First Impressions

Since setting foot in Erminia, I’d gotten nothing but funny looks. I would’ve been offended, but Big Sis told me a memorable first impression was the best one. And today, I needed the first impression of a lifetime. I heaved the dripping sack of monster remains over my shoulder and trotted towards the inn.

Today, I needed a first impression that’d snag me an apprenticeship under Tancred’s strongest witch. And after that, fame, riches and a career as a capital warrior. I might’ve muddled the order up somewhere, but that was the gist of things. Just the apprenticeship would do for now, though.

The inn’s doors swung open, and the stench of alcohol stabbed my nostrils. How adults tolerated the stuff, I had no clue. Companies of warriors downing drinks and dropping dice crowded the candlelit tables. One patron ducked under my sack of spoils as I shuffled past.

“Oops, coming through!”

Behind the front counter, a heavyset innkeeper polished a glass.

“Need help with that, missy?”

His bearded face was tanned, with scars running through it like a game of Hangman. I used to play that game with Big Sis, but we stopped after that time I used her mother’s name. I forgot we were orphans.

“Ah, no. I’m good!” I tossed the sack onto the counter with a squelch, rummaging for a silver coin.

There! “One bed please, sir!”

After all, Big Sis always said a good night’s rest was the first step to a great impression.

The innkeeper inspected the coin with a chuckle. “‘Course, missy.” He pocketed it and slid the sack aside. “What brings ya to Erminia? We ain’t exactly popular with the youngins.”

“No wonder, the monsters here are super strong!” I patted the bagged remains. “I guess that’s ‘cause you’re right near the abyss, huh?”

The closer I got to Erminia, the more vicious the monsters got too. Not that it mattered since I had my trusty sword Flam with me. Her real name was Flamberge, but Flam was much cuter. And easier to pronounce.

Without Flam, a delicate, adorable-looking girl like myself might’ve run into some real trouble on the road. Even bandits hightailed it after seeing us. Sure, she might’ve been twice my size, but I didn’t think she looked all that scary.

The innkeeper nodded. “Hit the nail on the head there. Everybody here’s got a couple screws loose. That, or they got nowhere better to go. You the former, or the latter?”

I wasn’t sure what ladders had to do with anything, but…

“Neither, I think! I’m actually here to find—“

“YAHOO!”

Across the bustling inn, dice clattered, and a raspy, female voice cheered.

I whipped towards the sound, where an unkempt, middle-aged woman hollered. Her matted hair was a blend of blacks and greys that curled towards her waist, and her clothes shabby rags that barely covered those indecent curves.

“Hah! Ish a win for me-e-e!” She raised a victorious glass of alcohol towards the roof.

Droplets of the drink splattered her outfit, but she seemed too drunk to notice. The innkeeper sighed beside me. Forget all that, though.

The staff leaned against her seat. That glimmering, twenty-sided crystal topping it. I’d recognise that talisman anywhere.

“You thief!” I stamped towards the gambling table.

“Huh?” The woman turned, a dumb grin plastered across her face. “Who’re youse?”

“How dare you steal the Witch of Erminia’s staff!” I grabbed a fistful of her collar.

There was no mistaking it. That was the Witch of Erminia’s talisman.

The same witch that’d helped defeat the abyssal gods, the one I’d come to Erminia to find. This thieving degenerate had the nerve to steal her famous staff!

“My…” She hiccuped. “Shtaff?”

The innkeeper raised his palms. “Hol’ on, missy—“

Too late! I coiled my fingers around Flam’s hilt. “Renforce!”

Golden particles spilled from my own talisman, Flam, and through my arms as I hoisted the woman. She fumbled for the stolen staff as her glass shattered onto the planked floor.

“Hyah!” I flung her through the front doors, her seat clattering to the ground.

Magic was pretty handy for boosting your strength in a jiffy.

I recast reinforcement, unsheathed Flam and lunged after the thief. “How lucky, Flam!”

Not for the Witch of Erminia, of course. She probably needed it. But it was mighty lucky for us. If I could return her staff, she’d have no choice but to take me on as an apprentice. Then came the fame, riches and yadda, yadda, yadda. But getting that staff came first!

The thief careened past wooden buildings and distant stars. She raised the stolen staff. “Charme!”

The twenty-sided crystal flashed, and her skin shifted colours like a rainbow chameleon. She disappeared between the constellations completely.

“Whoa!” I wasn’t expecting that!

Sure, anybody could cast magic with a talisman, even one as powerful as the witch’s. But to be using a high-level spell like invisibility, she might’ve been tougher than I thought. Still, there was no way I was losing to a—

The thief reappeared with a pained groan, landing in a writhing heap on the road.

“Oh.” I slowed to a stop. “Nevermind.”

She gripped the staff and stumbled to her feet. Mud coated her outfit, not that it was especially clean before her makeshift landing.

“…You,” she hiccuped. “You lil’…”

“What was that?” I lowered Flam in confusion.

It was pretty tough to make her out through the drunk slurring.

“YOU… YOU B****!” she shouted. “How, urgh, f***ing dare you, you f***ing piece of f***ing s***!”

“I can’t understand you over the censors, ma’am.”

She thrust the staff forwards. “I’LL KILL YOUSH, BRAT! Charme!”

The crystal topping it glimmered. That meant it was battle time.

I used reinforcement to close the gap just as she fired off a second spell.

“Ack!” A bright spotlight blinded me, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

“Charme!”

By the time I’d opened them, the thief had managed to duplicate herself. Mitosis, perhaps?

“Ah. It’s an illusion!” Pretty impressive for a criminal!

The clones bolted, one stumbling rightwards while the other scrambled into the alleyway to their left, taunting me with obscenities Big Sis would’ve killed us for repeating. Seriously, that thief had no manners.

