Bread and Cheese

Looking back, even I can admit that I was being a little too tolerant. Even if I didn’t want to cause them trouble, letting myself get taken prisoner is a bridge too far. Thinking about it, I feel like I was just desperate for any kind of human interaction. By my recollection of the phases of the moon, it had been three months since I saved that village from a Frost Spider. I didn’t think that spending that long on my own was a problem since I used to spend decades, or even centuries between having any kind of interactions with anyone, but that was back when I was a god.

I hadn’t realized it, but as a pseudo human I had human needs. I couldn’t just wander alone for months on end without taking a break or having a conversation.

Or maybe I was overthinking things. Perhaps I was just bored after doing nothing but walk and eat for three months and decided being taken prisoner would be a fun distraction.

Either way, it didn’t really matter. The main takeaway was that I had been hogtied and tossed into an otherwise empty tent to await trial. It would appear that in my case bail would not be offered.

I was left alone in my own private tent until sundown, at which point a young girl entered my tent.

“I have food. You need to eat now.”

At first I was brought to tears with how such an innocent child was offering up her life for my well being, but then I noticed she was carrying a small plate of food in her hands.

“Goat cheese and bread. I will feed you.”

She sat down beside me and showed off the food she brought.

“I see. I don’t mean to sound disrespectful, but do you happen to have anything bloodier?”

“Bloodier?” She tilted her head in confusion.

“You know, like meat. Preferably fresh. The fresher the better.”

“Meat? No. Only for feast. Only for adults. No meat.”

“I see. Then don’t worry about it. I’m not feeling particularly peckish, so I don’t need any food, thanks.” That wasn’t a complete lie. On my way to the village I’d been eating basically any animal I could find, so I wasn’t very hungry. And even if I was, normal food like that wouldn’t help me at all. As an undead I needed to eat flesh. It wasn’t an issue of preference or nutritional value, it was just a characteristic I couldn’t avoid.

“No. Need to eat. Need strength. No eat, sun will kill. Cheese.”

She ripped off a chunk of the cheese and forced it into my mouth. I wanted to spit it out, but I soon realized something. No, it was more than that. It’s not that I realized something.

I reached enlightenment.

Possibilities I’d never imagined, futures I thought impossible. All of them unfolded before my mind's eye.

Was it the cheese? Impossible. I was an undead. I ate flesh. If I went too long without eating any I’d feel the urge well up inside of me.

Yet, the cheese was different. It wasn’t a base desire for sustenance. I had no reason to ever consume such things. And yet. . .

The rich umami flavor was highlighted by a light saltiness, all contained in a creamy package. The cheese was practically dissolving into flavor within my mouth.

“Bread.”

This time she forced a handful of bread into my mouth. Once again, I was initially drawn toward outrage. How could she do such a thing? The exquisite experience of eating the cheese was being interrupted.

Yet cooler heads prevailed.

The bread she fed me was nothing like the bread I’d seen before. For starters, it was flat, but that’s not important. They somehow managed to pack such a density of flavor within an unassuming form. As I chewed, I couldn’t help but notice that the ever so sweetness of the bread was taking center stage. What was this? Certainly it was bread, but there’s no way it was made with the flour I was familiar with, not that I’d ever eaten any of that either. It perfectly matched with the subtle saltiness of the vestige of the cheese I had eaten. Despite the suddenness of it all, my pallet had reached equilibrium.

You might think that death couldn’t get any better, but don’t be rash. I had a thought.

“What if I ate both, bread and cheese, together?”

As I continued to lay on my side, I looked up toward the crouching girl, fully expecting her to ridicule me. Even I couldn’t believe my words.

Sacrilegious! Even if it was unintentional, I was implying that the cheese wasn’t good enough on its own.

Heresy! Was I some sort of animal that couldn’t appreciate the bread I was given?

“Both, okay. Need to eat.”

As if she was a siren sent to tempt me, the girl placed the remaining cheese on the flat bread and folded it in half. She held that monument to my endless sin and greed outstretched toward my mouth.

I hesitantly moved my neck forward.

Could I really eat such a thing?

Was someone like me worthy of such divinity?

No, but that didn’t matter. I was living as a human now, so I would take everything I could.

I felt my pride swell as I made that declaration. For I had seen the riches that the gods hid from man, and I would claim them for my own. This is my story, the story of a woman who would do the impossible and steal the treasure of the gods.

I took a bite.

And another.

After that I can’t remember, but looking at the results, I must have eaten everything. I might sound like an irredeemable failure, but that combination was so perfect that the pure power of the flavor blinded my senses and purged my soul of all worldly thoughts. Rather than forget it, I simply realized that some treasures were beyond my base senses.

