Second Impressions

Bells chimed across the village. It wasn’t bedtime yet, which meant somebody must’ve alerted the officials to our, no, the witch’s destruction.

I was completely innocent. Wasn’t that right, Flam?

At least, that was my theory until a handful of panicked villagers trampled through the rubble.

“Ubald!” A distant voice shouted.

An armoured warrior burst through the smog. He stumbled to a stop on the dirt road ahead, bending forwards and panting like he’d just run a marathon. Then again, I probably tossed the witch farther than intended, so marathon might’ve been accurate.

“Bad news!” the warrior gasped. “Pluto, hah, Pluto’s revived! His forces’re fast approaching!”

“P—Pluto?” I stammered.

The young warrior lifted his head. “That’s right!”

“One of the abyssal gods, Pluto!?”

“That’s right!”

“Pluto, the—!?”

Ubald clapped the warrior’s pauldron. “There’s no time to waste, sonny.” He grimaced. “Warn the others. We’ll handle ‘em.”

Right. If anybody could handle an abyssal god, it was one of the godslayers. We were in good hands.

“Ah. I guess you’ve got that degenerate witch on your side, too,” I hummed.

It’d taken four godslayers to banish three abyssal gods back then. If my math held up, two godslayers against one should’ve been doable, right? Carry the three, and that was at least double the godslaying action.

Wait. Forget the apprenticeship, this was an even better opportunity!

If I helped these godslayers banish an abyssal god, I’d become famous. Even more famous than being a godslayer’s apprentice. That meant even more riches, and even more yadda, yadda, yadda.

Big Sis always said to turn obstacles into opportunities.

I caught Armida’s wrist. “Hey! You’re going to slay Pluto, right? I’d like to join—!”

“Nope,” she scoffed. “I’m headed home.”

“Eh?”

Ubald unhanded the warrior. “Armida!”

“What? I already did it once,” she groaned. “It’s just Pluto, anyways. Let somebody else take care of him.”

“We’re the strongest in Erminia. Nobody else’ll make it in time.”

She shrugged. “Not my problem.”

He sighed. “Can’t be helped, I guess. I’ll just hafta take your winnings ‘n hire a company, huh?”

Before he’d finished his sentence, Armida appeared beside us, staff raised. She faced the forest outskirts with a dead-set expression.

“Let’s not waste any more time,” she said seriously. “Tancred won’t save itself.”

Meanwhile, the warrior had gone quiet. He stared at the flaming rubble in deep thought.

“That’s my house.”

* * *

The village’s bells faded into the distance. Yards ahead, Ubald sprinted, oak trees whipping past him. A gloomy miasma filled the forest as we raced towards Pluto and his forces.

It was unbelievable. I was travelling with the godslayers! Well, half of them. Still, that basically made me one too.

“Don’tcha think it’s a lil’ too dangerous for the kid?” Ubald carried his axe talisman in one hand and Armida in the other like a stuffed doll.

“No?” She looked genuinely confused. “Who else’s going to carry my beer?”

Behind them, a weighty sack of alcohol clinked underneath my arm.

“You couldn’t…” I panted. “Carry it yourself, ma’am…?”

I’d forgotten to mention that part.

“‘Course not. My hands are full.” She popped a fizzing bottle open with her teeth. “One’s for the staff, and the other’s for my wine.”

She faced me, her backside sticking out past Ubald’s arm suggestively. Wind slapped her messy hair against her face.

He shot her a sideways glance. “Why’re you drinkin’? We’re ‘bout to do battle.”

She brought the bottle to her lips, downed it in a single swig, then hiccuped. “I’m pregaming.” She lobbed the empty bottle into a passing bush. “Anyways, brat. Where’d you get such a big-ass talisman—?”

“Hey!” I covered Flam’s ears, I mean her crossguard, with my free hand. “It's rude to call a lady big, you know. She prefers the term plus-size!”

She’d reached across and was fishing out another wine from the sack. She paused. “…Are we talking about the sword?”

“Of course we are!” I pouted. “Imagine I called you an old, degenerate hag. I’m sure you wouldn’t like that, now would you?”

“You basically did—“

“I said if!”

A high-pitched roar interrupted us.

“Watch out!” Ubald rolled into the shrubs.

I copied him as a blurred, lanky mass barrelled past. “Whoa!”

A spindly, cinnamon-coloured monster slammed into a trunk behind us. It had short fur and a wolfish, salivating face, but a body bonier than a bull that hadn’t eaten a decent meal in decades; bony enough for its ribs to poke through its stomach.

The dented tree beside it toppled with a thud.

“Looks pretty strong, Flam!” I abandoned the witch’s precious cargo and readied Flam. “Renforce!”

Magic flared through me as we dashed towards the beast.

“Slow down, missy!” Ubald soared overhead.

He brought his axe down onto the monster, but it slithered clear of him, letting his weapon dig into the dirt. Leaves and blades of grass flitted upwards like confetti. Just as I started to wonder where Armida had disappeared to, she burst out from the grassy debris, diving towards the monster.

“Charme!”

Bubbling acid splattered the creature and forest floor with a squelch. It hissed as sections of its pelt singed off. Good shot!

Armida plummeted. I caught her before she hit the puddle of acid, landing us both on a sturdy branch.

“Hold onto my back!”

She clumsily slid her hands around my shoulders. “Yesh.”

“Are you drunk again, ma’am?”

“Nosh.”

Underneath, Ubald traded blows with the monster’s claws. Patches of its charred fur had gone missing, looking like a balding man who refused to shave the rest off. I glanced at Ubald’s hairline for absolutely no reason.

