Chapter 30:

The Cat God's Game (2)

A Kat's (GOD AWFUL!!!) Blessing


Though she had told Maria that she was going to rush back home, Kat wound up taking it slow. It was too hot and muggy that night for her to exert any more energy than she needed, she felt.

“It’s the dog days of summer, alright,” she said, tugging at her sweat-soaked shirt. “I’m totally taking a cold bath when I get home.”

She quietly congratulated herself for taking the initiative to get used to water, otherwise she would have ended up going to bed in a disgusting state.

The thought of the school year starting in a week crept into her mind. Without having gotten anywhere in terms of finding The Cat God to transform her back to a regular human, it seemed she would have to go to school as a catgirl after all. She had her mom hold off from doing any alterations to her skirts to make it tail-friendly on the off chance she’d find The Cat God some weeks ago. Now that she was in the final days of summer vacation, she was going to need her mom to get started.

The last thing she wanted was to wear the skirt unaltered and constantly be flashing those around her any time her tail went up.

On the bright side, she’ll have an easier time when it comes to running in gym class. Hopefully they won’t try to change the way they grade me, she thought to herself.

A strong gust of wind came down on Kat, whipping the cornfield into a frenzy. Her fur poofed out as a sudden chill came over her.

“Brr,” she shivered, gripping her arms. “That’s weird. Can there be cold fronts in August?”

Her ears picked up the sound of barking and snarls. Despite being off in the distance, she could tell that whatever was making them was vicious. Weirdly, there was a distortion to their sound, like someone was messing with audio filters and screwing with the pitch.

“...Wait a sec,” Kat said.

There was something familiar about the sound of these barks. These unnatural-sounding barks made her fur bristle. Like they were coming from some sort of monster rather than a wild dog. A mimicry to the real thing.

“The cat god!” Kat yelled.

She dashed toward the location of the sound. If they were indeed the same shadow dogs created by The Cat God, then surely he’ll be close by. Hopping the barbed wire fence to a neighboring grass field for cattle to graze in, she ran. She got down onto all fours as she sped across the field. Bits of tall grass whipped her face, but she ignored it. Or more specifically, it didn’t even register to her. There was only one thing on her mind.

Cat god!

Cat god! Cat god!

Cat god cat god cat god cat god!

Catgodcatgodcatgodcatgodcatog!

She lunged high into the air, where she saw the familiar fake beasts circling around a kitten as if ready to strike at any moment. Their forms blurred with the darkness of the night, making them difficult to see.

But Kat could see them clearly.

Without hesitation, she pounced atop one of the fake dogs, which blew up into an explosion of confetti. She dashed to another and swatted it with her claws, popping it. With a flip in the air, she kicked another.

WHAM!

The fake dog flew into another of its kind, both exploding on impact.

For the final one, she grabbed it, jumped high into the air, and did a piledriver on it. It slammed into the grass, bursting into a cloud of confetti.

She breathed heavily, surrounded by the “blood” of her victims. That is to say, there was a collection of rainbow-colored confetti littering all over the place. Her head spun around, looking at the kitten that sat in confusion by the bloodshed it had witnessed.

With a poof, it transformed into The Cat God.

“Dang! Dang! That sure was—”

Without letting The Cat God finish speaking, she performed an uppercut on the deity.

Its limp body flew upward into the air, flipping around like a ragdoll, then smacked into the ground with a bounce.

The Cat God’s brain was rattled, never having been so viciously attacked like that before, and so sudden to boot. Once its bearings were straight, it was furious.

“Just what the heck is your problem, girl?!” it shouted at Kat.

In response, Kat grabbed The Cat God and hoisted it into the air. She then started to shake it, like a toddler with a doll.

“This whole summer has been a massive pain in my rear end because of the stunt you pulled!” she yelled, letting loose spit as she did. “Change me back right—”

A small, furry foot kicked her in the face. She let go of The Cat God and staggered backward. Before she could react, The Cat God delivered a couple more blows, sending her flying into the ground.

“You just messed with the wrong deity,” The Cat God said, hopping on the ground like a master of Kung Fu. “Lesson one: just because someone is short in stature does not mean they can’t overpower you!”

Kat got to her feet, only for The Cat God to hop into the air and execute a dropkick, sending her crashing into the ground again.

“Lesson two!” The Cat God continued. “Never, ever, EVER start a fight with The Cat God!

It leapedin the air to deliver a spinning kick, but Kat was quick to hold up her arms and block it. With quick reflexes, she grabbed The Cat God’s leg and started spinning in place, using his momentum to slam him into the dirt. “Ack!” it cried out on impact.

“Lesson three!” Kat said. “Never get in the way of a teenage girl and her summer vacation!”

She dove at The Cat God, but it rolled away from her and hopped to its feet.

