Clemency

"I don't know, maybe I need some time to think." I said.

"If you stay here, it will be bad for you. Your physical state is not excellent yet. I cured you, but it’s not like you don’t feel good emotionally and psychologically about what happened to you. Besides, you are not fit for battle if you are found again, as you have been cursed. It’s better we go to a more distant place until the dust settles. Then there you’ll make your decision."

"But if I go, Mora will consider me a deserter, and if the Empire finds me?"

"You were killed or disappeared. What difference does it make... No one is coming for you. Besides, I’ve said before, you shouldn’t consider going back there... These people never change... You will only find more suffering if you continue on this path."

"Alright... I think I understand... But I haven’t fully decided what to do in the future. I still have conflicting feelings and desires about it."

"Alright... Anyway, what matters is you cool your head for now."

"…But then, where are we going?"

"You said that you wanted a quiet place where you can start over and change..."
"I know a place where you can meet again in life and start over. You can decide what you want there, or train and plan alone for possible revenge if you still want that path."

Then we came by boat. He took me to the Uire region.

At first, I was alone and trained my Air abilities to exhaustion on the beach. Although I had a deadly technique before, I never excelled to improve my mastery of the Air Ability independently. I had the Wind Destroyer... I didn’t have to focus on it completely, but the situation was different. I only had Air and Denial, which I preferred to train later, when I was in better shape and had mastered Air's Ability better.

From time to time, Longinus, whom I called master, came to see me.

…

"I still can’t, even after a month. I don’t know if I should put my ego aside and move forward or stay stuck with what was, dreaming of changing things and keeping the power I will recover after revenge. I know it may be wrong to go down that road of revenge and return to who I was, but I hesitate to give up power. To be honest, I think all that keeps me from going back is that maybe I’m not in a fighting condition if it’s necessary. And maybe even the Empire will ignore what happened and abandon me anyway, because of my limitations. If Moima can improve his abilities or even become a Magus, there’s nothing I can do," I said, reflecting.

"Well, you’re already recognizing that. That’s a step."

"Do you understand that maybe I am still that person and only circumstances prevent me from being what I was?"

"Yes, I understand your fear. But at the moment, you should not worry too much about it, as it escapes your control. Have you ever tried to socialize or look for a better place to live? Living here wasn’t exactly what I imagined you would do."

I remained silent and confessed, "I have fear and aversion to people, and I feel that I can no longer trust or relate to anyone. 

"Got it, you’re traumatized. Listen, this world is doomed. I’ve said several times how bad it is, full of problems, but there’s a detail in that... As long as there are good people, it will keep existing. In fact, that’s why it still exists now. That includes me too. And this evil that resides in people and the world will not reign forever. Only I am alive for so long, waiting for the moment when everything will start to change. This is clear proof that it will happen."

"I don’t fully understand what you mean?"

"Long ago, when I was a soldier of Mora, before I received my power, before Numen was taught, a holy man appeared. What you call 'The wanderer of concealment.' He did miracles, healings and wonders... He spoke about being good to others, treating others well as oneself... About the punishment that would come into the world in the future. Gradually, the people of that place came to believe this message. Virtually all natives, including many of the religious elite and the wealthy, surrendered to that message. Many foreigners as well. Although I was a soldier who oppressed that place, I listened to those words with interest but not enough to renounce my life, my power and my status. Although Mora was not as powerful as today, it was already a strong empire. And I, like a soldier, was proud. Full of shifting passions."

"Then, one day, after a few years, it happened. I was nearby when I saw one of his messages. But that was the end. The people who had a steadfast faith in him began to shine; their robes turned into gleaming white and, little by little, they ascended to heaven. But I wasn’t one of them."

"Desperate, wanting to go to that sky, seeing that all that was really real... I tried to hold that holy man's hand, but it wasn’t close enough. Then in despair, I threw the spear into his hand so that I would come up anyway."

"The spear pierced him in the wrist."

"The men who were with him came down to detain me and stopped me. He took my spear out of his wrist, and that wound healed instantly, leaving only one mark."

"He approached me, preventing me from suffering anything more from the others, and said, 'Do you want to be saved? And I said: 'Save me too, take me with you."

And he said: 

"You can’t ask for something simple with kindness? You have to resort to violence… Whoever acts with violence dies with it... If you want to save yourself, you will have to find the one who kindly asks for what you yourself could not."

He began to ascend to the heavens with the others. Then he completed his prophecy for me:
"Instead of freedom, now I give you a task as punishment. I say to you, soldier, until he appears before you, you will not die. So listen to me, another will come, like me, but unlike me, he will foster total evil by feeding the ego of the world. After that, you will have to find the one who would end up in that ego and finally deliver the complete chaos to the world. Your duty will be to guide this person, then your mission will have an end."

And then Longinus said, completing, "He gave me the spear after that and ascended to heaven."

So I said for Longinus: 

"Mora teaches that the great wanderer of revelation was one of the great precursors of the Magus, who, unlike the first, was not selfish, and shared how to use his powers instead of keeping this knowledge only for himself and disappearing with his disciples afterwards... Now you’re telling me that the great wanderer of revelation was a bad person, who was just spreading the manifestation of ego in the form of power, calling Numen to cause human doom?"

"Yes, but you put it in a very beautiful and allegorical way, huh? Anyway, this line of thought is quite different from Mora’s, isn’t it?"

"If that’s true, Numen is..."

He struck the ground with that spear, and in that instant I found myself bound in chains.

"Practically... You are bound by chains now... but the truth is that you are chained to your Numen. Your feelings are reflected in your Numen now."

"If you do not understand that you must not live from your power and that power must live from you, you will never find peace. You used and were used because of your power, and in the end you gained nothing from this world."

I was silent.

"You still don’t get it, do you? Well, here’s what we’ll do: you wanted to live a peaceful life somewhere else... And you stay here, but bound. You are bound by chains now... but the truth is that you are chained to your Numen. Your feelings are reflected in your Numen now."

He then touched the ground again and, with a magical pass, I was free. The chains disappeared. So he finished.

He stood up to leave and said, "The world was already bad before Numen, and maybe it will continue after it’s gone, but if Numen can be used for ego in a bad way, there is still a good way to use it, if you understand how to use it. Live thinking that way. See you around."