The one to blame

"Why are you always such an annoying snooper? Can't you understand my language, you nosy bumpkin? Get off me already!"

I felt nauseous—I was wearing the festered skin of a corpse in an attempt to pass as a dead body myself. How far was I willing to go?

Was it even worth trying so hard?

Even more so when Rasbora took it all without batting an eye?

She'd stopped trying to ask questions a while ago and instead just sat and took all the rubbish I threw at her.

Shouting hadn't worked.

Insulting her hadn't worked.

Threatening her hadn't worked.

And I was at a point where I had no more strength to pretend to hate her.

So I just hunched down, my head hanging low, staring at the ground.

"Why are you still here?" I whispered.

"Cause ya look like someone who needs the company."

"I don't deserve company."

"The fact that ya can say that is proof of the opposite."

"Why do you insist? I told you what I've done. My crimes are way past the point where any atonement should even be considered."

"It must be hard. Ah can't even begin to imagine how much. Ya feel responsible for so much more stuff than ah have ever blamed myself for. But ah do understand one thing, ah know the feeling of putting a ton of effort, trying so hard that when ya constantly fail time after time ya feel like there must be something fundamentally wrong with ya. Ah was the same until not long ago, and do ya wanna know what made me change my perspective?"

"I'm not in the mood for pretty words and tales with a moral."

"Well ya're gonna get some 'cause ya're being stupid, simple as that. I saw mahself in you, and that made me understand how stupid we both were. Cory, ya truly care, ya want the best for everyone and that's what matters. So even if things backfire, be it by back luck or a bad choice, it doesn't mean ya're a failure. For once, ya did manage to give me the push ah needed to become a bit stronger during this journey."

Don't believe her.

She's confused because she can't grasp the full extent of what you've done.

You know better. She's mistaken, so don't let her convince you even for a second that you can be forgiven.

With that in mind, I ungratefully struck her with more soiled words. "Do you really think you can attribute all your progress just to some small motivation I gave you by accident? Don't you realize how idiotic that is?"

"For sure not as idiotic as blaming everything that goes wrong on some mistake ya do. Ya may be a Paladin, but the fate of the world doesn't rest on your shoulders, and no one should ever think like that."

"..." Those words sapped the little strength I'd regained. They tempted me with the promise that I could relax, making my exhaustion that much heavier—to the point where I'd collapse if I tried to keep this up any longer.

"Come on, Corydorin, stop with the blaming and accept that ya're allowed to forgive yourself."

She extended me a hand.

I could've taken it, pulled her close and hugged her tightly—cry myself dry for everything that had gone wrong… but doing so would mean returning to the same Corydorin who'd killed Oscar.

The one who might also kill Rasbora and Betta.

My hand slapped hers away. Once again, I fled—escaped like the coward I was—praying for her to not give chase.

"We'll talk again," I heard her say behind me, without an ounce of anger for the way I'd treated her. "Ya don't deserve this guilt, and I won't give up on ridding ya of it."

After turning a corner, then a second and third one—getting far enough where I wouldn't hear her even if she called for me—I finally stopped walking and leaned on the wall, almost collapsing on my knees.

Too much.

I needed out—couldn't face this any longer. Rasbora, Mahi, Princess…

Oscar.

The more I loved them, the more excruciatingly painful it had become to face each of them. Even remembering their names opened a gash in my guts.

So you're going to look for a way to escape again? Don't you ever get tired?

I was tired.

The heavier my exhaustion, the more alluring the idea of fleeing grew.

What if I just left, straight up? Took my things and disappeared to some forgotten swamp where no one would look for me?

It's almost fascinating how you find a way to sink even lower every time. At least have the decency to first attempt to cancel this quest properly.

…

That was it.

The path to solve everything.

A solution that meant abandoning every problem, but still a definitive way to get rid of all my baggage.

I just had to convince her.

ᗢ⫘⫘⫘⫘𖦹⫘⫘⫘⫘♡

Betta locked herself in the room she'd been given, then went to the window and flopped on the frame, her hands hanging out.

She'd almost managed to do it.

Almost got to apologize to Rasbora for the time she'd beaten her up with the excuse of training—yet that dullard Cory got in the way again. Why did he need to be in the lounge at that very moment? Curses.

Because of him, Betta lost her chance to make amends—and she wouldn't find another one in weeks. All he ever did was complicating matters—he could never just keep things simple, could he?

"Be careful where you point your passions. They're so strong you'll have a hard time changing course," one of Jacks riddles came to mind.

And as much as she wanted to, she couldn't just ignore it, so she'd spend the next few minutes trying to figure out what on earth the cryptic philosograndpa had meant.

But someone interrupted with a feeble knock on the door.

"I don't care who it is; leave me alone before I make you."

"It's me."

The idiot's voice, coming right now to sour her even further.

"Fuck off unless a million Cursed are coming to invade."

That shut him up, for a second. Then his aggravating voice grated on her ears again.

"I'm losing my powers."

Son of a—

Betta stormed to the door, nearly ripped it off its hinges, grabbed the idiot and threw him onto the bed.

"You choose now, of all times, to become a useless piece of shit? Now that I'm so close to riding the world of the second worst parasite to ever plague it?"

"I-I'm sorry, I—"

"I'm not looking for your apologies. Those are as worthless as sewage water. How do you intend to take responsibility for this? Eh? Tell me."

He didn't look at her, and she didn't want him to.

"I can't."

"Of course you can't." She punched the wall, cracking its stone.

What was she gonna do now? Cory ruined everything again. Following through with the quest would be—

Wait a minute…

"When did it start?" She asked, her voice only carrying only a spoonful of poison.

"I'm not sure. I think I first noticed the hints a few months ago, but I wasn't certain until I had to heal Rasbora back when you… trained her."

"But you could still heal her."

"Yeah, it was a bit harder than usual but…" He looked up at her. "You don't mean to—"

"We're speeding up the journey. We gotta reach the monster while you can still provide more support than a band-aid."

"That's insane. Rasbora isn't yet ready to face something of that caliber, on top of my diminishing powers and our team missing a member. Are you trying to kill us?"

His reaction made sense, it was what any normal person would say.

Which ticked Betta's eye.

That asshole.

That cursed phony.

"You're bullshiting me again," she said through gritted teeth.

His eyes widened, then he almost managed to hide the stutter in his voice. "What do you mean?"

Betta grabbed his head and lifted him off the air.

"You want this. Want me to cancel the quest, you dirty scumbag."

If he desired this, then that was another reason not to give it to him.

Even if that might kill them both.