Reason

Am I… Am I dead? Where was this power I was supposed to be given? Power to kill? I should’ve known it would’ve been too good to be true. Vivian… I hope she was able to get away. At least I was able to save her. That’s all that matters.

“Zero.”

Vivian? Is that you? Where are you?

“Zero.”

Vivian? Vivian? Vivian?!

“Zero… it’s time to wake up…”

Vivian?!

My eyes suddenly open and I sit up in a frenzy of panic, wildly glancing around, trying to make out where I am. A girl, younger than me was sitting by my side. She looks up at me in surprise, before running out of the tent.

“What the? Where am I? I don’t — “

“ZERO!” a burly man appears a few seconds later. It was Jaro.

“Jaro? W-what’s going on? Why are you here? Did something happen?”

He came by the side of the bedroll I was sprawled across and sat down, before pulling me into his shoulders and wrapping his arms around me. “You’re alive. Thank the gods. I didn’t think you were going to make it.”

I slowly push myself back. “Alive? HA! Why wouldn’t I be you old man! I was just doing a quest with Vivian. We were… we were — “

That’s right. Vivian and I left the village to do a mission… right? I-I don’t remember what happened after… Why is my memory so fuzzy?

Jaro froze, his face slowly softening, like he just realised something. “Zero…y-you don’t remember what happened? What do you remember?

I raised my hand to my temple to rub it, trying to see if I could force myself to recollect anything.

“I don’t… I don’t remember much, I just remember… Vivian and I, we were both heading out of the village… It was in the middle of the night I think… we arrived somewhere? But… but… “

Huh? What? Why don’t I remember what happened next? What hap — “

“WHERE IS ZERO! GET ME THAT BOY NOW! I WILL KILL HIM! I WILL — “

All of a sudden, a man came into the tent I was in with Jaro, his face contorted with grief, sorrow, sadness and most of all, a rage that felt familiar.

Jaro stands up and gets in front of him to hold him back. “Brom, stay back, the kid just gained consciousness. He doesn’t remem — “

“HE DOESN’T REMEMBER!? TELL ME WHAT HE DOESN’T REMEMBER? DRAGGING MY GIRL OUT INTO THE NIGHT?! TAKING HER FROM ME?! AND NOW — NOW SHE’S DEAD BECAUSE OF YOU! MY GIRL IS DEAD!” his voice thundered.

I suddenly freeze. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t move. He was lying.

Jaro apprehends him and pushes him out of the tent. “Brom, you know it wasn’t his fault, we both saw that — that thing that was holding her before disappearing.”

He gestures towards some other adventurers to take him away to calm down, before turning back to me and sitting back down.

“Jaro.”

“What did he mean by ‘she’s dead’?”

“Zero, I — “ Jaro stutters, unable to continue on.

“TELL ME JARO!” my composure breaks, I yell out toward him, my eyes widening in pain and anger.

He hesitates, before leaning down and helping me stand up, my body leaning against him to stable myself. “I think it’ll be better if I show you.”

He helps me out of the tent, the sun flashing my eyes with its bright light before I’m greeted by the sight of despair. Bodies laid out on the ground. People from the village. Adults, children, both men and women, laid in plain sight. Families crying over the loved ones, children crying over parents who won’t wake up any longer.

“Jaro, w-what happened? W-why are all these people dead?”

He sighs and helps me as we start walking. “We don’t know as well, it was almost dawn, some adventurers came back into the guild, all wounded and bleeding, they said they were attacked by some individuals.”

He continues. “I got one of the girls to run out and ring the village bell, just in case we were under attack from the Brugus Empire. As you know, they’ve been making advances northwards, even since King Franz lost the battle near Yundithil. The empire didn’t make any advances after that, so I thought it would’ve been them maybe attacking and raiding us.

My throat tightens as I continue listening. “I was wrong. They came out of nowhere, first it was the screams, then people crying. I didn’t know what was happening. I gathered all the adventurers that were in the village at the time, so we could go confront them. But — but I couldn’t. They…they were like demons Zero. The way they moved, the way they took hits from us like nothing, they could regenerate Zero. They grew limbs back like nothing.”

“As some of the adventurers were still confronting them, I got myself with a few others to run around the village to start gathering the townspeople as fast as possible before we ran out using the passage under the statue.”

“I left good people to die, so I could live and save the rest. It was thoughtless of me, but… I felt like I had no other choice. We weren’t going to kill them, so what point was there in fighting?” He finished off with a sigh, before looking in a specific direction. “That’s what’s left.”

I turn my head to follow his gaze. The village in the distance was nothing more than a blaze of fire, flames uproar into the sky, smoke blocking the scenery. It was like something out of a dream. Something unreal. A thought crossed my head, the memories of someone who I know wouldn’t have left people behind. Someone I knew who was as stubborn as me.

“Jaro — Mabel, where is she?” I turn back to him with a forced smile. “Hey, Jaro. Mabel made it out… right? You didn’t let her stay behind… did you?”

He stays quiet as he takes me toward a place further in the back of the encampment. We arrive toward two bodies, both were laid next to each other, covered in a blanket. I pushed myself off Jaro, my legs trembling as I plummeted to the ground.

“Zero!” Jaro says my name, but I couldn’t hear it. I had to see with my own eyes. I started crawling towards the bodies, my body screaming in pain, but I didn’t care. I wanted to prove myself right.

Mabel… you’re not there right? You made it out with Jaro and the rest right? I know you wouldn’t put yourself at risk like that. You’re the type of person to know it’s better to live right? So you could see me and stay with me right?

Vivian… you also made it right? Your dad was just yelling because, because you got hurt and that you were recovering in another tent right? If I get up and search for you, you’ll let me see that smile of yours and giggle and call me an idiot right? You’re… you’re still with me aren’t you? Both of you? Please…

I crawled up in between both the bodies, before slowly, hesitantly, pulling the blanket down from both of the bodies.

My eyes begin to flow with tears as I force myself to come to the grim reality.

That once again. I was wrong.

I let out a wail, one that I’ve never heard myself give out before. It was the wail of someone who had just lost their life, their will, their strength and most importantly, their reason to live.

***

A few days go by, Jaro and everyone else that survived, gave the dead a mass burial, I gave Mabel and Vivian their own separate one, after begging and apologizing to her father and getting his permission. I took both their bodies onto a small cart and pushed it myself until I arrived at Lake Vurati. In legends, it was said that the lake was also the place where lost souls gather before all heading to the afterlife together. I bury them by the edge of the water and place rock on both, to signify that they have pass, in hopes that the lake will guide them and keep them both together as one as they move on. I lay down nearby and just stare toward the sky.

Mabel…

Vivian…

I’ll be joining you two soon. Please, wait for me.

I stand up slowly as I pull out my blade and point it towards my chest. I move it closer and closer, before doing what I’ve always wanted. Living with Mabel and Vivian, forever.