Chapter 2:

It Was Mostly Them, Really…

Castle Problem Rectifier, Gumi-sama!

A roar that belonged to none of us, Gerart included, bellowed so loudly it jolted everybody awake.

All of us were in Gerart’s guest house, very frazzled and very alarmed.

“That’s a Bogman, alright.” I said, my heart still beating out of my chest.

"Somebody's awfully hungry.” Cogginballs said, stretching his body across the floor. “I don't make that big a deal out of hunger. The nerve of some moss-covered beasts."

“You’re one to talk, cat.” Shunya said, rubbing Cogginballs’ fur the wrong way.

“Rub my fur with the grain, mortal! And yes, absolutely I am one to talk, usually the only one talking. My soap box is the biggest.”

“Can we not do this now, guys?” I peeked my head in through my cloak as I threw it on with a satisfying ‘fwump.’

The three of us dashed out of the door and hastily traipsed into the swamp.

In all its undeniable grossness, the Bogman stood tall and relentless, making a massive ruckus.

“You’re about to say the line aren’t you?” Coggy climbed up a tree for safety.

“Gumdrop, go!” I summoned my weapon of mass clobbering.

I looked behind at Shunya.

He was perched behind a tree.

I’ll allow it.

I’d be pissy-pampered too if I saw a Bogman letting his… everything air out like that.

My enormous pastel pink spikeball on a stick materialized in my hands.

I gripped it loosely and antagonized the Bogman, hoping for a charge.

“Get ‘em right in the babymaker, Gumi!”

I saw Shunya look up at Coggy with a dumbfounded expression.

“See Shunya, the idea is, no babymaker means no more little Bogmen wreaking havoc, but of course I wouldn't expect the perpetually sexless to understand that.”

“Be nice, Coggy!” I called out behind me.

The Bogman went for it, lunging straight for me. I timed my side step perfectly and used the momentum to send Gumdrop straight up into the Bogman’s chin, pinging him back several feet in the air.

The Bogman crashed back down into the mud with a sound like a sack of wet laundry the size of a barn.

He didn't get up fast enough.

That was his mistake.

The trap Gerart had rigged at the swamp's edge — a wide net of ironweed rope anchored to four oaks — caught him mid-scramble. The mechanism triggered with a deeply satisfying clunk and the Bogman went from monster to parcel in about four seconds.

He thrashed. The ironweed held.

He roared.

"Yes, yes." Cogginballs dropped from the tree and began grooming himself with the energy of someone who had done considerable work tonight. "We hear you."

I planted Gumdrop in the mud and looked at our catch.

"You know," I said thoughtfully, "a travelling circus would pay handsomely for one of these."

Shunya stared at me. "You want to sell him."

"He's breathing, isn't he? Nobody's dead. This is practically a happy ending."

Shunya opened his mouth.

Closed it.

Looked at the Bogman.

Looked at me.

"...How much do travelling circuses pay?"

"Now he's thinking." Cogginballs said approvingly.

Gerart emerged from the guesthouse in his nightclothes, holding a lantern in one hand and a covered tray in the other. He surveyed the netted Bogman, the swamp, Cogginballs still grooming, Shunya still processing, and me leaning on Gumdrop like it was a walking stick.

He set the tray down on a nearby stump and lifted the cover.

Rumcakes. Three rows of them, golden and still steaming.

"For the trouble," he said simply.

The smell hit me like a physical force. I may have made a noise.

"Miss Gumi." Gerart was already uncapping the guild quest witness form, quill in hand. "Shall I mark this one resolved?"

"Resolved and then some." I picked up a rumcake with both hands reverently.

It was perfect. Dense and warm with that particular sweetness that only came from someone who had been making the same thing for forty years and stopped measuring anything because they no longer needed to.

I wished, not for the first time and certainly not for the last, that I could make these myself.

"In due time," Gerart said, signing the form without looking up, as if he'd heard the thought directly.

Maybe he had.

I took another rumcake and decided not to question it.

Cogginballs helped himself to one without asking.

Nobody stopped him.

The Bogman seethed in his net.

Gerart gently handed me the completed form, thanking me a million times.

“I'm just fulfilling my civic duty. It's all in a day's work. It was also mostly them, really.”

These three lines always found their way out of my mouth once quests were done.

Because they felt right to say.

They felt true.

They felt accurate.

