Goodbye

(Several loops later)

*Phone buzzing

…

WHAT THE FUCK HAVE I BEEN DOING?! THIS WILL NEVER END… I NEED TO STOP.

How many years has it been since I just gave up and started repeating these years? 10? 20? I don’t remember anything from back then what was I even thinking… what do I do now? I can’t sit at home either. I have tried… Mom doesn’t let me, and I just can’t tell that I have been restarting.

Should I just continue? It isn’t that bad, at least I get to spend time with Sachi… though now I am completely aware of what happens when. It’s boring now. There’s nothing new. Nothing surprising me. Nothing excites me. And I am still just going, repeating these 2 years… but what could I have done? I can’t ignore Sachi, it still hurts when sometimes I couldn’t save her.

I need a way that I won’t cross paths with her at all. That way I won’t have any feeling for her. should I kill her at the start of first year… No! what am I thinking… I have spent all this time trying to save her and now I… can’t. I won’t. I need help, I should ask Eiji and others. What do they say about it… but the embarrassment of being laughed at… it doesn’t matter. I need a way out of this loop. I won’t tell them anything about Sachi dying. Just that I have been repeating these years, and the reason…

But I just can’t do that. I need to be friends with them first. Then after summer vacation. I’ll tell them everything.
Today’s the first day of first year.

(After summer vacations)

I asked everyone to gather at my house… told them I wanted to talk about something
Today’s 8th September 2018. They should be here by 10: 00. It’s 09: 38 right now.

09: 58, someone rang the doorbell, they must be here

“Good morning, Eiji, Aoi, Hina” (Takahashi)

“Good morning, Takahashi” (Eiji, Aoi and Hina)

“Come in” (Takahashi)

“(in Takahashi’s room) so what did you wanted to talk about?” (Eiji)

“I won’t explain everything because I have gotten tired of explaining everything to you guys. Though it has been a while since I explained anything.”

“Huh…? What are you talking about?” (Eiji)

“I am stuck in a loop; I have been going through my first and second year for years now. I don’t even remember how many…”

“I don’t understand anything…” (Eiji)

“Yeah, me neither. What do you mean by ‘Loop’?” (Aoi)

“By loop I mean, first I am in 2018, then I go to 2019 then I go back to 2018 again. It’s been repeating like this for years now”

“It’s still 2018, how can you go to 2019?” (Aoi)

“Because I have been through this year already. A LOT of times now”

“You go to 2019 after this and then come back to this year?” (Eiji)

“Yes, exactly. It just repeats like this. I don’t know how many years it has been now, probably more than 25 years”

“WHAT?! 25 years? Do you know why it happens?” (Hina)

“Yes, in second year, a transfer student named Sachi joins our class… and I fell in love with her”

“And?” (Hina)

“Nothing, just that”

“You restart because you fell in love with a girl?” (Hina)

“Yeah…”

“Why… that is a really stupid reason” (Hina)

“Yeah, it doesn’t make sense, are you sure it’s because of that?” (Eiji)

“Yeah, I’m sure. Because one time, in first year. I started liking Aoi… that year I restarted back to the start of first year.”

“Oh… So, you can’t fall in love with anyone?” (Aoi)

“I don’t know but it seems like it.”

“So, what’s the problem? You fall in love with her in every second year?”

“Yeah, I have tried so many times. But I just can’t ignore her. she’s always right there Infront of me… It hurts me when I try to ignore her”

“Why not just change school?” (Hina)

“I can’t. what will I tell my mom and dad, why I want to change school?”

“Yeah, you definitely can’t tell this to your parents.”

“Yeah, so I need to think of something. I don’t want to cross paths with Sachi. I don’t want to see her ever again”

“Changing school is the only option I can see too” (Aoi)

“Yeah, or you could stop her from coming here.” (Eiji)

“That won’t work. She comes here because her father moves here because of his job. I have once told her not to come here. But she comes anyway”

“Oh… then change school” (Eiji)

“How? What will I tell my parents? And when?”

