72. Harding vs Tyler II: Law of the Land

“Good morning, everybody!” Thompson shouted to the crowd. “Our first day was a total blast, and we’re keeping the excitement going with our upcoming match!”

She gestured to the arena.

“Our fighter from the Western gate is a President devoted to bringing America together through tranquility and order. She’s a true patriot, one who strives to prosper America first, to think of America first, and to live for and revere America first! And, while she tries to get along with everyone she meets, she won’t hesitate to beat the tar out of anyone who gets in her way! Give it up for the leader of The Ohio Gang; [The Harmonizer], Wanda Harding!”

Harding walked in smiling and waving with a morning star in her right hand and a large shield held in her left. She wore a white crusader’s tunic with a large red cross painted on its chest; the metal rings of a set of iron chainmail armor sticking out its sleeves.

Taft gave a nod to Harding as she approached the arena’s center.

“Harding,” he spoke solemnly. “I want you to know that I’ll do everything I can to keep you safe during this match. I will not hesitate for an instance to end things the moment I sense Tyler is up to no good.”

“Of course, old chum,” Harding replied. “I believe in your judgement more than anyone! In exchange,” she patted him on the back, “I want you to believe in my ability to handle myself out there…” she squeezed his shoulder, “…no matter how bad the odds might seem against me…okey-dokey?”

Taft stared at his friend, then gave a reluctant nod.

“Understood…”

Harding gave a playful slap to his back, then stepped away as Thompson continued her announcements.

“For her opponent,” Thompson continued, “we have the President without a Party! Originally a member of the Democratic-Republicans, he jumped ship to join the newly formed Whigs Party, only for him to murder his Party heads Henry Harrison and Jacqueline Taylor with his own two hands! Will Harding be the next victim of this killer President? Only time will tell! He’s [The Man who Shouldn’t be President], Johnny Tyler!”

Tyler strode in to a chorus of boos. He wore a thick set of sunglasses, a pair of flip flops, and an unbuttoned Hawaiian shirt revealing a toned set of abs. A golden pen hung around his neck, specks of dried blood staining its tip.

“Now Truman,” Thompson spoke up, “perhaps we should explain to everyone why it’s such a big deal that Tyler’s killed a fellow President.”

Truman nodded.

“There are a number of unwritten rules around interactions between fellow Executives.” He raised a pair of fingers. “Two such rules stand above all the others. The first is to never reveal nor seek information about the Executive Powers of other Executives. The second is to avoid inflicting permanent damage or death upon their opponents as much as possible.”

“These two rules are collectively referred to as The Law of the Land, right?”

“Exactly. Without these laws, our country would fall into total disorder as petty squabbles between Executives transformed themselves into terrible bloodbaths.”

He looked to Tyler.

“For someone to violate The Law of the Land twice over, and to do so against their closest allies no less…” he shook his head. “Well, it’s just plain sickening to think about.”

“I’m surprised you let Tyler in the tournament after he did all that.”

“Trust me,” he growled, “I was dead-set against it at first. But Hayes eventually convinced me that this tournament was our best chance at taking Tyler down a peg or two. Moreover, since the tournament’s winner gains authority over all the defeated participants, it makes sense for him to avoid killing his opponents. Or at least,” Truman muttered, biting his lips, “that’s what we’re hoping for…”

Below, Tyler took his position some distance from Harding.

“Greetings, madam,” he said, giving a light bow. “It’s truly an honor to meet you. I hope that I will be able to deliver a performance today which is worthy of a woman of your high stature.”

“Well shucks!” Harding laughed. “That’s the first time anyone’s said anything good about my `high stature’! But why don’t we save the chit chat for later? For now…” Harding raised her shield and morning star before her, “…let’s focus on having ourselves a good time; alright, friend?”

“Oh, I assure you, madam,” Tyler spoke, rubbing a finger across his razor-sharp nails, “I’m going to have a delightful time.”

Taft looked to the fighters, his eyes lingering on Harding for an extended time, then raised his gavel into the air.

“Let the match…begin!”

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DOUBLE CHAPTER! For reasons that will become clear, I’ll be posting two chapters next week, probably with one being posted Friday morning and the other either Friday afternoon or Saturday afternoon.

John Tyler didn’t kill anyone. The fact that Johnny Tyler killed two Presidents in the novel is simply a narrative device to explain why some of the Presidents are dead before the tournament begins, as well as to add some character spice to Johnny Tyler. This “betrayal” of his in the book is a vague reference to John Tyler betraying the Whig Party after becoming President by essentially acting like a Democrat.

The Law of the Land. This is another name for the United States constitution. While Warren Harding had no particular connection to this, John Tyler was involved in a minor constitutional crisis after President William Henry Harrison died and John Tyler rose to the Presidency from the Vice Presidency (which was the first time this ever happened), and this fact is partially captured by his (entirely fictional) epitaph [The Man who Shouldn’t be President].

Harding’s Aesthetic. Wanda Harding’s morning star weapon is based on Warren Harding owning a newspaper called “The Marion Star.” Her templar outfit is based both on the fact that Warren Harding was a free mason, and the fact that he was generally in favor in having the country moving back to simpler times like they were before WWI.