I sped towards the stumbling one, particles streaming behind me. Not even a spell could hide her tipsiness.

“Caught you!” I lifted Flam over my head.

“Eek!” The thief shielded herself with the staff. “Charme!”

Instantly, something snagged my ankles. I tasted a mouthful of mud as my face slammed into the road, dragging me along and spinning to a stop.

Dust spiralled around me. It was like the wind had swapped directions. Or, maybe gravity itself had.

I tried standing. “Ren—Renforce!”

But even with reinforcement, it was like I was being flattened into the dirt. I couldn’t even lift Flam. Not that she was heavy, or anything.

Ahead, the thief swung the staff manically. “Charme! Charme! Ch… Charme!”

Our surroundings warped from a sticky, damp jungle to a blistering volcano before finally settling on Erminia’s streets again. A crackling ball of lightning gathered above the thief, and at the same time, a massive shadow swallowed the village.

I raised my head. A flaming swarm of meteors was barreling towards Erminia. No, towards me. Shoot!

“Flam!” I brought the blade around, but hesitated.

It was absolutely too strong for Flam to deflect. I still couldn’t stand, either.

How could a petty thief be so powerful? She’d used at least six, no, seven spells already, and all of them were high level!

“I was tryna tell you, missy—”

As I glanced down again, the innkeeper landed in front of me, the road splintering underneath his feet like hard candy. He brandished a hefty, two-sided axe between his hands.

“A talisman!?”

He lifted the maybe-axe, maybe-talisman. “That ain’t no thief. That’s Armida.”

Just as the meteors and lightning sphere plummeted, the innkeeper shouted. He swept his weapon forwards, and a gleaming disc of light swirled into existence.

“Definitely a talisman…”

The pair of spells slammed into the disc with a thundering boom, then fizzled out completely. Smoke billowed across the village clearing, clogging my throat with nasty smog.

There was no way. She was Armida?

He lowered his chipped axe and offered me a hand.

I grabbed it, wobbling up. “Like, Armida the Godslayer?”

He sighed. “‘Fraid so.”

“The Witch of Erminia!?”

“‘Fraid so.”

“The Witch of a Hundred Spells!? !?”

“‘Fraid—Huh?” He rubbed his stubbled beard. “Well, can’t say I’ve counted.”

Fair enough, I guess.

Wait. If that thief was actually Armida, the witch I’d been searching for, then…

Dust scattered as I charged forwards. “Witch!”

“Wha—?” She whisked the staff towards me, prepping another spell. “He jusht told you, I’m not a thief!”

Right as its crystal flickered, I stopped short of her, dropped into a bow and took the deepest breath possible.

“Myname’sRinaandI’dliketobeyourapprenticeprettyplease!”

Perfect. Exactly like Big Sis and I’d rehearsed.

The staff dimmed. Armida let out a burp. “Rina? Apprentish…? Huh… …?”

* * *

The village reeked of smoke and ashes.

Armida cycled through dozens of spells before finally landing on one to sober up. “Charme!”

Her slouched posture straightened, and the redness faded from her cheeks. The innkeeper stood beside her, his arms crossed and talisman sheathed.

“Hah. That hit the spot.” Her satisfied grin soured as she turned towards me. “You. You’re kidding, right?”

“About what?” I tilted my head.

“Apprentice.”

“Oh! You’re already calling me your apprentice?”

How incredible! I guess I’d been worried over nothing. Big Sis was right, all I had to do was nail the first impression!

I clasped my hands together. “Then, should I call you—?”

“No, I meant you must’ve been kidding when you asked me that.”

“Oh. No, I was serious! Well, I am serious. That’s why I travelled here, actually!”

“Why the f*** would I say yes? You tried to kill me.”

Ah. Maybe my first impression hadn’t been so perfect.

“That was just a misunderstanding!”

“You tried to kill me.” She turned away and waved towards the innkeeper. “Ubald, tell this brat she’s nuts. Stash my winnings. I’m going home.”

Shoot, I’d messed it all up! My one chance at fame, riches and, well, all the other stuff was slipping away.

I cradled Flam against my chest. “What should I do, Flam… What would Big Sis do…?”

As far as I remembered, Big Sis hadn’t given me any advice on patching things up after attempted murder. Well, except that one time.

The innkeeper, Ubald, grabbed Armida’s shoulder. “You’re repairin’ those buildings first.”

The buildings surrounding us had been reduced to flaming rubble, the smoke thick enough to hide the stars. Ubald might’ve blocked the brunt of them, but those spells were still strong enough to leave a dent.

“That was her fault!” She pointed at me. “She attacked me first, it was self defence!”

“You cast a meteor storm,” he said.

“I didn’t mean to pick that one…”

My eyes drifted between them.

Ubald? That was one of the godslayer’s names. Those two must’ve been in that legendary company together, the one that banished the abyssal gods.

But, before that…

“I don’t get it.” I tapped Ubald’s arm. “Didn't she cast the spell? How did she not mean to ‘pick it?’”

He sighed. “That’s why ya don’t want to be this hag’s apprentice, Rina. Ya see—“

Armida scoffed. “Bastard.”

“—This witch here might know a hundred spells,” he continued. “But, she’s never bothered telling ‘em apart.”

It took me a moment to register. “Eh!?”

That couldn’t be right. How could Tancred’s most powerful witch not even know which spell was which? What a witch!

I stared at the backside of her indecent outfit and waited for an explanation.

Finally, she glanced over her shoulder. “What? He’s right, you know.” She grinned, baring a set of pointed teeth that looked like a monster’s. “It’s like gambling. Funner that way, don’t you think?”