“The hero's heart disagrees pt 3.”

This is the part where they all explain what happened right?

“If someone hadn’t been shouting so loudly I wouldn’t have lost my footing!”

Dain shouts.

“You were all yelling first! I just had to yell louder to get you all to stop yelling so loud!”

Maelis shouts back.

But they're back to shouting.

“In all my years of knowing you Maelis, you’ve never made such a ridiculous sentence and said it aloud,”

Emrys says shaking her head in disappointment.

“Such a way with words this one.”

Jorvain adds.

“What’s happened on the hill? “

I ask abruptly, raising my head from Jorvain’s lap, I look around.

“Why are we in a forest?”

“Well as I’m sure you recall, we fell, thanks to a certain someone.”

Emrys explains, glaring at Maelis who is pretending not to notice.

“But lucky for us we were already halfway down the hill, which so happened to be covered in slime! So it softened the hit.”

She says with a smile.

“O-oh, that’s good, isn’t it?”

I say cluelessly glancing back and forth between the four of them, whose faces say otherwise.

“Well…”

Emrys begins, carefully choosing her words

“It was, but then we realized—

“Dain landed directly on top of you and busted your head real bad,”

Maelis says bluntly.

“Maelis!”

Emrys scolds.

“M-my head?”

I ask, my brows furrowing as my hands shoot up to my head, surely enough, it's wrapped in bandages, but it doesn’t hurt.

“Those can come off now.”

Maelis says, reaching to unwrap them.

“Maelis patched you up! Even your bruises from the temple!”

Jorvain exclaims, placing a hand on my shoulder.

“Dain! If you feel guilty just come and say sorry!”

Emrys shouts back at Dain whose sitting by a campfire, snapping twigs in half while muttering to himself.

“It was Maelis’ fault not mine!”

He barks.

“And the temple?”

Maelis says with a raised brow

“I said I was sorry! “

He whines.

“It’s all in the past, I can’t even be mad about the hill, I’m not in pain and I don’t remember him crushing me,”

I say with a laugh.

“But how long was I out? When did we get to a forest and set up camp?”

I ask.

“You were out for a day, we woke the slime hill when we fell.”

Maelis says with a sigh.

“W-What?! How did you manage to beat the whole hill?”

I exclaim in disbelief

“Ha! Beat the whole hill? Don’t be ridiculous, we ran!”

Maelis responds joyfully, seemingly pleased by the fact…which is fair.

“Oh.”

I sigh in relief.

“Ah, but shouldn’t we be moving? Did me passing out make us take an unnecessary pause?”

“Of course not but since the sun is setting, Jorvain figured we should set up camp and rest,”

Emrys responds.

“Alright.”

I say, glancing up at the sunset, oranges, pinks, reds, and fading blues all mixing into that set form. Harmony from all those chaotic colors, I ought to be like that.

“Whatcha thinking about Roba?”

Jorvain asks me with a smile, his head slightly cocked with curiosity.

“Ah, I’m not completely sure myself, I think I’ve been thinking a bit too much lately; it makes my head hurt,”

I say quietly.

“Well, that could be Dain falling on you earlier.”

He says with a laugh.

I laugh too

“Maybe.”

“Cmon, let’s help the others set up for the night.”

He says offering a hand.

“Okay.”

I say with a smile as I take his hand.

***

With a fire started, we all sit in a circle, on wooden logs, our sleeping bags spread out under the night sky.

“I fed Agnes Jr Smith!”

Jorvain says with a smile. Returning to the group, he takes a seat across from me, beside Maelis who sits beside Dain, with Emrys on his other side.

“Why does the horse get full name status?”

Maelis asks with an eye roll.

“It’d feel wrong not to say the full thing. The name just has so much meaning to it.”

Jorvain says with a gentle smile.

“Are you jealous of the horse Maelis?”

Dain teases while stirring a pot of soup he’s in the process of making.

“Obviously not, I was just curious, someone saying my full name would just be…odd.”

