Aiming for better

Huge amount of information is coming through my mind right now. There is so much of it, that it gives me headache. I can’t... ugh... even organize it somehow.

He took his hand. Aaaghhh! My head! It hurts even more! Even holding it tight is not helping.

„Are you okay?”

„I’ve got awful headache.”

„Probably due to receiving huge amount of information at once. I’ll prepare something for it.” he said that and stood up. „Meanwhile, you can go outside to catch fresh air. It should help a bit.”

Going outside should be good idea. Especially when I don’t know what he’ll exactly do, but hearing more noises will only deepen the pain. That’s why he spoke more quietly... To not make it worse. Hmm... He’s really nice.

From the moment I mentioned my problem with hunger he was speaking to me more politely. Hmm... I said about a problem, he changed his attitude, helped me... And his face when I was saying about myself... Wait... Does he feel pity for me? It seems kinda like it. But, does it matter now?

Pain is more bearable now. I can look around and see if something has changed. Suddenly the door opened. He came with something in his hand.

„There you go.” he handed me a mug filled with something; I couldn’t tell what was that. „Drink it whole and don’t spit it out.”

Why would I? Besides, don’t spit it out part bothers me. It’s not a good sign.

Anyway, let’s do as he says.

I took a gulp of it and my intuition was correct. I immediately felt that it was very bitter and while I had in mind to drink it whole quickly or even at once, I started choking. Somehow I made it.

„Bleehh... It's so bitter...”

„Good medicine always tastes bitter.” he said it like it was something obvious. „If it bothers you, then grab by one hand your nose and then drink it. You shouldn’t feel that bitterness so much.”

I did as he said. I still felt this awful taste, but it wasn’t that bad as earlier. Also, I drank whole cup.

I gave it back to him. „Thank you.”

„You’re welcome.” he took it and went back to house.

Ugh... This bitter drink still gives me chills!

Out of nowhere he looked out from doorway. He heard me? I was that loud?

I recalled he said something that he has own duties here. I wonder if making medicines counts to that. I don’t think he will mind if I ask about it.

While entering the house, I realised that I don’t know how to even refer to him. I only know that he’s a man and that’s where my knowledge about him ends. Someone used earlier some name to which he reacted, but it slipped from my mind. Is How should I refer to you? okay? It doesn’t sounds bad.

„How should I refer to you?”

He looked in my way and said after a moment. „Are you asking for my name?”

„Correct.”

„Ouranos.” that was the name! „What about yours?”

My name? I don’t have one. I’ve never had a need to have one, while there was no one I could talk to. Guess now I need one. Something’s coming to my mind when I think about name, but it’s still unclear what is it exactly. Maybe they have a name for me? Since they know me, they should somehow refer to me. I bet it’s not something nice, but, still.

„I don’t have one, but, since you know what I am, maybe you’ll have something.”

He looked away and kept silent. I was right, but, that was something to predict, while I... uh...

„We do have one,” he said after few seconds, still looking away. „but I don’t know if you want to hear it.”

Is it really that bad?

„Does it have something in common with... destroying? Or anything like that?”

„Not exactly. Do you want to hear it?” he turned in my way.

„I do.” I don’t know what to expect, but it makes me feel a bit anxious.

„Famine.”

Famine... Famine... It sounds familiar...

„Isn’t it something like hunger?”

„Kind of, but not exactly.”

Heh... Kind of ironic. Named after something I was fighting with. Maybe not precisely, but...It’s really ironic for me. I was expecting something related to destruction, devouring, while I was doing that to planets- Wait, something’s coming to my mind. I think that was the name I was thinking of. It popped up so randomly... Now, when it appeared, it doesn’t want to go. Also, it’s more familiar to me than Famine.

„Ouranos?”

„Hm?”

„When you asked me about my name, something was in my head, but I couldn’t reach it. It's not my name, while I never gave myself one nor anyone gave me, but, now, when I was thinking how ironic Famine name is, the other one appeared. The more I think about it, the more familiar it is to me. I can’t explain it very well, while it sounds weird even to me-"

„What is the name?”

„Gaia.”

He stared at me with eyes that could popped out at any moment. It made him that shocked? He heard about this name? After seeing his reaction, I don’t think he’ll tell me. It made me anxious again.

„Sorry.” he turned his head to table at which he was standing, then looked at me again. „If you have thought that Famine is ironic to you, then Gaia is even more ironic.”

„You know about this name?”

„I do, but I’ll tell you about it other time.”

As I have thought – he won’t tell me a thing.

„How is your headache anyway?” he quickly changed subject.

Now that he mentioned, I feel no pain at all. I don’t even know when did that happen. This drink really helped.

„Gone. Thank you.”

„Told you.”

I almost forgot why I came here in the first place!

„Do you make medicines like that often?”

„It depends.”

„Depends on what?”

„If they are needed or not. Some I can make in advance, but most of them needs to be done fresh. Otherwise they lose their properties.”

„Like one you made for me?”

„Indeed.”

„... It’s your job here?”

„As well.”

His half-finished answers starts to mock me. Is he doing it on purpose?

„You have other stuff to do here?”

„Curious?”

„Just asking. Besides, I still don’t know in what I’ll help you.”

„You’ll know in your time, don’t bother yourself with that. I want you first to get familiar with new situation. Doing everything at once will only cause problems. Also, I want you to ask something.”

„What is it?”

„While your headache is gone, I want to check how much information have you obtained.”

„How?”

He leant himself against the table. „Describe this room. Everything what’s in there and what is made of.”

„What if I don’t know something?”

„You will just say that you don’t know, that’s it.”

I know why he asked for that. Earlier, I haven’t been able to name anything in here, now, I know most of the things here. Not everything, but most of it.

