Chapter 33:

“Epilogue” - Feedback 1

Having Trouble Coming up With a Decent Story


“Aaah!” Koshiro stretched, “It’s finally over! Now it’s just waiting for the feedback!”Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“Brother, have you read it?” Koshiro stopped Daichi when he was about to go down the stairs, “My story, I mean.”Bookmark here

“Of course, congratulations!” Daichi patted Koshiro’s head, “You finally managed to finish one story!”Bookmark here

“Yeah, I know that, but what did you think of it?”Bookmark here

“Hmm…” the older brother pondered, “Maybe that older brother character could have appeared more…”Bookmark here

“I have plans for him on the sequel!” the boy justified.Bookmark here

“If that’s the case, then okay.” Daichi resumed his walk.Bookmark here

“Wait!” Koshiro stopped him again, “Did you think that it was good?”Bookmark here

“Hmm… I wouldn’t call it good…”Bookmark here

“Great??!” Koshiro was hopeful.Bookmark here

“Of course not!”Bookmark here

“Aargh!” the boy frowned, “Is it decent?”Bookmark here

“I don’t want to be the one to crush your dreams brother.”Bookmark here

“Wait, does that mean…”Bookmark here

“Umiko-chan! Do you want to play Avenue Warrior with me?!” the man bolted down the stairs, leaving a scowling Koshiro behind.Bookmark here

“Well, I should check on the others n…”Bookmark here

“Wait, brother!” Daichi ran up the stairs, “There’s something I forgot!”Bookmark here

“Huh?” Koshiro turned to his brother, “You finally remembered a good part?”Bookmark here

“No! I forgot to do... this!” he quickly dashed forward and pinched Koshiro’s nipple.Bookmark here

“Aaaaah!”Bookmark here

“You lost again, brother!” Daichi shouted while going down the stairs, “Your guard is almost as bad as your novel…”Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“Umiko-chan, what did you think?” Koshiro asked the girl that was making Scar dance.Bookmark here

“Who are you calling Umiko-chan??! Koshiro idiot!”Bookmark here

“Ugh.” Koshiro sighed and looked up, “Can you just tell me what you thought of my story?”Bookmark here

“Story…?” the girl put one finger on her chin and tried to remember what the hell that boy was talking about.Bookmark here

“Don’t you remember? I’ve been sending the chapters periodically!”Bookmark here

“Oh, that!” Umiko smacked her head, “I stopped reading it midway.”Bookmark here

Koshiro scowled a bit: “Why did you do that?”Bookmark here

“It was boring! Playing with Scar-chan and Kuma-chan is much more fun!”Bookmark here

“Okay then, did any of you read it?” Koshiro glanced at Kuma-chan and Scar.Bookmark here

“It was pretty bad.” they both answered at the same time.Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

RUSA WAS KILLED BY OBAREJIBookmark here

NYOKOCHAN WAS KILLED BY AKUADOBookmark here

CHIFU WAS KILLED BY OBAREJIBookmark here

NOBU WAS KILLED BY OBAREJIBookmark here

“He’s playing like a god today! There’s no way we can win this.” Nobu complained.Bookmark here

“Since you’ve apparently given up.” Koshiro left the game, “Can you guys give me your feedback now?”Bookmark here

“Nyoko-chan loved it! But Nyoko-chan thinks some of the secondary characters deserved more love!” Nyoko promptly answered.Bookmark here

“Hmm…” Nobu pondered, “Let me see…” it looked like he was skimming through the archive again.Bookmark here

“I kind of agree with Furukawa-chan…” Hirata gave a slight laugh.Bookmark here

“Okay…” Koshiro nodded.Bookmark here

“Oh, that’s right.” Nobu murmured. “DID YOU REALLY ABANDONED EVERYTHING AND WENT TO THE LOLI ROUTE IN THE END??!” he exclaimed, “Well, it’s not like I expected less…”Bookmark here