Maelis says with furrowed brows.

“Maelis Irvine of Acedia, that’s not half bad.”

Dain says with a smirk.

“I said I didn’t wanna hear it!”

They bark, grabbing a rock and tossing it at him.

“Hey, Roba, how does Dain say my name?”

Maelis asks with furrowed brows and a pout.

“Huh?”

I say looking up from the fire.

“Earlier, what you said about Emrys was true, so give it a go with Dain.”

They ask eagerly.

“That’s not necessary.”

Dain says looking away nervously.

“Hm, I’m curious to know as well!”

Jorvain exclaims with a grin.

“I’m still not sure how accurate these observations of his—I mean of Roba’s, are, ahem, but I am a tad bit curious as well.”

She says feigning a poised expression.

“Uh, well..”

I start, but stop the second my eyes meet Dain’s sharp stare.

“Quit stabbing him with your stare and stir the soup!”

Maelis barks.

“Carry on.”

Emrys says cheerily.

“Well, from what I’ve observed, when he says Jorvain’s name, I hear a deep gratitude and admiration. “ I say shakily trying not to piss Dain off, but when I glance his way, his stare has softened.

“With Emrys, there’s familiarity, a bond.”

I add

Emrys smiles at Dain who rolls his eyes.

“And with Maelis”,

I begin, their eyes already lighting up upon being said

“I hear a lot of affection and understanding.”

“Oh my! Dain!”

Emrys exclaims, teasing him and covering her mouth in shock.

“That checks out, Dain and Maelis are like peas in a pod ".

Jorvain says smiling ear to ear.

He stares down into the soup he has now begun excessively seasoning.

And Maelis’ face has gone red.

“Ahem, well, I knew all this already, but it looks like Roba knows his stuff.”

They say clearing their throat, sheepishly looking away.

“I’m still new to all this so I could always be misinterpreting “.

I say with an awkward smile.

“That was definitely accurate!”

Jorvain says with a laugh.

“Oo! Do Maelis next!”

Emrys says excitedly

“W-What?! No! That’s enough for tonight!”

Maelis barks, their face red with a blush.

“Food's done.”

Dain says, still sounding sour

“What wonderful timing! He must have hurried cause he has so much affection for you Maelis!”

Emrys teases, I think she’s getting her get-back for earlier on the hill.

“You don’t wanna start this Emrys! “

Maelis says throwing a fit.

I laugh

“Let’s eat!”

Jorvain exclaims.

****

We talked and laughed over salty soup that Dain had overseasoned, and soon everyone was getting ready for bed.

Emrys sat behind Jorvain on a log, in her sleepwear, brushing his long hair, and trying to pick slime out of it.

She hummed to the tune of Blue Skies, and he swayed, closing his eyes.

“We’re gonna need to find a river soon, my robes are caked in slime.”

Maelis whines.

“You sleep in those things..?”

Dain asked, his voice laced with poorly masked disgust

“Other recommendations?”

Maelis teases, taking off their hat and robes to reveal—more robes.

“Are you ever serious?”

He asks in a piqued tone, pulling off his shirt and tossing it at them.

“Yeah, about you.”

Maelis says attempting to wink before the shirt flies over their face.

“Ugh, would you two stop? And put a shirt on Dain you’re always complaining when you get bit by bugs but you won’t sleep with a shirt!”

Emrys scolds the two of them.

“He’s always wearing that heavy armor, can you blame him?”

Jorvain says with a small smile.

“I don’t know why he does it either, talk about overexposed.”

Maelis says shaking their head as they go to lie down.

“Well, I’m glad Dain’s gotten so comfortable with us all, it’s like we’re family,”

Jorvain says with a soft smile.

“Speak for yourself Jorvain.”

Maelis says as they turn onto their side and close their eyes. But I’m sure they don’t mean it.

“Blood-related or not, a bond akin to family…it’s an honor for me,”

Emrys says softly.

