Entry 5 - Uncertainty

A bit of a disclaimer from the original notes before you get started - I hope I haven't downplayed Jole's problems at home, or even Caleb's worries while still trying to keep some importance to how this is affecting Seth in it's own way, as both are valid in their concerns. It was not my intention so please let me know if I have failed in that. ^^; However, I still hope this chapter is an interesting one. As always comments and critique are always welcome. (Btw, I'm on Seth's side when it comes to the flavors of blue raspberry and grape, but that's just me. :))

~~~~~~~~~~

Caleb had just finished with his last client of the day when his phone rang. He turned away from cleaning his tattooing tools and picked his phone up. Something inside his chest twisted as he saw Mai's number.

Did she need a moment to vent? She had a few virtual meetings today, if he remembered right. Did Leslie do something dumb? Wouldn't be the first time. An invite for the weekend coming up? A bit early in the week for that, but not impossible. Would it just be them? Would Leslie come?

Would Martin?

Another ring and Caleb answered.

"What's up, Mai?"

"Hey, Caleb, hon. Are you sitting down?"

Oh no.

"Mai? What's going on?"

"Sit down, first, Caleb."

He did, but only after he put up his closed sign. Something told him he didn't want accidental walk ins.

"So. Don't freak out." Mai began, and Caleb resisted the urge to sigh.

"Mai, you can't tell me to sit down and then expect me not to be freaked out." She gave him a small laugh at that, and maybe, just maybe, this wouldn't be so bad.

"Fair enough. Okay, I'll rip the band-aid off." He could hear her take a breath, "Cross knows about us now."

There was the equivalent of a record scratch in his brain.

"Caleb?"

Fuck me.

"Caleb? Hello?"

Damn you, Martin Jones.

~~~~~~~~~~

School had let out about ten minutes ago and Jole found himself walking home with Richter and Seth. This wasn't unusual. Often times they would make their way home together or even stop in the downtown area to find something to do and hang out. Jole didn't feel up to it today, though.

As their shoes thudded down concrete sidewalks and Richter's voice rambled at Seth next to him, he couldn't help his spiraling thoughts.

He had no issues with Seth's dad being inhuman. It scared him at first, of course. It was hard for it not to. However, because Martin had used his powers to help him, to return his mother's wallet from a pickpocket, he was hard pressed to fear him for long. He treated Jole like he treated Seth and Carlos, like Jole was welcome to be considered another son when his own father was a touchy subject.

However, Cross was a different matter.

He had never met the man, never spoke to him, despite going over to Seth's house multiple times. Seth had been careful about that, save for this last weekend. Cross knew they knew now, and Jole didn't know what to do with that. His mom had it hard enough, he couldn't make it worse on her.
"Jole?" Seth's voice broke him out of his mental loop. They had stopped in front of their usual convenience store, Mary's Mart, where they would often buy snacks afterschool. The weird kind that most people avoided unless it was for a dare. Both Richter and Seth's eyes watched him in concern.

"Sorry," He squeaked, then cleared his throat, "Sorry. What's going on?"

Richter raised a brow, but Seth was the one who spoke.

"We were going to get some of those popping gummies. You want some?" That's right they had talked about that last Friday, the one before they got outed to Cross.

"Sure. Sure, that's cool."

"You good, man?" Jole hesitated, and at that Richter spoke up.

"Hey, Seth, why don't you get them for us? I need to ask him about Mr. Austin's homework."

"Did you forget it? Again?"

"Don't worry about it." Seth narrowed his eyes at Richter, but sighed and went inside. Richter called out.

"Get us some of those fresh cookies too. Jole's mom might want one." Seth waved his hand back.

Once the doors closed Richter's face shifted to something stern.

