A Patient Person

I felt good to be back on a proper adventure again. Don’t get me wrong, I vastly preferred paying for a leisurely ride in a caravan that would stop at rest towns along the way, but after my last trip I learned that method doesn’t feel very mercenary like. Honestly that whole last section felt way too disjointed. It was time to go back to the basics. I already had money and status, so there was no reason to rush. A long trek across open country, occasionally running into monsters, getting lost, that’s what an adventure was about.

Not that I bothered remembering most of it.

Now you might think that it would look strange for someone in a ballgown made for nobility to be camping outside, but compared to the Paladin who was either constantly taking clothes off or putting them back on, no one would pay attention to what I was wearing.

Wait. I didn’t like the sound of that either. If people didn’t pay attention to me what was the point of existing?

Alright, new plan. I could summon Crow. He was dressed just as fancy as me. Two people in formal attire would definitely draw more attention than a half naked Paladin. And if there were two of us, we wouldn’t seem out of place. If anything, seeing two people dressed to the nines would make anyone think they were the ones who were underdressed.

Haha. Perfect.

Oh, by the way, the bird was given a name. Crow. I know, not particularly original. It wasn’t my idea to name him. Thanks to a situation involving Ane that someone else will explain later, he needed a name. My little sister ended up needing a name for the same reason.

Oh, by the second way, Crow wasn’t actually living in my head anymore. Ane went through with her ritual to separate us. Now he’s haunting my little sister. Honestly, everyone seemed pretty happy with the new arrangement. Even better, despite not having him make snide comments on my inner monologue, I still had the power to summon him back to me. He always had an annoyed look on his face when I did though.

Now there were some, let’s call them side effects, as well. Turns out having a mortal be Crow’s host is slightly different than having me do it. Well, it all worked out in the end and everyone is better off for it. And I don’t care what anyone says, she’s still my little sister! Little! Don’t forget that.

Oh, by the third way, I probably should have mentioned this at the start, but Sanson and I were on a mission. An adventure one might say. This wasn’t a job though, we were on a personal mission. And unfortunately, it was just the two of us. Because of Sanson’s predilection to expose himself to strangers, the two of us were walking. Like I mentioned earlier, I was actually okay with that. Acting like a proper mercenary again was fun.

And while I’m at it, by the fourth way, I may have said something or other about enjoying this old fashioned adventure, well, that was only for the first few days. Having fun? Yeah, that was a lie. Now that I had a taste for the high life I couldn’t go back!

“Are we almost there yet?”

I wasn’t just asking that for my own sake. You might think I’m incapable of introspection, but even I know it’s my own fault for agreeing to walk without asking how long the trip would take. I can accept my own fate.

There was just one small problem. I told Ane this would be a quick trip. I would have lied about that no matter what, but now that I realized how long this was actually going to take, I was starting to get worried. With every day we spent apart more and more of her love would build up. By now she probably already destroyed the life sized Rem doll I gave her. Once I made it back to Milize she’d probably have a long list of fun new ways to kill me. Not that I could really blame her. No matter how long a trip took, it wouldn’t really affect me. Ane was a human though. A little more holy than most, but still just a human. She’d only live for a single century or so. Knowing that she’d eventually die must make every second important to her.

Sounds awful.

“Haha, my answer is the same as it was when you asked 30 seconds ago. We should reach the Holy City by tonight. I fear the gate will be closed, so we will camp out near the gate, and enter the city tomorrow morning.”

“Alright, good. And while I’m thinking about it, make sure I don’t forget to buy a souvenir for Ane while we’re here. Actually, we should probably buy one for Eris as well.”

“A fine idea my friend! Eris will not be an issue, but what do you suppose we should get for Lady Anelace and her loyal bodyguard?” I hadn’t even considered him, but for some reason Sanson seemed to be on good terms with her guard.

“Does the Holy City sell anything that makes humans live longer lives?”

“Unfortunately not. I doubt such a product would be allowed in the Holy City in the first place.”

“Then I suppose the second best thing would be torture equipment. I’m sure you religious types have a bunch of interesting torture gizmos to use on heretics. If you see anything they don’t have back in Valieris, let me know.”

“I doubt such things would be on open display, but you have my word!”

