STEP 1: Believe the word SORRY

Following behind the troupe, I decided to flashback from where it all began. Our team was composed of three males and two females, yeah, was, that was back then when I was still alive, right now they’re just left with three–one: Eros, Clarck, Reiss and Daera. Somehow, no scratch that one; I really regret not being able to see them grow, to see them have their happy endings, and to see them reach their dreams that lies ahead. Along with all of my regrets I also have fears; a whole lot of them… even ghosts are plagued with them and do you want to know what’s on top of our list? We fear to be forgotten.
Despite that fear, I’m happy, I’m happy knowing that despite my untimely death, they learned how to proceed; they continued living life the way it’s supposed to be lived. Where was I? I remember now, right, from where it all began.
Well, other than Eros and Clarck being classmates since pre-college days, none of us have any relations of any sorts long before. Maybe by chance Eros, Clarck and Reiss had already rendezvoused before, well they live in the same city after all, that’s bound to happen at some point, but they never formally met. Daera and I, well, we came from cities several hours away from them: Eros, Clarck and Reiss. Daera’s place is six hours away while mine is ten.
By chance, we all met to what? Maybe to fix each other up, to mend each other’s heart. We’ve all went through a lot of tragedies before. On my case, my life back with my family is hell, and here I finally found something in between heaven and hell, I found a place to call home.

“Jeanny!” I whined, the moment I spotted my not so tall friend from last semester, sitting with one of her earphones stuffed on her left ear. “Where will I be sitting?” I complained while pointing at the bags beside her. “You’re unfair! We’re supposed to sit with each other.”
“Just sit right there,” she answered jokingly pointing at the chair I’m leaning on.
“Here?!” I hysterically reacted, seeing that no one from our group of friends has yet occupied the chairs beside me. “NO”
“Okay, I’ll transfer Daera’s bag, so she will be sitting right beside you,” Jeanny whispered, as if planning something dark before picking up Daera’s innocent bag.
“Clarck!” Jeanny greeted the moment Clarck and an unfamiliar man stepped inside our classroom.
“Oi!” he acknowledge with a wave of his hand. “Who’s sitting here?” he asked pointing at the chair where Jeanny placed Daera’s bag.
“Daera,” I answered curtly.
“So no one’s sitting here.” He stated before placing his bag on the chair beside Daera’s while his friend placed his things on the last chair.
Funny how everything proceeded that day, maybe if Jeanny didn’t transfer Daera’s bag, things wouldn’t have turned out the way it is.
“Eh?!” Daera interjected the moment she saw her things right beside my chair.
“Jeanny,” I immediately said before she throws a fit. “Blame her.”
“I’m supposed to be sitting right there!” she complained pointing at the chair currently occupied by Mae, one of our friends.
“Come on Dae,” Jeanny pleaded with her puppy dog eyes. “Don’t worry you’ll be sitting with Eris and Clarck anyway.”
“Okay,” she said with a defeated sigh as she sat herself down.
“Guys, who’s the early bird this time?” Mae asked.
“Jeanny,” most of us chorused.
In case you’re confused, our circle of friends started with an initial number of nine: two males, and seven females: Clarck, Brylle, Mae, Daera, Jeanny, Kaye, Mil, Illian, and me. Since, we already know each other and we already comprise the 18% of our class of 50, we’re really the noisiest group, who talks about everything and anything.
Slowly our noise died down when we realized the presence of the man with Clarck, and our excitement turned into inquisition.
“Hey!” Daera greeted boisterously. “What’s your name?”
“Eros Britania,” he answered dubiously. I don’t actually know if it’s because he’s the new one in the group or simply because he got scared by Daera’s ultimate loudness.
“Did you just say Britannica?” Mae asked, slightly confused. “That’s an encyclopedia right?” she added seriously, making all of us burst into a fit of laughs.
“We’ll call you Eri!” Daera announced.
“That’s my name.” I complained, scratching the back of my head.
“Then let’s go for Ero!” Daera screamed, her ever loud voice echoing through my ear, as she pumped her fist on the air.
That was already months ago but everything is still fresh in my mind. That was a memory from when I was still alive, yet even now that I’m gone I still remember every detail. I sighed.
Getting tired of following the troupe from behind, I decided to walk pass Daera and Reiss. Well, Reiss was a new addition to the troupe; he started to become a part of us more or less on the second week of the third month of the semester.
In a group of friends especially a large circle like ours, sub-groups are bound to exist, and from the original circle Daera, Eros, Clarck, and I are the members of our inner circle. Reiss well, he’s someone who just suddenly popped into the group like a mushroom. Maybe it’s because they, I mean Eros, Clark and him plays the same online games or maybe it’s because he saw something within us that made him come closer and form a bond. And somehow, I guess, that’s the point of view of others, as for me, it’s different.