Her sincere words are met with snores from Maelis and Dain who have already fallen asleep. But I lingered on them, they really were all like family, understanding and comfortable around each other, and I was still figuring out how to be a part of it all. But I’ve come far from where I was in the beginning, haven’t I?

“Ah, looks like they’re asleep, guess we should rest as well”.

Jorvain says as Emrys's hands leave his hair.

“Your hair’s still matted with slime, but we’ll find a river tomorrow.”

Emrys says with a sigh.

“Been a while since I’ve had a bath.”

He says, running his fingers through his hair and sniffing his arms.

“That goes for all of us, it’s hard to sleep knowing my soft skin is coated in dirt and slime”.

She whines as she walks over to her sleeping bag.

“Good night!”

Jorvain exclaims as she lies down.

“Good night, your Greatness.”

She says with a yawn.

“Guess I’ll be going to bed as well “.

I say, setting my bowl aside.

“Ah, yeah… me too than”.

Jorvain said slowly, almost as if he had contemplated saying something else mid-sentence. And the way his eyes lingered on me gave me the sense that it really was the case.

But I didn’t ask, I just put out the fire and went to bed wondering about it.

***

At this point, it felt like a habit, a harmony between me and the moon. Which I again, I found myself sitting beneath and gazing upon. It's direct light stretching back out at me, the way my eyes did in return. A mutual understanding between us. And in what I can only describe as the lonely chaos of my heart, it felt comforting.

“I hoped you’d be awake, Roba.”

Jorvain. I’m not surprised this time, my mind and body respond at once, turning to his voice.

“Jorvain,”

I say with a smile.

But there he stands, under the moon, light hair and eyes aglow, messy, unkempt,

My smile widens, despite the nerves that swirl in my stomach as he takes his place beside me. Every time we’re alone we talk about something kinda serious, so I guess I’m on edge.

“You, me, and the moon. I hope I’m not interrupting your moment, but I have to steal you from her to say a few words if that’s alright?”

He asks with a gentle smile, and despite that gentleness, his eyes still crinkle.

“I don’t think she’ll mind.”

I laugh softly.

“Maelis got shy after you told them how you hear Dain say their name. I wondered, how do you say my name?”

He asks with a grin, his shoulders raised with eagerness as he cocks his head, his hair falling over his face.

“H-how I say it? Your name?”

I croak, and I hate how the sound comes out. How my eyes retreat from his green gaze that glints in the moonlight. How I begin to fiddle with my fingers.

He nods

“You’ll be honest won’t you? I’m just so curious to know.”

His eyes won’t budge and it’s making my heart beat faster than I’d like.

“Well, I, I doubt I’d say it that much differently from the others.”

I say sheepishly

“Why would I..?”

“I don’t know, why would you? Roba.”

He says deliberately, his smile growing.

“Did you…do you mean to tease me just cause we’re alone?”

I complain, looking away with a burning flush in my face.

“Of course not, it’s not really what I wanted to ask you, I just thought since the others were asleep maybe I could get you to say it.”

He chuckles to himself, tucking his hair behind his ear.

“Tell me Roba Reman, what’s your reason, you’ve come to know after all this time haven’t you? “

He asks, his voice mixed with a beautiful harmony of excitement, anticipation, and wonder.

Before I notice it, I’m practically leaning backwards to keep his face from brushing against mine with how close he’s suddenly come to be.

I look away, my mind pacing

My reason..i’ve come to know it but—

“Oh please look at me Roba, I know I’ve been rather impatient, I just have to hear it.”

His voice wraps around me like a spell, and soon I’m staring back into his eyes.

But the loudest emotion in the chaotic orchestra that seems to reverberate in my head—is fear.

Because only now, face to face with Jorvain had I worried

What if my reason isn’t the right reason?

But can I really back out? Can I lie and tell him I still haven’t figured it out, that I need more time? Would it really be a lie when all of a sudden, I’m so scarily unsure of whether my reason is wrong or not?

“I’m sorry, “

He says softly

“I’m pestering you, if you’re—

“It’s you.”

