Chapter 10:

A Guiding Light

Distant Waves


Climbing back on board the research ship, my mind was still in shock. Even though it felt like an eternity between breaking the surface and the rescue zodiac arriving, it had only been about a minute or so.

When the rescue boat arrived, the crew pulled both Kokomi and I aboard. I felt the need to help where I could but all I could do was stand by Kokomi’s side and watch helplessly. I felt tears begin to well in my eyes as I saw her lifeless body laid out on the deck of the ship as a team of people frantically moved about.

“EVERYONE PLEASE MAKE WAY; I NEED TO GET TO HER AND GET A READING ON HER VITALS.”

Morikawa screamed and moved through the people on the deck to Kokomi’s side. He and a few others immediately began to remove her wetsuit. Morikawa checked for a pulse before starting to perform CPR on her.

“Quick, someone get me a defibrillator! I need the DEFIB kit here NOW!”

The moment I heard those words my heart sank even further than it already was. My shaking knees began to give way beneath me as the tears began flowing. Was there anything I could have done? Was it my fault that this happened? How could I have let this have happened?

I put my head into my hands as the tears continued to flow. In that second, I felt a pair of arms lift me from the ground. I looked to see Toya and Beni picking me up from the ground.

“I think it’s best right now that you don’t see all this right now. Let’s get you a blanket and a place to sit down. You’ve been through such a traumatic experience. Beni can keep you company while Daiki helps out Kokomi. He is the best medic on board.”

Toya’s face seemed filled with worry, he continued in a bid to reassure all of us, “Don’t worry, I am sure she is going to be just fine. You did a good job getting her to the surface so quickly. You did everything you could have done, right until the very end. That is all you could have done.”

Although his words were meant to reassure me, as they echoed in my mind, I only felt more useless in these situations. I didn’t have any strength left in me to fight against them as they led me down into the galley, away from the commotion up on deck.

I felt a wave of emotion surge through my body. I need to calm down and make sure I don’t lash out at anybody around me.


Time seemed to pass in a blur, only punctuated with waves of tears and sobs. I felt mildly aware of Beni staying by my side the entire time.

“Here we go Kayo, a nice tea to warm you up. The best thing right now is to keep warm and try to relax a bit.” Beni handed me the tea he had just brewed and took a seat beside me.

I felt the heat of the mug on my hands and proceeded to take a sip. Even though the tears had stopped for the moment, I didn’t feel any less sad. The only warmth I could feel right now was in this cup of tea.

The feeling of helplessness lingered and the only thing on my mind was what I could have done differently. I wish I had been by her side at that moment. If I were closer during the dive, Kokomi wouldn't be in the state that she is right now.

As though Beni could sense my internal turmoil, he started to speak, “Hey, it’s going to be okay.” He seemed to notice that the words did not have any effect and pondered quickly on how to continue the conversation.

“Look, I know it’s hard but why don’t we change the topic and try to think of something else. I heard from Toya that you only recently came to join the team even though you had no background in marine sciences. That’s a very incredible challenge! Being able to jump straight in and help when needed is an incredible skill to have! What made you make such a sudden career shift?”

I took a sip of tea and rotated the mug nervously within my palms. The warmth felt like it spread through my fingertips, flooding my body with a warm hug that I felt I needed.

“Honestly, I’m not really sure,” I started out apprehensively, unsure on how to continue.

“In fact, I didn’t know I even applied for the job until the email came in that told me I got the job. I guess, my life has been controlled by my family for as long as I can remember, and I was sick of it.”

I took a deep breath before continuing, “I’ve never been able to follow my own dreams. When this opportunity presented itself, I guess I just wanted to see what it would be like. I felt this urge to follow those dreams I once had. I needed to see where it took me. I was so happy coming on this trip but now, I just don’t know what to think…”

I begin to trail off. I know saying any more would bring the tears flooding back.

In a bid to deflect the conversation away from myself, I directed it back to Beni “What about you, Beni? I heard this is your first expedition as well. Why did you join NASA? It’s amazing that you work for NASA at such a young age. What is your dream?”

“Hmmm, well the first part of that question is easy. While I am a part of the team for controlling the submersible, I am still very junior at NASA. I was selected for this expedition because of my Japanese ability. They only told my team that they were needed about three days before, so I was pretty much the only choice.”

I watched Beni’s blue eyes seem to focus on something in the distance as though he was remembering something. “I grew up in a military household. So, my childhood was spent moving around the world on American air force bases. I spent a lot of time in Australia, Japan and back in the States.”