“Hey!” Koshiro protested, “It’s not a loli route, it’s the little sister’s.”Bookmark here

“This makes it worse…” Nobu and Hirata said at the same time.Bookmark here

“Nyoko-chan loves little sister’s route! Nyoko-chan thinks that her brother could learn something from it instead of making Nyoko-chan train every single day!”Bookmark here

“Will you start to call me an idiot?”Bookmark here

“Nyoko-chan would never do such a thing! She loves her brother very much!”Bookmark here

"Well, I love you two, so let's keep our dynamic that way, okay?"Bookmark here

"Okay!"Bookmark here

"Hey!" Koshiro called their attention, “So, at the end of the day, did you guys enjoy it?”Bookmark here

“Nyoko-chan says yes!”Bookmark here

NOBU left the chat.Bookmark here

“I’m sorry Koike-san…”Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“What do you think, president?” Koshiro brought the topic of his story during one of their tea parties.Bookmark here

“WHAT?!”Bookmark here

“I-I j-just wanted to k-know what you think of my story but if you don’t want to say I don’t have to know either! Actually, you don’t even have to read it if you don’t want to! I’m lucky to be able to speak to you!”Bookmark here

“Huh?” Murakami tilted her head, she then adjusted her glasses and said: “If you were talking about your story, I can say that I enjoyed it…?” “That’s what a friend would say in this situation, right?”Bookmark here

“Yes! Thank you very much!”Bookmark here

ALTHOUGH.”Bookmark here

“W-What?”Bookmark here

“I just don’t get that four-eyed girl! Why is she always screaming at the others? That’s not how a friend should act! Right...?” Bookmark here

“I-If you didn’t like her, I can just kill her o…”Bookmark here

DON’T DO THAT!”Bookmark here

“Aah!”Bookmark here

“I mean, maybe you could give her more attention in the next volume.” she stared at the boy: “THERE’S GOING TO BE A NEXT VOLUME, RIGHT…?”Bookmark here

“O-Of course!”Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“What do you guys think?” he was talking to his club now.Bookmark here

“Ugh!” Takayama smacked her head, “How do you have the courage to ask something like that? It’s obviously bad.”Bookmark here

“Grr…” Koshiro frowned, “I still need her to be eligible, I still need her to be eligible, I still need her to be eligible.” “I… thank your constructive criticism, Takayama-san.” he forced a smile.Bookmark here

“You should be proud, Koike-kun!” Shimizu gave him a thumbs-up, “It was something that I could never do myself!”Bookmark here

“Does this mean it was good?” Koshiro stared at Shimizu. She only grinned and kept the thumbs-up. “Okay, then…” “What did you think, Yasutake-san?” he turned to the shy girl seating next to Hirata.Bookmark here

The girl fiddled with her fingers, “I-I d-didn’t r-read i-it…” she murmured and then started to flush when directing glances at Hirata: ‘I-I’ve b-been studying a l-lot s-so I didn’t h-have the time…”Bookmark here

“It’s alright Yasutake-san.” Koshiro assured and then looked at the other members of the club: “So, to summarize…”Bookmark here

“It’s trash.” Takayama was merciless.Bookmark here

“Hehehe, I could never do something like it!” Shimizu kept the thumbs-up and smiled.Bookmark here

“Hmm…” Yasutake didn’t reply.Bookmark here

“I’m sorry Koike-san…” Hirata scratched his head.Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“Daichi-kun, I thought that you knew how to write!” Suto-san squinted at Koshiro.Bookmark here

“Hehe…” “Even you, Suto-San??!” Koshiro smiled awkwardly and scratched his head. “What about you Sumi-nee?” he turned to the young woman.Bookmark here

“I don’t know why I even read it, it was obviously very bad.” Sumiye crossed her arms. Bookmark here

“Wow, thanks for softening it.”Bookmark here

“Well, I’ve seen worse...” she smiled at Koshiro, “it’s just that I have a few quibbles.”Bookmark here

