Chapter 42:

The apprentice

I Won't Kill Myself for the Second Time


By the time we cleaned, showered, ate, exchanged phone numbers, and finished other preparations it was already after nine. My share of self-defense items was neatly packed inside the belt, except for the gas mask which Vio put into the camo backpack together with most of her items. I also thoroughly read the taser manual.

One more sad look was cast on my room’s floor. We had removed everything that was completely charred or dissolved, about fifteen percent of the entire wooden floor panels, revealing the cement underneath. Following Vio’s advice, another five percent was removed to even the edges and create a rectangle space in which the bed could be later placed.

Violet went outside the flat first, to scout the area and see if the old bat wasn’t hiding behind a corner - the coast was clear.

On our way out, I checked the information board. There were now six pieces of paper attached to it. I had already seen two of them, Yuni’s trade offer and the sponsorship message, but the big wanted poster was gone. The other four weren’t that interesting, one was about selling a fridge, one was about hiring an English tutor, one very (un)kindly reminded everyone not to throw out empty pizza boxes into the waste chute and the last one was about someone’s missing cat.

When we started walking side by side on a snow-covered pavement, I was trying to decide on where to go first. Basing on the green radiance I had seen back then, the five mana spots arranged from the weakest to the strongest would be:

The trash can → The road sign / The slide → The pine tree → The house

It was tempting to use the house for myself and give the pine tree for Vio, but ultimately my cowardly side put a damper on it and moved this idea one place to the left. Thanks to the reduced slipperiness and improved visual conditions the whole trip shouldn’t take half as much time as it did back then.

When we were halfway through there, it started snowing. The tranquil silence fueled by the sight of countless snowflakes dancing in the yellowish light of streetlights was shattered time after time by a passing car, only to rebuild itself a few steps later. I was preparing myself for Votroadan's speech while Violet was probably strengthening her resolve. However, there was a recurring question in my mind that pushed me to put an end to this cycle of silence.

“Hey, Vio.”

“Hmm?”

“How long does it take for someone to change?”

“Depends on how many burning slimes are around.”

“I’m not talking about changing your state from solid to ash, but an internal change. How long does it take for someone to change the way he acts?”

She turned her head my way after realizing that the topic was serious.

“You’re talking about that demon of yours?”

“Yeah, kind of. Sometimes I wonder, why does he expect me to change just after a visit or two as if saying the sole word ‘change myself’ was enough to achieve great things. I’m doing my best, you know? I’m trying hard to tamper the impulses leading towards an easy path, yet why is he hypocritically expecting me to do something that most people wouldn’t be able to address without going through a lot of hardship-”

“Onii-chan, don’t bring others into your internal struggle. It’s like saying that I should be a rich kid with a superiority complex just because I’m surrounded by such people in school. It’s fine to take it slowly, step by step, and don’t worry that others will point their fingers at you and laugh. People simply don’t care as long as they’re not involved, instead, they will say shit like ‘if I were in her place I wouldn’t do that’ or ‘if it was me I would resolve all problems like a young god’.”

Her words made me think for a moment before I continued:

“But it’s irritating. I am irritating and the person who I irritate the most is also me. Isn’t there a way to change faster…”

“I know one, a really good one.”

“You do?”

“Yeah, just swap your soul with someone else. Like you did with my brother.”

For a moment I thought that she was trying to put the blame for it on me, but there was no anger in her voice and it was further denied by Vio’s next action. She took my hand in hers and said:

“But don’t do that please, I like the way things are now. My brother was simply a signpost showing me the way to freedom, but other than that I always felt alone... oh, I know!”

The moment things started to turn mushy and the snowflake melting area around her face increased, she put more force into holding my hand and raised the volume of her voice.

“Go on, I’m listening.”

“Some people can’t believe in themselves until someone else believes in them first. I will believe in you and you do the same for me, alright? Let’s grow strong together, onii-chan.”

We stopped for a moment and I moved my free hand under her parka’s hood to gently tousle the soft blonde hair. I had no heart to ruin that smug smile on her reddened face by telling her that I also watched ‘Good Will Hunting’ movie.

“Um, let’s do that. You’ve got my word, dear little sister.”

At least she mixed some originality in the later part. Heh, believe in each other? I will have to remember to show her TTGL version of it one day.

Still, thanks to her words I broke through the pointless circle of doubt, put aside fear and started logically analyzing the situation. There were only two tickets. I urgently needed more power. There was risk involved no matter if I went to a small mana spot or a big one. I had a charge of Three Answers, two slime stones and… that was the moment when the logical analysis failed.

The most of all, I didn’t want to let her down.

“Vio, we’re turning back.”

“Huh?! Why?! You weren’t supposed to give up after that line! You cow-”

I covered her mouth before she could start hurling insults at me.

