New Day and a New Me!

“....Uhhhhh, I feel like crap.”

When I came to, I was sprawled out on the floor and surrounded by debris. I tried to find my bed, only to realize my bed was the debris surrounding me. It appeared I was laying on a pile of ashes right now, to make things weirder I was practically stark. Where’s my robe! Where’d these burnt scraps-

“Oh, I really did blow up didn’t I?”

I stood up, dusted myself off and ripped one of my curtains off. I then fashioned the curtain into a dress, clothes obtained! I stood there feeling proud of myself, until my door bursted of its hinges. In the doorway stood a man breathing heavily, behind him were a few maids and knights. As he looked up, he saw me still striking my triumphant pose. Dammit, I look like a complete jackass right now, don’t I?

“Ophelia, my precious little gem is that you?”

“...Hey Dad, please knock next time.”

My father quit his breathing routine and lunged at me. He then hugged me with the force of ten men, jeez dad this is no way for the king to act! I heard the sound of coughing, only to notice the people standing in the room watching us nervously.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetheart?”

“Please put me down.”

My father put me on the ground, and ruffled my hair. I then cleared my throat for what came next.

“Every Man In This Room Get The F*** Out! Maids you stay and fancy me up!”

Realizing I was armed with a curtain, the men in the room rushed out, followed by my angry father chasing them with a curtain rod. The woman grabbed me a fresh robe and led me to the bathroom. They better put some rose petals and lime in there, I just survived existence erasure. I want to feel special today, no I deserve to feel special today!

****

“Dear, are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yep, the dragon couldn’t even burn me properly. What kind of dumbass gets sent to burn a princess, only to burn everything except her.”

“Young Lady! Watch your language!”

“Dear it’s fine I’m just happy to have my daughter back.”

“Cyrus, you pathetic excuse of a man! Don’t you encourage her!”

There sat King Cyrus Baron Alexander, being chewed out by his wife Sylvia Franciska Alexander. These two fit the description of an old married couple to a tee. After chewing out dad, mom turned her attention to me.

“Back to you, Young Lady! Near death experience or not, that’s no way for a princess to speak!”

“Sorry Ma, even the doc said my brain may have gotten a bit fried in that dragon attack. It may take a while for me to go back to normal.”

“No, my precious rose! You were so prim and proper, this won’t do! Time for some re-education!”

“I don’t know, the doc said any outside influences may damage my health further.”

That’s all my father needed to hear.

“Nope, absolutely not!”

“Cyrus you stay out of-”

“Listen here you Harpy! I’ll be damned before I let someone do something to put my daughter’s life at risk! At least wait until she’s in the right state of mind before cramming knowledge into her head! You loud-mouthed vixen!”

The room fell silent, a maid even dropped the plate she was carrying. Mom was silent, she didn’t even look pissed. I’ve never seen Dad hold his own against mom like this, I feel happy for him. Even though he’s sleeping on the couch tonight.

“...You called me a Harpy…”

“...Yeah.”

Dad broke out in a cold sweat, realizing he was about to lose his life.

“...The last time you spoke with such strength was when we first met. When we fell in love.”

“...Indeed.”

I take it back, my parents are freaks! They’ll be just fine, I began walking out the throne room while my parents looked at one another with milky eyes. After that I walked up to the top of the watch tower, the time of day was high noon. I don’t know why, but this is the most beautiful view I’ve seen in my whole life. Soon a blue jay came and perched himself on my hand, he was the one who always came to sing with me.

“Aw how cute, want to harmonize little guy?”

The blue jay began nodding, well may the show begin. I closed my eyes and let air enter my lunges, the blue jay prepared to be my backup singer. However, I had other plans, so I got close to his face and whispered the following message.

“I’m retired.”

Before he could react, I yelled louder than I ever yelled in my life. The blue jay was in shock, almost getting blown away by my voice. After 2 minutes worth of yelling, I stopped. My throat didn’t bleed, however, it actually felt great. Probably because of my songstress skill, as for the blue jay he wasn’t feeling so hot. He was trembling and his wings held his chest, and the poor little guy was having a heart attack. Eventually he fell off my hand and hit the roof floor I was standing on.

…Know what, it’s lunch time and I couldn’t taste anything before. Time for a pallet cleanse!

****

I hope Princess Ophelia is okay, Melony told me she survived a dragon attack! Then again, this sounds so exciting! Right after recovering from an illness, she’s suddenly attacked by a dragon! Could it be, is she some chosen hero destined to save the world! That’s my princess, I knew she was-

“This Skewer taste like s***! What did I do wrong, I seasoned it and everything!”

I froze for a moment, someone was yelling from the rooftop somewhere. What’s worse was their language, what if the princess heard them?

“Also, these booze taste like s*** too! What are those muscleheads drinking! My first time drinking and it’s ruined! F***!”

…Maybe I should report them. It sounds like a maid who’s been drinking on the job. Yeah, that’s a good idea, I’ll report them!

****

…Well s***! There I was enjoying my cheap thrills and now I’m locked up. It was just a joke! *Sigh* Well at least they feed me, if you could call that rotten crap food. I prepped to take another nap to pass my boredom, until I heard footsteps coming my way. I opened my eyes to see a familiar face, and with a new clarity in her eyes. She opened my cell door and tossed a meat skewer and a half empty bottle of booze at me.

“I brought you some goods, you better talk.”

“Well of course, so tell me Opal how was your time with the creator!”

She glared at me as soon as I asked her, well looks like my entertainment has arrived.