I Can Hear You
There has been more than one moment in my life that made me doubt about who I am, about what I have done, but never had I questioned myself about what I am; well, I guess that no one would or should ever doubt about their species… well, I suppose that it’s really hard for any person to doubt about anything like that…
After I talked with Bob and Fennel, I personally couldn’t believe any of the things that they talked about, but it wasn’t because it was shocking or anything, it wasn’t because they were bad people who would lie to me, no, I didn’t really have any major reason to think that they could be lying to me, but those things were just too unreal for me…
That night I went walking to my house, Fennel offered herself to walk with me, I can’t lie and say that I truly wanted her to accompany me, but I didn’t want to be an idiot and ignore the offering of a girl who, as crazy as might be, actually looked like she was trying to be my friend...
During the walk, I thought about asking her a lot of things, but the words simply wouldn’t come out of my mouth, all of my doubts were just sitting there waiting to hear answers about themselves, but being honest, I think that none of them actually wanted to know every truth… no, I guess that it was me, I didn’t want any answer, fearing that they would shock me even more…
It would be unfair from my side to say that everything that came out of Bob’s story was bad, he was just an honest man who wanted to explain something that I needed to know, but even if I didn’t give it any major thought, the sole idea of being a descendant of a weird race, “something like an angel”, like Bob and Fennel called them, I should be so hyped for this stupid thing, but even then…I don’t really know how I feel.
To make things even worse, am I the correct person for what he was talking about? Succeeding him would be almost like an endless limbo according to him, at least I can’t deny that he is honest to the bone, not like he was trying to trick me with something that sounds good until you actually are in a position where you can’t go back anymore, no, he just came to me and said “This is a horrible job, but I think that you can do it, give it a thought”, you can’t go any better than that when you are proposing that kind of horrible deal to another person.As I was divagating in my mind, Fennel turned to me…
“Hey, Adam, are you okay?” – I can’t deny that her expression showed that she was deeply worried about me, no funny quirky mannerisms, nor a cheeky voice tone expecting for me to say something for her to joke about, just a girl worrying about her wannabe friend…
“Yeah…” – Were the only words to come out of my mouth; no other voice was heard until we were right out of my house…
Maybe this can be a stupid thing to think about at the end of the walk, but it took me a while to realize that I didn’t even know about Fennel, where she came from, where she lives, nothing about her; being honest, I was acting as a bit of an egotistic dork ignoring the few times that she tries to initiate a talk… Yeah, I guess that I can be a bit of an idiot…
There was one obvious thing that would have made that little stroll stereotypically worse, you know, rain,,, it started mid-walk, if you were waiting for this story to become a bit more generic, but don’t worry, it didn’t get worse.
Then we were finally there, my home, more like that little apartment that I’ve been calling a house, but my kind of home nonetheless. By this point, our only problem, aside from my obvious awkward behavior, was that damned rain that just didn’t want to stop.
“Do you… want to go inside?” – I asked with a really stupid tone.
“No” – She gave me such a fast answer that I almost felt stupid for asking, but I guess that I started with the bad attitude way before she even could answer to me…
“You know that you could catch a cold, right?”
“I’m a nurse, didn’t you know?” – In case you were wondering, I was stupid for asking in the first place.
“Want me to drive you home?”
“Adam, you don’t have a car *chuckles*”
“Yeah, I kind of forgot about that fact… *haha*”
At least I must thank some of my stupid questions for making this awkward sensation fade a bit.We stood there under a doorframe for a while, that until an unexpected friend appeared.
Fennel made a little jump and grabbed my arm.
“Was that a dog?” – Her voice started trembling a little bit, I guess that she doesn’t like dogs.
“Yeah, do you want to see her?”
“No…! Well yes, I would love to, but I just happen to have a big fear of almost any animal…” – I felt dumb by considering her annoying before, but now she even seemed a bit cute… being honest, I’ve been too unfair with how I see people, Tony or Lisa have their charm, and even Abraham has redeeming factors that I just ignore because I like to maintain the first impression… I guess questioning the concepts that had defined my life until now really made me doubt what I think, not only about my own life but also about other people, my friends, co-workers, who knows, maybe even my family…
“Do you have any reason to fear them?”
“Actually, no… I’ve been scared of them for my whole life, but I’ll admit that over the last few years it hasn’t been as bad, when I was a child I would run as far as I could, faster than anyone else, just hearing one was almost like a nightmare”
“She is freely running inside, so I guess that it would really be a bad idea to go inside…”
I tucked my neck into my jacket, it was really cold outside so it was almost necessary; Fennel came a little bit closer to me…
“Maybe going inside wouldn’t be a bad idea” – She gave me a little smile, grabbed my arm and we decided to enter…
I can’t deny that ignoring every other complaint that I could have about it, my apartment was really comfy, especially when my only other option was waiting under the rain…
“Calm down little girl! Our friend over here could die if you keep making so much noise”
“She seems… nice *hehe*” – Her nervous laugh was quite a funny sight, especially because I at least I knew that my doggie wasn’t a real menace for her, not on the physical side at least…
“Yeah, she is a bit dumb from time to time, but I can’t negate that I truly enjoy this little girl as a companion”
“And she seems to enjoy yours as well, just look at how fast her tail is moving”
“It’s the usual thing when someone owes you so much”
“Don’t be dumb, no one would really act like that, especially a dog, people would only act nice to you if you actually were deemed worthy of that”
“I guess that you could be right about that; I’ve always heard that dogs are really loyal to their owners, so being loyal just because they owe you one random thing would be dumb”
“Maybe it could be dumb, but you are right about their loyalty being a big thing for them, don’t forget that she isn’t loyal because of one random thing, you basically saved her life!”
