Prove difficult

Now this is the part where everyone realizes that I made a few mistakes, or the better phrasing might be that I had a few misconceptions. That might not come as a surprise, but I’m willing to bet that the misconceptions in question were not ones that you were expecting.

First and foremost, let me just clear something up. Anyone expecting the punchline to be that there was in fact more than one spider attacking the village will only be disappointed. On that count, I was completely correct. There was indeed only one spider attacking. And while the situation developed so quickly that most of the villagers didn’t even realize what was happening; those that did realize were quite thankful to yours truly.

That however leads to our first misconception. The villagers weren’t hiding in fear of a monster attack. Like I said, most of them didn’t even realize anything was happening. That meant that while I was given some praise, it was hardly the village encompassing festival I was imagining.

And yes, that meant that there was no monetary reward coming. Rather than completing a request, it seemed that I had inadvertently done a good deed. And with how much I ended up bragging about how easy it was for such a powerful and benevolent beauty like myself to handle plenty of monsters of that caliber, it didn’t seem likely that anyone would feel compelled to reward me for my hard work. They were more concerned with the unexpected death of one of their oxen. Honestly it still looked fine to me trapped in that glass stuff, but apparently the spider’s venom is incredibly toxic. Anything it bites is tainted.

Now I wasn’t technically bitten, but plenty of the spider’s venom ended up inside me. I didn’t like the implication that I was now tainted with the spider’s venom, and yet I was level headed enough to overlook such a slight. What I wasn’t willing to overlook was the fact that I wouldn’t be getting paid.

Those greedy peasants. The entire idea behind a farming village stank of that harlot goddess of the harvest, so I shouldn’t have been surprised their hearts were tainted black.This is why you can’t trust people from the countryside.

At first it seemed strange that a village which made a spider themed request would be surprised by a spider based attack, but that leads to the misconception at the heart of all of this.

I wasn’t in Renzo.

Can you believe it? It turns out there were two farming villages! Actually, thinking about it, there might even be more than two.

The villagers explained that Renzo was a neighboring village, built closer to the base of the mountains. They also told me that the spider I killed was a frost spider. They usually don’t leave the Albas Mountains, but considering that the past season had been colder than usual, it shouldn’t come as a surprise that they were getting bolder. My understanding of temperature isn’t the best, so I decided to take their word on that particular detail. According to them, this region rarely, if ever, got snow. My forest never got this snow stuff either, so I could relate. Well, I had no idea what snow was in the first place, but I at least understood what it was like to not have it. Suddenly getting something you’ve never had before would be troublesome.

Well, hold on a minute, that’s not necessarily the case. Assuming all new things are bad is a rather close minded way to view things. And if my head isn’t open, then what is it? That’s just one more thing that separates me from these country folk. If you can't accept new ideas you’ll never make it in the big city.

Anyway, they also seemed to think that if a frost spider made it all the way to their village, Renzo was probably dealing with a much worse situation.

Finally, some good news. My golden goose was still out there, I just hadn’t found it yet. Not wanting to waste any time, I asked the villagers how to get to Renzo. They once again assured me that I simply needed to head toward the mountains, but that didn’t help any more than it did when the merchants said it. We’re civilized people here, why does everyone keep trying to give landmark based directions? After enough asking around, someone finally gave me some decent directions.

North.

I just needed to head north and I’d find myself in Renzo in no time.

My fourth sense had been starting to tell me that those big hills on the horizon were actually the mountains everyone was talking about, but apparently not. They were clearly to the south.

So I left the village and started walking. And I walked. And walked. And after a few days I started to realize something. Those villagers had an even worse sense of time than I did.

I’d reach Renzo in no time?

Hardly.

I was able to walk throughout the night with no need for any breaks, and it still took me way longer than they made it seem. Now as such a long lived person I wasn’t particularly bothered by this, but for a normal human this would have constituted some form of legal action.

Jokes aside, I’m not gullible enough to not realize something was off. It only took me a few weeks to realize that I must have somehow gotten lost. Retracing my steps was something that I’d never do again, so even though I knew I was lost I kept moving forward. I figured I’d end up in Renzo eventually.

Now that might seem ridiculous, but hear me out. Back in Ah’Ruh, I heard someone say that all roads lead to Thera. That meant that I’d eventually end up in Thera myself. And once I got there, I just had to find the road that went to Renzo. Sure, it would take a while, but since time wasn’t an issue for me it seemed like a perfect strategy. Long gone were the days where I would mindlessly wander. Now I wasn’t technically on a road in the first place, but I figured those details would sort themselves out.