“That’s not it. Ouch! I’m going to step up my game, there’s a house-size mana spot nearby.”

The previous decision of reducing the danger was overruled by the ever-changing tides of my fickle mind, but it didn’t feel that bad in this case. Not to mention that luck was on my side, I managed to calm her down before she bit my fingers off.

I took one of the tickets from the wallet, made sure that the slime stones were kept close to me and turned my attention towards Vio who was attentively watching everything from the side.

“Come closer, put one hand on my back. Good. And now say something like a lucky charm.”

“Lucky charm?”

“Something that will help me to go through it without failing.”

And don't try to steal any more lines from the movies, please.

Vio’s ‘ummm’-ing phase started and lasted over three minutes. I was going through an internal storm of anxiety and wanted her to hurry up. There was also a chance that the people living in this house would become interested in two strangers standing on their lawn.

“I got it.”

“Alright, I'm starting. Give your onii-chan the best lucky charm ever created.”

The black square was centered on the house’s wall. Strangely, I could hear the loud ticking of my wristwatch, each tick was like a signal to remove yet another of the barriers keeping the blackness of the square in place. A warped world started shaping itself, it warped the wall, it warped the snow, it twisted the air itself.

“Why you took away the hope…
            … in my darkest hour?

                       To show me…
                            … how cold it was.

Why you removed the fake masks…
                … and shamed the me behind them?

                             To make me realize…
                                    … how true bond looks like.

The wall of the house and the blackness on the paper were swapping their places. Violet's voice was melodiously soaking into the wind, barely resisting the roar of the black gateway.

“Why did you… umm… tried to burn me alive?”
              “... to hmm… make me, make me…”
                          “Onii-chan-

Both her inspiration and voice disappeared suddenly as if someone pressed the ‘off’ button on a TV remote control.

“Hello… Victor? George? Which one do I use?”

“The one he’s identifying himself with the most.”

“So… it’s kind of messed up together, I will use Geovic.”

“Don’t make up stupid things, just call him George.”

“Hello George! It’s your third visit in my pa-, what?”

“It’s your session, call it as such.”

“Umm, ok. Retry.”

“Go on.”

“Hello George! This is your third time in this place. I’m the- What?!”

“Leave the introduction for the end. Do it as I’ve told you to.”

“But I want to have my own style…”

“You can think of such things as own style after you learn to do it properly, for now just follow my orders.”

“Fine…

What an ugly soul I’ve got here!

A true piece of art!

Did you miss this place so much that you feel like coming here every few days? I would gaze into your soul and tell you everything you did wrong, but I can’t-”

“Wait, you can’t read his memories?”

“Yeah, I’m not a demon of reflection after all.”

“Then why did you tell me that there won't be any problems with it?!”

“I thought that I may be able to if I try hard enough.”

“Whatever… just do as you like. You’ve got ten minutes, I will do it properly after that.”

“Thank you! Ekhm~ So George, I’ve been wondering lately, why do you humans keep placing your life at stake to obtain power through this method, wouldn’t it be better to-”

“Silence you stupid girl.”

“Eh? I can’t tell him that?”

“It’s still only the first phase, giving out this information will make him too confused.”

“Alright, I will talk about something else in that case.”

“Go on, but if you make one more mistake I will take away your right of being here.”

“Roger! No more mistakes! Hmm… hmm… hmm… Papa give me a safe topic to talk!”

“Just tell him about the rankings or something, it’s a safe area and I didn’t talk much about it.”

“Roger! The demon rankings, here I go.

The strongest and the most prestigious among demons are the ones with a number in the old ranking, but that ranking only goes up to nine hundred ninety-nine. Above that are demon apprentices or as some call us unranked demons.

How to raise your rank? It all depends on mana, the more mana you’ve got at your disposal the better your number gets. It gathers naturally in our bodies, the process is much faster if we do it on this side-”

“Lie about this part.”

“... but everyone gathers mana the same way and since the fastest way of obtaining more mana, taking it from other demons, was forbidden, the old ranking went into a stalemate that almost never changes. To stir this situation, someone said, ‘what about using humans to act as our representatives and bet our mana on their struggles and achievements?’. That’s when a new ranking has been born, one for volunteers, together with a whole new category of demons, a ‘personal demon’.

So, like I’ve said there are two rankings. The old one and the new one. Every single demon is a part of the old one and it rarely changes, unless you decide to become a personal demon and try your luck with the new ranking which is way more dynamic and allows to quickly accumulate a lot of mana, but one can’t leave it and return till all-”

“That’s enough, you’re out of time.”

“That was harder than I thought… but I won’t change my mind. Papa, I want to become a personal demon.”

“We will talk about this later, for now, I must take care of George and give him a proper welcoming speech. Go back.”

“Roger!”

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