It’s been a while since I had a second to think about the things that I’ve done, from those stories I’ve talked about before to those that weren’t as important to me, but now that my mind has calmed a little bit and I managed to give a little thought to these things, it feels like I never realized how meaningful these could have been for any other person, or to a dog.
“Oh, now that I think about it, what’s her name?”
“Well… you know… she doesn’t have one…” – It felt so uncomfortable to me, I never had a pet before, at least none that was completely “mine”, so I never thought about a name for someone else, and now I had just ignored that in favor of calling her “friend” or “buddy”, I really fail in a lot of areas…
“You really manage to surprise me more and more at every second Adam *chuckles*” – I should feel a bit ashamed from this interaction, but her mannerisms and her antics felt a bit different now, a bit softer, and that really made her look much more appealing to me, to the point where my heart was giving me an awkward little bump.
“Fennel, do you want to give her a name?”
She put a finger on her lip and sat down on the floor of my apartment, my dog went running to her, and even when I tried to stop her, I am really slow to compete with her; it truly surprised me how Fennel almost seemed like she didn’t care at all, I don’t think that she surpassed her fear on these few minutes, so maybe it is something related to how much of a prodigy she seems to be according to Bob, I’m not really able to give an answer, but at least that little dog having someone else to play is actually a nice enough image for me to ignore anything else.
“I did it! I finally have a proper name for her!”
“Wow, really? What would it be then?”
“It will be Lemon!”
Let me be honest for a second, I thought that the name she chose was really dumb, but her happy face and the whole context made me relax a little bit, thanks to that my god is now called Lemon, at least it doesn’t feel awkward when I call her that… *haha*
We kept playing with Lemon for some time, she was happier now than in any other moment we had together, Fennel was surprisingly chill around her, by this point I was guessing that her fear was just a lie to grab my arm or to enter my house, but I can’t say that I would complain about it…
When the night was too dark for us to get out as one would usually do during the day, I started worrying about Fennel staying for too long, maybe someone was worrying for her while I was just entertaining her with my dog, I was enjoying this reunion, but it wouldn’t be nice from me if she just goes missing this whole night.
“Fennel, don’t you need to go home?”
“Why, am I boring you?” – As usual, her cheeky attitude came back.
“No, I don’t have any problem with you staying here, but someone must be worried about you”
“Oh, so you want me to stay? I didn’t expect you to be this kind of womanizer Adam”
“Hey! Come on, don’t joke like that, I’m just worried about you” – I guess that having an all-red face wasn’t going to help me in this situation…
“Then you don’t need to worry, I don’t really have anyone waiting at home”
“Don’t worry dummy, I meant that there’s literally no one home”
“Then try to give a better wording to what you say, I almost thought I was being an idiot for worrying like that about you. So should I assume that your parents aren’t home?”
“I don’t live with my parents, I thought that you were paying attention to everything that my master said, but I lost them long ago”
“Being honest, I don’t think that I heard everything that he had to say, so maybe he didn’t say anything and you’re just acting as he did”
“Maybe, it’s usual for him to forget about all the things that he has to say, but yeah, I lost my parents, and I’ve been living with one of Bob’s few friends from out there”
“Maybe I shouldn’t be asking all these things now…”
“Don’t worry, I’ve been spying on you for some time, it’s fair for you to be curious about who’s stalking you, don’t you think so?” – As crazy as the situation was, her logic was spot on, right…?
“Then I’m not going to ask you about what happened to your parents, but why aren’t you living with someone else from your family?”
“Everyone knew that I could see things, and accepting that kind of stupid thing is much easier when you’re talking about your daughter, but not every person would accept a cousin or a niece with that ridiculous background, for a lot of them this was no more than a burden, so they considered me as good as dead with my parents, on the other side, some people like my grandpa tried to take me in, but not everyone can resist the fear of a little girl pointing behind you, the first time it was crazy, funny for some, the second, the third and the fourth were just nightmare material for all of them”
“I can’t say that I understand you, it’s not like I’ve been living those same situations all these years, but it must have been really rough”
“Everyone suffers somehow at some point, so every person will know what pain is; with that in mind, it wouldn’t be a lie if you said that you could understand me”
“You know, maybe that idea isn’t that far from reality”
“But at least I was adopted after that, so I have never been alone; by the way, my ride is coming soon, is there something that you want to know before I have to go?”
“I’m not really sure, maybe just one thing, Fennel, could you explain to me why, after all these years, Bob wants a successor now?”
Her expression was actually fun, she knew that I was finally interested, but more important than that, I guess that she was just enjoying the fact that this conversation would go on... and so did I...