Chapter 37:

The Cat God's Game (9)

A Kat's (GOD AWFUL!!!) Blessing

Dawn of the final day.

Kat stood in the middle of Mainstreet with her arms crossed as she watched the morning sun peek over the horizon, illuminating the town. The windows on the buildings on either side of her lit up with the sun’s reflection. Her hair and fur rustled with the passing wind.

The street was empty with not a soul in sight. Even those that normally got busy opening their shop for the day seemed to be missing. Every building stood empty.

There was nobody in town that morning except for Kat.

Until The Cat God appeared before her.

“Katherine Lily Jones!” it shouted, holding its arms out. “With the rise of the morning sun, has the final day begun!”

Kat sniffed. “Did you phrase that weirdly just so you could rhyme?”

The Cat God shrugged. “Nary a wink have I slept as I worked tirelessly preparing the carnival dedicated to you. Of course, whether it is a celebration of your victory or a celebration of your apostle-hood, is still to be determined.”

“Does the party start the moment I grab your tail? Or will you wait until tonight even if I win?”

The Cat God bowed. “We will begin the moment the challenge comes to an end. When it ends depends on your abilities.”

Kat bent down to the ground as if she were to begin running a relay. “Then let’s get this over with so we can spend the entire day celebrating my turning back into a human! It’ll be a spectacular way to cap off the summer!”

The Cat God laughed. “Whenever you are ready, then—”

Kat immediately dashed toward The Cat God.

“Whoa!” The Cat God said, jumping out of the way just before Kat could lay a claw on it. “You could have at least let me finish.”

“And delay you transforming me back into a human? Fat chance!”

Kat gripped the ground with her claws to quickly stop herself and launch herself at The Cat God. Again, The Cat God managed to dance around her.

“My, my, my! You sure are feisty today! Could it be because today marks the climax?”

Kat jumped high into the air, ready to pounce The Cat God. “I’m giving it my all!!!”

The Cat God bounced away, leading Kat on a chase. “Ha ha ha!” it erupted in laughter. “I can already tell today is going to be such a splendid day!”

They ran atop the rooftops of the buildings, then back to the ground below. Down the connected porches, over the railings, and down the road. Kat pursued on all fours as she kept a close distance to The Cat God, who ran only on its hind feet.

Sprinting out of town, The Cat God made a detour down a large field on the edge of town used to produce feed for cattle. The grass had grown several feet tall, making it the perfect place to hide for those short in stature.

Of which The Cat God was.

It ran through the field, cutting through the tall blades of grass with ease.

“Whoa!” it yelped.

The ground gave way, collapsing underneath The Cat God. Using its claws, it gripped onto the earthy side of a massive pit.

“W-what on Earth?! Where did this hole come from?!”

Suddenly, a large net was stretched across the hole, sealing The Cat God inside. It quickly realized that this wasn’t a naturally formed hole. It was a trap.

“Bwa ha ha!”

Outside the hole, a middle-aged farmer wearing a plaid shirt and tattered jeans looked over the entrance. It chewed on a piece of grass.

“Well looky ‘ere. Seems I caught myself somethin’.”

Kat’s mom approached the opening of the hole, giggling to herself. “Hey, Cat God! No hard feelings, but what kind of mom would I be if I didn’t help my daughter with transforming her back into a regular human?” she said.

“Is this trap your doing?” The Cat God asked.

“Yup! Mark here did the digging while I whipped up this net!” she said, patting the farmer on the back.

“Thanks again for yer blessin’ the other night,” Mark said. “Real nice of ya to magically produce all that milk fer me so I could take it easy. Course, nows I got too much product and no place to store it. Funny, that. You go tryin’ ta help me, only ta give me a bigger headache.”

Mark then glared down the hole at The Cat God with disdain. “And there’s nothin’ I hate more than wasted milk.”

“So, what do you say?” Kat’s mom said. “You let my daughter grab your tail, and I’ll let you out of there. Deal?”

The Cat God smirked, then let out a cackle. “Oh boy. Oh boy! Oh boy oh boy OH BOY!

Kat’s mom and Mark raised an eyebrow at the sudden display of joy.