I’ve been dancing since I was a kid; actually, I’m the artsy type of being, I excel in every form: literary, performing and visual arts. I enjoyed every moment, every single fleeting moment while I glide, twirl, and extend my arms and legs, as well as every drop of paint, and rustle of the brush. But I would’ve enjoyed it more if I had the freedom, if I had the choice to choose what I want. Maybe, that made me different. I grew up caged, I grew up surrounded, no, I grew up with pain, and maybe that’s why He took me early.
I’m a dancer, indeed, but that doesn’t mean that I’m a leader. But I’ve got no choice do I? The group wants me to lead because I’ve got experience but I’m quite sure that it didn’t sunk into their minds that once a dancer has experience the steps that is too easy for them would be hard for others. I sighed.
“Guys! Come on let’s practice!” I called out loud trying to catch their attention.
Luckily, I managed to catch their attentions, or maybe just a part of their attention. I did a head count starting from the females. And yeah, we’re lacking three members, but I don’t care anymore we can proceed without them.
“Guys, get your partners and recall the steps of the first part of our routine for 15 minutes and then I’ll teach the next part!” I announced before letting them go to wherever they want as long as I can monitor their practices.
Don’t assume that I don’t have a partner, because I do have one, the only problem is, he’s not around. I can’t just magically summon him, so here I am enjoying the life of… What would I enjoy? Never mind.
Practice according to the appropriate standards was already orderly, until – Daera, yes I mentioned my sister’s name, until she appeared and distracted the world.
“Sir, look!” Daera boisterously called out to our instructor who’s really close to us.
“Eros, Jeanny, you really look like each other,” our instructor pointed out, again. It’s been a while since, he, I mean our instructor, noticed the similarity between Jeanny and Eros, and since that day the two already received constant teasing from him. But as much as I want to join in, I need to teach my group the next steps to our routine especially now that my partner arrived.
“Guys!” I called out slightly louder than the usual. But I only received a few responses mainly of Jeanny, Eros, and my partner maybe there are some who responded but those three were the ones I noticed.
Despite, the very warm welcome, I still pursued on teaching until the moment when I decided to stop because teaching at this moment would just put my efforts into waste.
“Guys, let’s just continue this tomorrow,” I uttered, but no one responded. “Guys, I do hope you heard my instructions a while back. And I really do hope, someone is still listening to me. Thanks,” I said sarcastically before talking to my partner personally.
But I heard no response, funny, almost half of the group belongs to my circle of friends, and knowing that, they should know what can hurt their friend’s feelings. They chose me to construct the routine, so they should know the consequences.
With a heavy heart I bid my goodbye to them, and then walked faster than my usual pacing, heading to our dormitory.
Funny, I was expecting an apology from Illian, Mae, Eros, and Jeanny, actually even from Daera, but I didn’t. Honestly speaking, it actually pissed me off, but I have this thought inside of me saying ‘You’re not supposed to get mad at them for a very light reason.’
At times the words we expect to hear from the people we trust, comes from those who seem insignificant in our eyes. The words, we long to hear are uttered by those people we expect the least. If I hadn’t mistaken, it was minutes before 8 o’clock in the afternoon, when I saw the words: ‘Sorry about what happened earlier,’ popping on my phone.
Somehow you’d be expecting me to read into further detail, and say don’t worry its fine, no harm done. But I’m not that type of person. I ignored the text without even bothering to learn who send it. I threw my phone inside my dresser before taking out my notes and then started reviewing for our quiz tomorrow.
It sounds so ironic, that minutes ago I was asking, no, I was actually demanding an apology but now that I received one I chose to ignore it for an hour. By nine o’clock, I hastily rummaged through my closet, in search of my phone, thinking that he’s already asleep I opened the message with my eyes closed before typing the first sentence that had come into my mind.
‘Sorry, but seriously what you did a while back was simply splendid, really magnificent,’ I replied through text messaging.
I was expecting some kind of comeback but what I received next had taken me aback and calmed me down, ‘Sorry Eris. I
I know that the person I’m texting right now isn’t one of my friends because the speech pattern is different, it’s not from one of the girls or Eros. So, who? Out of sheer curiosity, I finally decided to check on the name of the person who managed to faze me ‘Reiss’. Who in the name of dancing is Reiss?
I have no idea how can a simple sorry stir me up to no end. And until now I still have no idea why I was drawn to an apology that even I have no idea if sincere or not, coming from a man who I never even noticed before.