„Room has square shape. Walls are made of wood, but I don’t know from which exactly. Floor is wooden too. Same as doors. Window in the back is made of glass. From left – the table you’re leaning against is wooden.” I had to move a bit inside to see more details. „Another wooden door. Under the window-" I’m not sure what it is; it looks like bed, but it can be something else.

„Hm?”

„It looks like a bed, but-"

„Treat it as one.”

„Okay. On it, a material. You’re lying under it, right?”

He nodded.

„Next – a chimney. Made of brick? Two seats in front of it. Not sure about material, but it’s comfortable. And next door. And...”

Is it a stick he leant against the wall? I guess.

„It looks like stick to me.” I thought I heard a quiet laugh, but it’s probably only my imagination. „And some clothes.”

„That’s all?”

I turned into his direction. „Yes.”

„Assuming that earlier you wouldn’t been able to name anything here, that is some progress.”

„That’s true. I couldn’t even tell your hair color.”

„Now you’re able?”

„Mhm. It’s dark.”

„Dark what?”

„Dark brown.”

„Correct. Do you know yours?”

„It’s yellow-ish.”

„Blonde.”

„Blonde?”

What a weird name for color.

„That’s the name for it. It’s only used to describe someone's hair color. Blonde, dark blonde etc.”

„Got it.”

I noticed he stared at me again. He’s looking at me too often...

„Something’s on your mind?”

„I’m a bit impressed how well those informations adapted.”

Is he praising me? The way he said that tells a different story.

„I’m not dumb!” I just lack knowledge!

„I’ve never said you are.”

„But you’re treating me like that!”

„Do I?”

His surprised face won’t help him anymore.

„You’re doing it again!”

„Eh? When did I treat you like a dumb?”

„Answering me with half-finished answers, plus the way you talking to me.”

„I’m talking to you normally. About half-finished answers – I answer as I feel. I don’t recall doing that all the time. I don’t go into details if I don’t have to. That’s why I don’t understand why you’re upset.”

Uh? Well, he has some right that not every answer was like that. Uh... Why now I feel bad? It really sounded like he was mocking me. That’s why I got upset, and now... I feel dumb. Maybe I am dumb? Because I accused him of that?

„Don’t take it to yourself.”

„?”

„I can see that it really did upset you. It wasn’t my intention nor I thought of upsetting you in purpose. I’m sorry for that.”

Huh? Why is he apologising to me? ... I should do it too.

„I’m sorry too...”

He sighed. „If I would've treat you like dumb, then you’ll know it.”

„How?”

„You’ll notice that, because you’re not dumb.”

So I’m not dumb to him? That relieves me a bit.

„One thing.” he began. „People have their own way of expressing their thoughts. Like now, you thought I mock you by my way of talking, while I didn’t have anything like that in mind. Thus, there comes misunderstanding.”

That’s very easy to say that while only you know what’s in your mind. How should I know such things? I can’t get into your mind to see that. You have to be more clear.

„How will I know that?”

„Get to know them.”

... Is he serious?

„Don’t look at me like that with Are you serious? face.” he crossed his arms.

Huh? How is he able to tell that? I didn’t say a word.

„Surprised, huh? Wondering how was I able to tell what’s in your mind?”

„Yeah.”

„You’re like an open book. You’re expressing your feelings and thoughts easily by your facial expressions.”

„Oh...”

I didn’t have this in mind. Guess I’ll need to be more careful with that.

„You’re not that much expressive, aren’t you, Ouranos?”

„Only sometimes. It happens,” he said. „but it benefits me."

Benefit him? In what way? That it’s harder to tell what’s on his mind? Now that I think about it, then he has some right, again. On the other side, if he talks with somebody, then the conversation can be tough.

„I already told you my opinion, so it will be slightly easier for you.”

„You don’t have to make everything easier for me.”

„Tss, women...” he whispered it to yourself, but enough loud so I could hear that.

„What?”

„Nothing.” he quickly moved to the corner with stick.

I saw that smirk on his face! He did that on purpose!

„Now it was on purpose!”

„You have a good hearing.”

„Stoop!”

He gave a small laugh to that.

„I want to help you and you whine about it.”

„I don’t.”

Because I don’t whine. It’s just taking an easy way out, at least for me. He looked at me for a few seconds and asked.

„So, how should I call you?”

„?”

„While you haven’t give a clear answer to me.”

I have some idea how to settle it.

„Gaia, if you’re referring to present me. Famine – to past me.”

„You decided to use both?”

„Famine is a past - me powered by everlasting hunger. Nothing good has happened during that time. Now, I want to live differently, at least try to.”

„Life is not easy, but you’re not dumb, so you will be fine. You just need to decide how you want to live, then it will be a little bit easier.”

„How will I know?”

„This one requires time. Observe, experience, at some point you will know what you want.”

„Did it work out for you?”

„At first. My circumstances were changing often, thus my point of view has changed. To be honest, it’s constantly changing.”

„Due to experience you’ve gained?”

„Due to everything that has happened in my life. More or less, everything has an impact on your life,” he reached the stick in the corner of room. „but we won’t talk about it right now. Shall we go outside, Gaia?”

„Uh, sure.”

Ouranos has its own way with dealing with things. So far, I often don’t get him. I’m trying getting used to his ways, but for now I’m failing. One thing I’m certain – he’s wise. He needs to be even wiser than I’m thinking, but I know him barely a moment, so I can’t say much about it. Definitely he knows more things, but either is not talking about them, or evading whenever possible. I should stick to him to get to know as much as it's possible about everything. I think that he will be the only person not minding someone asking so many questions like a kid. I just called myself a kid? But kids at some point becomes adults, and for now, I’m aiming for that - to not be someone's dependant.