Chapter 16:

Denouement of Ages

Gray Skies Below


There wasn’t anything he could do or say.

Waking up in the Capital, Erebos had been in a delirium for a few days. He could barely perceive the world and others around him, but his mind was racing between his loathing and pain. After regaining his senses, he wanted to feel the malice of others over what he did.

“Are you all right?”

“Everything’s fine now, you can rest.”

“What you did was very brave.”

It looked like he did end that battle. He brought down the whole tower along with Jiron, and everyone saw that as a victory. What was one boy in a battle of thousands? He only wanted to make Jiron happy. He only wanted to break the Barrier for selfish reasons. He failed miserably in that regard. How could anyone think that was a victory?

Rumina: “I… heard what happened.”

She was back at the Capital. Apparently the Torgemprino capital fell while he was recovering, and they no longer needed the students from the Capital to reinforce the armies.

Her eyes were stained heavily with tears. She was probably upset about Jiron too. Maybe she would realize that it was all Erebos’ fault, that he was solely responsible for his death.

Rumina: “I’m s-sorry that I couldn’t d-do anything. I don’t know how you m-made it there, but… I’m s-sorry…”

She couldn’t finish through her sobs. Sorry for what? Erebos didn’t want tears for anyone but Jiron. He was the one she should be sorry for. Why couldn’t she realize that he was the only one to blame for that tragedy?

“I’m sorry.”

“I’m sorry.”


“I’m sorry.”

What the hell are you all sorry for? Who do you think you’re talking to? He didn’t want those empty words. He knew that he was the most detestable person around, killing his own friend for nothing. Why couldn’t they just hate him openly? Why didn’t they just reproach him, spit on him like he deserved?

Did they really think he wanted their pity? If that was the case, nobody truly understood him. Nobody could see the way he saw. Maybe that was fitting. He really was an outcast, physically and mentally. If they couldn’t even offer him the scorn he deserved, he didn’t have a reason to talk to them, to be near them.

Weeks passed, but everything stayed the same. The Headmaster wanted him to go to the last Tower. Why? Rumina wanted to talk. Why? There wasn’t a point. They’re just lines that say “I’m sorry.” What could he possibly gain from talking to lines?

He found himself spending more and more time in the tunnel between Barriers. No one could follow him or offer empty words here. He was free to hate himself as much as he wanted here.

He decided that he would start bringing enough food to spend a few days down there. The only reason he left was for food, anyway. There really wasn’t a reason to leave when he ran out either. Rumina usually tried to talk to him on his way back, but she didn’t bother him this time.

Returning down the spiral staircase to the tunnel room, Erebos almost didn’t register that someone else was present.

Rumina: “Looks like I’ve finally found where you run off to. What’s so interesting in that hole that you'd rather go in it than talk to a friend?”

She mocked him lightly but still had pity in her voice. He didn’t have the patience to deal with her, but when he moved towards the tunnel she blocked his path.

Rumina: “Don’t think I’m gonna let you go this time. I think we should both just chat like usual, right? I get that it's pretty painful, but you won’t feel better until you talk about it.

She obviously didn’t. Her lips move, lines move, but nothing different comes out. Was that all she was capable of?

He kept his head lowered and held his ground. He could stand here all day if that’s what she was getting at.

He wasn’t expecting to be shoved backwards, however, and landed flat on his back.

Rumina: “What the hell’s your problem? You think you can just mope around and think that nobody else has a right to be sad over him?”

Her words were harsh, but he could see tears dripping down her cheeks. She didn’t have the right to be sad over him, especially not in front of his killer. She should be angry, furious, not sad.

Erebos: “Why would you be sad?”

Rumina: “...What?”

Erebos: “Why would you be sad when you’re looking his killer in the face? Why not be angry? Why would you give me any of the pity that should be his.”

Confusion mixed in with her tears and frustration, causing her to take a step back.

Rumina: “The hell…? What are you talking about? It’s not like you meant to, it was an accident. I’m not going to hold it against you!”

Her voice raised to a shout, but Erebos only clenched his fists and shouted back.

