Monster

It’s been 15 years since then, since the day I wanted to end it all and just disappear from the world. You may wonder what I’ve been doing since then. Nothing really. I was able to successfully end it, as I was bleeding out, I saw the light. I saw that I was maybe doing something right for once, but that hope ended faster than a candle being blown out.

My wound that I tried to give myself started to ooze out some black liquid, my body didn’t feel like it was hurting, it felt… relieved. I wasn’t sure why it felt so relieving, but it was a nice feeling nonetheless. After a while, I started to doze off, I felt something softly stroke my hair, I wasn’t sure exactly who or what, but it just felt so comfortable that when I woke up, it felt like I just woke up from a dream, a dream that I never wanted to have woken up from.

After that moment, something stirred within me. A new challenge. That black ooze wanted to keep me alive, why? I don’t know. I figured, well since it wanted to heal me, I may as well make the most out of it and see how far it’ll go to stop me from reaching my goal. I spent the first few years just testing what I could do with it and how far I could go with it.

I left without a word to Jaro and the others. I couldn’t go back to them, especially not now. Jaro mentioned some “thing” holding Vivian as she died. It doesn’t take a genius to know what or who that is now. I wasn’t even sure I could control this thing. What if I just suddenly lash out and turn into it again, I felt that the best thing for me was to be alone and go alone until I could find out more.

The first few years, I just took odd jobs and missions, bandit camp scouting, monster hunts, supplying the army line with rations, or even took some mercenary work. The first ever mission I took alone was a monster hunt, it was to kill some dire wolves near a remote village that was killing their cattle and causing a problem for them. It went exactly as one would think it would. A 13 year old, trying to kill dire wolves? I pissed myself the moment I saw them, and I died. Of course I did, I had no fighting experience, no adventurer experience, nothing. All I did was become food for them, but even that was no use. Each time a dire wolf tore a limb from my body or anything, it just came back from the black ooze.

I finished the mission yes, but the looks I got from everyone else said otherwise. The next mission that showed me more glimpses of this was a few years later. It was a bandit raid. I was 17 at the time, I had joined a small party of adventurers, they were all close in age, but their experience showed. I was still new to everything, so I just tried my best not to drag them down. There was this girl I was able to get close with, I think her name was Ayla if I remembered right. She was nice and cute and I was sure she liked me too. I thought it would’ve been a good beginning, a good change of pace. I was wrong.

The start of the bandit raid went well, we scouted the perimeter of the camp, counted the numbers, had a plan of surprise and attack. We were sure it would’ve gone successfully. Then it all went wrong. As soon as we launched our attack and got into the camp, a horn was heard in the distance. It was a raiding camp from one the eastern kingdoms, The Duchy of Kilmorgue. The bandit camp was right on the border in their territory and no one knew about it. It was a massacre, bodies all around us, both bandits and soldiers died, our party leader was wounded and ran with the rest of our members back across the border. It was just Ayla and myself left as we were surrounded by the Duchy soldiers. I hid her away as I turned to confront them, but all I did was just die, again. What showed up was nothing short of just another story told to scare the children to sleep, I turned into that…that darkness again but this time around I was conscious.

I experienced everything first hand, from the cracking of skulls to the soldiers I killed, to the screams and cries of being called a demon. At first I thought they were calling something else a monster, but as I saw the fear in their eyes, looking directly at me, I knew that this was the point of no return. Eventually I killed all the soldiers in the camp, their bodies all unrecognizable, I turned back toward Ayla, looking at her with the same look I gave the soldiers, I was unable to control myself. I launched at Ayla to kill her, but was shy of reaching her before she was able to just escape by the edge of her hair and run off. I didn’t give chase, my form or whatever this was just stood there until I lost consciousness again.

By the time I gained consciousness again, the form was already gone and I was back to myself. I couldn’t help but look at myself with disgust and pain. I killed people, even if I wasn’t able to control myself I still killed people. What kind of person does that? What would Vivian think of me, would I even be a hero in her eyes anymore? I decided it wasn’t worth my time to worry about it, I had to go back and check on Ayla and the rest to make sure they were fine. 

The moment I arrived back in the city and opened the doors to the guild hall, I was greeted by stares of horror, shock and fear. It seemed that Ayla told everyone what happened. What I turned into, what I’ve done. I was called a monster, a devil. The worst of all… being called a disgrace to the human race. No one would listen to my side of the story, they all had made their choices, rumours spread of me in the coming days, saying I was the reason for all these deaths, that it was my fault monsters have been occurring more often. I took that as a sign to leave, to disappear from everywhere and live my life as what I’ve always been, just another nobody.

Now here I am, 15 years later, 28 years old, in a broken down tavern in a random place with no one but drunkards and losers just like me. It was terrible, but it was home.

“HA! You guys should all see your faces! I’m going to be the hero! I will showww you allll what happens!” I slurred my speech as I slammed my tankard of beer on the table. “BARKEEP! ANOTHER ROUND!”

The barkeep sighs and pours me another round as the people around in the tavern all murmur toward each other.

One sighs as he talks to his friend. “Is Zero talking to himself again? You think he’s finally lost it and decided to just become crazy?”

His friend replies back. “You never know with these crazy people, the Light Order could possibly do something to help, but he wouldn’t be the same.”

The murmurs grow louder and louder, their voices irritating my ear as my head lays face down on the table. “Heh, Vivian… will I ever see you again? If I ever do,  I'll take you to that place in the city that… that…”

The tavern door slams open, a figure appears in the doorway before glancing around the room.

“Is the useless so-called-hero Zero here?”

The customers all look at each other before turning to me. The figure sighs before walking over to my table and sitting on the opposite side. The figure smiles as they rest their elbows on the table, leaning their chin against their palm.

“Wake up Hero. It’s time to show yourself to the world.”