Regret

I pull out my umbrella, expecting it to still be raining, but as I shove the heavy metal door open and step onto the roof, I freeze.

The storm from this morning has vanished. Instead, a brilliant, blinding sun shines directly at my face, and a sharp gust of wind blows past, ruffling my hair and my uniform blazer. It’s nice. It feels… peaceful.

I walk over to the edge, set my closed umbrella flat down against the concrete railing, and close my eyes

I enjoy my time alone. It makes me feel... like I am alive... like I am enough for this world, that maybe—

BAM!

I hear the heavy door swing open. I could only guess who that is.

"Hello! I was wondering where you went, h-hehe..." I hear the nervousness in her voice.

She’s probably going to ask me if I am alright. I'll never understand why people bother when you can so easily lie about it.

"It's nice, isn't it?" She looks over at me with a small, gentle smile.

Weird. She seems... different. Calmer than she was earlier in the classroom.

I stare at her in silence for a few seconds before turning my gaze back toward the horizon.

"I come up here sometimes, too," she murmurs softly. "It feels nice. Like I'm floating... like I'm alive."

It's weird... standing next to her, I can almost feel her presence. Her light. It’s almost like... she’s trying to pull me out of my own skin. What is this feeling?

RING—!

The sharp chime of the school bell shatters the quiet.

"Well, that’s the bell, huh?" She turns to me, her bright facade snapping right back into place. "Looks like we’ve gotta get going!"

For a split second, it almost looks like there's a swirl of vibrant, colorful water rippling around her. Am I... going crazy?

Without another word, she turns on her heel and heads back inside. I stand there in a daze—shaken, though not enough to actually show it. Every step I take lately feels like I'm just marching closer to the end.

I head back to class and slump into my desk. Nothing special happens for the rest of the afternoon. I just sit there staring out the glass.

Tap. Tap. The rain starts falling again. I guess the rain and I are alike in a way—neither of us ever really gets a clear day.

When the final bell rings, I let out a long sigh of relief. Finally, I can go home.

As I step out into the hallway, students gather into their usual groups, laughing and talking on their way out. I hate it. Why can't people just walk in silence?

I catch a glimpse of Metoshi-san in the middle of a crowd, laughing with her friends. I look away, reminding myself of the rule I live by: I don't need anyone. I don't need any of this. My parents always told me never to trust people—because people only tell lies.

At the shoe lockers, I change out of my indoor shoes and reach into my bag for my umbrella. Empty.

Damn it. I left it on the roof.

I guess I'm walking home drenched today.

As I shut my locker, I see Metoshi-san a few paces down, waving goodbye to her group.

"Oh, hey!"

I turn around. She's already stepping up to me.

"I see you forgot your umbrella!" she says, noticing my empty hands. "Wanna borrow mine?"

I freeze, not sure how to respond. What... what is she doing?

Before I can say a word, she laughs and waves her hand dismissively. "Ah, it's totally fine! Here, I have a spare in my bag anyway."

She forcefully presses the smooth handle of her umbrella into my palm.

"I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

I watch in stunned silence as she dashes out the front doors—straight into the pouring rain.

I... am not sure... Why would she be so selfish? Why force me to owe her anything?

I open the umbrella and step out into the gray afternoon.

I make my way down the wet sidewalk toward my aunt's house. The steady tap-tap of raindrops on the fabric above me, the squelch of my wet shoes, the distant hum of passing cars... it’s a strangely peaceful sound.

As I turn the corner near the house, something catches my eye. A small fox is curled up beneath a broad plant leaf, keeping dry from the storm. I pause for a moment, watching it quietly before heading inside.

I take off my shoes. "I'm back."

Silence. Nothing answers back except the stillness of the empty house.

I walk into the kitchen and see a note stuck to the fridge: “Sorry kiddo, I’m working late again!”

I grab the paper, crumble it in my hand, and sigh. I pull the squished, half-eaten sandwich from school out of my bag and set it on the table.

I sit there, wondering... Is this the life I want?... Yes... yes it is...

After finishing the dry bread, I toss the plastic wrap into the bin, head to my room, and grab a change of clothes.

In the bathroom, I undress and step into the shower. As I stand under the warm stream, letting the water fall over me, I wish it could wash away the strange warmth she left behind.

I don't want it... I don't want to feel the way she made me feel.

It... it scares me.

Afterword:
I admire akita in a way, having some sort of spark to keep him moving. life's kicked me in the ass to the point where i feel like i have no spark anymore. i feel like a sad soul drifting away from everyone, not knowing where to go