A Desire so Twisted

After I was fully dressed the gown’s color changed, just like Anelace said it would. I didn’t want to know how expensive this thing was. I just needed to make sure that Anelace didn’t try to change her mind again and take it from me.

Its primary color was an ashen grey that matched my hair. That color wouldn’t look good on most people, but because my skin was so pale the contrast managed to stand out. The secondary color, which included the lace, ribbons, and bows, was a bright red. The edges of the skirt and sleeves also transitioned into having a reddish tint, as if the gown itself was bleeding.

Honestly I wasn’t very interested in such macabre design choices, but who was I to argue with a magic dress? I’m guessing that it was trying to match my eye color. I was also a bit surprised that the design on the long ribbons didn’t change either. Apparently I’d be repping the design that Anelace liked.

And while this part wasn’t magic, it was just as amazing how well it fit me. Anelace really had prepared a dress that perfectly matched my proportions.

“Thanks. I really was lucky to run into you at that store. What a happy coincidence.”

“No, it wasn’t a coincidence.” Anelace had once again moved as far away from me as possible. She was breathing heavily in the corner of the room. She would look at me then quickly shield her eyes and force herself to look away. “I saw you on the street. I’d been following you for hours. I knew I shouldn’t, but I couldn’t resist.”

“Yeah, that was a waste of time. You just should have told me about the dress right away.”

“Please, gods, why must you tempt me so?” I’m not sure if she was even listening to me. She started screaming at the ceiling. “Her malnourished form draped in such finery. Is there any greater irony? How much has she suffered? How sweet must her suffering have tasted? Why? No! Why am I having these thoughts? Please, just stop it! I don’t want to! I can’t!”

You know, I was starting to think the bird might have been right about this woman. Now, don’t get me wrong. I was still glad I came, but I could at least admit that there was clearly something wrong with her.

“Hey, listen to me for a minute.”

“This time I’ll do it! I’ll finally do it, and there’s no coming back! Please, I don’t want to!”

I’ve heard that money can corrupt people, but I wasn’t expecting anything like this. I’d need to make sure I always kept my head on straight.

Thinking about it, once I had the dress I had no reason to stick around. I could have just left, but that didn’t feel right. Anelace did a nice thing for me, so I thought I should probably do a nice thing for her too. The only problem was that I couldn't get her to listen to me at all.

So I slapped her. I slapped her a few times. I kept slapping her until she stopped screaming about the gods or whatever and actually started listening to me.

“As I was trying to say.” I slapped her again just to make sure she was still listening. “I’m quite happy with this dress, and as everyone’s big sister, I always pay back my debts. What do you want from me in return? Although let me tell you now, you won’t get a single coin from me. I pay back my debts in a figurative sense, not a literal one.” I gave her another slap to let her know she could talk again.

“My desires are only horrible things. You can’t let me succumb to them.”

“Ah, I see. You’re one of those religious types.”

“All I want is to be a humble servant of the gods.”

“I never understood things like that. Let me say from experience, there is no point in abstaining from what you want in order to please some god. The gods don’t care. It’s best to just let your passion free. That’s what any god worth their weight in fabric would want.”

“But, I can’t. If I did, there’d be no coming back.”

“So what? Who wants to go back? You’ll never live in the past and you’ll never reach the future. All we have is the present. I’ve decided. I’m not letting you leave this room until you tell me what your desire is!”

“And then?”

“If we can, we’ll fulfill it! That’s what life is about! Even if it means dying!”

Despite how I was acting, if her desire was something outrageous I was fully prepared to run away. I wanted to return a favor, but I wasn’t willing to go to any extremes to actually help her. I figured that my encouragement was enough help already. I was helping her break out of this shell that her religion forced her into.

“Do you really mean that?”

“Of course. I’ll help, as long as it’s something I can do.”

“You can! You’re the only one who can!”

“That works out perfectly then. Come on, let's hear it.”

“Are you sure? Is it really okay?”

“Come on, don’t make me repeat myself. Don’t let society hold you down. Just because you were born into a high class lifestyle doesn’t mean you’re a caged bird. What do you want?”