"What's going on?"

~~~~~~~~~~

It had taken some time, but Mai eventually calmed Caleb enough that he could hear what happened. To say he was not happy was a bit of an understatement.

"Are you serious right now?"

"Caleb, please."

"No, Mai. This is insane."

"It's not that bad."

"How can it not be?" Caleb snapped at her, then winced, "Sorry. Sorry. I just don't like this, Mai."

She was silent a moment. Caleb was almost afraid she'd hung up.

"I know, but I don't think we need to worry."

"How come?"

"Because it's Cross. You've heard the way Martin talks about him."

Of course he did. The guy was completely infatuated. It didn't matter that Cross could kill him in his sleep. It didn't matter that killing things like Martin was part of the job. That he'd probably done it dozens of times with no remorse. None of that mattered because Martin was too busy making eyes at the man.

"He's biased. You know that."

"Not if it puts his kids in danger. You know that." Caleb opened his mouth, but found he couldn't make a sound. Mai took the opportunity to press her point.

"Martin loves his sons more than anything. If Cross was anything but good to them then there's no way he'd give him the time of day. That means Cross gets along with his kids. Which means Cross likes Seth and Carlos. Which then means he wouldn't do anything to hurt them if he could help it, right?"

"You don't know that. You don't know Cross." His voice was weak to his ears, especially in the face of Mai's firm conviction.

"No, but I know Martin. You do, too."

Did he? Despite hanging around him, he had to wonder.

"What if we're wrong? What then?" He didn't want to uproot again. He didn't want to see-

"We'll figure it out. We always do, don't we?" She continued, her voice soft in an attempt at comfort.

Some part of him hated how he was confidently included in that "We".

~~~~~~~~~~

It took Jole a moment to readjust to Richter's change in demeanor.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been ignoring us the whole walk. Seth tried to get your attention, like, five times, dude. Spill." Jole blinked.

"I've just been thinking about stuff. That's all."

"You mean Cross?" He flinched at the name, but that was enough for Richter.

"Really, dude? We told you not to worry about it."

"How can I not?" His voice cracked some, and he cleared his throat again, "It's just me, my mom, and my sister, man. How can I not worry about this?" His father leaving had been so abrupt, some nights Jole still reeled.

Richter's face softened, his voice toned down to match.

"Do you really think Seth would let anything happen? That his dad would let anything happen?"

No. Was Jole's immediate thought, but this didn't change anything.

"They aren't invincible, Richter. We don't know Cross that well. Just because Seth thinks it'll be fine doesn't mean it will."

"You saying Seth isn't worried about it?"

"If he's so confident in Cross-"

"It doesn't have to do with Cross, Jole." Jole's mouth snapped shut at that. What?

"He told you before, right?" Richter continued, "He's not worried about Cross. It wasn't about Cross. He's worried about what ACE would do about his dad, not what Cross would do."

The doors opened with a ding and Seth walked out the door.

"Hey, they didn't have the blue raspberry ones, so I got grape." Seth said as he dug into the bag. Richter mock gasped.

"You mean you got purple flavor?"

"Shut up, man. Blue raspberry isn't a real flavor either."

As the two began to debate back and forth, Jole let his eyes roam over Seth. Things he hadn't noticed before jumped out now.

Bags under his eyes, slouched, tired posture, and how his hair looked messier than normal.

"Okay, fine. It's purple not grape. Will you just take the damn candy?" Seth groaned and pushed the gummy bag against Richter's chest, who smirked at his victory. He turned to Jole, this time he held out a couple of cookies and a gummy bag. There was a slight shake to his hand.

"Here, Jole. I got an extra cookie for your mom too."

"My idea." Richter said, his mouth full of purple flavored gummies.

"Do you ever shut it?"