“Next year, change school, don’t continue here.” (Eiji)

“In second year? … the thing is, I don’t want to forget about Sachi… so I was kind of fine with these loops. But I know it’s wrong. And if I can, I should find a way out of it”

“Well, you have to decide for yourself, which one is better, the loops or new experiences” (Eiji)

“Oh… Yeah. I have gotten tired of these years. I want a change in my life”

“Then you have to change schools. We’ll be fine with it. We can meet some time after high school. You have to escape this loop first.” (Eiji)

“Yeah, I will. But tell me, what will I say to my parents?”

“Just make up anything”

“And you expect parents to believe a stupid bluff”

“Who said that it has to be stupid”

“I could try to do something stupid and get expelled from school this year”

“No, idiot. If you get expelled and change school. And then if you escape this looping, this stays in your life forever”

“Oh, yeah. Then I’ll talk to mom about changing schools, she can then convince my dad too”

“You can try”

“yeah”

“Well, if there’s nothing you want to talk about, we will leave.”

“Wait… you guys didn’t argue that my situation is weird or unbelievable”

“Takahashi, you look dead serious. No one would be joking with a face like that. And I can see that you are tired of life already” (Eiji)

“Huh…”

“We’ll be going then”

“Okay, thanks for always being there when I need you guys”

“What are you saying! That’s what friends are for”

“Yeah…”

So, I have to change school after first year… should I restart? One last time and change school in the start of first year. because if I want to forget about Sachi, I should also stay away from them. They remind me of Sachi a lot. If I change schools in the start of first year, these guys won’t know about me, and I can easily stay away from them, and it will not be rude… what will I say to them in second year? … Simple, I don’t need to say anything. I’ll just go to second year like normal and say that this is the last time I wanted to be with her. and then when I restart to 2018, I’ll change schools…

(31st March 2020)

This time I saved Sachi, so that I could be the happiest I can be… because this was the last time I'll meet them. Tomorrow, I'll restart. And then change schools…

So it's goodbye then… I never really told them goodbye or anything though, they don't know anything about me repeating years and stuff. But it's fine. And this time I'm actually Okay with forgetting about Sachi.

It's 23: 56 right now, I was thinking I should go meet them last time in third year by staying awake… but I'm too sleepy to even think right now. I'll just go to sleep.

Goodbye guys, thanks for being there for me. I hope I find friends like you in the future too…

(Goes to sleep)

*Phone buzzing

…

This is going to be the last time I see this room like this.

07: 32 right now. I don't know if my mom's up right now. I should go and check… wait, I haven't even thought of anything to say to her. I want to change school so I can avoid meeting Sachi. Maybe I should just say it. That I want to avoid meeting someone… then she'll probably want to know who it is, and I don't want to mention Sachi at all.

I should just go and talk to her if she's up, I'll make something up while I talk to her… and if she doesn't agree? Well, then I'll kill myself… No… I won't. Suicide Isn't the solution to anything. I have already learnt that by trying it once… I wonder what will happen if I kill myself in first year. Haven't thought about it before.

I should go down…

She is in the kitchen right now… man this is making me nervous...

"... Mom"

"What is it? You aren't getting ready for school"

"I don't want to go to school"

I sound like a kid right now…

"Why? What's wrong?"

"There's someone that got admission there too, I don't want to meet him"

I can't say that it's a girl, mom gets interested in that stuff and I don't want that here.

"Someone you know?"

"Yeah, from middle school."

"What happened between you too?"

"Mom, I don't want to talk about it..."

Since I don't have a proper reason

"Want me to complain to the principal about him?"

"No no, never. That would be really stupid"

"What do you want then? You cannot stay home forever"

"I want to change school"

"Seriously, just because of that, you are going to change schools?"

"Mom, it's not 'just'. You don't know how much he has affected my life"

I died from inside trying to chase a person I was never meant to be with...

"Well, I don't know. Just manage somehow, and you don't know if he'll be in your class or not"

"And if he is?"

