2.3 Men's Rights: Old Orcs and Organizations

Kyros' eyes suddenly lit up. “Thokk, this is wonderful news. Who is oppressing you? Tell me all about it.”

Everyone leaned in to listen to Thokk’s tale of oppression.

Thokk began thus. “Great Mage, I like Naru, daughter of Ulguk, from Headtakers tribe. She beautiful, smart, wonderful woman.”

“Ah! I get it,” Kyros interjected. “I know what’s happening. Classic case of one-sided love. My boy, if she doesn’t like you, there is nothing you can do. You’ll just have to give up. But that’s not the case with me and my wife. My wife really loves me, you know. She told me that in the morning, just a few hours ago.”

Thokk shook his head. “No, no, Great Mage misunderstand. Thokk like Naru and Naru like Thokk. We promise marry each other two moon ago.”

“Ah! Now I get it. Her father is opposed to you, right? He thinks his daughter is too good for you, like Master Stonebottom and the singer.”

“No, Great Mage. Ulguk like Thokk. It true that Ulguk rich in Headtakers tribe. He has many sheep and cow. But I does well. I has good future prospect. And Thokk family not poor.”

“I see. So I think this is—”

“Will you be quiet… my lord? Please?” Thomas said.

“Aye, milord,” Master Stonebottom agreed. “Your interrupting is a bit distracting.”

“Fine, fine. Go ahead, Thokk. Tell us what the problem is.”

“Problem, Great Mage is Ulguk father, Naru grandfather, Bulguk. Bulguk once chieftain of Headtakers. Now retired. But Bulguk is old orc with old time mentality.”

“Wait, so, Naru, your girlfriend, is the daughter of the Headtakers Chieftain?”

“No. Ulguk not Chieftain of Headtakers. Ulguk just business orc.”

“They ain’t hereditary, my lord,” Master Stonebottom said. “They decide it based on vote.”

“Ah, I see. Go ahead, Thokk, so what does Ulguk, no sorry, what does Bulguk want?”

“Bulguk want Thokk to prove hisself in battle. He refuse to bless marriage unless I fight. I try out for hunter squad in Skullsmashers tribe, but wasn’t selected.”

“What does your future father-in-law, Ulguk, think of all this?” asked Kyros. “Can’t he override his father’s decision?”

“No. Bulguk very respected in Headtakers tribe and Naru family. Even Headtakers chieftain listen to Bulguk advice. Ulguk fear to go against his father. Even Ulguk, Bulguk own son, had to prove hisself before he marry Naru mother.”

“So, Ulguk is a great fighter then?”

“No. According to story I heard from Naru, Ulguk told tribe he go fight tiger in jungle. Came back week later with wound and tiger skin. Once marriage done everyone find out he got skin from local city market.”

“Wasn’t his father angry?”

“Bulguk very angry. But marriage already done. Nothing change now.”

“My lad, why can’t you do the same thing?” Master Stonebottom asked the orc. “In Meridian, you can get all sorts of things. I am sure someone is selling the skin of some dangerous animal. And if you ask the Great Mage, he will even hunt down a dragon for you.”

“I would,” the Great Mage said. “Well, if they weren’t endangered, that is.”

“Thank, Great Mage,” Thokk said earnestly. “But it not so easy. Bulguk old, but not stupid. He very cunning. Can’t trick old orc twice. I no other option but become warrior.”

Thokk lifted his tankard and poured its contents into his mouth. Even after a mouthful he did not stop. He kept going until the entire vessel was empty and all the alcohol was in his stomach. He placed the tankard back on the table and looked sorrowfully at Kyros. “But I think I not make good warrior. I remain bachelor from Bulguk oppression.” And then the orc started crying, necessitating another round of consoling and pats on the back from Thomas.

“This is unacceptable.” Kyros slammed his fist on the table—almost making the tankards spill their remaining contents—and stood up. “We cannot be controlled by old orcs, wives, and daughters—”

“And singers.”

“Yes, and singers. We are strong, brave, and responsible men. We can’t let other dic… dict… tell us what to do.”

“Yes,” Thomas, Master Stonebottom, and Thokk agreed. Valdek also added his voice to the chorus in order to be not left out.

“We have to do something about this. We cannot let ourselves be oppressed.”

“Yes!”

“We should be allowed to marry our true love, despite opposition from ancient orcs.”

“YES.”

“We should be able to veto our daughters’ marriage to singers.”

“AYE.”

“If we just want to collect pension and laze around all day, we should be allowed to do that.”

“YES!”

“And most importantly, if we want an increase in our monthly allowance to buy turtles, it should be increased.”

“YES!!”

“Are you all with me?”

“YES!!!”

“Are you ready to not be…”

“My lord, you are disturbing the other patrons,” one of the serving girls said.

“Oh, sorry, my bad.” Kyros quickly sat down and looked at his coconspirators. “Then how do we go about doing this? Anybody got any ideas?”

“My lord. What we need is an organization,” Thomas remarked.

“You mean, like a gang?”

“No, my lord. I mean, like an official thing. You know, like the butchers’ association, or the bakers’ guild. An organization that fights for our rights.”

“Aye, seems sensible to me,” Master Stonebottom chimed in. “We need an organization that fights for people like us.”

“So, what’s it gonna be? Something like Meridian dwarves, humans, dark elves, and orc rights society?”

“Too long, my lord,” Thomas said. “We need something more specific. We are not fighting for the rights of everyone. Just men. Well, male humans, male dwarves, male dark elves, and male orcs.”

“That’s still too long.”

“We could shorten it to Meridian Men’s Rights Group,” Valdek said, looking up from his apple juice.

Everyone stared at him.

“I mean, it’s just an idea.” He quickly went back to his drink.

Kyros clapped his hands. “I like it. Maybe we put a star on the word Men, and down below somewhere we write, ‘includes males of all races.’ What do you all think?”

“I agree. This is a great idea,” Thomas said.

“I also agree,” Thokk added his voice to the group’s.

“Me too,” Master Stonebottom said. “It’s punchy and gets the point across.” He patted Valdek on the back. “Great idea, lad.”

The Great Mage Kyros Magnus looked around proudly at the members of the newly minted ‘Meridian Men’s Rights Group.’ “Umm… so, guys, what do we do next?”

Everyone looked at each other, not entirely sure of what came next. Master Stonebottom was the first to come up with an answer. “We need to write down our demands, milord,” he said. “And maybe collect some signatures.”

“Great. Does anybody have pen and paper?”

“No, Great Mage.”

“No, my lord.”

“I don’t have them here either, milord. Left the buggers at the bank.”

“My house is nearby, my lord,” Thomas said. “We can write it all down over there.”

“Great. Then let’s get going. Oh! And everybody finish your drink. Cami will charge me for all of it, anyway. Better not waste anything.”