“I’m the sensei here!” The Cat God shouted before delivering a flying kick.

The two wailed on each other for several minutes. Like a violent video game, they jumped around and traded blows. If anyone had been around to witness it, they would’ve been amazed by Kat’s and The Cat God’s display and technique.

Finally, too tired to continue on, they both collapsed next to one another. The clouds in the sky opened up, allowing for moonlight to illuminate the pair. Both were sore and completely exhausted. They both fought to catch their breath, with neither bothering to say anything.

The Cat God was the first to speak up. “Wh-what is with you?! How come you straight up assaulted me like that?! What did I ever do to you?!”

A fist swung in the air, bonking The Cat God in the face.

Kat sat up, propping herself up with her hands behind her back. “You changed me into a catgirl, you dingus!”

The Cat God writhed in pain, clutching his face. “You make it sound like that was a bad thing!”

“It is a bad thing! You know all the stupid crap I had to deal with because you cursed me like this?! It completely ruined my plans for the summer!”

“What does it matter? Summer is a yearly occurrence! What you did not accomplish this year can be done in the next!” The Cat God argued.

A shoe flew in the air and hit The Cat God in the face, sending him back to the ground.

“It was the last summer of my high school life!” Cat yelled. “Next year I’ll be busy getting ready for college and won’t have time to hang out with my friends without having to worry about the future!”

The shoe flew back to Kat, smacking her in the face this time.

“Do not disrespect me in such a manner!” The Cat God chided Kat. “To throw a shoe at me! A shoe! And you used your hands to do it! Who knows what horrors of the microscopic realm have dirtied the sole of that shoe!”

“Whatever!” Kat responded, putting her shoe back on. “I’ll just wash my hands later. Now change me back to a regular human!”

The Cat God got off the ground, dusting the bits of grass and dirt off its fur. It walked over to collect a piece of gold jewelry that had fallen off its person during their bout. “And why, pray tell, should I DO as YOU command?”

“Because all of this is your fault to begin with! If not for your stupid curse, then I wouldn’t have gone into a panic attack, fearing how everyone would react to me! I wouldn’t have had to struggle to enjoy swimming in the pool! I wouldn’t have chased around stray cats for half the summer, only to be captured by them and thrown in a kitty dungeon! And I wouldn’t have…”

The thoughts of the catnip incident played in her mind. She shook her head, ridding the embarrassing display from her mind.

“I wouldn’t have such a crappy summer vacation!” she continued. “So change me back! Right now!”

The Cat God furrowed its brow. It crossed its arms.

“Denied.”

A fury had ignited within Kat the moment she heard the rejection. “What?!” she shouted.

“I came upon this realm to spread my fortune and goodwill! I hand out blessings to those who most deserve it! And you! You who were deserving of my blessing, come back and repay me by labeling it as a curse! A curse that ruined your summer! A curse that had thrown your life into disarray! But worst of all, you come to me with such a shoddy display of a wrestling move!!!” It spat on the ground. “I have seen better piledrivers done by retired old ladies in retirement homes!”

“Whatever! I’m not a wrestler!” Kat said. “So change me back!”

“I refuse! I do not take kindly to those who tell me my blessings are banes on their existence! If a curse is what you think of it, then so be it! May it be a curse to haunt your days till infinity!”

Kat gripped the dirt in frustration, but then let go. She knew yelling wasn’t going to get her anywhere, despite how much she wanted to keep going. Instead, she took a deep breath and calmed down. “I’m sorry,” she apologized.

The Cat God sideglanced her, still crossing his arms.

“I shouldn’t have told you that your gift to me was a curse. It was rude of me.”

The Cat God let out a “Hmm?”

Kat continued. “And I shouldn’t have started fighting you the moment I saw you. I let my anger get the best of me.”

The Cat God closed its eyes but continued to not speak.

“Thank you for your blessing,” Kat said calmly. “You have given me a wonderful experience, but now I would like to return it to you. So, please, will you change me back?”

Tapping its foot as it deliberated Kat’s request, The Cat God placed its front paws on its hips. It then looked up at Kat and smiled, showing its teeth.

“You call my blessing a wonderful experience? If that is the case, then why would you want to relinquish it! Nay! I will not change you back! For you have—”

Kat whacked The Cat God in the head.

“A joke!” The Cat God said. “It was simply a joke! Do you treat every comedian you meet in such a manner?”

“Only when they’re unfunny,” Kat answered.

“Pray I never find you on amateur night at a comedy club,” it said, rubbing the spot where Kat had hit. “Now, allow me to be serious.”

The Cat God snapped its fingers. Both it and Kat had freshened up. The numerous bruises that littered Kat’s body, plus dirt and bits of grass that had gotten stuck in her fur, had vanished. Not only that, but she was no longer covered in sweat, and her energy was restored. She felt like she had just woken up with a full day ahead of her.