I felt Shunya look at me from out of the corner of my eye. I did not look at him.

“Cogginballs' and company at your service Farmer Gerart. Feel free to tend to your fields again without any issues!” Coggy took centre stage, doing a little dance on his hind legs.

Gerart simply nodded at all of us, thanked us once again and bid us farewell.

We set off to report back to the guild, and finally get our hands on some candyfloss for Coggy.

The ride back on Coggy’s cloud was mostly uneventful save for something Shunya brought up.

He said something like: "Oh, hey, you're not really a fan of patting yourself on the back too much are you, Gumi?"

To which I gracefully replied:

"Fwuh—?" In between bites of my Rumcake.

I did some quick thinking.

"I like patting, I give them to Cogginballs all the time. I don't need my back patted."

"I meant giving yourself credit. You kinda shifted some unearned credit our way."

I shook my head.

"Well, you guys were a part of my party, it only makes sense that I share a bit of the—"

"Say what you want but I for one, did a fabulous job cheerleading. I'm the best at this. Credit earned. Boom." Cogginballs licked his paw.

“See what I mean?”

I took Shunya's silence for agreement.

He didn't press further.

“Alright we're outside Ocrain's town gate.” Cogginballs said as he glided to a halt.

We stepped off the cloud and it vanished back into Coggy's inventory.

“Welcome back, Gumi-sama and company. Cause no trouble. Glory to Ocrain.” The guard stiffly led us in.

A few skips later, the twins greeted us at the door, we're not at all surprised we were back so soon and let us through.

“Gumi! How'd the quest go?” Guildmaster Wolfgang bellowed from far away.

I held up the witness form in front of my face to hide how red it was.

“Stellar work as always, Gumi!”

Right.

I wouldn't call it stellar.

Work doesn't need an adjective like that attached to it.

The guild clerk filed my work away.

She made a remark about needing a second cabinet for my signed quest forms.

I nodded and shuffled to the quest board.

“Oh more quests? You're forgetting your end of the deal, Gumi.”

“Right. Candyfloss. Let's check out the market, everyone okay with that?”

Cogginballs was violently nodding his head.

Shunya thought it'd be nice to take a breather and recollect.

And so we did.

***

The market was loud with merchants shouting over one another.

Cogginballs disappeared toward the nearest candyfloss stall before I could blink.

Somehow he'd convinced the vendor to make his twice the size of mine.

I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was Shunya

“Hey.”

“Hiya Shunya.”

“I want you to promise me that you'll value your skill set a smidge more. Otherwise, I don't think I'll be a good fit for your party.”

“What?”

Okay, this is bad.

I've upset him, haven't I?

Losing a party member is not a good look.

It's also unearned.

I'm doing everything right. Everybody gets credit. Everyone is happy.

But they're not. Clearly.

What do I even say to that?

Think.

Then it hits me.

“I'll make more of an effort, Shunya.” I try to speak as earnestly as possible.

“I'll hold you to it, Gumi.” He says.

I don't exactly know what effort I'll be making considering I already put enough effort into making everybody happy.

I'll figure something out.

I don't think I'll do any more quests today.

“Hey, psst. Gumdrop wielder,” said Cogginballs as he climbed onto my shoulder.

“What do you want?” I puffed my cheeks out.

“Oof, struck a nerve did I? I just wanted to know if we're housing Mr. Ask-me-if-my-favourite-colour-is-red, standing over there.”

“Oh.”

I hadn't considered it.

“You haven't considered it, have you?”

“Of course I have!”

“Well?”

“I'm thinking!”

“Here we go…”

“No wait Coggy, listen. If I let him stay with us is that… scandalous?”

“Only if you make it scandalous.” He said, licking his paw.

“That's more of a statement for you than it is for me.”

Shunya appeared beside us, catching us by surprise.

“Hey guys. Am I interrupting anything? It looked like some decisive conversation was happening, are we going on another quest?” He stared at us both, scratching the back of his neck.

“I… uh… we—”

“We're discussing whether or not we want to keep… you…” Cogginballs blurted out.

“Coggy!”

“Oh. Cool, what's the plan?”

Both of them were looking to me for an answer.

Pressure.

Lots of pressure.

We have a spare cot.

It's a terrible cot.

But it is technically a cot.

I mentioned this to Shunya.

He didn't seem to mind.