2.8 Men's Rights: Cornered Queen

Esmeralda handed the collected signatures over to the Queen. “Your Majesty, there are more than a thousand signatures here. All of these people agree with our Group.”

Sera flipped through page after page of signatures. “Where… when did you guys collect all of this? I thought you made this ridiculous group just a couple of hours ago.”

“We got them signed on our way to the palace,” Esmeralda said. “We just told people that the Great Mage wanted their signature, and they signed it. So, now that we have more than a thousand signatures, you’ll have to take our demands seriously.”

The Queen laughed out loud. “What are you saying, brat? I admit, collecting so many in so short a time is a bit impressive, but that doesn’t mean that I have to take your silly petition seriously.”

“No, Your Majesty, you have to. When the Great Mage married your evil twin sister, who was also secretly a succubus exchanged at birth, Prime Minister Whiterose collected signatures from more than a thousand people to force your evil twin to call an open court, where she was exposed as fake.”

There was a moment of utter silence following this strange revelation. Even the Queen looked a bit dazed. “What?! Evil twin?… Prime Minister Whiterose?… What… what is going on with these comics?”

Kyros, on the other hand, seemed upset. “Esme, come on. Is this spoiler for the Wedding arc? You know I haven’t read it. Man, now it’s ruined for me.”

“Sorry, my lord. But it’s for the sake of the Men’s Rights Movement.”

“Hmm… That’s true. Okay, I forgive you. But no more spoilers.”

“This Prime Minister Whiterose, is it a man or a woman?” the Queen asked.

“She is a woman, Your Majesty. I think she has a secret crush on you, but it’s not canon yet. People are divided on that. Bertie thinks it’s not a crush.”

“I see… Wait, what is going on? Why am I arguing with a child about a comic book? This is ridiculous. Lucian, why are you still here?”

“Wait, Your Majesty,” Sir Arthur said.

“Unc… Sir Arthur. Don’t worry, I will finish here quickly. It’s time we get back anyway.”

“No, Your Majesty. It’s… I am sorry to say this, but the little girl is right.”

The Queen stared at her uncle, wondering if he too had been switched with an evil doppelgänger. When she came back to her senses, she chuckled. “Uncle, come on, don’t be silly.”

“No, Your Majesty. It’s an ancient law of the kingdom. It’s not used these days. I remember reading that the last time it was used was during your great-grandfather’s time.”

The Queen’s laughter slowly faded and was replaced by a look of worry. “Uncle, this is absurd. There can’t be such a law. If people can petition the court with just a thousand signatures, we would be drowning in them.”

“It’s not a well known law, Your Majesty. During and before your great-grandfather’s time, most commoners were illiterate. So, there was little chance of them sending petitions. At the time, it was mostly a framework for nobles to collectively petition or apply pressure on the king. So, technically, as absurd as this document is, the royal court must process it. If not now, then definitely at some point in the future.”

While the Queen was having her sense of reality shaken, Kyros pounced on the opportunity that had been handed to him on a silver platter. He put on the most evil grin he had practiced and said, “Sera, if you don’t accept our demands, I am going to tell everyone about the law, and also tell them to send you petitions every day.”

For the first time since she had come down to meet the protesters, the Queen looked utterly lost. She started pacing back and forth, as Kyros watched her with a smug smile while calmly wobbling in place.

The others remained silent, deeming it best not to disturb an annoyed sovereign.

“Nothing is going to change, Sera. You are trapped,” Kyros said. “Accept our demands. Fund my turtles.”

The Queen ignored his gloating and continued to think, and then, she suddenly stopped. She turned towards Kyros, her face showing no emotion.

“I accept,” she said.

“Give it up, Sera. You can’t defeat our… wait, what? What did you just say?”

“I said, Kyros, I accept your petition and I will formally listen to your demands.”

Kyros looked confused. He turned to his compatriots, who all (except Thokk) seemed equally unsure of what was happening. Well, more unsure than they already were due to the alcohol in their systems.

“Really?” Kyros asked. “But… but… Wait, this isn’t a joke, right?”

“No. It’s not a joke. I am very serious. I will listen to your demands if… you help me with a small problem.”

The Great Mage narrowed his eyes and watched the Queen. “Hmm… Fine,” he said cautiously. “Go ahead. What exactly do you want me to do?”

