Ready

The transition between worlds hits me like a hammer, a strangely nostalgic impact that excites and nauseates me in way I'm afraid to unpack, so I just shut my eyes in the desperate hope that this will all be over soon.

I don't have such luck.

When I come to, the first thing I see is them—her?—leaning over me beneath a dawn-orange sky. A soft breeze ruffles her hair in a sway that would be picturesque were it not for the conflicting feelings rampaging in my gut.

"Feeling alright?" Fenna asks, offering me a helping hand up.

The moment we touch, warmth permeates my chest before quickly dissipating. I still have no idea what's going on, but at this point I might as well play along.

"As good as I can be after getting kidnapped."

"You can't kidnap yourself. All I did was give you a little tug in the right direction."

"I don't appreciate that line of logic."

"Oh come on, relax a little. Why don't you take a deep breath and enjoy the surroundings? Perhaps tap into your old self."

"I—never mind. Just where the heck is this place anyway?"

"You don't recognize it…?"

She motions around us in a grand sweep of the horizon, including the grassy hill and platform that we're on overlooking the coast of an amethyst lake. It's paradoxically surreal, like echoes of memories that only exist on the outskirts of imagination. Everything is familiar in a way I know is impossible, from the strangely cute critters roaming the sprawling landscape to the sunflowers that blend with color-shifting peonies far off into distance. But while some part of me wants to remember this beauty…

"…No, I don't recognize anything."

"Are you certain?"

"Yes, I'm pretty sure I would remember a place with rainbow LED flowers."

With a pout and wave of her hand a row of portals opens all around us one by one. Each of them is unique, showing parallel me's. Imbuing watercolors with ancient magic, fighting off chimeras in crystal caves, pursuing a phoenix through the sky, it doesn't matter what, they're all smiling and forging their own path.

"What about now? It looks like there's a spark of something in your eyes."

I realize that I'm reaching toward the portals before I quickly rein myself in and shake the stupor out of me. This place is dangerous.

"Is something wrong?" Fenna asks.

"L-look, I'm sorry. I don't know what to tell you, but I'm not interested in any of this. Could you just bring me back?"

"…I didn't think things were this bad for you…"

"Huh?"

"Nothing. It's just… you only just got here again. Even if you can't remember anything, at least let me show you around a little. Aren't you curious about how to dream again?"

The question gives me pause, though I already know what I should answer.

"I can't afford to. If my parents realize I'm missing, they'll chew me a new one, and the last time they did that—"

"What if I said that you don't have to worry about them?"

"N-no! That is not an option."

"But it is. You're in a place where you can do anything."

I'm about to protest, but before I get a word in, she grabs my arm, sprouts dazzling feathered wings from her back, then shoots us upward in a flurry of spiraling petals and laughter.

"W-what the heck are you doing?!"

"Taking you on an adventure. We need to fly to get there!”

Adrenaline surges as we soar into the vast orange hue and leave the ground in blur. I don't get any of this, either what I'm feeling or how this is even possible. I should be nauseous or afraid right now. I should be screaming to go back to what's proven, safe, and normal. The wind, the uncertainty, the shifting view of the sky, it's dangerous and not where I'm supposed to be, yet… I feel so light, like I could keep going past the clouds and toward the horizon.

For a second, I yearn to give in to that temptation, to embrace the thrill and see where we'll go.

"…" But I know that I shouldn't.

"P-put me down right now!" I force out.

"What the heck are you saying? You love flying, don't you?"

"No. I hate it!"

"…I can tell when you're lying."

"I swear that I'm—Never mind. Just take me back home. T-this is all wrong."

"Why are you still saying stuff like that?"

"Because none of this is real!!"

My voice is quickly drowned out by the clouds and silence draws out between us. It's impossible to make out her expression from this angle, but I can sense disappointment from the way her movements have slowed.

"Please just take me back." I beg again, fighting the guilt that pulls me toward the ground.