Erebos: “Why does it matter if I mean to or not? He’s dead whether I meant it or not, right? So just hate me already! I don’t want your damn pity!”

She was even more disconcerted than before, but after a second she finally acquired an annoyed look in her eyes.

Rumina: “Is that what this is about? Do you even care if he’s dead? Is this just some sick sense of self-indulgent justice, wanting me to blame you? How twisted can you possibly be?!”

Stepping forward and leaning over him, her voice took on an air of contempt.

Rumina: “It’s all about you, isn’t it? Maybe your eyes really are screwed up if all you can see is yourself, don’t you think? Maybe try thinking about how others feel for once. You think I’d be happy about hating you? Don’t you think I would if that were the case? Maybe I just don’t want to lose the only friend I have left!”

Silence ensued, save from her quiet sobbing and Erebos’ heavy breathing.

Perhaps he was screwed up. Perhaps he was selfish. That didn’t change the fact that he couldn’t forgive himself.

He sidestepped once more, but she no longer tried to stop him. Hanging her head, she made no more attempts at communication. Erebos cast one last glance behind before slipping through the Barrier.

And after sitting up on the other side, he saw another girl crying before him.

Aethra: “E-rebos, w-what are y-you doing here…?”

Hastily drying her tears, she tried to regain her composure. She hadn’t noticed that he had yet to even acknowledge her, with his head still hanging too low to see his face.

Aethra: “Erebos? P-please, don’t ignore me. I’ve tried so hard but… I’m s-sorry, nothing’s changed, p-people are still dying, just please don’t ignore me.”

He stood up and turned away. It wasn’t right for him to treat her with hostility, but he couldn't stand it. He didn’t want anyone’s sorry, not even hers.

Erebos: “Don’t say you’re sorry.”

She became a little worried at his brooding voice, and she stood up as well.

Aethra: “Erebos, did something happen?”

She waited expectantly, but all he could do was shake in frustration. She didn’t know she was talking to a murderer, a wretch. She’d understand if she knew.

Erebos: “I’ve done terrible things. I killed my best friend. I don’t want your sorry, your pity, or anyone else’s.”

Hesitating for a moment, she didn’t give him the scorn he was looking for.

Aethra: “Did you mean to?”

Erebos: “Does it matter?!”

He didn’t have the patience for this. Why didn’t she understand?

Aethra: “Yes, it does!”

Stepping forward and taking his hand, Aethra tried to console him, but he pulled back.

Erebos: “I told you, I don’t want your pity.”

Aethra: “Then what do you want?”

What did he want? Hate? Harsh worlds? He’d take either. He just didn’t want anyone to act like Erebos was the one who should be felt sorry for. That was entirely backwards.

Aethra: “If you want me to hate you, that won’t happen.”

He clenched his teeth. What is with these women? Didn’t they understand that some people didn’t deserve their compassion?

She tried to approach him once more, but all he could do was shove her back. She stumbled and almost fell, but not before she collapsed onto her knees from her own accord. Tears streamed down her face once more, but now for presumably different reasons. Perhaps now she could figure out how to hate him.

Sobbing gently, she rose again and turned around. Approaching the Barrier on her side, she took one last look at him before she sat down on the edge. Slipping through, her final sob echoed in the tunnel.

What the hell was he doing? He hated himself, he wanted others to hate him, but now he was hurting even more people than before. Rumina was right. He could only see himself, and that wasn’t going to change. No matter how many lines flapped around him and told him he had a place there, he didn’t have a right to exist alongside them. An outcast like him should’ve stayed that way before destroying everyone around him.

He looked at his left forearm. There’d be a certain poetic justice in taking his life the same way. Maybe he couldn’t even be killed that way, but he didn’t know until he tried.

Tracing his name along his arm, the letters appeared as thin black lines. He didn’t want anyone else to get consumed, only him, so he held back his strength. After the word was finished, he stared at it for a moment while he waited for its effects

The same numbness as when in the Third Tower spread from his arm over his body, and after a few moments he found himself unable to hold up his knees. Collapsing onto the floor, he saw the face of Aethra coming through the Barrier in his last moments, and he gasped one final breath as the edges of the world disintegrated.