“Not just you, Kyros. I want everyone in your ‘organization’ to help out. I think it’s a fair trade.”

“We will only decide after listening to your problem.”

“Okay. So, here is the situation,” the Queen explained. “A few days ago, a couple of thieves broke out from prison and went and hid in the sewers. You know how labyrinthine the system is. Tracking them has been a bit difficult, and the city guards are busy with other investigations. So, nobody can be spared. What I want you, the Meridian Men’s Rights Group, to do is track these thieves down and bring them back. They are not armed, so you don’t have to worry too much.”

“Don’t be silly. I am not worried about that.” The Great Mage looked a bit offended. “But why can’t I do it on my own? I am Kyros Magnus. Why do you need others just for some runaway thieves? I am Kyros Magnus. Wait, did I say that already?”

“Ah! It’s like this. When the officers were tracking the thieves in the sewers, at their last known location, they sensed some sort of magical anomaly; it was interfering with their communicators. So, it’s best if you don’t use any magic while in there. I don’t want you unintentionally collapsing the sewers and making more work for people.”

“I don’t collapse sewers, Sera. My magic is very precise. But, I guess, I can hold back for now, since you are begging me to.”

The Queen looked annoyed, but simply said, “Sure, let’s go with that.”

The Great Mage was not done with his questions. “I still don’t understand why you need me to take the guys. Can’t you give me a squad of city guards?”

“As I said, the city guards are busy with an important investigation, but you and your friends are free. You help me with this, and I’ll help you out with your demands. Also, it’s not like they are amateurs. Sergeant Bakersfield has a lot of combat experience—”

Thomas immediately saluted the Queen. “Yes, Your Majesty. I would be proud to serve the kingdom again.”

“Thank you, Sergeant Bakersfield.” Sera then looked at Master Stonebottom. “And as far as I know, Master Stonebottom used to be quite a brawler in his youth.”

“Aye, Your Majesty.” Master Stonebottom finally gathered his courage and stepped out from behind the Great Mage. “Used to be in a street gang, Your Majesty. Tunnel Snakes we was called. Meanest dwarves this side of the Iron Wall.”

“I… Yes, exactly. As for young Master Moonshade here, Sir Arthur told me earlier that he has some talent in magic, despite never receiving any formal training.”

Valdek looked unsure. He didn’t really want to go into the sewers to catch runaway thieves. But the Queen was expecting him to, and his boss was also looking quite eager. “I… I can only cast some basic wards, Your Majesty,” he managed to say. “I can’t do anything else.”

“That’s even better,” Sera replied. “I was a little concerned, since I believe you don’t have a Stormhaven Magic User License. If it’s just minor defensive wards, then there is no need to worry. You don’t need a license for that.”

“I… Yes, Your Majesty. I will try my best, Your Majesty,” Valdek said gloomily.

Before Sera could turn to Thokk, the orc lifted his hand. “I participate,” he said. “This great opportunity for Thokk. I catch thief and make Bulguk look like donkey for rejecting Thokk. Then I marry Naru.”

“Excellent. I like that spirit, Thokk. So it’s decided then, Kyros. Go and get me the thieves and I will give you your rights.”

“Fine, it’s a deal,” Kyros said. “Let’s go, boys.”

Thomas cracked his knuckles. “Been a while since I’ve seen some action. It’ll be fun.”

“Aye. These amateurs won’t stand no chance.”

“FREEDOM!”

Before the gang could head out without even asking for directions, Esmeralda grabbed Kyros' hair tightly and cried out, “Wait, wait, my lord, Dad, Uncle Stonebottom, wait.”

Everyone stopped. “What’s wrong, Esme?” Kyros asked.

“My lord, don’t you think this is a bit weird? I feel like this is a trick.”

“Hmm…” Kyros contemplated these words. “Well, Sera does play pranks on me all the time. Let me think.” He stood silently for a few seconds, staring up at the sky. The gears in his head seemed to be slowly turning despite much resistance from the ale. “Wait… I got it. No…” Then he thought some more.

“Kyros, I am not lying. Don’t listen to the brat. It’s just a simple exchange. You get your rights, I get my prisoners.”

“Aha! Wait… Why do you need your rights? No, sorry. Sera, why do you care about some runaway thieves? You are the Queen. Don’t you have more important things to worry about?”

“Good question, my lord.” Esmeralda proudly patted Kyros on the head.

