XX — Restart

The snow laid down and stopped moving. Even time felt like it had paused, as the scenery seemed to change. The night sky, the trees, and the landscape all moved away. The magic didn’t dissipate and Kat stood there, in case something would happen.

Ellen stood, after walking a few inches, inching closer towards Sam, who appeared younger, around the time he had met Claire and the entourage of heroes.

Within Sam’s marksmanship, lay a child who couldn’t keep himself steady and who couldn’t breathe properly. His heart was a complete mess, and he only seemed like he could mess up further.

“Sam?” Ellen walked slowly until she could sit beside him no worries. She sat on another edge of the perimeter, choosing the one directly behind Sam.

“What?” he said, her voice suddenly seeming like it has reverted back to his original tone. Ellen was curious.

“Has it been a long time?”

“Not really…”

“Were you practicing?”

“Not really…”

Ellen’s jaw tightened. Her fist on the ground did the same.

“Then,” she started. “Are you alright…?”

Sam, the twelve year old, looked down in between his legs and covered his face with his knees.

“Everyone in my life…” he started, nearly bawling to tears. “They always leave. I’m starting to believe that it was my fault… it’s always been my fault.”

Ellen perked up. “It’s not your fault, Sam…”

Sam immediately retorted. “Then why? Why am I like this?”

Ellen realized why the scenery had changed into something like that. The background had changed, the focus on them had changed to just them, and the real fear was hidden within the lost child who Ellen had been talking to.

“You were a child, Sam. You were only poised to follow orders, because that’s the duty that was given to you…”

Sam looked at the voice as much as he could. He continued listening, but as he did his body trembled.

“You know, when that happened to me,” Ellen started. “I too freeze up. So did Roger in his first rescue mission with us. So did Kat. Everyone starts freezing under the pressure first.”

Sam felt alive but immediately felt even more down. “Then, why do I still feel like this…?”

Ellen turned to face him, crawling around the tree until she knelt and sat upon herself, staring intently into the shy younger Sam’s eyes as she did when she told her story to present Sam.

“Because you’re still growing. Accidents and hurtful things happen. They are a part of life. Even something as extreme as someone dying and yourself unable to protect… that’s life, Sam.”

Ellen felt the weight of her words and, shaking, took one of Sam’s free hands and squeezed them tight, her panic from the past few hours now coated with a resolution she knew she had to give Sam so he would be a bit more courageous about going through life.

“You stumble, you fall, but in the end you still remain. That’s not weakness, Sam… that’s strength. And if you really wanted an ear to listen to…”

Ellen offered herself towards an embracing position, widening her hands as she smiled gently towards a more vulnerable, younger Sam.

“We’ll always be here for you. You are not alone anymore, Sam.”

As the younger Sam moved to hug Ellen, the scenery changed around them. Slowly the backgrounds started to fade into the snow-covered nighttime, nightfall itself carrying an array of rotating stars, some comets flying down, but the more radiant light flashes of the stars became more pronounced towards the event that softened the barrier it had carried over them.

Slowly, the foreground revealed Ellen hugging present-day Sam tightly, who was disheveled from crying, and with an astonished Kat near them. Ellen caressed his head and Sam hugged her tighter, feeling the warmth of a magically eternal hearth, something he only ever had experienced with Diana’s hugs.

He didn’t need to look up. For him, there was only one who gave warmth similar to that given by his own sister.

It was Ellen.

Ellen softly demanded as she hugged him tighter.

“Don’t you ever,” she started. “Walk away from me. Promise me this.”

Sam closed his eyes, and nodded through the embrace.

“I promise.”

Kat stood there with joy, tears coming out as a result.

And through the frosty roads two people realized how much their warmth meant for both of their lights.

And one of them gained something else other than hope.

He was found.

Seen.

And now he was going to try to have this for those who needed it.

For the first time in several days, his quiver felt full.

Full, by the light shining on it.