***

A void of nothingness encapsulates the world. Light and darkness bear no meaning in the abyss, with the only certainty being frighteningly absent. He didn’t want to see this again.

The last moments of Aethra’s face were burned into his mind, repeating over and over. She looked truly terrified, caught between a sob and a scream. He couldn’t blame her, considering that it looked like a suicide occured right before her eyes.

Would she hold herself responsible? She’d been talking to him moments before, so perhaps she blamed herself for not trying to stay and talk with him longer. He imagined that he would feel that way if something similar happened.

Why couldn’t he just end everything without hurting others? He was the only one that deserved to feel pain, so why did he have to spread it to everyone close to him?

He knew that he hurt his other friends, avoiding Rumina and Vanov for the last few weeks. That was for the better, considering that every minute away from him was probably to their benefit. The thought of hurting Aethra as he did just now, that was another offense to add on top of his murder. He couldn’t forgive himself for that.

“Have you found your resolve?”

That voice spoke once again, asking about some nonsense. “Resolve?” he thought, “What would I need resolve for?” Seeing through to his mind, the voice responded as if Erebos had spoken out loud.

“In a world of neutralities, all barriers disappear until created by oneself. Your mind is one such barrier. You must find and erect those to form yourself, something which needs your resolve.”

He had just resolved to destroy himself, so why would he want to bring himself back out of this abyss? It would be better for him to stay this way, broken and defeated, alone and unable to hurt anyone anymore.

But a familiar voice joined the conversation, one that he hadn’t heard in this void before.

Aethra: “Erebos? Are you here?”

Materializing from the unbroken expanse, lines emerged and formed her outline. Reaching out with a hand, she grasped towards the direction Erebos was in, and seized hold of something.

Looking down, her hand was holding another. It looked to be his hand, fading below the wrist, but he could feel her fingers around it. Why did she want to pull him out of this void? Hadn’t she been hurt enough already?

“As one’s own resolve can bring out themselves and the world around them, another’s will can create your definition as well.”

Aethra: “Erebos! I won’t let you waste away in this abyss! I need you to come back! If I have a right to exist in this world, to enclose my own space amongst this void, you have a right too!”

This was no longer a matter of rights. She shouldn’t be here at all, but there she was, occupying a space meant for nothingness. She’d only be hurt more if she tried and failed to pull Erebos out from that same abyss.

Aethra: “I know you blame yourself, I know you think you’re the most despicable person in the world, but that doesn’t mean you should fade away along with your mistakes! Can you really call that atoning, or are you just running from your problems?”

He didn’t doubt that she knew the same feeling. She’d been in a war for years and years, probably forced to do terrible things far more often than he did. But he couldn’t understand how she could forgive herself for those deeds. How could he forgive himself?

Aethra: “I’m not asking for you to forgive yourself, and I’m not saying I’d forgive you either. I haven’t forgiven myself for anything I’ve done either, and I’d be furious if you told me to forget about all of my sins too. But I don’t want to run or cower from them either.”

How could he not cower? He couldn’t stand to face another person who offered him pity for his actions. What he did shouldn’t be forgiven, no matter what.

Aethra: “But, you can’t face them without repenting yourself. Did you ever say that you were sorry yourself?”

Say sorry to… someone else?

Aethra: “Have you apologized to the friend you’ve killed, and to his friends? Have you cried once over your actions, begging others to accept you even considering your misdeeds? I couldn’t move on until I did that either.”

What would that accomplish? How would that make a difference in how he was feeling?

Aethra: “When you cry and say you’re sorry yourself, others won’t have to say it and cry for you.”

Is that what it would take? If he gave his own sorrow, his own pity to others, would that be enough to stop theirs?

He felt a warm wetness around his eyes, and saw small droplets float off and fizzle out before him. Did he have eyes, a face to cry from?

He needed a hand to check. His right one was still held tightly by her, so he used his left. Brushing away his tears, he felt his eyes, nose, and cheeks. He pulled his legs up to his chest and wrapped his left arm around them, crying and sobbing in a ball while Aethra refused to let him go.

