2.9 Men's Rights: Into the Depths

“Dad, don’t do that. Here, let me adjust it. My lord, can you please get close to my dad?”

“Thomas, I am behind you. Don’t turn around.”

“Yes, my lord.”

Esmeralda, from on top of the Great Mage, managed to turn her father’s steel helmet around. A beam of bright white light sped forth into the darkness from the mining light attached to the helmet, illuminating the labyrinthine sewers of Meridian for Thomas.

“Oh! Wow! I can see everything now,” he said.

Master Stonebottom was using his mining light to look around the tunnel they were in. Despite the distant flowing water and the glisteningly moist cavernous walls of the sewer system, the floor beneath them was surprisingly dry, and the thick, sturdy walls were free from gunk and slime. Even though in a few moments they were about to wade through the literal refuse of the city, the dwarf looked quite cheerful.

Valdek, on the other hand, was nervously gazing into the darkness while trying to fight a losing battle with the smell. Unlike the others, he was carrying only a modest lamp that illuminated a small radius around him and Bertie (who was once again riding on top of Valdek).

“I never seen anything like this,” Master Stonebottom said. “Such a powerful light. I can see way out into the distance. Look, I see a rat.”

“Master Stonebottom, careful,” Kyros warned him. “If you keep rotating like that, your clubs might hit Thokk by accident.”

“Oh! Apologies, milord.” Master Stonebottom steadied himself, the bright beam of his lamp now directed right at the Great Mage’s face. “This new technology is pretty awesome. Milord, do you think you can get it out in the market? Or is this just government stuff?”

“You can buy it. I know the guys who invented these. They were students at the Academy. Once they graduated, they started a company selling this stuff. I think most of their orders are from government contracts, but you can buy it if you are willing to spend a few crowns. I own a couple of these lights.”

The dwarf looked delighted. “I am definitely getting a few after we get out of here. Since my brother visited last month, my youngest has been into mining in a big way. He keeps trying to tunnel around the property. He’ll love these.”

“Uncle Stonebottom, can you please turn around?” Esmeralda said. “Your light is right in the Great Mage’s face. He might not mind, but I can’t see anything.”

“Oh, sorry, lass. Let me turn around. Hey, there goes another rat.”

“My lord, is this okay?” Valdek asked, his voice carrying a small note of worry. “Her Majesty told you not to use any magic, but these mining lights and my lamp all use magic, don’t they, my lord?”

“Don’t worry, Valdek. The magic in both is very minimal. In the mining light, it’s only to trigger the initial chemical reaction in the core and to maintain its pace so that the core doesn’t get consumed too fast. It’s completely contained within the bulb. As for the lamp, it’s just the first spark to excite the gas and later to switch it off. No cause for concern in either case. In case of the mining light, magic is only used to trigger the initial chemical—”

“Wait, the lamp is magic?” Thomas looked utterly surprised by this revelation. “But… but we have them at home.”

Everyone stared at him like he had given an incorrect answer to the teacher’s question in class after it had been explained several times and was still written on the board.

Esmeralda asked what everyone was thinking. “Dad, what else did you think was happening? How do you think we get light from it?”

“I don’t know. I never thought about it. Maybe… If I had to, I would have guessed there was a fire or something?”

“Fire?! Dad, just… don’t talk, okay? You are embarrassing me in front of the Great Mage.”

Thomas hung his head in shame. “Sorry, dear,” he mumbled.

“Eh, if you are all ready, shall we get going?” the Great Mage asked the group. “We still have thieves to catch. Esme, do you have the incense pellets and metal ball that Lucian gave you?”

“No, my lord, Bertie has them.”

“I see. Bertie, my boy, the ball must have a chain. Do you see it?”

Bertie nodded.

“The ball should have a chain. Do you see it?”

Bertie patiently nodded again.

“Use it to wear the ball around your neck, okay? Then every ten minutes, open the small cap at the top and drop two… no, three… no, two pellets into the chemical inside. It will ward off the smell. The smell is alright for now, but the further we go, the worse it gets, and in some areas it will become unbearable. Trust me, I know this from personal experience.”

Bertie nodded dutifully and did as he was told, bringing some relief to Valdek.

“And who has the map?”

“I have it here, my lord,” Esmeralda said.

“Good. Esme, you are in charge of navi … naviga … directions.”

“Understood, my lord.” Esmeralda unfolded her map and turned on her own miniature mining light.

“Everyone ready to head out?” But before they could begin their journey, the Great Mage’s eyes fell on a morose-looking Thokk staring at the pickaxe in his hand.

“Thokk, what’s the matter?” Kyros asked. “You want to head back?”

“No, Great Mage. Thokk not abandon mission. But Sir Knight gave Thokk only pickaxe, while Master Stonebottom get two war club, and Thomas get mace, shovel, and shield. I get only pickaxe. How can win glory and marry Naru with pickaxe?”

“Uhh… Thokk, we are not going in there to kill the thieves. We are just going to capture them and bring them back. There’s plenty of glory in that.”

“Is? Great Mage?”

“Yes, of course. And the pickaxe is nothing to be laughed at. You know what’s the most important thing every soldier carries? Thomas, help me out here, please.”

Thomas did not respond.

“Thomas?”

“DAD, THE GREAT MAGE IS TALKING TO YOU.”

“Ahh! What?” Thomas, who had fallen asleep standing up, suddenly opened his eyes. “What are you asking, my lord?”

“What’s the most important thing every soldier carries, Thomas? Is it shovel and pickaxe?”

“Yes, it’s shovel and pickaxe, my lord.”

“You see, Thokk, even Thomas agrees.”

“Take it from me, lad,” Thomas said. “I used my shovel and pickaxe in the trenches more than I ever used my sword. You are just following in the footsteps of every brave soldier who has served his kingdom.”

“Really?” Thokk finally looked happy. He gave his pickaxe a gentle caress and slung it over his shoulder. “Thank, everyone. I feel better. I ready for battle, Great Mage. I make you proud.”

“Eh! Yes, that’s great. Let’s all head out. Wait, where are the buckets?”

“You are carrying them, my lord.”

“Oh! Yes. Everyone wearing their work boots?”

“Yes, my lord.”

“Great. Let’s get going.”

“By the way, who that pretty lady above?”

“Uhh… that was the Queen, Thokk.”

“What?! I has been talking to Queen? Oh no! Oh no! This grave insult to human chieftain. How this possible? I not show respect. What should I do? I go back. I go back right now.”

“Thokk, it’s okay. I’ll tell her later that you greeted her. It’s not a big deal.”

“Really, Great Mage?”

“Yeah. She is my best friend. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay.”