“Really?! Just a few?!” the boy’s eyes glinted with hopefulness.Bookmark here

“OF COURSE NOT!” Sumiye picked a document that had more pages than Koshiro’s story itself (and with smaller characters), she then started to point out the ‘few quibbles’ she had with the story: "There are too many characters! I’m pretty sure you mixed their names sometimes! The story ended out of nowhere! And seriously?! The loli?! You have got to be kidding me! No one bought that story! Neither their relationship! There are so many things left open! What about the festival?! What about the romance?! Besides…”Bookmark here

“Hey! That’s why I’ll write a sequ… Aaargh.” Koshiro was interrupted by a punch.Bookmark here

“Please be quiet while I’m saying! I’m trying to help you out here, okay?!”Bookmark here

“Hmm.” Koshiro rubbed the hit spot and observed as Sumiye kept complaining, he didn’t pay attention to her words, but he thought: “I’m glad to have you here…” oops, maybe he actually said it aloud.Bookmark here

“What?" Sumiye frowned. "Are you listening to me?”Bookmark here

“Of course, keep talking Sumi-nee!” Koshiro hugged the woman and smiled.Bookmark here

“Oh, okay…” she composed herself and continued the bombings: “The grammar is odd, to say the least! I actually could come and say that it’s very ba…”Bookmark here

“Yes, I know that the pacing is trash, the characters are generic, the drama doesn’t work, that it isn’t funny… and that all of the things you’re saying are correct, but I’m glad to have you here, pointing it all out for me.”Bookmark here

***Bookmark here

“Aaaah!” Koshiro suddenly woke up, “Did I just have a spoiler dream?” he looked around him, he was in his room… Scar was nowhere to be seen… and someone was hugging his chest. “Huh?” Koshiro looked at the inflatable bear: “What…?”Bookmark here

“What are you doing to Kuma-chan??!” beside his bed was the girl Koshiro was looking for. Umiko Sawada was scowling at him.Bookmark here

“I thought that she was you!”Bookmark here

“W-What?!” she jumped back.Bookmark here

“Aaagh.” Koshiro sighed and smacked his head, “Don’t worry, I don’t like pipsqueaks like you in this way.” he stood up.Bookmark here

“If I’m a pipsqueak, you’re an idiot, Koshiro idiot.” Umiko sulked.Bookmark here

“Okay.” Koshiro smiled and patted Umiko’s head, “I’m an idiot then.”Bookmark here

“That can’t write a story.” Umiko added.Bookmark here

“Let’s stop on the ‘idiot’ part, okay? One thing at a time.”Bookmark here


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AfterwordBookmark here

Hello, Kerry Kamiya here! Just writing a few words of gratitude to anyone reading.Bookmark here

First of all, I’d like to thank everyone who gave even the slightest of attention to my novel, if you just read the synopsis or even just glanced at the cover, I’m thankful you didn’t just scroll it down without noticing it.Bookmark here

Second, I’d like to thank two of my friends who helped me with the novel. B.Spark, who always encouraged me to write, and that gave me the incentive I needed to finish this work when he said the simple words “I’m enjoying your novel.”, and the one who made the (at least in my opinion) awesome cover for Having Trouble Coming Up With a Decent Story (I’m sorry for the long name) Petr Nask.Bookmark here

Furthermore, I don’t know if this novel will be published somewhere else, but it was initially written for the MALxHF Writing contest, and I should thank them as well. Before I knew about the contest, I wanted to practice my English writing and had some ideas in my mind but didn’t know what to do with them. The writing contest gave me a way to go through with some of the things I had in mind (making it possible for me to write this, my first novel), and, although quite demanding, writing for it was really fun. Thank you for this opportunity! I hope you can promote more contests like this!Bookmark here

Maybe the “demanding” part was because I decided to write two stories… anyway! Thank you so much for your time, if you read a part of it, I hope you enjoyed it at least a tiny bit!Bookmark here

Bookmarked
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