It takes a moment longer until she responds.

"…Fine, let's make a deal. Bear with me for this one outing and see it through to the end, and I'll send you back home with time to spare. It'll take like five real life minutes. That okay with you, Pathetic Me?"

"I thought I told you not to call me that."

"Answer me. Deal or no deal?"

There's a concerningly tense edge to her voice now, nothing like she was before. And while a part of me still wants to push to go home, when I consider she has me hostage in some strange dimension suspended a hundred meters off the ground…

"Do you promise it'll just be one?"

"I promise. Just one quick outing."

"…Deal." I begrudgingly nod.

"Thank you." She takes my answer quite well, and the tension between us dispels as quickly as it came. "You won't regret this."

"So you say. A-anyway, can we just get this over with?"

"If that's what you really want."

Something shifts in the air as her deadpan compliance elicits a very sudden and overwhelming dread in my gut.

"Wait, Fenna. What are you planning to—AAAAH!"

She lets go and my heart drops.

Panic and betrayal spin my mind in circles as I plummet toward the ground in freefall. Why the hell did she drop me?! I flail my arms out of instinct, but it obviously doesn't do anything other than make me look like an idiot.

"Fenna! What are you doing?! Pick me back up, please!"

She hears my plea and swoops down in a flourish, but while at first I'm relieved that this was all just some twisted game, it quickly becomes clear that she has no intention to grab me.

"F-Fenna, this isn't funny! Save me!"

"Why? You can fly."

"The hell?! I obviously can't. I don't have wings or anything that could make me!"

"You just have to stop forgetting yourself."

Stop forgetting myself? What kind of pseudo-psychological bullcrap is that? Sure I might've locked some reckless parts of me away for safety and reality's sake, but I've never forgotten who I am! That aside, none of it should even matter when I'm falling toward my certain death!

"Just help me already!" I scream at Fenna.

"Janus, I believe in you. You've done this thousands of times before. But if you need a little guidance, just take a deep breath, do whatever feels right, then imagine yourself flying."

"I don't really get it, but fine!"

I comply and channel all my will into flying, but as I expected nothing about me changes. Neither my situation, the speed of my fall, nor the fear gripping my heart. My upcoming transition into a dead pancake is still steadily approaching.

"This isn't working!"

"Have you imagined yourself as something else? Maybe something that could fly."

"That's impossible. I don't have magic like you! How do you expect me to fly?!"

"Just try it, please."

At this rate I'm sure to hit the ground and prove Fenna wrong, but if I'm going to die anyway, I might as well try out spite. So despite all logic, stupidity, and my better judgment, I shut my eyes and envision myself as an angel with wings—

*fwomp*

—before my inertia abruptly stops.

It takes me a few seconds to process the thought, but eventually I'm brave enough to open my eyes and see exactly what happened.

"…I'm flying?"

"You are."

"B-but how?"

"Take a look for yourself."

She angles me toward the lake's surface in a dazzling swoop. The wind wildly buffets my face and hair as we get close, though it doesn't distort my reflection.

It's me with beautiful wings just like hers.

I'm unable to do anything but gawk at myself. They're large, alien, and feathered white like snow, yet despite knowing that they aren't natural to my form, they feel as if I've always meant to have them. This doesn't make sense—it should be impossible—yet it's happening all the same. There's a gust beneath wings I shouldn't have that's lifting me back into the sky.

"Do you think you're ready now?" She asks, nudging me gently towards the horizon.

"I-I have to be dreaming. There's no other explanation for all of this."

"That's not an answer. I'll ask again, do you think that you're ready to start our adventure?"

I take another look at myself in the reflection. Honestly, I'm scared. Uncertainty clouds the way ahead of us and guilt still weighs heavy in my chest. But if it's been so long since I've last dreamed and if it's just for a short while then perhaps it wouldn't hurt to indulge a little.

"…As ready as I'll ever be."

"That's good enough."