I looked toward the girl’s, no, the prophet’s hands, thankful that they were empty. I knew that I couldn’t experience any more. I didn’t know food could have such wonderful flavors. The offal that I usually ate tasted, well, awful.

“Thank you.”

Despite my usual way with words, I couldn't think of anything else to say to her.

“Why come to desert?”

Having finished feeding me, the girl wanted to move the conversation forward. Some might even say that this conversation, rather than the food, was her primary reason for coming to see me. Personally speaking, I wasn’t in the mood to discuss anything other than the food, but out of respect for the gift she had given me, I would oblige her.

“Desert? What’s that?”

The girl looked unsure how to answer.

She picked up a handful of the snow and let it slowly slip through her fingers.

“Desert is desert.”

You might think me a fool, but with my already high spec brain being powered by bread and cheese I was able to quickly figure out what she was trying to say.

Desert must have been her language’s word for mountain. Considering she was already going out of her way to speak my language to communicate, I decided it wasn’t worth nitpicking small details like that. Out of respect, I would call the ‘mountain’ the ‘desert’ to make things easier for her.

“I came to help. Is there a reason I shouldn’t be in the moun-, in the desert?”

“Outside people not allowed in desert.”

“Why?”

I couldn’t imagine that this place got enough tourists to place a ban like that. Besides, with no outside revenue coming in, the local economy would only stagnate.

“Rule from god. Only partner of god may come.” She clenched her fist as she forced the word ‘god’ through her lips.

It was all starting to make sense. The people sent a request for help, but the local deity didn’t like that. Deities can be rather fickle, which is probably why the girl seemed so annoyed. I can imagine myself doing something like that back in the day. If they’d have tried to get someone to kill the soul reaver, I’d have probably sent them away, having already solved things my own way. No matter how they begged or pleaded, I’d have never been able to understand their way of thinking. Or at least, I wouldn’t have cared.

“What is supposed to happen to outsiders?”

“Normal, hunters kill. You young girl, hunters not kill. Want reason. Why young girl in desert?”

“So they sent you to ask me questions?”

“No. Elders meet. Distracted. I sneak.” She reached into her robes and pulled out a thick book. “Before, I find book. Interested in outside world. Try to learn words.”

Hold on, she found a book and taught herself the language on her own? That also meant that despite this being my native language, she was actually more literate than I was. I had been looking down on her, but was this girl some kind of genius?

“Want to talk. Learn more words. When older, leave desert.”

“So basically, you just came to see me for some conversation?”

“Conversation is talking? Yes.”

“Then would you mind answering a question?”

“What question?”

“Do you know where I might find a giant spider?”

She recoiled away from me with an unpleasant look on her face. I should have seen that coming. No girl her age would want to talk about a giant spider. Not to mention, it’s probable that her family had been killed by one. I mean, think about it. Could anyone with a happy and healthy family discuss leaving their village so easily? The way she talked about eventually leaving the mountain made me think there must not be anything for her here.

“Why?”

“Because I need to kill it.”

“No. Never die.”

“You mean it can’t be killed?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t worry about that. I don’t mean to brag, but in a neighboring village they’re still telling my heroic tale of killing a giant spider. I’m way cooler and more useful than their useless harlot goddess. They even mentioned that any village who didn’t reward me handsomely for performing such a feat is nothing but a bunch of cheap losers.”

“You hate god? You kill spider?”

Based on the look she gave me, I may have found my first ally in my eternal quest against the goddess of the harvest. Humans always seemed to really love her, so it was nice to find someone who understood.

“Of course. She’s a terrible influence. We’d all be better off without her. That goddess is my number one enemy. And as for the spider, it only took me one punch.”

“No. Young girl weak.”

She was giving me the same look those merchants did when I tried to tell them I would work as security for their caravan. I was getting tired of people not taking me seriously. Sure, I’m an unparalleled beauty, but there is more to me than that. I ripped the rope tying my wrists and ankles. Then I stood up and grabbed the girl’s wrist, easily lifting her up off of the ground.

“I’m actually quite strong, and while we’re at it, I’m not exactly young either. I’m a big sister.”

“You, strong?”

“The strongest.”

“Down.”

“Oh, sorry.” I wasn't thinking about it and ended up holding her in the air for longer than I intended.

As soon as her feet touched the ground she ran out of the tent.

No! I didn’t want her looking down on me, but I came across as a bully! The only person here who could actually communicate with me just ran away in fear. Even if I killed the spiders, how was I supposed to get paid?

I thought about tying myself back up, but before I could figure out how the girl returned.

“Take.”

She once again held out her hands, only this time there was no cheese or bread.

“A compass?”

“Take.”

“I appreciate the offer, but I’m more than capable of finding north on my own.”

“No. Not north. Spider.”