“I want. . . Well. . .” She stood up and walked over to a chest. After lifting the lid she pulled out a long metal spike. It was thin enough that while incredibly painful, it wouldn’t kill quickly. In the right hands it could be used to repeatedly skewer someone before they ultimately died of blood loss. “What I want, what I really want, is to stab you with this. I want to watch your blood stain that dress as I keep stabbing you until there’s no more blood left.”

‘Like I said. . .’

“Oh, that’s it? With how you were acting, I figured it would be something bigger than that. Alright, get stabbing.”

I held my arms open wide, as if I was waiting for a hug. Obviously I didn’t enjoy getting hurt, but all things considered, it didn’t really bother me that much either. Nothing she could ever do would compare to the hour or so I spent in Silvias’s stomach. If Anelace wanted to stab me that badly, I figured she earned the right.

“Are you sure? I mean, really sure? I’ll do it! I’m going to do it!”

I slapped her again.

“Come on, quit talking and start stabbing.”

“Ahhh!”

With an odd mixture of screaming and crying, Anelace started stabbing me. She was hesitant at first, but after her third or fourth stab she really let loose. She had a huge smile on her face. I was glad to finally see her look happy. I bet she ended up stabbing me at least fifty times before she dropped the spike.

And if anyone is worried about the dress, don’t be. I made sure to register my essence with it the way Rakki taught me the moment I put it on. Actually, thinking about it, I probably should have tested it out first before I had her start stabbing me. Oh well, it worked out. The rips and tears started repairing themselves at the same time that my stab wounds were closing up.

Anelace was staring at her hands as my blood evaporated off of them. She looked up and focused back on me.

“Pretty impressive, right?” Most people wouldn’t have been expecting the dress to repair itself as well.

“Am, am I insane? Have I lost my mind?”

“If I’m being honest with you, that’s a pretty big maybe. But well, you know, don’t let that get you down.”

“I see. That’s for the best. I’m not sure what I would have done if I’d actually stabbed you. There would be no coming back from something like that.”

“Oh, no. Don’t misunderstand. I’m really starting to think that you might be crazy, but the stabbing happened. You stabbed me a lot. And I mean a lot. Way more than I was expecting. After the first dozen or so I kind of wanted you to stop, but you looked really happy while you were doing it. I’ve never seen anyone look so ecstatic to be splashed with a stranger’s blood. Stopping you before you were finished would have just made me feel guilty.”

“That really happened?”

“For sure, yeah.”

“I stabbed you 63 times?”

“I wasn’t counting, but I’d believe it.”

“I felt pleasure for the first time in my life while being splashed with your blood?”

“I really don’t know about that one, but from the look on your face I can at least say that you were having a good time. Stabbing is a two way street though. You really need to work on your technique.”

“I see. Hahaha.” She started laughing, but stopped just as suddenly. “Then I truly am broken. A failure of a human being. Now that I’ve killed, there’s nothing left.”

“Hey, don’t write me off that easily.” I slapped her. “I’m still alive, well, in a manner of speaking I’m not dead. You didn’t kill me.”

She started to look a bit confused, as if she hadn’t thought about that fact.

“I see. You’re still alive, and your wounds are gone. How?”

“This is supposed to be a secret, but I’m an undead. It doesn’t matter what happens to me, I’ll always be restored to perfect condition. Not even a divine spider’s stomach acid could keep me down.”

“You’ll always be fine, no matter what happens?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“No matter how many times I kill you, I can always kill you again?”

“You certainly picked the most upsetting way to describe it, but yeah, that’s the gist of it.”

She dropped to her knees and clutched her hands together.

“You are a gift from the gods themselves! The cure to my ailments! No, that’s not enough. You are the gods themselves! The gods personified, given flesh!”

“Hearing that is a bit creepy, but you’re more right than you’d think.”

“Of course, please! Stay with me! Be mine!”

Hearing all of that was certainly good for my ego, but I had no intention of sticking around. A free spirit like me couldn’t be tied down by a single human.