Erebos: “... I-I’m s-sor… I-I’m s-sorry! I don’t w-want you to forgive me, I don’t want to f-forgive myself, but… please l-listen to me say… I’m sorry!”

His pleas died off without an echo, the two bodies floating motionless in the void for a moment. After what felt like minutes passed, Aethra slowly let go of his hand.

She then wrapped her arms around him entirely, burying her face into his chest. He felt the wetness of her tears as well, and he slowly embraced her with his own arms.

In that void of nothingness encapsulating the world, two bodies intertwined into one asserted their lines, their edges, their right to exist. The confines of the tunnel appeared around them, their two forms collapsed on the floor, already intertwined, both bearing the mark of EREBOS on their arms. As she began to stir, he pulled himself back.

Erebos: “I’m sorry, but before I come back, I need to try something. I promise I’ll be back, so just wait a little while longer.”

Brushing her cheek, he let her reach out as well and touch his. The edges of her and the tunnel faded away once more, and he found his body asserting itself alone in the gray void.

“You have found your resolve, and the path before you is clear. In this world you deemed a void, where the energies of the two worlds meet and are neutralized, the progenitor of both the beginning and the end, you have found yourself and pulled your form from the confluence.

Erebos: “The other people I’ve written my name on, the others I’ve made disappear to the world, are they here too?

“What you call your name is indeed an inscription to reduce the world of opposite energies into their primordial form, before they separated themselves from this confluence. Where you, born of the convergence itself, can travel freely in this place, creatures bound to one energy have no such freedom. They must be separated by force, a feat that none have managed before.”

As long as it wasn’t impossible, Erebos could have a shred of hope going forward. Dividing the void with a floor, Erebos’ touched down on his feet and started walking with a destination in mind.

Erebos: “Can I make it to the tower from here?”

“As long as you can materialize the space around you, distance nor time has no bearing on this world.”

The confines of the dome formed around him, the last Tower presumably being similar enough to the previous, allowing him to imagine himself there and firmly plant his feet. He traced his name out in the same manner as the previous three, ensuring that he didn’t repeat the same mistake as last time and pour too much energy into it.

After he finished, the word dissolved in the same manner as the first two Towers. He couldn’t tell for himself, but that was probably enough to break the seal. He didn’t want to wait around and find out either. He had someone waiting for him. He also had plenty of others to apologize to. Stepping off the floor into the void once again, Erebos returned to the tunnel between his and Aethra’s world. The Barriers enclosing the space were gone. Aethra was sitting huddled in the corner, shaking with her head between her knees.

Erebos had hurt her for long enough. She even followed him into an unknown transience just to save him, and he wanted to do everything he could do to stop her pain now. Leaving behind the immateriality of that void, he firmly reentered the world of permanence. Setting down beside her, he allowed himself to forget his other problems for just a moment and focused on her instead. Rebound by the usual confines of weight, he was hit by a sudden fatigue, but he managed to raise his hand and brush the tears away from her shut eyes.

She recoiled momentarily in surprise, but leaned into him and sobbed heavily once she saw who it was. Those lines of her face, the edges of her existence, and everything enclosed by them, those were things he never wanted to forget. He never wanted to lose them, he never wanted them to hate him, and he never wanted them to indulge his own self-destruction.

Erebos: “I’m sorry… But, I’ll make it up to you.”

***

The final light of four beamed into the sky, and everyone who saw it and knew its significance held their breath. The sky stood still for a moment, until the stars of every constellation glowed with a newfound brightness fired off their own beams into the Capital Tower's dome. A flash of light ran down its length, disappearing underground. A moment later, the Lacuna itself, the Barrier, shattered along its surface, sending out a wave of energy invisible to the world. Every artifice it touched, every inscription it grazed, fizzled out. The stars themselves faded away, leaving a world devoid of light, plunged in darkness, and brimming with fright.

Only two could see the world, and only two could find a way to raise their peoples from that darkness. But, for just that one moment, those two raised themselves out of their own.