I focused on his expression as his dark hair dropped over his eyes, “My father was always busy flying and always saw the world in such a unique way. Seeing the world from above is something that I aspired to do as a kid! I wanted to follow in his footsteps, but I found a passion for technology.

Since my dad was always away on assignment, I spent a lot of time tinkering with machines which turned into a passion for robotics. I wanted to do both flying and robotics but that was really hard to do without joining the military, so joining NASA was the best compromise. I figure becoming an astronaut and seeing Earth from space must be an incredible view.

It’s funny talking about dreams and what you aspire to do as an adult. Please promise me that you won’t tell anyone about my dream to become an astronaut. As I’ve grown older, I continuously followed everything that NASA posted on social media and the lives of astronauts. I can’t believe I have made it this far, but I am never going to stop working toward my goal.”

One could only smile in response to his infectious energy, “Wow, I mean, that is one impressive goal! I don’t mean that in a bad way, you seem like you have far more drive to push yourself to that next level to achieve it.”

“Having a big goal is essential, Kayo. When I was first starting out on this crazy journey someone gave me a great quote that I always think about. ‘Aim for the moon, even if you fail, you’ll still end up among the stars. This quote had a big impact on me after I heard it. It is my opinion that you can learn something new from every experience. So, what about your dream then? You said as a kid you were drawn to the ocean. What drew you to it?”

Giving it some thought, I hesitated, “I’m not sure, I guess I just wanted to explore the unknown. To be able to understand and see something no one else had seen before.”

“Then you need to use that Kayo. Use that passion to drive you to push yourself whenever you feel down. Life is always going to throw us a curveball. It’s our job to learn how to deal with those and make the most of them.”

I began to blush a little bit; I am really starting to warm up to Beni. I started to see more depth to this attractive NASA guy- he really seems caring and well-spoken. I can’t believe he is taking the time to console me. I felt a feeling of fondness well up within me.

Just then we heard footsteps hurriedly coming down the staircase. Toya immediately burst into the galley, “Everyone come quick! KOKOMI HAS A PULSE!”

Those words immediately brought life back into me. I had resigned myself to the fact that this was going to be the end. Hearing that there was a chance that Kokomi was ok was all I needed at that moment. She could make it!

I leapt up from the table and followed Toya; I saw Kokomi still on the deck with Daiki around her performing CPR. She had an oxygen mask on, I didn’t see any change from before. I felt my heart sink a little, emotions still fluttering against my ribcage.

Just as Daiki finished his latest chest compressions, he listened to her chest for a moment.

“She’s breathing, quick! Roll her on her side into the recovery position!”

A few of the crew members moved next to Daiki and immediately rolled Kokomi over onto her side. I could see water coming from her mouth then out of nowhere she began to move. Her eyes opened and she began coughing uncontrollably. This was a great sign! She was coughing up the water!

Kokomi’s eyelids fluttered, and I could see that she tried to look around, but Daiki kept her face down so the water kept flowing from her mouth. She started coughing up the rest of the water as she began to fully regain consciousness. After the coughing gradually subsided, she started to take some deep breaths into the oxygen mask.

“Welcome back Doctor Kokomi, we were really worried about you for a bit there, but we were able to get you back. Just calm down and take some deep breaths. You were gone for a while, but you should be alright now. Keep taking those deep breaths into the mask for me and don't be afraid to keep coughing up the excess water you still have in your body. That’s it now, don’t worry you are safe. Do you remember what happened to you?”

Slowly sitting up, now wrapped in a space blanket to keep warm, Kokomi began to look around at everything going on around her. She pulled the oxygen mask down to her neck and began to croak a few words.

“I don’t...remember...much, just...drowning then...nothing…”

She slipped the mask back on and continued to breathe heavily into the mask. Still not coherent enough to think straight but she was awake and looking around. In that instant, all my fears began to fade away. I’d never felt so scared and helpless in my life, but I could finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.


After the dramatic events had settled down, Kokomi was led downstairs to the galley which had become a makeshift hospital. Daiki wanted to do some further tests with her to make sure there were no further problems.

The rest of the crew stayed above deck and discussed what was to happen next. That’s when the reshuffling of teams began.

First, all the teams agreed that while it was the best news that Kokomi was alright, we still needed to gather the data before going back the next day. So, to do that we would be doing another dive in the afternoon.

Beni would continue piloting Subbie and I would also go on the next dive. However, we needed a third member to go with me to act as a dive buddy. After asking around, it was decided that Sara would join me since she had recently got her advanced diving license.

