Siblings

Gasp!

The boy woke up in cold sweat, his heart beating like a drum. He was a boy of simple mind – as a practitioner of martial arts, the boy rarely even dreamt, let alone experienced a nightmare. And yet, today, the bad dream had haunted him enough to wake him up from his usual slumber.

His head felt like it had split in half, while his body was drenched in sweat. The boy tried to recall the scenery that he had seen, but all that came back to his mind was clouded in a thick, indistinguishable haze. All he could make out were the voices of many people, perhaps an army, all sounding in unison. But whether those voices were of a cheer or a scream of terror, even he couldn’t recall anymore.

And that was not all. Among those voices, there were a few that he could see more clearly than others, even if they were still mere outlines. One of them was none other than himself, donned in battle gear, each of his movements sending tremors across the earth. It was his dream, after all; it was only natural that he was the main star of the show. Standing alongside him was a boy around his age, perhaps a couple years younger. Even if their fighting styles couldn’t be more different from each other – his relying on strength, while the mysterious boy relying on speed and dexterity – they ended up with an immaculate teamwork, enough to push away the invisible foes in his dream with ease.

However, his true nightmare only came after.

There was a giant shadow blocking their path, its murky figure stretching further than his eyes could see. With a single strike from the shadow, the voices were abruptly cut, as if someone had snapped away the strings on a puppet. Even the boy standing next to him was no exception – another attack and he was gone.

Within that dreamscape, for the first time of his life, Xing Baihu was alone… or at least, that was what he had wanted. For even being all alone, fighting against an unknown foe, was still better than what was shown in that nightmare of his.

When he was pushed to the brink, as all of his strength had left his body, a small figure emerged from behind him, flying towards the shadow burning bright like a shooting star. That tiny stature cleared up the mist clouding his mindscape, but at the same time, the figure that saved him also ensured her doom as she flew straight into the abyss with a smile on her face.

“Zhuque…” Baihu muttered. He didn’t know how the scene was related, but perhaps sometimes, a gut feeling was all one needed. Giving himself a slap in the face, the boy left his room and made his way to his sister’s chamber next to his.

However, as he stood in front of the door to her room, the boy hesitated to knock. Only now did he realize how much of a foolish look all of this would be – who in their right mind would go to his sister’s room in the middle of the night for some bad dream that he had?

Perhaps because of this, he pulled back. Luckily for Baihu, the door wasn’t fully closed – there was an ever so slight gap that he could peek through given the focus. And so, the boy took advantage of it, unknowingly ignoring the fact that if whoever caught him in the moment, it would be much harder to explain than simply knocking on the door.

To his luck, this act was justified. But Baihu wished it wasn’t as soon as he got a glimpse of what was happening behind that closed door.

There was no time to hesitate. The boy immediately kicked the door open and rushed in like a raging storm, quickly grabbed onto Zhuque’s wrist and wrestled away the dagger she was about to stab herself with, ending off with a booming yell almost as if to shock his sister back into sense through voice alone:

“Zhuque, what the hell are you doing!?”

“… Baihu?” The girl finally snapped from her trance. “I… what was I doing?”

“Don’t act like you’re not aware!” The boy, still furious from what he had seen, shouted in return. “Why are you trying to stab yourself? How did it come to this?”

“I… oh, right, I guess I did take a step too far,” the girl let out a sigh, rubbing her temples in pain. “It’s still the start, I have plenty of time to devise another plan…”

As if remembering something important, Zhuque forced her way out of Baihu’s grab and waved her hand in discontent, like swatting away a pesky fly. “Well, you can go back to sleep now, Brother dearest. I have…”

“I’m not leaving until you explain to me what you were trying to pull back then.” Baihu stood firm with his decision.

Zhuque, faced with such conviction, could only grunt. “Ugh, I just made a little mistake, what’s the big deal?”

“Trying to kill yourself is not ‘a little mistake’, young lady!”

As she herself had been worn out from her constant resets, Zhuque’s temper had grown shorter than ever. “I’m not killing myself, you dolt!” The girl raised her voice as well, trying her best to pry back the dagger from Baihu’s hand. “Now quit bugging me!”

“Then what were you trying to do?” Baihu, however, was not letting her have any of it.

“... None of your business!”

It was strange. Though the girl in front of him was no doubt his sister, to Baihu, she was also further away than ever from the dear sister he had known all his life. Sure, she was unruly and bratty at times, but she was behaving befitting the child that she was. Meanwhile, the one before him right now carried the air that he thought he wouldn’t see anywhere else aside from his father and eldest brother.

And that thought alone angered him so, so much, enough for his fuse to break as well.