I blurt out before I can think better of it, and now it can’t be unsaid.

“I think my reason for being here is you. To help you reach your goal as the greatest hero. The truth is I don’t think I’m a hero myself…I hadn’t always thought that way but..”

My eyes prick as I pause to gather my thoughts.

“In the temple, Dain told me to try understanding who I am to understand who I wanna be, but it seems like I was gravely mistaken about both, i’ve made up my mind, i’ve got no heros heart, no spark in my eyes…I guess it must be something you’re born with, but still, I’ve decided to help harbor the power of that heart into something that helps others, that’s probably the closest I’ll ever get to being a hero.”

I finish with a bittersweet sigh, but as I turn to face Jorvain, the sight I see and the one I sought don’t align.

He’s visibly upset, his brows furrowed, his eyes frustrated, and within them, disappointment.

My heart sinks and it’s like when I failed to prove myself all over again.

“You’re…”

He begins but turns away from me before he does.

“I’m what?”

I ask, my voice laced with panic.

“Supposed to be special...”

He mutters.

And my eyes widen.

“What?”

I repeat, almost hoping I’m mishearing him, hoping he doesn’t mean what he’s saying.

“Supposed to be?”

I say, the hurt easy to hear in my voice.

“If you have no spark in your eyes what did I see when I saved you? If you don’t have a heros heart why did I hear it beat before I even reached you? If you’re here for me, nothing else…then why are you even here at all?”

His tone isn’t cruel, but it’s not compassionate either, and it’s never been like that before. His eyes are sharp and it stings to see.

“W-why..?”

I laugh bitterly.

“Why would you say something like that to me? After begging me to tell you, why talk as if it’s so unbelievably sorry?”

I shout, as I shoot to my feet, a subtle quiver in my tone.

“Because it is, Roba! “

He shouts back, standing to his feet, the distance between us feels so much bigger than it is.

I clench my shaky fist.

“Is that what you think? That I’m sorry? So sorry you shouldn’t have saved me?”

My voice cracks as tears well in my eyes.

“What was I supposed to say? My actions speak louder than my dreams ever could! You can’t find me more sorry than I find myself, it isn’t possible so don’t look at me like that Jorvain! Don’t!”

I cry, the tears rushing down my face.

“I didn’t say all of that…but maybe I shouldn’t have said anything at all. I have no right to speak, I was just seeing what I wanted to see in you. I’m sorry—

“How prideful can you possibly be? “

I laugh bitterly through my tears, my heart feels like it’s breaking.

He freezes

“I…Roba, take that back. It isn’t true.”

He says sternly, his gaze full of frustration.

“Of course it isn’t, how could it be when you’re so perfect, too perfect for pride or greed, or anything…I guess all you can do is pity me right?”

I spit, full of spite and hurt.

“If I’m so prideful and you’re so sorry how’d I have it in me to take pity on someone like you?”

He scoffs, a mix of hurt and disbelief.

I don’t know what to say.

“You’re right, I can’t find you more sorry than you find yourself, and no matter what I say I don’t think I’ll hurt you more than you’ve already harmed yourself. I don’t know what I wanted you to say Roba,”

His eyes gloss, and he bites his lip to hold back his tears.

“But if you thought it was that you’re here for me, if you think I’m so prideful that could possibly make me happy, I don’t know what I heard from your heart..I already have enough people at my hip for my heart, but what makes you think my heart is any better than yours?”

A tear rolls down his cheek there’s nothing else he could say that would make me regret tonight more.

But I don’t know what to say.

“I’m going to sleep, I’m sorry I ruined your night.”

He says softly, wiping his face, he turns from me.

And soon he’s lying down, with nothing left to say.

There’s my answer, my reason was wrong.

I turn away and lay down to sleep. Staring back at the moon.

I sob and sure enough, the only thing I think to myself is—if I think Jorvain’s prideful, then how can I still find him so perfect, to the point where I want to be him?

Of course his heart's better than mine.