With the brief over, Toya and I went below deck to start preparing the equipment. Since we weren’t sure what went wrong with Kokomi’s equipment, it was decided that I would use my normal full face mask setup so I could communicate with the surface while Sara would use a normal scuba setup. This was what she was used to using on dives after all.

We decided that we would have to communicate through the whiteboard. This was going to be new for me, but we didn’t really have a choice for another means of communication.

The other piece of news that came as a surprise to me, was that I was going to lead the dive team. Since I had already surveyed the area twice, I was to be the leader.

It wasn’t a piece of news I was expecting to hear but after seeing how strong Kokomi was from the offset, it only felt right to accept and complete what Kokomi had started. Could I really lead an entire dive team on my first expedition?!

With all that in mind, Sara and I geared up and got ready to go. We were about to slip back into the water to finish the experiment. I don’t know how I feel about it all. After such a traumatic experience, I am a little worried about heading back into the water. I took a few deep breaths into the mask thinking about the last dive.

Toya’s voice came over the radio, his words brought my mind back to the task at hand, “No need to feel nervous Kayo, we’re right here with you. You’ve got this. I know Kokomi will be so proud when she hears the news that you’re leading the experiment now! You are doing a great job.”

“Thanks Toya, make sure to take care of Kokomi while I’m gone.”

With that, I slipped off the edge into the water below.


Once again swimming towards the reef shelf, flanked by Subbie on my right and Sara on my left, I could feel my anticipation building.

“Hey Beni, could you take Subbie with Sara this time since you and I can stay in radio contact, but Sara can’t really speak with you. I think it will be safer that way.”

“I think that’s a good idea Kayo, I’ll go with Sara. Stay safe out there, ok? Toya, can you jump on the radio and keep in contact with Kayo? I will use my LED screen to give messages to Sara.”

I removed the whiteboard from my waist belt and wrote a quick message about the plan to Sara.

I will have to go solo since I have communication with the base. Beni will travel with you. He will use the LED screen to communicate with you. Good luck.

Reading the message, Sara gave me an ok sign with her hand. With that, both her and Subbie moved off to their side of the shelf. I moved over to my side and began gathering the samples.

After about fifteen minutes, I checked my air gauge and noticed that I still had well over seventy percent on my main tank. However, this time, I made sure to grab one of the mini tanks with its own regulator and strap it to my hip. This would come in handy in case of an emergency.

To be honest I don’t really need it, but after a day like today I don’t want to risk anything. I would be lying if what happened earlier didn’t make me take extra precautions. Just then, a voice came on over the radio.

“Toya to Kayo, how are you doing on the samples? Is everything okay?”

“Kayo to Toya, the samples are going well. I’m making sure to also get plenty of photos for research later. I’m about halfway done on my side. How is the situation with Sara going, Beni?”

“Sara and I are going ok. We were a little slow at the beginning since it took Sara a while to get in the groove but now, we are just over a third done. Feel free to join us if you finish early Kayo.”

I chuckled a little hearing the sarcastic tone Beni was giving me. It seems like he had to do a lot of explaining.

“I’ll make sure to be over there as soon as I finish here.”

“Toya to Kayo, do you mind switching to channel two. I need to discuss something with you.”

Surprised, I stopped gathering the sample I was working on and pulled up my wrist which had the controller for the communication channel. I changed it to channel two and started speaking.

“Kayo on channel two. What did you need to speak about Toya? Is everything okay?”

“Kayo, it’s Kokomi. I’ve been listening in on how the experiment is going and I felt I had enough strength to talk to you briefly. I wanted to say how thankful I am to you. The crew has just informed me of what you did and how you acted when you got to me under the water. I shouldn’t have survived that, but your quick thinking saved my life. You saved my life. I am forever grateful to you!

I’m also so proud of how you took on the role to lead this experiment even after everything that had happened today. You really are stronger than you look. I won’t take any more time as I don’t have much strength left to talk but I can’t wait to see you again when you get back!”

Hearing Kokomi’s voice over the radio filled me with so many emotions inside the mask. I could feel a tear rolling down my cheek but all I could feel was happiness hearing her voice again.

“I can’t wait to see you again soon Kokomi! I am so glad you are okay! I did everything you taught me, and I wouldn’t be here without you.”


The rest of the experiment went by in what felt like a blur. Beni and Sara finished their side of the shelf around the same time as I did so we went back fast towards the boat. All I could think about was seeing Kokomi again.

Sara and I burst through the hatch opening it at the same time. I dismounted my equipment and helped Sara pull her equipment out of the water. I need to do this as fast as possible and go see Kokomi.