“Let me worship you! Become my idol, my muse, my holy relic! My prayers exist only to please you! Every prayer I’ve ever recited has been to you!”

“Alright, sure.”

I’m not sure why, but I started to like the idea of spending more time with this woman. I wasn’t very interested when she was acting all nice and proper, but for some reason, the sight of her grasping at my ankles out of reverence with a crazed look on her face was oddly comforting.

“Yes, thank you! I’ll never let you out of my grasp. I’ll rip your arms and legs off and carry you around in a little box! I’ll only pray to you for the rest of my life!”

“Man, you really are crazy though. At least you seem fun.”

“Crazy? Oh no, I’m not crazy. I know exactly what I want, and I’ll do it. I’ve become a stain that will ruin the divine blood in my veins.”

“Divine blood?”

“Yes. I am a descendant of the Valieris royal family’s founder. My family is only a relative of true royals, but for some reason the founder’s divine blood flows thick in my veins. Because of that I’ve always had to act like the saint everyone thinks I am.”

“Hmm. Can I have some of your blood?” I wanted to find out if she was speaking figuratively or literally.

“Of course!”

She picked the spike off the ground and poked her fingertip. Honestly I was expecting her to do something way more rash, but I only needed a single drop anyway, so it wasn’t worth mentioning.

It’s just, you know, she had no problem ramming that thing full force through my body a few dozen times, but when it comes to her, she was as delicate as a surgeon operating on a baby caterpillar.

Sorry, it wasn’t worth mentioning, but I wanted to at least get my feelings out there.

Anyway.

She squeezed her freshly pricked finger and I caught a single drop of blood as it fell.

Yeah. It hurt. Touching that drop of blood hurt just as badly as getting stabbed did.

Based on that amount of pain, it’s safe to say she wasn’t exaggerating. I’d estimate that she’s on about equal terms with a lower level angel, not that I knew anything about angels. Pretty impressive for a human. I bet she could learn some pretty wild holy magic.

“Yeah, it all makes sense now. Listen, Anelace, I’m sure you’ve been through some hard times.”

“Because of my blood?”

“Yup. You humans seem to think of the gods in a pretty positive light, but let me set the record straight. Most of us are the worst, most depraved people that you could imagine. A good person doesn’t become a god. The only people who become gods are the ones who have a desire so twisted that they needed people to start worshiping them to get away with it. That’s why you are the way you are. You might seem crazy, but when you take into account the divinity you’ve inherited, you’re nothing special. You’ve got one torture dungeon, so what? I’m sure that divine ancestor of yours that founded this kingdom had a castle full of torture dungeons.”

“So then, I haven’t had these desires despite my position as a saint, I’ve had them precisely because I was a saint?”

“Exactly. Well, I don’t actually know what a saint is supposed to do, but that’s probably right.”

“Then what should I do going forward?”

“I’ve got no idea. You figure that out.”

“You’re abandoning me?”

“No, I still plan on hanging out with you a bit longer. I can’t do everything though. I don’t mean to brag, but my talents end at getting stabbed. All of that ‘saint’ business is up to you.”

“Of course! But is it just stabbing? I have so, so many other ways that I’ve wanted to hurt girls before. I never would have acted on those impulses, but now that I know the truth, I can’t hold them back.”

“Hmm. I don’t enjoy getting hurt, but every once in a while is fine. Just make sure to pamper me a lot to make up for it.” If I played my cards right I bet I could get her to buy me bread and cheese. The good stuff. The kind of stuff that a normal person doesn't even know exists. I bet she’d even buy some slightly lower quality stuff for my sister. The bird wouldn’t need any, so I’d take his share of the slightly lower quality bread and cheese.

“Of course! I’d give anything to place you on the rack and slowly pull your body apart.”

“That’s what I like about you Anelace, you're a woman after my own heart! I didn’t want to put any ideas into your head, but I’ve been eyeing that height increasing thing since we came down here. Is that how you got so tall? What are you waiting for? Get me strapped into that thing and start stretching. No matter how much I scream, don’t let me out until I’m at least five centimeters taller!”