“Ah… about that… yes… Yes. Kyros, you know about my Meridian Rejuvenation Project, right?”

“Yeah, Liri told me about it.”

“So, as part of the project, we are repairing all the old infrastructure like temples, old government buildings, and even sections of the palace. The sewer system is also a part of the project.”

“Right…”

“So, due to these dangerous criminals now hiding in the sewers, construction workers are refusing to continue the job. So, we need someone to quickly capture these criminals so that work can resume.”

“Hmm…”

“Kyros Day is coming up in two months. Do you want the city to celebrate the day you were found, with poor infrastructure? With poor quality sewers?”

“Fine, fine, we will do it.”

“But, my lord…” Esmeralda began.

“Don’t worry, Esme. It’s not a big deal. If it’s a trick, I’ll solve it.”

“Hmm… okay, my lord. I trust you.”

“So, everyone’s on board? Great. Leave the kids here. As for you five—”

“No, I am going,” Esmeralda said.

“Don’t be silly, girl. They will be dealing with thieves. It’s no place for small kids.”

“No. I am going, Your Majesty. The Great Mage, my dad, Uncle Stonebottom, Uncle Thokk, and Uncle Valdek are all there to protect me.”

Valdek touched his face, wondering if he really was old enough to be an ‘uncle.’

“Esme, it’s okay for you to stay,” Kyros said.

“Yes, Esmeralda. Go and stay with your mom,” Thomas told his daughter. “We will come back soon.”

“No, no, no. I am going. I’ll cry if you guys leave me alone.”

The men looked around helplessly.

“Your Majesty, it will be fine,” Sir Arthur said. “There is no risk to her. If you are sending them where I think you are sending them, I remember the Mayor saying that the construction crew has cleared out most of those areas. There are no safety hazards there, unless you count the water itself.”

“Oh! Fine, fine. Do whatever you want, brat. Keep her safe, Kyros. She is your responsibility.”

“I will.”

“Why is she still on your shoulders? Let her down. What if she falls?”

“Don’t worry, Sera, I did a stabilization ritual before we came here. She won’t fall.”

“Stabi… You know what, I don’t even care.” The Queen then turned to Bertie. “Bertie, sweetie, you come here, little one. You can stay with me until your parents come and get you.”

Bertie shook his head vehemently.

“You want to go to the sewers too?”

The little boy nodded, tightly clutching Valdek’s trousers.

Sera sighed. “Fine. Go, all of you. Follow Sir Lucian. He will give you the necessary equipment and directions.”

This was news to Lucian. “I will, Your Majesty?” he asked, trying to keep his surprise to a minimum lest he contradict his liege.

“Ah! Yes. Sir Lucian, show them the last known location of the criminals in the sewers. You know, the one at the top of the list among the locations I discussed with the Mayor yesterday.”

“Oh! I understand, Your Majesty. I will show them.”

“Don’t forget to give them the necessary gear. I hope you know what I am saying.”

“Yes, Your Majesty. Perfectly clear.”

*     *     *

The Queen, Sir Arthur, and the remaining royal guard all watched the group disappear into the distance.

Sera looked at her uncle. “You don’t approve, Sir Arthur?”

“I dare not, Your Majesty,” he said. “But it does seem unnecessary to make up runaway criminals.”

“How else am I going to buy some time? At least now, the idiots will be busy clearing up that tunnel cave-in for a few hours.”

“Buying time, Your Majesty?”

“Yes. That damned law needs to be changed ASAP.” She turned to the other royal guard. “Sir Theodore,” she said. “Send a message to Prime Minister Blackthorn. Tell him to assemble the cabinet. Tell him that I need everyone in the meeting room within twenty minutes, and I don’t want to hear any excuses.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.” Sir Theodore bowed and started running.

As soon as they were alone, Queen Sera began walking back to the palace. “Come on, Uncle. We need to head back quickly. I need to get changed and read up on this law.”

“Yes, Your Majesty.”

“I wonder what would be a better limit on the number of signatures. Ten thousand? No, too small. Hundred thousand seems a little too big. Maybe fifty thousand. Uncle, we are moving too slow. Let’s run.”

“I am right behind you, Your Majesty.”

“Why aren’t there any royal pants? You can’t even run in this royal gown.”

“Your… Your Majesty, please don’t lift it up too much.”

“Come on, Uncle. It’s barely above my ankles. Keep running.”