When we finished pulling all the equipment from the water, I quickly dried my hair of water and raced up the ladder. I needed to see Kokomi with my own eyes. What followed next was something I never saw coming.

I arrived on the deck to a sea of applause from everyone onboard. They were all cheering, congratulating me on completing the mission. Everyone looked so happy! Then from beyond the crowd, I saw Kokomi appear and start running towards me.

We met in the middle and embraced each other. I felt all the relief of seeing her flood over me. Both of us cried, clutching each other tightly as the group continued to applaud. It was an emotional moment. It was truly a sight to be seen. Everyone was watching us in our hug, and it was a truly heart-warming moment.


The rollercoaster of emotions that I had experienced on this trip had taken its toll on me- I had seen both the amazing highs of the ocean, but also just how brutal it can be. Whilst I pondered about what had happened in the last day, I realised that in my exhaustion, the night had just gone by. I found myself heading to bed right after dinner as my mind blustered in the turmoil of emotions.

I am thankful that Kokomi is okay, but I never wanted to see her like that. This experience has traumatised me- it made me realise that whilst the ocean was teeming with beauty and life, it could take your life in a second. It was not something to be messed with.

As soon as my head hit the pillow, I was out like a light. The last thought searing through my mind as I drifted to sleep was how I will always need to be mindful of what I am doing in the ocean because one slip up could bring about my death. With that, my thoughts returned to Kokomi and I felt lucky to still have her around.

Morning broke on the day of return and the oceans were tranquil. Most of the crew was in the galley, furiously typing away at their computers, trying to process and send their collected data back to their respective agencies.

I, on the other hand, decided I’d spend the rest of the trip up at the front of the boat, soaking in the fresh winds as we sailed back to shore.

Stepping off the boat and onto the dock I immediately froze. Standing in front of me was Toshi Morikawa, the man who was investigating the workplace incident back in Tokyo.

Morikawa-san’s eyes showed genuine surprise for a brief moment before he promptly recovered, “Kayo Suzuki, what an unexpected surprise to see you here. I remember saying to take a break from the office while we completed our investigation but I never expected you to come out this far.”

I gulped as I tried to come up with a coherent reply, “Oh, I thought it might be best to get away from the city for a little bit. My grandparents have a house down here, so I came to stay with them.”

Morikawa-san seemed more intrigued as a result of my response, “May I ask then why you’re on this particular research vessel then?”

“I was helping out a friend who needed help with the trip.”

He nodded in response as he continued to speak, “I see... Well then--”

“Dad, what are you doing here?”

Both Morikawa-san and I turned to face the voice coming from the deck of the boat. Daiki stood at the desk, looking down at us.

“Daiki, my son. Are you alright? I got your message about the trip- is the woman alright?”

Daiki strode down the ramp and stood next to me as he addressed his father. I was too surprised by the connection to make a sound! What were the chances that Daiki’s father would be one of my superiors in Tokyo? Not just that, he is the one investigating my case!

“Yes, dad she’s fine, nothing to worry about. I was able to revive her. See, I told you medical school was right for me instead of business.” Daiki looked between Morikawa-san and myself, “Wait, was I interrupting something between you two? Do you know each other?”

Morikawa-san seemed to chuckle lightly, “As a matter of fact, Kayo and I work for the same company back in Tokyo. I’m surprised to see her down here but that’s nothing to worry about. I’m glad to hear the woman is alright and you were able to save her.”

Daiki seemed to smile proudly from his father’s praise as he gestured my way, “I think that credit must also go to Kayo here. She was in the water with Doctor Kokomi at the time and she was the one to bring her to the surface safely. She deserves just as much credit as I do. She is the one who actually saved her.”

Morikawa-san seemed pleasantly surprised, “I see, well Kayo I must say congratulations to you as well as bid Dr Kokomi a successful recovery. I won’t press anymore about what you were doing here. You were as I’ve found out, never one to turn away from helping someone. Which is to your credit.”

Morikawa-san turned away as he began his exit from the dock, he paused for a moment and turned back my way, “Just a quick heads-up, our investigation is almost complete so I will need you back in Tokyo soon. We will be in contact when the time comes.”

His smile was full of a courteous gentle pride, “Enjoy the rest of your rest time here. I’ll see you for dinner later Daiki.”

And with that Morikawa-san left, walking off the dock.

As I watched Morikawa-san’s retreating figure, in that moment, I realised no matter how far I ran, the demons I left unchecked in my previous life will always have a way of finding me again. The question is, am I ready to face them head on...