As the two started up again, Jole couldn't help but stare at the snacks in his hand.

~~~~~~~~~~

After the call with Mai, Caleb had closed up shop and went home. The door closed with an unintentional slam, but it sounded like a dull thud in his ears. He didn't bother to turn on his tv as he sat down. He tried controlled breathing, on his couch with his bag of take out in front of him that he couldn't smell. His couch was supposed to a bit lumpy with its fake cotton texture, but he just felt untextured dough. The silence of his apartment was an oppressive pressure in his ears, while the sounds of the city's nighttime thudded against it like flies on a window. It was dark in his home, but it was like he could see a distant spark in his peripheral.

Spark?

Caleb shot up, his eyes darted around his apartment. Yet no matter where he looked, the spark was not in his direct line of vision. It was always the corner, always just out of sight.

He reached for the table lamp and nearly knocked it over in his haste. The dull light helped, made the orange tint less noticeable, made it blend in.

With a breath he slumped back onto his couch.

In truth he wasn't very hungry, but he figured he'd need something in his stomach regardless. As he set his food up on the coffee table his conversation with Mai continued to replay in his head. He wanted to say her confidence and assurance was infectious, but all it did was leave something sour in his mouth. It was easy for her to say. Martin had always looked human, Cross was human. So little had happened that proved otherwise. Had she even seen what things like Martin were capable of? What the people that hunted those things probably had to become?

He opened up the take-out container (what had he ordered again).

The smell of burnt food smothered his senses.

The food container dropped to the table and Caleb almost tripped over the table to get away.

Once he had distance, he stared at the food. However, there was nothing different. Only the sauce on his wings had splattered across the table, nothing on them seemed burnt. No cracked char or ash.

Yet the smell continued to clog his sinuses. Continued to burn.

He ran to his bathroom and turned on the sink. He shoved his head under the faucet. The cold water was an immediate shock but he continued to keep himself under; until he sputtered from both water and cold. He pulled himself up with a gasp and full body shiver.

As if a switch had been flipped, the smell was gone and his vision was clear, even if his throat still felt raw and his nose still burned. Mai's words, too, continued to ring as he stood alone with just the running faucet as company. How could she, and Leslie, and the kids, anyone, have that confidence when it should be obvious how out of their depth they all were. It was all fun and games until secret organizations knocked on your door, until you were forced to confront the obvious. Until someone like Cross stopped being "buddy-buddy" and started shooting instead. Until you and the people around you become collateral rather than living, breathing people.

He sat on the floor, attempted to get his breathing under control.

"What am I supposed to do?"

~~~~~~~~~~

The door to his apartment closed and Jole heard his mother call out.

"Jole, sweetie, is that you?"

"Yeah, mom." He had hung out with Seth and Richter longer than he meant to.

He pulled his shoes off and set them on the rack. As he passed the couch, he set his bookbag on it and made his way to the kitchen. His mother stood there at the counter as she cut vegetables, he could smell the beef stew already as the meat simmered.

A touch of babble got his attention, and he saw his baby sister in her high chair as she played with her stuffed mouse that jingled with every shake. She spotted her brother and screeched her joy.

"Bwabwa!"

His mother turned at her squeals and smiled at her son.

"Welcome home, sweetie."

"Hey, mom."

Another squeal from Lilly and Jole gave a fond sigh. He went over and allowed her to play with his fingers.
"How was school?" His mom asked as she returned to cooking.

Jole opened his mouth to answer, then remembered what Seth and Richter had told him.

For a moment he allowed his eyes to glance at his mother; her hair had escaped her bun, her eyes had subtle bags where her make up began to fade, and how he could see the barest hint of a pain patch under her shirt, no doubt from her factory work. The idea of Cross confronting her about him replayed in his head.

"Jole?" His mother called when he failed to answer.

"It was fine," he answered quickly and pulled his hands away from Lilly, who whined at his retreat.

"Do you need my help with dinner?" He asked, and pasted a smile on his face. His mother's expression didn't change, but she had no desire to push her son.

"I'll be alright. Go on and do your homework. I'll let you know when dinner is ready." Jole took the out for what it was. He hurried to the living room, ignored Lilly's cries, grabbed his bag, and went to his room.

Once his bedroom door shut, Jole stood there in the dark. It was already dark, the street lights barely filtered through his curtains, but he couldn't bring himself to flick his light switch. His mind aimlessly wandered, as it played everything back. Cross knew now. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't tell his mom the truth, that would be worse. For all his worry of Martin's inhuman traits, he truly did like the man and he wouldn't want his mother freaking out, she had enough to worry about. However, he hated the idea of her not knowing, how something, anything, could happen and she'd have no way of protecting herself or his sister. How did one even protect themselves from something like ACE?

With a groan he threw his bag onto his bed, but stopped at the sound of crinkled plastic. He opened his bag, only to be greeted with the unfinished gummy bag and cookies Seth had got them. In his haste he'd forgotten to give the cookie to his mom. He pulled them out and stared.

Richter was right, Seth and his family would do their best to protect them. Jole knew that, but he knew just how quickly life could go wrong too. Sometimes, life wasn't fair.

But Seth knew that too, didn't he?

He could still see the eye bags and shaking hands, so similar to his hardworking mother. He never hesitated when his mother needed him, and right now, it wasn't just his own family at risk. It was the second family he never thought he'd have. Jole knew the pain of a father leaving all too well.

He took a breath.

"What can I do?"