“And here I thought today was going to be like every other day this week!” The Cat God said.

Jumping upward from inside the hole, The Cat God brandished its claws and cut the net to ribbons.

“Wha?!” Kat was in awe as she watched The Cat God leap in the air and land beside her. Bits of netting fell around the three of them.

“My net!!!” Kat’s mom cried, falling to her knees. She picked up the tattered fabric. “I spent all night on this thing!”

Again, The Cat God cackled. “If you think a simple trap like that will stop me, then prepare to be severely disappointed!”

It then fled.

Since it was too dangerous to stay in the grass field, lest there be more pits dug by Mark, The Cat God retreated to the dirt road. However, it wasn’t long until it fell for another trap.

“Wah!” it cried out, tripping over a thin rope that rose up out of the dirt. It tumbled and rolled across the road, hitting a wooden pole that held up a barbed wire fence.

“Now!” yelled a voice.

Leaping out of the surrounding cornfields were Maria’s siblings. Each of them sporting a large pressurized water gun. They quickly surrounded The Cat God and took aim.

“Heh, heh, heh,” Marco chuckled slowly, once again donning his father’s aviator glasses. “That’s as far as ya go.”

The Cat God looked at the children, whose eyes were like that of bloodthirsty mercenaries. Except for Carlos, who stuck close by to Marco while fidgeting with his gun.

“I see. Even you have set your sights on me,” The Cat God said. “And after all that I have given you this past week.” It shook its head in disappointment. “Such a shame, such a shame. Such. A. Shame.”

“Don’t take it personally,” Marco said. “We’re thankful for all the junk food and fireworks. It’s just family comes first. Ya know?”

“A family connected not by blood but by community. And I am an outsider. A stranger. Oh, I understand perfectly.”

Marco raised his hand. “Ready! Aim! Fire!”

The siblings let loose their streams of water.

But The Cat God was too quick. It hopped straight into the air, with the siblings managing to shoot water at each other’s faces.

With a flip, The Cat God landed outside their circle. “A word of sagely advice. It is never smart to circle around your prey and fire all at once.”

Marco coughed as he wiped the water from his face. “Fire!” he yelled.

Having recovered from their blunder, the siblings pointed their guns at The Cat God and opened fire again.

“Let us see how you go against a moving target!” it taunted, dodging left and right as it scurried away.

The siblings chased after The Cat God, continuing to spray torrents of water as they did. Except for Marco, who slowed down and watched them rush down a fork in the road.

He smirked. “That’s it,” he said.

The siblings shepherd The Cat God down a turn on the fork.

“Now!” Boss shouted, rising up from the cornfield with Isabella sitting on his shoulder.

Dozens of stray cats with fishing line in their mouths jumped out of the cornfield and surrounded The Cat God. They ran around their victim like a maypole, entangling it. The fishing line was secured so tightly that The Cat God could barely move.

“What is this?!” The Cat God yelled in disbelief, witnessing its fellow kin having betrayed their deity. “Do you not understand the blasphemy you are performing?! Cease this act of desecration!!!”

Boss walked out of the cornfield, his arms crossed as he stared down at its supposed god.

“Y-you!” The Cat God chided. “And to think I had bestowed upon you a blessing to help your fellow strays! Is this how you repay me?!”

“I am thankful for what you have done for me to help the members of my kingdom. If I had not been transformed, surely we would have been in a worse position. However, I also cannot forgive the short-sighted acts you have plagued this community with!”

Isabella waved her hand. “Bye bye!”

“Haaaah!” Mr. Keensley shouted, gripping his fishing pole.

Suddenly, The Cat God was dragged along the dirt road before finding itself being flung high into the sky like a prize swordfish being yanked out of the ocean. It flew over the treetops of the small forest before crashing, rolling toward the creek. It yelped as it almost fell into the water, but sighed in relief when it came to a halt mere inches away.

The Cat God quickly clawed its way out of the net to resume its escape, but it had found itself surrounded by a large mob. It contained the people who resided in town. The people who tended the farms in the surrounding area. The entirety of this small, quaint community had gathered together.

