Rain

Tap. Tap. Tap.

I hear the rain tapping at my window...

I spend my days staring at the ceiling, wondering where everything went wrong. Honestly, that’s all
 I ever do anymore: wake up and stare at the ceiling.

I don't have friends. I haven't had a single one since middle school.

Buzz. Buzz.

My phone vibrates on the nightstand. Why?

Buzz. Buzz.

Hesitantly, I reach out and grab it, only to see the screen flashing.

It was just my alarm. Of course it was. What else would it have been?

"I gotta get ready for school..." I mutter to myself.

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and get dressed. My aunt is usually gone by this hour for work, so I spend most of my mornings in complete silence.

I step outside, and the sky is pouring. i pop open my umbrella, but within seconds, the damp chill of the morning air seeps right through my school blazer.

Rain. Rain has always been gray. But today, rain gives life. That life isn't me. For years, I've felt like I've been stuck in a constant loop. I don't know where my path leads, nor do I understand it.

 I'm always searching for an answer to my problems—a solution that stays just out of reach. I just want to find something... something that makes me feel wanted.

As I walk down the sidewalk, ice-cold water floods straight through the canvas of my sneakers. I pass groups of students laughing together under their umbrellas. Everything eventually fades... especially in high school. I see no reason to make connections ever since—

No. No, don't think about that. Just focus.

Approaching the school gates, I spot a group of girls standing near the entrance. They’re the "popular ones"—at least, that’s what people call them. They’re far too loud. I couldn't stand being in a group like that.

Suddenly, one girl catches my eye. She’s in my class.

A strange sensation washes over me—it feels like I’ve known her somewhere before. For a split second, my chest feels completely hollow.

We lock eyes. A moment passes before I quickly tear my gaze away.

Interacting is just a waste of time, I remind myself. It distracts you from the main goal in life: get a career and survive on that for the rest of your days.

I walk through the front doors, taking off my wet street shoes and slipping into my indoor slippers. All around me, kids are chatting about their routines and how their weekends went. Hearing it every single day gets exhausting.

But something about her—no, come on, Akita. Stay focused.

I head down the hallway to my classroom and take my seat in the back row by the window. I like the window seat. Seeing the rain makes me feel safe.

My mind begins to drift. My vision narrows, and the room feels strangely distant. The heavy tapping of rain against the glass drowns out the teacher’s lecture.

There's no reason to feel this way... So why can't I stop?

It feels... nice, in a way. Like if I could just—

"NANASHI-KUN!"

The sharp call breaks through my trance. I jolt in my seat, startled that he called my name out of everyone in the room.

"Y-Yes, sir!" I stumble over my words. "Sorry, I was lost in thought."

"Was my lesson boring you, Mr. Nanashi?" the teacher replies sternly. "I expect you to know the answer next time I call on you. As I was saying..."

Muffled whispers echo around the classroom as a few students turn to stare. I couldn't care less about what they think. I just want to eat my lunch and go home.

As the hours pass, I continue staring out the window while teachers swap in and out. I don't write down a single note.

RING!

Finally, the lunchtime bell rings.

I pull out the simple sandwich I made this morning, along with my favorite book. As I read, a persistent prickle on the back of my neck makes me feel like someone is watching me. I try to dismiss it, but the urge to look grows too strong.

I glance to my right. A girl across the room is staring directly at me.

Flustered, I snap my eyes back to my book.

She was probably looking at the girl sitting behind me... right? Yeah, that's definitely it.

A few moments pass, and then a shadow falls across my desk. I look up to see her leaning over, her fingers lightly tapping a rhythmic beat against the edge of my wood table. She tilts her head, looking right into my eyes. I pull back slightly, wrapping my arms around my book like a shield.

"Uh... can I help you?"

"Don't you ever get lonely sitting here while people make fun of you?" she asks bluntly.

"I'm... sorry?"

"Well, I mean, all you do is sit here, eat, and read your book," she says, resting her chin in her hands.

"Have you been... observing me?"

"Whenever I'm bored, yeah," she replies with a light shrug. "I just look around the class, and you're the most interesting one here. You're very different."

"Mm. I enjoy reading my books," I murmur, staring down at the pages. "They give me the fulfillment I need."

A quiet giggle escapes her lips. I wonder what on earth could possibly be funny. What an odd girl.

"Looks like an interesting book," she says, leaning down to read the cover. "Ooh, Into the wild that’s a good one! It's in English, though? You can read English?"

"Yeah..."

"Woah! That’s so cool!" Her eyes light up with genuine curiosity.

It feels strange having someone take an actual interest in me.

“Well, how about this?”

She grins brightly, leaning right into my personal space with zero hesitation.

“How about you and I become friends, starting today? How does that sound?” Before I can even draw back, she extends a hand toward me, her eyes bright with unbothered energy. “My name is Sayuri Metoshi! What’s yours?”

What a bold girl. I've never met someone like her.

"That sounds annoying," I reply flatly.

I force my jaw to stay steady, stand up, pack my things, and turn toward the door.

Behind me, I hear her chuckle. "Come on, you and me are alike in a way! We both want to find that fulfillment in life, right? Find that road, hehe—"

I freeze mid-step.

Fulfillment...?

Everything stops for a fraction of a second.

There's no way. It's not possible. How could she use that exact word? Fulfillment. It’s like she dug right into my chest and dragged out the one word I never wanted to hear again. The cheerful classroom background distorts, warping into a low, suffocating hum. She doesn't know. She can't know. It’s just a cruel coincidence, but my mind refuses to believe it.

"Hey! Where are you going!?" She calls out.

I try to ignore her, forcing my legs to move, but my knees feel like heavy lead. My chest tightens so fast I can barely swallow. Suddenly, my head throbs with a sudden, violent pulse.

N-No... please... I don't want to go back there...

My palm slams against the cold hallway wall to steady myself. The overwhelming weight of memory drags me under...

I was ten years old.

Like any kid, I had drawn a picture of my family and wanted to show it to my mom. I tugged gently on her shirt.

She loomed over me, her face twisted in annoyance. "WHAT DO YOU WANT, AKITA?! I'M ON THE PHONE, CAN'T YOU SEE?!"

I flinched, holding up the paper with trembling hands while keeping my head down.

Without a word, her hand clamped over the paper. The sharp rip of the page tearing in half echoed through the room. She didn't even look at the drawing. She just threw the pieces at my feet.

"Do you THINK this will make me feel better?!" she barked. "Do you think this will give me fulfillment in life?! THIS IS NOTHING—JUST LIKE YOU, AKITA! You've been nothing but a useless son!"

I snap back to reality, my back slumping against the freezing hallway wall. The cheerful chatter of distant students turns into a high-pitched ring.

Tears stream down my face.

"I'm sorry..." I whisper into the empty air, trembling uncontrollably. "I'm so sorry... I'll be a better son... I promise... I promise..."

My breath hitches, and I force myself to swallow down the heavy sob rising in my throat. It takes every single ounce of my remaining strength to anchor my feet back to the floor. Digging my fingernails into my palms, I use the physical sting to fight back the trembling. I aggressively wipe my eyes with my damp sleeve, my chest still heaving as I force my posture straight.

I quickly look around to see if anyone witnessed my breakdown.

Standing near the classroom doorway is Metoshi-san. She's frozen in place, her usual playful expression completely gone, replaced by pure shock and concern.

I turn away immediately and walk toward the stairwell, heading for the roof.

 I can't hide forever... but I have to try.