was the moment when Viviana said that they had thought about that too and that they were slowly going to close all the activities, so that the Anemakai would only remain as a good memory for those who lived it. The fact that I was thinking the same thing just made things easier for all of us. After deciding that, I returned to my house and slept, knowing that things were going well. However, during the night, I was awakened by a call, directly at my cell phone. It was Makoto’s number, so I eagerly replied, hoping to hear her beautiful voice, but what I heard on the other line was a sighting and feeble voice, even though it was still Makoto’s one, that only said two words, before the line dropped.

“Help… me…”.
Real Aire
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SamishiiShi
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