“Nice. And you’re sure you’ll be fine? Even a patient person like myself would be annoyed if after this long trip there was a portrait of you at the front gate that said ‘do not allow this public nuisance entry.’”

“No need to worry, Rem, my friend. I may have been sent away from the Holy City, but it was not an official banishment. It was my choice to leave.”

“Your choice?”

“Of course. My eldest brother let me know that I could either be put to death or leave on my own.”

“I can understand where he was coming from, but that seems a little cold.” And I’d hardly call that a choice.

“Cold? Hardly. That was perhaps the nicest thing my family ever did for me.”

“Should you really be saying something like that with such a happy face?”

“It may seem strange, but that is simply how noble families are. I’m sure you’ll learn to understand it soon.”

I knew what he was implying, but I had my doubts. Whether or not his family was normal for nobles, there was absolutely no way being involved with Ane would teach me anything about nobility.

“Moving on, or maybe I should say moving back, after hearing that I’m really starting to think they might not let you back in.”

“Haha, you and Eris are always such worriers. No common guard would ever bar my path. The only people who could cause any problems would be my eldest brother or the chancellor. It will be fine.”

The way I saw it, those were definitely two people worth worrying about.

But well, you know, no reason to keep harping on it. It’s not like going on my own was an option anyway. The idea of an undead going to the Holy City was troublesome enough already. I definitely needed someone who had a home field advantage.

Why were we going to the Holy City? Didn’t I mention that earlier? We weren’t fleeing the law or anything like that. The property damage we caused wasn’t actually the primary reason we were all arrested. After paying a fine that problem completely disappeared. Money really does solve everything.

No, the real crime we were suspected of was poisoning their saint’s mind. Ridiculous, I know.

Well, anyway, after Ane was taken to the castle, they subjected her to every magic and alchemic test they could. All the results came back the same. She wasn’t being controlled, possessed, or poisoned. There were no tricks and she wasn’t being threatened. No matter how they tested her, she was just Anelace Milize. That should have been obvious to anyone that really knew her.

I’m sure that information caused quite a commotion, but it was good news for us. If Ane was completely fine, then there was no reason to suspect the rest of us for anything. We were cleared of all charges. Eventually they even had to let Ane go free as well. Honestly they probably should have just killed her, but I suppose the officials back at Milize didn’t realize how far gone she was. Or how badly her new image was going to reflect on their city. A dead saint wasn’t good, but they’d soon learn what a living one was capable of.

Anyway.

That’s when Sanson got a delivery.

Do you remember Rakki? I’d understand if you forgot about him, but that guy was technically still part of our party, not that we’d ever really done anything together.

He was initially supposed to meet up with Eris and Sanson in Milize, but he was a no show. Apparently he decided to make a quick stop in a different part of Valieris first. Then for some reason he headed straight to the Holy City. I’ve got no idea what he went so far out of his way for, but that’s beside the point.

The point is, he ended up in the Holy City. And even more to the point, our resident Witch of the Wilds was arrested for heresy. No surprises there, I’m sure. After his arrest he used his one free letter to send a message to Sanson and Eris, who he knew would still probably be in Milize.

That’s where the two of us come in. We were headed to the Holy City in order to help get Rakki out of trouble. Well, that’s at least what Sanson was doing. What a nice guy. I’m sure he’s actually doing this in order to help a friend. Me on the other hand, well, I don’t really care what happens to Rakki all that much.

Besides, he’s powerful. I’m not sure if he’s a witch or a sorcerer or what, but it doesn’t really matter. He could solve this problem himself if he really wanted to. I mean, look at Eris. She didn’t even bother coming.

So why was I going along? For a prison break of course. A few weeks ago I had gotten pretty excited about the idea of a prison break, but my own prison departure was rather anticlimactic. What was I supposed to do with all of this prison break energy I had accumulated?

I bet Sanson was planning on trying to solve things diplomatically. Well, good luck with that. I was going to cause a prison break. I might even go as far as to cause a prison riot. That might seem irresponsible, but well, look at the big picture. The people of the Holy City viewed the undead as monsters. If I went there and started acting all polite and cordial that would only confuse them. Instead, I should give them what they want. That’s the nice thing to do. An undead breaking into prison and releasing all of the other heretics would be much easier for them to accept.

See, I was doing all this for them.