Chapter 4:
How to be Dead
I proceeded to stand beside Eros, and smiled at him lovingly before turning around to glance at Reiss, and Daera.
I held my phone to my chest the moment I realized what I just did. ‘Is he even my blockmate?’ the sentence that continuously ran around my head. How can I be so idiotic to just let my irritation get to me and vent it out on innocent people? I love myself, so much actually, but at times especially during moments like this all I want to do is find the nearest wall and slam my head into it, and I did. And it didn’t hurt.
“Eris, tone down please,” I heard my roommate told me.
I held my phone in my hands and immediately apologized for the way I acted. ‘Sorry for snapping at you,’ I sent before smashing my face on my pillow. I thought he’s asleep but it turned out he wasn’t.
‘I’m also sorry for how we acted. How I acted,’ he replied.
I wanted to apologize in person but I have a problem. I only know his name; I can’t remember his face, his image or his figure. I screamed angrily on my pillow. I swallowed my guilt and forced myself to sleep. Funny, for the first time since this semester began, I dreamt. I dreamt of Reiss, his face is blank but I can hear his voice. And the weirdest thing was, his voice allures me to no end. Why?
I walked inside the room making sure to create loud stomping noise as I enter.
“Eri, what’s with the stomping?” Jeanny complained the moment I entered.
“I’m still mad you see,” I answered her before throwing my bag to the usual empty chair beside mines.
“About what?” Jeanny inquired moving her face closer to me.
“Yesterday?” I answered her vaguely before turning around, heading towards Eros and Clarck who are sitting at the corner playing with their hand phones, god knows what. “Yo!” I interrupted them, but they didn’t budge and continued with what they are doing.
I understand anyway, if my release is through arts, theirs is through virtual games. I sat on one of the available chairs beside them, knowing that they’re here and they’re presence is there, is good enough. I plugged in my earphones and let the sound reverberate through my ears. I zoned out.
Someone calling my name finally snapped me out of my early Tuesday morning reverie “What?”
“You’re sitting on my chair, move out,” Daera answered directly.
“Oh!” I stood up before counting the chairs to check whether Daera was right or wrong. “Peace.”
“Hey, you’re unusual today,” Daera bluntly stated, eyeing me carefully.
“I’ll tell you during our vacant,” I answered before sitting down, with her following right behind.
“You know, I was seriously mad at you yesterday,” I told her in an as-a-matter-of-fact, the moment the bell rang signaling the end of class.
“What?” Daera, having no Idea of what I was talking about, asked dubiously.
“The way you acted yesterday,” I whined. “Like duh, you interrupted, no – you destroyed the peace and order of our practice.”
I saw her face clear up with realization. Sometimes, I wonder why my sister is slow on the uptake. But the moment she had a flashback of the events, my irritation turned into something else as my face brightened with a smile.
“Eri, are you going nuts?” Eros asked as he passed right at us, heading towards the cafeteria.
“What?!” I outrageously asked, following him.
“A moment ago you were fuming, and now you’re smiling,” Clarck added, in support, before chasing Eros.
“Guys, stop ganging up on Eri,” Daera jokingly said, walking beside me. “So continue,” she uttered loud enough just for us to hear, giving me an odd look.
“Well, I was actually expecting Mae, Illian, Jeanny and Eros to somewhat text me an apology,” I started with some hand gestures. “Because were friends, I expected them to realize that what they just did hurt me.”
“Of course,” she answered in sympathy. “They know that you’re group was practicing, they should’ve stayed there and not join our fray.”
“I know,” I answered dreamily, thinking of whether to tell her the next details or not. I sighed.
“That’s it?” she asked hysterically. “Then why are you smiling like a fool?”
“I’m not yet done!” I answered her raising my voice a bit. “Then about seven or eight, I received an apology.”
“From who?” she asked eagerly.
“From a person that I couldn’t even remember the face. I know his voice, I know the name, and I happen to know for a fact that he’s a male.”
“Can you please tell me directly!” she demanded.
“Will you please tone down your voice?!” I screamed.
“Don’t shout!”
“Who started?” I reminded her, in which she just smiled. “Is it normal for a male to apologize that quickly when your friends didn’t even notice that they just – hurt you?”
“I don’t know,” she answered faintly.
“It’s really weird how he just openly texted me sorry. For Pete’s sake I don’t even know him,” I hysterically pointed out. “And duh, the others didn’t even notice my irritation, even you. So how did he?”
“I guess he’s just sensitive with people’s emotions,” Daera answered.
“Maybe, but I actually did something idiotic,” I told her scratching the back of my head as I placed my bag on the chair beside Eros.
“Pause,” Daera told me before turning around to face the boys. “Guys, what do you want?”
“Just buy anything you want,” Eros answered placing some bills on the table, followed by Clarck who just did the same.
I immediately grabbed the money on the table, “Dae and I will grab some foof. The two of us still needs to talk about something.”
Oh, don’t get me wrong, in our team we actually call any grub, foof.
“Tell us too,” Clarck pouted.
“Girl talk hon,” Daera replied grabbing my wrist.
“I’m a girl!” he exclaimed making the three of us laugh.
“Continue,” Daera demanded the moment Clarck and Eros were out of sight. “You were on the ‘you did the most idiotic thing ever’ part,” she reminded knowing that I’ve forgotten what I was talking about.
“When he apologized the first thing I did was, ignore the message for an hour,” I started. “I was demanding for an apology but when I received one, I chose to ignore it, how ironic.”
“And then?”
“After an hour that was probably nine, when I replied and of course I snapped at him. But I’m not even close or something to him but he chose to ride along with my temper,” I added with a smile on my lips.
“And that is really weird,” she commented.
I don’t know if she’s pertaining to Reiss’ action or mines but I don’t care anymore. When we got back to Eros and Clarck with our orders, we chose to finish our assignment to be passed after our vacant period. It seriously consumed our time that Daera and I never got the chance to talk until we were back in our classroom five minutes before the time.
“We were talking about a certain person for a while now, yet you still haven’t told me who,” Daera snapped.
“Reiss,” I answered immediately while fixing my things. “His name is Reiss Anderson.”
“So, it’s him,” Daera said straightforward, that made me turn around, and saw her pointing a finger at someone.
I stared at him for a while as I had a bit of a flashback. Yes, it is him, Reiss Anderson, Mae’s current partner, Illian’s previous.
“He’s our classmate on this subject?” I asked Daera.
“Not just on this subject, he’s our block mate,” she informed me.
“Like what?”
Looking back at that memory makes me laugh. How can I be so unobservant that I hadn’t even notice that he’s not just a classmate but a block mate? Silly me, from that point on I became so drawn in him, I even sneaked glances, and watched his moves. Maybe if I had noticed him, our friendship wouldn’t have come this far. Well, maybe not
“Guys, if the bus will arrive at 10, you can go,” Daera instructed. “I don’t want your parents scolding you because of me.”
But no, I wouldn’t leave, I’ll wait… even it means that I wouldn’t be able to cross.
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