————————————

The road back home was not as treacherous. It was still very snow-filled, but this time it didn’t feel so bad. Kat had held both of their hands, only slightly jealous at Ellen for hogging the hug she gave to Sam, but perhaps acknowledged that she was the only one to ever bring him back.

This jealousy was met with amusement from Ellen, who giggled and teased Kat until she had broken free from the dual handholdings; and Sam, who laughed silently because he had forgotten how to be human, allowing himself to make mistakes, just like Kat.

They walked back to the town, and Kat greeted the watchers with glee, who in turn stared in awe and eventually nodded in agreement, their ways of saying “Welcome back” to their own prodigal son, not because he had been wasteful of money, but wasteful of his life.

Ellen pulled Sam into her tent, as Kat had already left to pray for thanksgiving towards the Great Mother. She sat Sam down on the bench nearby. Sam was confused, but he perhaps needed spontaneity. He had been walking aimlessly through relentless weather for several days after all, surprised as anyone would when he saw his bow and quiver of arrows still intact.

“Stay there,” Ellen had demanded. It was the dead of night, and no one was out and about except for some of the watchers who had seen him return. He couldn’t sit still, but this time he will try, if it was for Ellen’s sake. She had told him she was giving him a surprise but he didn’t know what it was. He was feeling a little worried, because it was probably something really terrifying; Ellen was still unpredictable to him and he didn’t know anything about romance until maybe recently.

Ellen came back, her hands on her sides. She turned to face Sam and without warning, and would maybe even shock someone who had passed by, both thankful no one had seen it, she raised her hand and—

Slap!

Sam’s face jerked to one side, and suddenly he felt a rush of pain on his cheek. Ellen’s palm had been tilted downward; she had just slapped Sam. He was even more confused, maybe even a little more terrified of her now, and didn’t even stop to comprehend why she did that, but more so continued to comprehend what she had just done. Ellen stared up at him as he tried to regain his sense of balance.

“That was for making me worry,” Ellen continued, her voice demanding, almost pouting. He thought she had completely forgotten about his role in her parents’ demise, but Ellen wasn’t about to let that go, even if he couldn’t do anything about it. The least she ever did though was slapping him, and that was perhaps enough for Sam to rethink his decisions.

Ellen suddenly caressed the face that got hit by her slap, with the other hand forming the cup around his face. Sam took it as an opportunity Ellen wouldn’t miss, so he steeled himself, or at least tried to.

“And this,” Ellen said softly, in a gentler tone than she carried before. “Is for everything else.”

She moved closer to him, tiptoeing and…

Soft.

Tender.

Precious like a gemstone. It was unlike what he had given her, himself finding this one was more genuine, a lot more real than the last one. He had felt her emotions in the softness and tenderness as she broke away, and Ellen had felt his feelings as she had gone deep, succeeding in acknowledging herself, and maybe even marking herself onto Sam, so that they could continue to care for each other.

They were both steady.

Their lungs breathed for each other.

The kiss had rendered both of them exhausted, but there was a stillness installed within them that made them think that maybe, just maybe, they could acquire any experience they would want to get.

In the cold air of the winter breeze, in the dead of night as Kat prayed for thanksgiving to the Great Mother, Roger fiddled with some new coloring and drawing materials he had received from some random kid, Ellen still cupped Sam’s face; all pondering what Sam would do.

Except after a long time of moseying around, Sam will always recall what he needed to do, where he needed to be.

And the light that shone outside became part of a whole chain that illuminated the area.

It was bright.

She was bright.

He was bright.

The Lantern Children had seen the light, and became the light.

From then on, Sam made a vow to himself swearing on his bow and his quiver that he had to; nay, he must; protect the people within this town.

But also asking for their guidance when he needed it.

He had just found his family.

His vow resonated through the hearts of every one of the Lantern Children, all now hoping their shadow protector would be there when times get rough in every single day.

They had set him alight.

Now he had everything he needed to set it ablaze with passion instead of fury.

Of hope instead of despair.

Not of hatred, but of genuine love.