Love is Blind

Mayumi's hand fixes her hair as she talks. It’s been blown out of place by all the running and wind. I stand quietly behind her a few steps back. The air is heavy with tension in this empty, narrow road.

“Um, I’m really sorry. I just wanted to surprise you. I didn’t mean to cause so much trouble. Please forgive me.” Her voice wavers.

Yutaka sighs. He looks upset. “I know you didn’t mean to, but that’s just it: you never think ahead. You just do whatever you want and other people go along with you because you’re a pretty girl. What were you thinking showing up with your date out of nowhere like that? Were you just showing off?”

“What do you mean by that? I really did just want to help you. I just thought it would be fun to have, like, a double date. Like, it might break the ice between you and Junko…”

“What? I haven’t even asked her out yet!” His agitation grows and he starts pointing at her. “Look, it’s clear that you’ve never had to work hard a day in your life. Everything’s been handed to you, no one gets mad at you. Dad never pressured you into studying to get into a good school. Your future’s settled, including who you’re going to marry. I don’t have it so easy. I have to job hunt after I graduate. I have to try to find a girl who would marry me. So…” He stops and his shoulders slump, losing the will to fight. “I just want you to understand that I’m under a lot of stress, so please just stay out of my way.”

“Oh…” Mayumi doesn’t know what to say. She plays with her necklace and fidgets. I feel like I shouldn’t be here right now but I stay frozen in place.

“I was just venting at you, sorry. I really like Junko and I don’t want to mess anything up.” He puts his hands back in his pockets, the tension leaving the air. “Say, do you even like those guys Dad picked out for you?”

“They’re alright men, but I don’t know. It feels impossible for me to pick one of them to spend the rest of my life with after just one date. I wouldn’t say I’m in love with either of them like you are with Junko.” A warm wind blows between us. She smiles before continuing. “Maybe I just wanted to tease you today because I’m a little jealous.”

He shrugs. “I guess I wouldn’t like being forced to marry someone I didn’t care for. As a girl, you have to be completely dependent on them, too.”

“That part’s not so bad. I would hate to have to work a stuffy job all day like you have to as a guy! Honestly, I don’t really want to put all the work Dad did for me to waste. I don’t think I could find better men myself at this point.” Suddenly Mayumi gasps and puts her hands together. “I’ve got an idea but I’ll only do it if you agree to it this time. Just hear me out.”

“W-what is it?”

“What’s the perfect situation of getting to pick someone romantically without it being awkward?” She tilts her head to the side waiting for an answer from either of us.

“Uh…” Yutaka doesn’t seem to know but I have a good idea.

I raise my hand and shout my answer, happy to help for once since we got here. “A group blind date!”

Mayumi points both of her hands to me. “Bingo! I’ll bring both Hiroshi and Takashi and you can ask Junko. To round it out, I’ll ask some of my friends to come who are graduated if you’ll ask some of yours so it doesn’t seem too awkward. Hm, does Runa have anyone she likes that she can invite?” I start waving my hands uneasily. Wouldn’t it be weird for a middle schooler to show up at this group blind date for university students and adults?

“W-wait, wait! I don’t even know if Junko will agree to this if I ask her. I don’t know if she likes me enough…”

“What? I saw the way she was looking at you. Just give it a chance and call her when you get home. You don’t have anything to lose, and so much to gain! If she doesn’t agree, I’ll call the whole thing off.”

Yutaka makes a face and sucks his teeth. “It’ll be embarrassing…”

“You want to ask her out at some point in the future anyway, right? I think asking her on the group date would be far less embarrassing than straight up asking her out. Men have to be quick since cute girls only last on the market for so long, you know.”

He pauses, thinking hard before his next words. “…you’re right. Ok, I’ll call her.”

The walk home together is much calmer than when we started. I’m so glad these two siblings could reach an agreement. I was starting to get worried there. I’ve known some siblings that hate each other and would rather die than work things out. On the way Mayumi asks Yutaka his and Junko’s astrological signs. When he answers, her face lights up. Then she’ll be perfect for you! It’s written in the stars themselves! She exclaims. He seems happy about it too this time.

A delicious looking dinner is already set on the table for us when we arrive. Their mom looks happy we all came home together. She asks how our day went. She is a nice and kind mom. It makes me feel a tugging at the corner of my heart, like a bittersweet feeling. I try not to dwell on the feeling.

Mayumi makes Yutaka call Junko and his friends on the old rotary phone in the hallway. He comes back to tells us that they agreed with a large smile on his face. Their dad comes home a bit later from work and the whole family gets together to eat dinner. There really hasn’t been one bad thing I’ve eaten so far in the 70s.

“How did your date with Takashi go, Mayumi? What did you think of him?” Mr. Ichikawa brings up the topic casually.

She looks down at her rice bowl. “It went ok, Dad. He is an alright man.” Excitement suddenly comes up in her voice. “Listen to my idea though.” Her dad looks nervous already. “I want to create a group date with both men and some of mine and Yutaka’s friends so it’ll be easier to choose one. I’ll be sure to pick one by the end. Runa will be there, too. Can you please ask them if tomorrow night works?”

“That isn’t the craziest idea you’ve asked me, so it might be acceptable. Wouldn’t it be strange to go on a group date with more than just your potential fiancés though? How will it make it easier to choose one? Also, will Runa be alright with people so much older than her?” I, too, would like to know if I’ll be alright.