They all glared down at the deity, who stood its back against the creek. It turned around, but the distance to the other side was too great for it to jump. Nor could it use its powers to teleport away as the challenge was still ongoing. Using its powers would mean forfeiting.

But Kat didn’t appear to be around, so for the moment, The Cat God figured it was still safe.

“You… you…! You ungrateful bunch!” it shouted, furious at the way it had been treated by the mob. “How dare you treat a higher being such as I like some… some pest! And after all that I have done for you this past week! The blessings I shared! Shops repaired! Ailments CURED!!! Do you not enjoy them?!”

NO!!!” shouted everyone in unison.

The Cat God flinched, but then stomped the ground in fury. “Of all the… Never! Never have I had to contend with such, such contention! I am The Cat God! Tuh-E. Cuh-AT. Guh-AWD! Worshipped for eons upon eons! You even understand how long an eon is?! Can you even comprehend that?! Have your brains evolved to the point you can even—”

As The Cat God went on its tirade, yelling at the townsfolk, the water behind the angered deity rose upward. The surface tension broke, revealing a pair of cat ears. Rising out of the water like a monster was a teenage girl, who was sick and tired of the crap she had been put through. Water dripped off her fur and whiskers.

With claws out, she pounced her hapless victim who was completely unaware. The two tumbled over the rocks and came to a stop. The Cat God gasped for air, as Kat sat on its back, gripping her prey: The Cat God’s tail.

Kat giggled. Then snickered. A roarous laughter bellowed out from her lungs. The angry mob erupted in cheers and hollers.

Kat had won.

She sat up, letting her victim breathe again. Maria rushed through the crowd and embraced Kat, who held up a fist in the air in victory.

“Yeeaaaaahhhh!” she shouted at the top of her lungs.

After cheering and hollering for a few minutes, everyone gradually calmed down. Kat stood before The Cat God, who was sitting on its knees.

“So! Looks like I won! A deal’s a deal, right! Change me back, and go around undoing all your blessings from those who don’t want it!”

The Cat God let out a small “Heh,” then began to laugh as well.

“My my my! What a spectacular end!” it clapped. “To think you got the entire town to help you! I applaud you. I applaud. You. All! ...Never have I seen such a community as close-knitted as the people before me. And to have accepted the likes of Boss and Isabella so quickly. Truly, you are all wonderful people. Outstanding! Brilliant in your compassion! Blessed are your souls and spirits. I am so—”


Kat bonked The Cat God on the head.

“Hey, hey, hey! You cannot just go hitting a god!!! Did we not go through this lesson already?!”

“Stop yammering and get to fixing your stupid blessings already!”

The Cat God stood up. “Explain to me this: why such the hostility with these acts of charity from the heavens? People have waged wars for such an opportunity to be blessed by the gods, yet you all have turned your sword against me.”

“It’s because you gave them out without thinking about whether or not the recipient wants it! You forced it on us, like giving someone an expensive car out of the blue, only for the taxman to come collecting taxes on it and they’re left hung to dry.”

“I see. Then how should I have gone about it?”

“Wouldn’t hurt to ask what the person wants, first. Or if they even want something to begin with!”

The Cat God nodded. “I understand.”

Walking before the crowd of townsfolk, The Cat God held out its arms.

“It has come to my attention that my blessings have inconvenienced many of you!”

“No duh!” shouted someone from the crowd, inciting a few chuckles.

“I want to be clear,” The Cat God resumed. “When I gave you those blessings, I did so with the intent of helping you all. Not to make your situations worse. And with that, I truly apologize with all my heart.”

The crowd started applauding.

“Please! Please! I do not deserve such praise! What I had done has brought shame to the heavens, and I mean to correct any wrongdoings that my actions may have wrought!” It looked up at Kat. “Katherine Lily Jones. As per our agreement, I was to give you a new blessing to counteract the one I had given you before. But after witnessing the ire directed towards me, I have decided that I must take responsibility and right my wrong. I will not give you a new blessing, but instead remove—”

An intense bright light suddenly shone down from the sky, like a thousand stage lights directed at the creek. The sounds of church bells rang continuously. Glowing white feathers drifted downward from the light.

