Hunger

1st Day of Stellvard (approx)

It has been some weeks now since my confrontation with that man. I am still unsure what I should think about all of it. I cannot simply take what he says at face value. It is beyond ridiculous. The church has documented the crimes of the demon people over the past three hundred years. I myself have walked through those ancient archives where the wisdom of long dead scholars is kept, and read the accounts myself.

It is clear that I have been engaged in a holy quest. I was not the Demon Lord. I am unable to believe something so patently absurd.

And yet, that man's words will not leave me alone. I do not want to believe that he could be in any way right, but lately I cannot even bring myself to call him anything other than that man.

Does it even matter? Impalia is gone. I will never see it again. I had thought that given time I would begin to feel the desire to return, but this is not so. Rather, I wish to never see that place again.

Why is that?

I was not the Demon Lord. I was the Hero. He is a liar, and a coward. That man is wrong.

I have not seen the blond-haired girl for about four weeks now. She did not go back to the bath house. She vanished. I asked Tsubomi (the other girl at the bath house—also stupid) if she knew anything about it, but she claimed not to.

Did she run away from me? I suppose that doesn't matter either. If she walked out of my life, then it must have been because of something I did. It was bound to happen sooner or later. I can't say I have a preference as to which one would have been better.

I have decided that today will be the first day of Stellvard. Without the church to decree the exact date I can only hazard a guess, but the worst of Alluvard's heat seems to have passed.

As I do every year, I made a small offering of salt and wine to the sunrise. I set them in a small plate in the park close to my house, and watched as my offering was devoured by the sun. I wonder if my prayers will reach Lady Stell from this world. Did she hear them even while I was in Impalia? I have performed this ritual many dozens of times, but I never thought about it before now.

Why do I remember doing this so many times? Mathilda was eighteen years old. I remember my coming of age ceremony at fifteen, before my father sent me out to fight the Demon Lord. So how is it that I can remember performing this ceremony so many times, in so many different places?

This year, like every year, there were no others around as I prayed to Lady Stell. I have heard that in some villages the people gather to worship. I have never seen it, myself. I was never able to make it back to any village in time for the gathering, though once or twice I heard singing from over the stone walls. Once, I offered my salt and wine on the other side of the village wall, while I suppose the villagers did the same from the inside. The guards would not let me because of the late hour. It was my fault for arriving in such a poor state. Still, just being able to show my offering to the sun so close to other people, I felt as though maybe we were a little connected. My shrine and offering were meager, but I am sure she did not mind. She is a gentle goddess. She always forgives us if we are honest and forthright. I imagine she is something like what a mother should be like. I have always loved the stories about her the most.

There is nobody else in this world who worships the Impalian gods, so this year there wouldn't have been anybody else to pray with in any case. When I die in this world, there will be nobody left to worship her here at all, so I must do my best while I am still alive. I must smile at the dawn sun, and welcome the changing of the seasons.

---

Aiko put down her pen, and stared out of the open window. She wasn't sure exactly what the time was, but it was dark outside. The nights were coming a little earlier every day. The sound of insects buzzing still came through the window with the early evening breeze. It was less noisy than it had been a week or so ago.

Before, when Aiko had been at rest in her apartment, she would take the sword out and leave it propped up against a wall. It wasn't much of a conversation partner, but just having something around that could understand what she was doing had made her feel less ill at ease with this new world. Now she kept it hidden away. Aside from when she trained in the mornings she kept it in her dimensional pocket. Hearing the old language put her on edge lately, and when it spoke it said things that she didn't want to hear.

Her stomach growled.

Aiko looked at the small kitchenette that made up a whole wall of her apartment. She hadn't cooked for herself in this world yet. It seemed like a waste of energy. Even if she ate nothing, her rapid healing made up for it somehow. It was uncomfortable, but nothing that would kill her. There was a small fridge, but she hadn't used it for anything other than cooling her plastic water bottle. When she had lived in Impalia she had sometimes eaten the things she caught, but not very often. Just when the mood struck her. It hadn't often been safe to light fires, and besides, most of the things she had hunted couldn't be called edible. If she was going to live in this world, maybe she should start cooking? She wasn't sure how.

Tonight, though, she didn't feel like learning, and she wasn't content to remain hungry. She would go to the convenience store and buy a steamed bun.

With her newly found purpose as motivation, Aiko stepped into her flip flops and headed outside. As she locked the door, she heard footsteps behind her, coming up the steel steps.

"Oh, Little Aiko, it's you. Are you heading out to play with your friends?"

It was Nomura, the land lady. She was, as always, carrying two bulging plastic bags. Aiko hadn't paid much attention to this before, but now she noticed the bags were filled with different types of food. Leafy things, and eggs, and breads.

"No," Aiko said, and shook her head. "Steamed bun."

Nomura cocked her head for a moment, following Aiko's line of sight to her groceries.

"Aiko dear, do you mind telling me where you are planning to buy that steamed bun?"

"Convenience," Aiko answered.

"And surely that's not going to be your dinner, is it?"

Aiko suddenly had the same feeling she'd had a few months ago, and started sweating. "N-No?"

"Aiko! You cannot eat a steamed bun for dinner! You're a growing girl! You need something more nutritious!"

"Nutritious?"

"Yes! Vegetables and fruits."

"Coffee?"

"No, not coffee! Your body needs the right fuel, or you'll never have enough power to get through the day."

Aiko frowned. She wasn't sure how to get all those things, and she wasn't sure about the validity of Nomura's claim in the first place. It hadn't really been a problem before now. But that said, this wasn't really her body either. If she was the real Aiko, would she be satisfied with just coffee?

"I don't know," Aiko said, looking at the ground.

Nomura's face softened. "I see." She took a little breath then smiled at Aiko. "Alright, you go back inside, I'll join you in a few minutes."

Aiko frowned. "Join? Why?"

"Why, to learn how to cook, of course!" Nomura smiled.