“Wow,” Kat said, looking over her body. “You can do that?”

The Cat God smirked. “I am The Cat God, child! My abilities are endless and vast! My powers incomprehensible to mere mortals! There is no feat that I cannot do!” it shouted, raising its paws into the air.

Kat felt a tap on her shoulder. When she turned, she saw The Cat God floating next to her.

“Huh?” she said, looking back over to where The Cat God was just a split second ago.

“However,” it said. “The thing that is beyond my capabilities is to remove blessings once they have been granted.”

Kat’s eyes widened. “What?!”

“Now, now, now!” The Cat God quickly hushed her, putting its paw on her lips. “Please. Allow me to finish.”

Kat kept her rage in check and remained silent.

“I thank you,” The Cat God said, floating back down to the ground. It then slowly started pacing away from Kat. “When the great creator of all things breathed me into existence, it gave me the power to bestow blessings on those most deserving. If you may recall, you passed a test of mine.”

“Yeah,” Kat replied. “I beat up those dogs and saved the kitten.”

“Correct! Correct, correct, coh-rekt-uh! You indeed passed my test, and by doing so received my holy blessing. But repeating a test to similar results does not warrant additional praise. Do you agree?”

Kat thought about it. “I guess?”

“What you want isn’t a blessing removed, for blessings are never removed. No. To do so would be an affront to the heavens. To the highest of highest being. I may be a god, but I am merely an angel in comparison to them. Never would I do something that could be taken as a slight to their holiness.”

After hearing that, Kat couldn’t help but smile. “I think I see. You don’t want Mr. Bossman to see you had screwed up, huh? Taking back a blessing admits you were in the wrong.”

The Cat God twitched its brow but didn’t respond.

Kat took the silence as an admittance that she was correct.

“What I can do for you INSTEAD is grant you a new blessing,” it said with a hint of annoyance. “One that negates your current blessing, in that you will go from catgirl to human girl.”

Kat nodded. “Sure! Sounds good to me!”

“BUT! The previous test, you could fail without repercussion, for it was only meant to find those worthy of blessings. Not one for someone seeking a blessing. If you fail this new challenge, then you shall become my apostle.”

“Your apostle?” Kat repeated, trying to remember what exactly an apostle was. They’re religious people, right? Spread word of God or whatever, I think?

“You shall serve under me as The Apostle to The Cat God. You will journey with me around the world to spread my message and help find those worthy of my blessings.”

Kat thought about it. The idea of traveling around the world with a butt like The Cat God didn’t sound too appealing, especially if she was going to be stuck as a catgirl. But then again, traveling the world is something she also wanted to do. Still, it didn’t sound like the most pleasant experience either if she’d have to harp about how cool The Cat God was constantly to random people.

Her only other option was to reject the test. Doing so would mean accepting that she will be stuck as a catgirl for the rest of her life, but her life would be hers and hers alone.

“What’s the test?” she asked, still weighing if it was worth pursuing, knowingthis was likely her only option to become human again.

“We will play a game of tag,” The Cat God said. “The winning condition will be you grabbing my tail. You will have between sunrise and sunset for the next week to do so.”

“That doesn’t sound too tough,” Kat pondered. “Wait a sec! You aren’t gonna just teleport like that stunt you pulled a minute ago, are you?”

The Cat God raised a paw. “As my honor as The Cat God, I shall use only my physical capabilities and not rely on my holy powers.”

“And you’re not gonna be hiding the whole time either, are you? I’ve been looking for you since you first transformed me, and this is the first time I managed to find you.”

“I shan’t withhold myself from the public eye as not to be found for the duration of our contest. You will find me with the same ease as finding a cloud during an overcast. A drop of water on a rainy day. A spec of say-und in the Sahara.”

Kat thought about how the two had just fought. Sure, The Cat God was pretty quick on its feet, but it also didn’t seem to be impossible to capture, either. Seven days to grab its tail, sixteen hours a day. No teleporting shenanigans, either.

She held out a hand. “Okay, deal.”

The Cat God smirked and extended its paw. When they shook, a bright halo appeared over both their heads, illuminating them. It then vanished, leaving behind speckles of floating lights like that of a sparkler before dissipating.

“And with that, the contract to our contest has been signed,” The Cat God said.

Kat nodded, only to realize that she was now outside her mom’s tailor shop. “Wait! How did we get here?”

“A parting gift to save you the need to traverse.”

The Cat God bowed, then backflipped into thin air and vanished.

“H-hey!” she shouted, reaching out to the empty space where The Cat God stood just a moment before. She looked around for a moment, but went inside after her mom came out to check the commotion.