For Yourself

Even if she had said those words, Zhuque didn’t know where to start.

She was still smart enough to know that the entire truth, especially to someone with no clue on how magic worked, was something straight out of a fairy tale. To convince her brother of such a feat would take a lot more than just sincerity.

And so, she decided to do what she did best. To stall and talk in circles, avoiding her actual truth as much as she could.

“Do you remember any fairy tales we listened to as kids?” Zhuque started with a question, seemingly jumping topics.

“Huh?” Naturally, Baihu could only exclaim a single word. But before he could ask further, the girl had already continued:

“Well, let’s say there’s a certain person that suddenly received unbelievable power. You know, just like those fairy tales.”

“O… kay?”

“Each time this person fails, they revert back in time to a certain point. And now, using the knowledge of their previous failure, they try to steer everything to the result they want. What a broken cheat, right?”

Baihu was silent. Those words made him remember the dream that he had. The same lone figure of that small girl – the peak that he knew he could never achieve, yet at the same time, never the place that he wanted to stand on, let alone having someone else do it in place of him.

But, like before, he didn’t have the chance to answer the question.

“What do you think that person did, Brother? With that kind of power, that person could even save the whole world, right?”

“Save… the world?” Baihu unconsciously repeated. Never had he imagined the conversation would go into a direction like this – a matter that was too far out of reach for him even if he had lived his whole life, let alone his current teenage self.

Zhuque, on the other hand, still continued. “Yeah. I mean… think about it, it would only make sense, right? That person held all of the power to right things that went wrong. No matter how things might go, all they needed to do was to use their power. Nothing could be simpler.”

“But, that kind of power is only present in fairy tales,” Baihu shook his head. “There’s no such thing as ‘free’, after all. I bet that in order to use that power, this person must also have a steep cost to pay.”

It was wholly from intuition, but the boy had called out the problem head-on.

Zhuque paused for a moment. Her eyes shifted to her hands, then to her brother. “... Yeah. A steeper cost than anything you can imagine.” In the end, she answered, the tinge of sadness was apparent in both her look and voice.

“... What is the cost?”

“They’d have to die. After dying, they’re reborn back in time.”

As those words came out of Zhuque’s mouth, Baihu’s face paled in shock. Of all the things he could think of, it was undoubtedly the worst punishment. A price so steep that for most people, nothing would be worth enough for it.

“But… to die in order to save the world…”

“That’s how it’s supposed to go, right,” Zhuque interrupted before Baihu could finish his question. “If you’re given the power, you’d do the same. I know the kind of person you are, Brother.”

“Well…”

She wasn’t wrong. If Baihu had gotten himself that kind of power, he’d sacrifice himself for the sake of the world with no hesitation. However, the idea that someone else, especially someone close to him doing that was out of the question for the boy.

But he couldn’t say that. He knew that it was a hypocritical way of thinking – since when was sacrificing yourself okay for you, but not for others? He would do so, given the option. And he was sure that the little girl in front of him and the girl from his nightmare were one and the same as well – both of them would, with no hesitation, choose the same answer.

The only thing that Zhuque, unlike Baihu, couldn’t account for was her mind. Or perhaps, Baihu had also realized this – even he wasn’t sure if he would remain sane if he had to do things more than once in his life. And yet, he couldn’t explain that either; if anything, Zhuque would just lie about it, and the conversation would be over without having solved any problems.

Baihu was never the type to think for long. However, it didn’t mean that he was stupid; his mind was just honed more for battle intuition than complex, more philosophical thinking. This was the first time that he had the chance to give a long, hard thought about life – both his and the people he cared about.

And so, the boy was silent for a while, laying his chin in his palm as he ventured his own head space. Zhuque, seeing this, couldn’t help but widen her eyes in surprise – it was her first time seeing her brother actually thinking this hard as well.

The pair kept sitting in the same position, unmoving and unflinching even as the moon slowly descended, the chilly night’s wind was replaced by the first rays of dawn while the sound of roosters echoed in the area. As the sun lit up from the horizons, Baihu finally had his answer.

“I think… People ultimately wish for their own happiness.”

“... Huh?”

“You know, ultimately, everyone has something that they want to do. Some kind of final goal they want to achieve. I’ve never thought about it before, but honestly, now that I look at ourselves, what do we have?”

“Baihu, what are you on about?” Zhuque could only ask with utmost confusion.

“I mean, you like Brother Tianlong, right?”

“Huh? Of course,” Zhuque nodded with no hesitation.