“It’s always like this with you, Zhuque! You keep running off on your own, you keep doing things in your own little world! If you just…”

“Just what? Tell you? Or do you mean Xuanwu, or Tianlong? Or Father? Do you honestly think that you guys would understand me?”

“If you never tell us about your problems, how could we understand you?”

“Even if I told you guys, you wouldn’t get it! Do you know why? Because I’m not like you! I don’t have any talent! I can’t do the things you do!”

The final words hit the boy like thunder. The Zhuque that he thought he had known all this while and the Zhuque that stood before him right now, both were the same person after all.

Because she was unruly, people approached her with caution, never giving her the approval she had wanted. Because she never had anyone to share things with, she developed this air of secrecy and sense of self-righteousness that was unbearable to people. She had always wandered alone, all because of her own self-doubts and inferiority complex against her own family.

Because of that solidarity, perhaps somewhere along the way, it had turned into a twisted sense of responsibility coming from a girl merely ten years of age. It was her way to be the same as them – the so-called “elite” royals of Huoguo, ones tasked with running this nation in a future far away from now.

And so, she decided to walk alone, and grow alone without anyone else noticing so. Just like the shining figure that was in his nightmare.

A figure so bright that people had no choice but to follow. A figure that was so reassuring, so warm that people unknowingly, unconsciously leaned back, so that she could handle things by herself.

A presence so commanding that all eyes were on her, yet so far away that no one would ever think of taking that extra step with her. Someone fated to burn to ashes due to the sheer weight she must carry alone.

But deep down, the boy had also realized. Knowing it was one thing, but no matter what he said, he couldn’t possibly bring her back, His sister was too far gone, too tangled up in her own circumstances and shortcomings that she could never return to being the unruly, bratty but innocent image that he had imposed on her anymore.

Taking a deep breath, Baihu clenched his fist. And, with the hardest swing he could muster, the boy smashed onto his own face.

“W–Wha? What are you doing?” Now, it was Zhuque’s turn to panic. “Were you trying to kill yourself?”

“Heh… Now you know how I felt,” speaking through his runny nose from the sudden bleeding, Baihu chuckled.

“It’s not funny!”

“Of course not. I just wanted to get how you felt, if just a little.”

Baihu had decided.

“Huh?”

If his sister was never coming back… No, it was presumptuous of him to think so. That image of his sister never existed.

If he were to truly want to save his sister… then the only way was to jump into the same hell as her.

“You’re right, Zhuque. You can’t do things that I can. I bet that if you were to punch your own face like what I did just now, you wouldn’t even cause a bruise.”

“If this is your cheap attempt to rile me up even further, then…”

“But you know what? I can’t do the things you can, either.”

“... Huh? What are you talking about? What can I even …”

“I’ve seen you play in the library for days, reading book after book without rest. The way you dig up stories from who-knows-where and tell them with your eyes sparkling like you’ve found treasure, I never get that either.”

“That’s not even a talent. That’s just you never wanting to study.” Zhuque scoffed.

“Perhaps. But does that matter? For me, that’s a kind of ‘talent’ that I’ll never have in a million years. And I don’t want it anyway.”

“Then why bother saying all of this? Are you trying to make me mad?”

“No, but I’m not surprised that you would be. I’m dumb after all.” The boy only laughed at the question. “Talking is more Tianlong’s thing.”

“However!” Before Zhuque could say anything else, Baihu had already continued. “The way I see it, why bother being something that you’re not? I’m not Tianlong, and you’re not me. We each have things we are good at, as well as things we are bad at. Only by covering for one another do we have the strength to move forward, is it not the case?”

“... So? What makes you think that you have the right to butt in my problems, then?” The girl continued to let out words that could cut through his heartstrings. But Baihu knew this too.

“I don’t. But I’m doing it anyway.”

“Why?”

“Because that makes me ‘me’. And maybe, your problem is only a problem because you’re not ‘you’. So I’m sitting here to make you tell me about it, whether you like it or not.”

“What kind of backward, arrogant logic is this? Do you seriously think that you know me better than I do?”

“Only a fool would think like that,“ Baihu, as if waiting for that final question, laughed the loudest he had. “But unlucky for you, I’m the biggest fool there is.”

For someone like Zhuque, there was no room for negotiation. Just like how the young princess forced things to go her way, in order to make her share her thoughts, Baihu would have to do the same. In truth, even the boy himself didn’t know if it would work, but it was the only way that he could force his way in.

But perhaps it was the right call. The words Baihu had said, Zhuque had also heard once. Even if they lacked the tact of an older brother, they were still the words that showed the boy as a person. No matter how many resets Zhuque might have to go through, that fact would never change.

And so, after a moment of hesitation, the girl finally raised her white flag and let out a sigh:

“Fine. But don’t blame me if you don’t get anything.”