Suddenly, its tail darted towards him.

“Renforce!” I boosted forwards.

Flam’s edge cleaved through the tail end of its, well, tail, and chopped it clean off. The creature howled in pain.

“Charme!” Armida’s staff flashed.

The forest floor underneath melted into a muddy soup, buckling its hind legs. A two-piece combo.

Ubald and I pounced. Our weapons carved through its neck in a deadly cross. There was more resistance than usual, but it was nothing Flam and a little reinforcement couldn’t handle. Its head slipped off its body, plopping into the slush with an unceremonious splash.

“I’ve never seen a monster like that before!” I knelt down, poking at it with Flam. “Is it worth anything?”

It’d be a shame to waste perfectly sellable remains.

He flicked his axe, making the talisman look leagues lighter than I’d imagined. Droplets of rotten-smelling, inky blood flew off.

“Don’t bother, missy. Hide’s too tough to harvest these demons.”

Behind me, Armida hiccuped in, probably, agreement.

He suddenly scowled, then swung the talisman. “Barrage!”

Another shield of golden magic formed in front of him. As it appeared, a pair of monsters smashed into its surface.

“I got right, you take left!” He motioned with his head.

I readied Flam. “Your left or my left?”

“We’re facing the same direction.”

“Ah, right! I mean, left!”

Luckily, the pale aura wrapped around Flam hadn’t faded. I had to pace myself, otherwise we’d burn through all our magic before we even reached Pluto.

I crouched. “Hold on, ma’am!”

Armida yelped as I vaulted over his shield and onto the leftmost monster’s spine. She mumbled a barely intelligible spell, sending an ice missile catapulting towards the second monster.

Ah, no. It was towards Ubald. Well, he could handle it.

I thrust Flam through its spine, and it collapsed with a nasally screech. We landed beside Ubald as he diced its partner wide open.

I ignored the splattered blood and planted a hand on my hip. “How was that, godslayers?”

“Urgh… Ch—Charme,” the fraudulent godslayer mumbled, slapping a hand onto her mouth.

A miniature raincloud formed overhead.

“Um. You alright, ma’am?”

Her face was greener than the oak leaves surrounding us.

* * *

Gross. Adults were gross.

Armida’s incident aside, there was no end in sight to Pluto’s monsters. We slayed one, only for three more to appear. The forest floor was slicked with litres of monster blood.

I batted a winged creature away, then winced. “Ack!”

Another set of claws nicked my legs. There were too many of them.

Even Armida had sobered up. She hung onto my shoulders for dear life. “Could you be a little more gentle, brat? I can barely aim up here!”

“Should I carry you bridal style, instead? Ah, but then Flam would—”

“Nevermind.”

She raised her staff and staggered one of them, just long enough to run Flam through its head. Meanwhile, Ubald fended off an entire herd singlehandedly. He wasn’t called a godslayer for nothing, but even he had to be reaching his limits too.

A monster a dozen times bigger than the rest thrashed out from the treeline, its body unnaturally long, like a beaded pearl bracelet. Or, maybe something more indecent. Had Big Sis been here, she probably would’ve covered my eyes.

And if the first monster was starved, this one was a binge eater, with a belly rounder than a pregnant woman’s. Again, I glanced at Ubald’s figure for absolutely no reason.

The monster unhinged its maw and darted towards him.

“Ubald!” I started forwards, but a swarm of them blocked my path.

Shoot. His back’s turned!

At that moment, a familiar voice echoed through the forest. “Torche!”

A flaming longsword met the monster’s dripping fangs. The young village warrior from earlier!

“You alright there, old man?” He gave a strained smile, fiery sparks crackling from his blade.

Ubald hacked his own weapon through a smaller beast. Without missing a beat, he spun and jammed its tip down the larger monster’s gaping mouth.

“Rayon!”

A beam of light bright as the moon itself burst out from his talisman and into the beaded monster. Its scales bubbled before, finally, the glittering beam punched through its ear on the other side.

“Woah! Look at that, Flam!”

For a second, I was reminded of something else Big Sis always said about me. In one ear and out the other, I think it was.

As Armida flung another set of spells, a horn sounded past the trees. A company of warriors stumbled out from the miasma, snapping branches underneath and shouting.

“Ubald!” one called, catching a stray attack with his shield. “We’ve come to help!”

Their weapons clanged against monster scales as they charged into the battlefield. The young warrior tore through the swarm towards us, his blade lighting a trail of flames.

“You alright, ladies—?“

Armida pointed. “Charme.”

“S***!” He rolled, narrowly avoiding a fireball and singeing his trousers. “W—What the hell, Witch?” He frantically patted down the fabric.

“You were so ugly, I thought you were one of them…” Armida glanced off to the side.

Fair enough. He was a little ugly.

While he fiddled with his pants, a toothy monster lunged for him.

“Renforce!” I snapped forwards and severed its head mid-air.

Shoot, the monsters were endless. My magic wasn’t, though! If this kept up, I’d run out in no time.

“You holding up there, ma’am?”

“Don’t underestimate me, brat,” she sneered. “The question is how long they’ll last.” She nodded towards the reinforcements.

Half the group was doubled over, catching their breath. So much for being warriors, they’d just rolled in!

“Hah. Let’s wrap this up as soon as possible.” She lifted her staff. “Charme.”

The talisman flickered. Violet sparks sputtered out from the crystal like malfunctioning fireworks.

“Is it supposed to do that?” I asked.

“Hm? Oh.” She scratched her matted hair. “No. It’s not.”

Then, we teleported.