Everyone shielded their eyes, trying to see what was going on.

“The heck?!” Kat shouted.

The Cat God looked up at the sky, unphased by the light.

“Uh oh.”

Floating downward from the sky was a woman with beauty unmatched by anything in the world. Her long, golden hair flowed outward in all directions, disregarding gravity. A pair of massive, white immaculate wings stretching twelve feet each sprouted from her back. The thin, white robes that adorned her perfect body, flowed around her.

Clasped in her hands was a letter addressed to The Cat God. It was sealed with a golden wax, pressed with the seal of the holy one.

Without speaking a word, the angelic being handed over the letter.

“What’s this?” The Cat God asked as it opened the envelope with a claw. It then began reading silently.

With each sentence, its paws gripped tighter and tighter on the high quality parchment.

“WHAT?!” The Cat God shouted, having finished reading.

“What’s it say?” Maria asked.

“It says due to an abuse of powers over the past week, they’re temporarily stripping me of my godhood status as punishment?!”

A glowing aura surrounded The Cat God, which then concentrated into a glowing orb above its head.

“Ah!” it yelled, looking above.

The orb floated over to the angelic being, who held it with an open palm. It then held open its other hand.

With a POP!, the egyptian-like jewelry that adorned The Cat God vanished, only to reappear in the angelic being’s hand.

“Hey hey hey!!! Wait!!! Those don’t belong to heaven!!!”

Ignoring its cries, the angelic being floated back upward to the sky.

“Those are personal property!!! I dug them out of a dumpster for Heaven’s sake!!!” The Cat God yelled as it jumped in the air, shaking its paw.

The blinding light vanished, leaving the townsfolk utterly baffled by what had just transpired. Had they just witnessed an honest-to-god angel from Heaven?

“So, uh…” Kat said, approaching The Cat God. “About holding up your end of the bargain? When can I expect to get around to doing that? School starts tomorrow and all.”

“I don’t know,” it sighed, lowering its head.

“...Come again?”

“Did you not just see what happened?! Were the lights of heaven so blinding that you could not witness the events that just unfolded?! They just took my deity powers! I cannot do zilch! Nada! I am as much a god as Ludwig is!”

The Cat God heaved a heavy sigh. “The heavens have grounded me. As of now, I am no longer The Cat God. I am just… The Cat.”

It finally started to dawn on Kat what this meant. “You mean… I’m stuck like this?!”

The Cat Formally Known As The Cat God looked up at Kat, smiled. “That! Is correct!

The community collectively slumped their shoulders and sighed in defeat, then dispersed from the creek. They groaned and moaned as they walked off.

Soon, the only ones left at the creek were Kat, Maria, and The Cat.

“So, what the heck am I supposed to do?!” Kat yelled. “Just wait around until you get your powers back?!”

“Pre-cisely!” The Cat replied. “Without my powers, there is not a thing I can do. All we can do is wait. But do not fear! I do not believe my actions warrant a permanent removal of godliness status. They are bound to return them to me.”

“And how long will that take?” Maria asked.

The Cat thought long and hard about it. “It has been a very long time since a fellow deity of mine was grounded. Last time was about… Hmm… Four thousand years ago? I want to say it was The Elephant God. You should have seen the fit they threw. Stomping around all angrily and such. It was like being in an earthquake!”

“There’s other animal based deities?” Maria asked.

“Who cares! That’s not important right now!” Kat hissed. “How long until they got their powers back?”

Once again, The Cat went into a deep thought. After recalling, it held up its front paw.

Kat was confused. “What? Five? Five what? Hours? Days? Months?! Years?!”


A second later, Kat grabbed hold of The Cat and put it in a merciless chokehold. “This is all your fault!” she yelled. “If you hadn’t gone around giving everyone and their grandma blessings, then you wouldn’t be in trouble and I’d be human again!!!”

The Cat struggled to breathe, saying “S-sah… So-rry!”

Maria watched as Kat continued to pummel The Cat, then heaved a big sigh before following the others home. There was still so much to prepare before the first day of school tomorrow.

Patreon iconPatreon iconMyAnimeList iconMyAnimeList icon