“Me too,” Baihu nodded in return. “Which is why I’d never backstab him to take the throne, for instance. But, well… if he has the throne, and Xuanwu has the army, then what do I have?”

“Uh… Martial arts?”

“Well, sure, I love martial arts, and I do love a good fight. But when you put it that way, I don’t have that kind of ambition, you know? The whole ‘become the strongest’ mentality, I mean.”

“... I never knew.”

Seeing his sister lightly lower her head from the sudden guilt, Baihu couldn’t help but chuckle and patted her on the head. “Don’t worry. I’m only realizing this now, too.”

“But that got me thinking,” he continued. “Well, if I don’t have that, then what is my purpose? For what do I strive?”

Zhuque was silent. Of course, she couldn’t answer that. The only thing she could do was eagerly wait for her brother to tell her his big breakthrough.

In the end, however, his answer was simple/

“Even after a while, I don’t think I can find anything better than this,” he concluded, taking a deep breath… before patting on Zhuque’s head one more time. “I have you guys.”

“H-Hey, quit it!” The girl lightly protested, trying her best with her little arms to swipe away Baihu’s hand. Seeing it, the boy in question only laughed and continued:

“If it’s for you to be safe and happy, I’m willing to do anything. If the world is at stake, and my sacrifice can be the way to stop it, then yeah, I’d do it in a heartbeat. I think… I can say that with confidence.”

His answer was heartwarming. However, it only sank Zhuque even further down as the girl gripped her hands and bit her lips, trying her best to stop the stream of tears from escaping her eyes.

“Then…” with her voice slowly slipping from her control, Zhuque continued. “Sacrificing yourself for the sake of the world… That’s the right thing…”

Before she could finish, however, Zhuque had taken a full-power flick on her forehead from a grinning Baihu.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“I’m not done yet, stupid Sister dearest,” Baihu chuckled. “Like I said, people ultimately wish for their own happiness. And for me, what makes me happiest is to see my siblings happy and well. But you’re not me; Zhuque. What do you want?”

Through her tears, Zhuque could only retort. “It’s… not me. It’s a hypothetical; a fantasy person.”

“Okay, then supposed this fantasy person had this power,” Baihu, unfazed by the feeble attempt, continued. “Do you think that they’re saving the world because that’s what they wanted to do?”

“I…”

If this was the first time that Baihu had to think long and hard about his life, then it was the first time for Zhuque as well. Ever since she had this power, ever since she had witnessed that tragedy in her original life, the girl had vowed to never let such tragedy happen again. It was her wish, the drive that kept her going despite everything that had happened.

Or was it?

When one such idea was present, it spread like wildfire. The more Zhuque looked back on her journey thus far, the more it became clear.

She never wished to save the world. She was the only one that could do it. She chose to save the world, so that in the end, her tragedy would disappear. But somewhere along the line, the girl had forgotten her original goal. Saving the world stopped being a means, but rather the end of her goal.

Zhuque, at her core, was still the same unruly, bratty girl that she always was. But in the end, she became someone she was not. Yet, she couldn’t stop; for if she did…

“If not them… then who’s able to save the world? Who could possibly replace them? The regular people can’t imagine the type of tragedy that this person had seen, so…”

“Of course they can’t,” nodded Baihu. “No one can. And I’m sure anyone would choose to become a hero if they’d gotten their hands on that kind of power, too.”

“So… if that’s the case, then…”

“Ah, but you forgot one important detail, oh Sister of mine,” waving his fingers, Baihu answered with a smug grin – a deliberate act of copying Zhuque herself. “While the conclusion is the same, being a hero because you have to and becoming a hero because you wanted to are two very different things. While duty has gotten you…”

“It’s not me, though.”

“... Sure. While this certain person became a hero because it was necessary, the only thing that would keep them going would have to be from their own desires.”

Standing up from his original posture, Baihu stretched his body around and concluded. “Just stop thinking about the consequences and the what-ifs, Zhuque. What do you want to do? Follow your own heart, and as long as you can answer that question, you’ll find a way. I know it.”

“How can you be so sure?” Zhuque called out as her brother left the room humming a cheerful tune.

As if waiting for that question, the boy turned around and gave a thumbs-up, along with a confident smile.

“Because you’re my sister, of course. If I can do it, then why can’t you?”

With a final wave goodbye, Baihu left the premises, leaving Zhuque behind with a bewildered expression. For the first time in her life, the girl would have to ask herself a question that she thought she already had an answer to.