"Then I can't say anything until I know why you are so terrified of this person"

"I… just wish I could change schools… any other is fine, but not here"

"Even if I agree, we don't know what your dad will say. For now, go to school and see if he's your classmate or not. We'll talk about this after you get back. Now go get ready or you'll be late"

"No, I'm not going" (Takahashi dashes back to his room)

"Takahashi!" (Mom said in a louder voice)

I should lock the door… what am I going to do if they don't agree, I can't go back there. I should have thought of a better reason than this… now what? How long am I going to sit here…? I think Mom will talk to dad, but I don't know if he'll agree or not. And I don't want to restart again…

(Some hours later)

"Takahashi, open the door" (Mom whole knocking at the door)

… Oh shit, I forgot the door locked

(Takahashi gets up and unlocks the door)

"What were you doing?"

"Sorry… I went to sleep"

"Your dad wants to talk to you right now"

"Oh… okay"

What time is it? 11: 12. I should go down, I don't know how long I made my dad wait… I hope he doesn't get mad

"Yes dad?"

"What is it about changing schools?

"I can't go to the one I got into this time"

"What if I said that you can't change schools. You have to go to this one no matter what"

"I'll stay locked up in my room"

"How long?"

"Until high school ends"

"*Sigh, fine, tell me which one you want to go to now?"

"Any school, that is in the opposite direction of this one"

"How much do you hate that guy"

"Mom told…?"

"Yeah, I asked her what your reason was. And I thought high school experience doesn't come again in life so it's better if you can fully enjoy it while you're still a student"

Takahashi: You have no idea how many times I have experienced high school life…

"Thanks dad!"

"Just study like you did in middle school"

"I will"

I didn't think dad would be so relaxed about it. At least I get to change school now, and hopefully I don't have to restart.

(Weeks later)

I have started going to another high school now. It makes me sad sometimes when I think that Eiji, Hina and Aoi aren't here. And sometimes I think I should go to them… but they won't even know me so I shouldn't. It would be a waste of time.

(A year later)

I hardly studied since I have studied almost everything more than 10 times, or probably more. And I got the highest marks again this time.

I haven't made any friends yet. Like, there are people that I talk to often, but I won't call them friends.

I was thinking… I still need to do something about the plane crash. I can start working now and save up until 27th December arrives. I hope nothing has changed since I changed schools... Because I know exactly which flight she takes. So, on 27th, I'll get on that flight and try to stay hidden. If she sees me, she'll know that I'm Takahashi. Wait… what if the plane crashes with me? Will I die? No, I'll restart… or not actually, at that time I still had feelings for her. I wonder what happens if I die without falling in love...

It's 31st March 2019, 22: 55 right now. I'm going to sleep hoping I don't restart.

(Goes to sleep)

"Wake up Takahashi, it's 08: 30 already, you are going to be late for school, Seriously, even though you are a high school student now, can't even set your own alarms"

Huh… why is my mom waking me up… what happened to my alarm… Oh wait, I remember this…

Don't tell me I restarted again… my phone is dead… like it was the first time... I should charge it.

Oh… my calendar says 2019 so it's still 2019. But I have heard my mom say the exact same line 2 or 3 Times…

I should check my uniform… if it's changed back to the old one or is still the same.

It's still the same… I was panicking for nothing…

I should get ready, it's getting late.

(A year later)

I worked part time jobs this whole year and bought a ticket to Kyoto. Got onto the flight at the time she usually did. I made sure she didn't see me. I didn't see her so I know it will be ok.

Second year went fine, I got into a football club and made friends there. I'm now starting to enjoy high school a little. Eiji and others don't come to my mind that much… though during cultural festival… Sachi came to my mind a lot, because she used to confess in those days… aaahhh I shouldn't think about anything now. I have to get over her.

It's 31st March 2020, 23: 11 right now. I was thinking, what if I restarted again? I didn't fall for anyone this year so I know I will not restart… I hope I don't.

I should just go to sleep now. It's getting late

*Phone buzzing

… my alarm? Oh, I should check what time it is. 1st April 2020

So I didn't restart this time… finally I'm out of those loops. Now I can finish high school like a normal student. This is so exciting, finally I can complete high school and go to college, then university.