Eleven - It is not supposed to be raining

Home is a weird word.

Even after this eight years I am still not over it.

I do not want to be over it.

Getting rid of my anger will make me weak.

My anger is what is keeping me going.

Seeing the varenhaniams achieve their freedom and also living with the nomads for this past month, gave me a mixed of emotions to reckon with. On one side, the fighting is moving forward. We are defeating the enemy. On the other side... what am I doing after everything is done?

I have no plans of dying during the fight.

If needed, I will sacrifice myself.

I could not even touch Olvad during our fight. I am very lucky I escaped.

I know this path like the back of my hand.

It is different but also familiar.

I traversed this route, from my city to the Capital, hundreds of times.

With my friends.

On expeditions.

With my mother.

Memories are everywhere I look.

My feet are dragging me.

My head says no, but my heart is winning.

The anxiety of facing the past is finally hitting.

I do not know what I want to find when I get there. Ruins? Destroyed buildings eaten by the time? Skeletons? People alive still living happily?

I wondered many times if the Capital took control of the city. Or they just simply destroyed everything and left.

Now that I am thinking about it… Maybe I should be prepared to fight. They probably seized the city like they did in Kai Bell. I will blow up another power-plaint if I need to.

Why this thoughts never crossed my mind sooner?

It might be people here too. Fighting. I should have came back a while ago.

I must hurry.

No.

Here it is very close to the Capital.

They would suffocate any rebellion so much more easier.

I do not know.

What is the use of memories anyway?

I was seeing the city at the horizon.

At least some buildings are still up.

The time tower.

The school.

Let me get closer.

There are sings of people living here.

But it still looks like a ghost town.

I put my helmet on in case someone from the Capital appears. I need to be ready to fight.

There are some noise coming from the main street.

The night is falling. This will help me hide.

I approach slowly.

I see some Capital banners and flags.

So this is the worst scenario coming true. Half a dozen of soldiers are sitting around a campfire. They do not seem ready to fight. Nor that they had any conflict recently.

They are distracted and happy. Loose.

Now I am furious. How dare them?

I can take all of them down.

I do not know if there are any gargoyles near.

Probably not.

I do not care.

Giving the situation, the Council would not waste its resources here. This six individuals that are here are probably the only trash I will have to take care off.

Breath.

If I do it more will come.

I will make the situation worst.

I should calm down.

I retreat.

Moving past those idiots a take the street to my old house.

Home.

House.

Everywhere is pitch black. The guards were the only living souls here.

I feel sick.

I vomit.

The food on that inn was suspiciously greasy.

Now I am on the floor.

Left lying next to vomit.

The stars are so bright.

I do not remember the sky.

Why I am wet? It can not be rain here.

This is crazy.

What I am doing here?

What was I trying to prove to myself?

I should just sleep here.

Forever.

I feel a breeze.

Somehow I remember how to breath.

I am tired.

I push myself up to sit.

I must get to my house.

I can stay the night there if there is a resemblance of a house when I get there.

I walk slow.

Complete silence.

I can hear bugs and bats around.

No human.

I do not know what I was expecting.

I want to hug my mom.

There it was.

The shadow of my house was still there.

It was dark but I could see it.

I knew its shape.

I knock at the door.

I enter.

Dust.

But everything seems to be exactly where it was.

The downtown barely had just a few full builds standing up.

I check for food.

Nothing eatable.

I go to my room.

I sit on the floor.

I could see myself living here.

I lived here one day.

It has the same smell even under all this dust.

This things do not feel as mine as someday they were.

I do not want to sleep on the bed.

Maybe one day I can comeback here.

Maybe not.

After all of this I should find another place.

Far from here.

There is still much of this world I do not know about.

I should go explore every corner of it.

Like my father.

He is probably alive.

It is good to know that maybe somewhere in this world there is a possibility of a remaining family.

I do not know where to begin to track him.

Even back in the days we never heard from him.

Now?

Impossible.

Grandmas old things could have something useful to take with me.

When the sunrises I will explore her old room. What about my mother’s room?

Do not want to think about it now.

I lay on the floor.

Here I am.

In the middle of my old room.

Stretched on the floor.

I take off my armor.

I feel worst.

Tears? Am I crying?

Since when?

I am crying a lot.

This is too much.

What it is going on?

Help me mom.