“I’ll get to see how they interact with my friends and other people in general! That way I’ll know for sure they aren’t just putting up a nice act with me. Runa will be ok! I told her to bring someone her age.” Why do I have to feel so much pressure over here? Her dad mulls it over.

“Ok, I’ll ask them if they are free. I have only on one condition: Hiroshi wanted you to go on a date with him tomorrow. He said it wasn’t fair that only Takashi got to have a proper date.”

“Whaat? But I’m already going to meet him at the group date.”

“It’s the only condition. You can meet in the day and have the group date at night. I thought it would be right be give him a proper date as well, don’t you agree? I already gave him the day off tomorrow.”

“Ok, but Runa gets to come along as well. It would only be fair.”

“I figured that would be the case.” He says unenthusiastically. Looks like I’m getting dragged along another date. I look to Yutaka, surprised he hasn’t said anything. He seems deep in thought, probably thinking about Junko. How charming. Dinner finishes without a word from him.

I place a card down. Mayumi is defeated yet again. She sighs and shuffles the cards together. Mayumi and I have been playing cards on the floor of my temporary bedroom for a while now after dinner. I’ve come to learn she’s pretty bad at it. For someone obsessed with destiny, her luck is not good. Maybe I should let her win the next one.

“How do you always get the winning card, Runa? Teach me your ways! I’ve always been bad at cards.”

“Um, it’s just the luck of the draw really. I don’t know what to tell you.”

“I did get ‘bad luck’ for my new year fortune back in January. It’s honestly been in the back of my mind the whole year.” She sighs deeply. “I hope tomorrow goes well for me. For Yutaka as well.”

“I’m sure it will! I’ll be there for you as your lucky charm, as you put it.”

“That’s right! I have nothing to fear with you there! I wanted to thank you for today as well. You really helped put me at ease.”

“Aw, you think that? Even though I barely said anything? I don’t feel like I did much.” I scratch my cheek and look down at the cards on the floor.

“You did plenty! I don’t think I would have had fun without you being there.” I smile at her. “Speaking about dates, do you have anyone you like, Runa?” She asks such a big question all of a sudden. It catches me off guard.

“I…I don’t know… Um… I think I do.” I think about Hayahiko. I’ve been trying not to think about him lately but I can’t help it now. My head becomes a jumble.

“Oh, middle school love is very confusing. I understand. Tell me about the guy. Do you think he can make it to our group date tomorrow?” Mayumi inches closer to me in anticipation. I don’t know how much more of this I can take.

“Um, um, I don’t think so. I don’t really talk to him all that much.” I think hard about what I can say that wouldn’t sound suspicious. I can’t say I met him at a school outside Tokyo, I already said I live here. Since it’s 1973 now, he would be a year older than me. There’s a strong chance he wouldn’t remember me even if I did meet him. “His name is Hayahiko and he’s in the class above me so I don’t know if he would recognize me. I like him because he was nice to me.” My voice stutters and raises an octave. Are my hands shaking too much?

“Aw! That’s so cute! Young love is so wonderful! A love from a far is so romantic. If you could invite him, it would be the perfect opportunity to confess your love!” My heart nearly beats out of my chest.

“No, no, no! I don’t think I’m ready for that!”

“Why not? Are you waiting until you’re older, or do you think he doesn’t like you back?”

“Uh… both I guess…” There’s a whole list of problems with me asking him out that I can’t talk about to her. But, it’s true that I don’t know how he feels about me. I’m almost scared to know.

“It’s true that I don’t know how often middle school love works out, but I’d have more confidence in yourself if I was you. Guys don’t often act nice to girls they don’t like.” I give her a questioning look. She laughs. “I guess you wouldn’t trust someone like me who never even wanted to ask anyone out before. I just want you to have a happy love life as my friend. Just promise me if you see him, you’ll ask him about it at least.” I agree. I probably won’t see him so far from his hometown. There’s just no chance.

I lay on my bed with the pillow over my face. It’s a different position from yesterday but it achieves the same result. I’m depressed and trying to cover my face. Hota unzips himself from my bag.

“Hey, Runa. Back to the old depressed routine? Are you worried about tomorrow or just Hayahiko? Whew. I’ve been in there all day.” He does a big, noisy stretch. I move the pillow off of my face and groan as I sit up. His fur stretches with him.

“I know you wouldn’t understand anyway…” I sit with my legs up by my face. I’m feeling pretty annoyed. I didn’t even find Hota’s big stretch cute. I don’t even feel up to going on Mayumi’s plan tomorrow. I want to go home.

“Aw, don’t be like that! I may not think like a human, but we’re a team here. I can’t do this without you.”

“You’re right. I’m worried about tomorrow, but I really just wish I didn’t feel anything for Hayahiko.” I pull my legs closer. “It would be better if I never met him.” I say quietly.

“You shouldn’t wish for things that won’t happen, Runa. You should treasure the time you had together. You even said it to Yumiko, remember? ‘Better to have loved and lost than never loved at all.’ I’m sure one day you’ll have a happy love life as well.”

I stay silent. I shouldn’t have said things that I can’t stay behind myself. Why can’t I just control my emotions? I feel so weak like a prisoner. This is the first time I’ve felt anything of the sort. I wish Mayumi never brought up if I had a crush. I can’t concentrate on the mission; even Hota is looking at me worried. I have to let this go, at least for now.