The path I was following gave way to unkempt grasslands, and eventually those grasslands gave way to a rocky terrain, and even more eventually that rocky terrain gave way to something I’d never seen before. Turns out I didn’t have to go all the way to Thera in the first place. The entire ground was made up of tiny little rocks. Well, calling them rocks might not be right. I mean, these things were tiny. The entire ground was made up of them! If you stood and watched you could see the wind alter the terrain.

If you think about it, it’s pretty amazing that a farming village could exist in this kind of environment. From what I could see there wasn’t much water in the area. I’m not even sure how those spiky plants survived, let alone how some humans were running a successful farm.

I didn’t recognize it, but this environment was so different from everything else I’d seen that it had to have a different name.

“So this is the ‘mountains’ that I keep hearing about.” I kneeled down and picked up a handful of the little rocks while scanning my memory. “That would make these little rocks snow.”

What I can now recognize as an unjustified smug look spread across my face as the snow slipped through my fingers. It felt nice to finally reach my destination.

Well, I hadn’t reached it yet, but since I made it to the mountain, Renzo had to be close by.

I climbed up the largest pile of snow I could find and looked around.

Yeah, of course I couldn’t see anything other than more snow.

Now you might think that meant I would return to my tried and true method of mindlessly wandering, but I actually had my first good idea in a while.

Hmm. I don’t like that phrasing. I seem to be implying that I’d been having bad ideas. No, that wouldn’t do. I just wasn’t having any ideas at all. Actually, in a way that seems even worse. Let’s just move on and stop thinking about such topics.

No matter how I looked at it, there was no way that there was a village, let alone a farming village, that existed deeper within the mountain. Even with my internal cooling system, I could tell it was hot, and there wasn’t any water that I could see. The only way it could possibly work was if the village itself was located on or near the edge of the mountain.

So rather than just picking a direction at random, I decided to walk along the edge of the mountain. Well, in a way I was still picking a random direction, but rather than 360 options I only had two. I figured I’d find Renzo sooner rather than later. And while it did take some time, my theory proved accurate.

I could see a series of large white tents set up on the horizon. It wasn’t any kind of infrastructure that I was familiar with, but who was I to judge? As I approached the village of tents I noticed the villagers come out to greet me.

Ah, a welcome party.

They must have been waiting for a hero like me to show up. The clothes they wore were strange. They had long flowing robes and loose fitting hats. Their clothes were all pure white, which contrasted with their exposed skin. From what I could see, their complexion was darker than most of the people I’d seen in Ah’Ruh.

Hmm? It seemed like they were all carrying weapons. Considering there were giant spiders on the loose I could hardly blame them.

Hmm? Some started to aim their bows while others pointed their spears in my direction?

I see. Their fear of the spiders must have them completely on edge. They’ve already lost all trust for their fellow man.

“Excuse me, no need to worry. I’m no threat to you. I’m here to help. You could even call me a hero and I’m sure some people would agree with you.”

One of the villagers at the head of the group responded to me in a language I didn’t understand. How annoying. I’m pretty sure that as a god I was able to understand every creature, but as an undead I’ve been limited to the language spoken by the woman whose corpse I borrowed.

Did they not speak the normal language? Is that why they drew a picture rather than write a request? I made an apology in my head, as I’d assumed they were just a village of illiterate country bumpkins.

“I see. This could prove difficult.”

As they grew closer so did their spears. I tried to look as friendly as possible, but they still thrust their spears toward my neck. I anticipated that this was going to go in an all too familiar direction. They’d start stabbing and eventually I’d end up killing someone by mistake.

Fortunately, my prediction was wrong. They may have been threatening me with weapons, but none of them actually stabbed me.

“You know, you guys are alright.”

A group of them broke off and circled around behind me. As the leader kept yelling things out they grabbed my wrists and started tying my hands behind my back. After that they tied my ankles together before connecting the rope that tied my wrists and ankles. As they picked me up it’s safe to say I looked like an animal being taken to market. And while it’s not entirely relevant, I want it known that the dress I wore actually had a puffy pair of shorts under the petticoat that kept the skirt flared out. That meant that no matter how they carried me there wouldn’t be any risque shots.

Now, obviously I could’ve resisted and broken free at any moment. That didn’t seem like the right choice though. I couldn’t risk this turning into a physical confrontation. I wasn’t confident enough in my ability to hold back, and I didn’t want this to turn into a bloodbath. After all, I still planned on completing a job for these people. Even if I solved their spider problem, I wouldn’t get paid if I killed some of them by mistake.

Truly, is there anyone that is as accepting of other cultures as me?

I’m sure that thought made me look like the most prideful prisoner any of those villagers had ever seen.