Her Memory

"But why!?"

For the first time since I began my long talk, Leon steps in. I can see the disbelief on his face, there are even traces of emotion from listening to my tale.

"Demons are responsible for everything! Why would you not kill them in return!?"

"Because that isn't what Sunflower would have wanted."

The young hero is taken aback by my answer. The clarity in my voice left no room for argument. After all, this is what I've come to learn during these past few days.

"I'm all that's left of my little girl's memory."

Emotion wells up in my chest and threatens to burst out of my throat. Regardless, I continue talking into the crackling flames.

"I don't want to stain her memory with violence. I want to remember my Sunflower for her kindness and compassion, not as a means to satisfy my loss. She deserves so much more than that."

The image of the trapped demon, and my near irreversible mistake, comes to mind. I could have satisfied that wrathful urge with a single finger. But by sparing that demon, a part of me was saved.

"I had the chance. I could have killed those creatures, but doing so felt as if I would lose something. All that rage, it isn't a pretty feeling, kid. It makes you blind, and you start to forget what's really important."

"But…"

Leon continues to fight against conflicting desires. He wants to trust my words, but cannot give up on the anger he has lived with for so long.

"You're young. You have a lot of time to find your peace."

My muscles and bones grow stiff from the chilly night air, as if to remind me of my age.

"But me, I don't know how much longer I have left. My old man didn't last more than 45 years, and he was tougher than me in every way. I may have only five more years in me, ten if I'm lucky. For all I know, I could die in a month."

I can see pain in the heroes' eyes. Kids only look one day ahead at a time, but they are well aware of the cruel world we live in. The fact that I'm alive at all is a miracle, and one man can only be so lucky for so long. Fate will come to take me soon.

"That's why, I don't want to spend the time I have left being angry. I want to spend the rest of my days remembering the people I loved, then telling everyone I meet about them. I may not get very far, but I don't want their memories to die with me."

Am I smiling? I hope that I am, so that these kids don't have to watch a broken old man write his will. I want them to take my life and the lives of my friends with them on their journeys. From the peak of the tallest castle to the depths of the deepest dungeon, I want them to remember that we had existed. I want them to remember with a smile.

"You're not going anywhere…right, Rado?"

From the side of the fire, Katherine fiddles with a piece of her robes. Without her hat on, she looks much smaller than usual. This time, I make sure to flash a confident grin that doesn't fit with the many bandages wrapped all around my body.

"You'd better believe I'm sticking around! After how hard I fought, I'm not letting myself die here!"

It's a small space that we're gathered in, so both her and Bernard are within reach of my outstretched arms. I can't reach the big guy's head, so I settle for his shoulder while my other hand lands atop Katherine's head.

"I also have to make sure you lot don't get into any more trouble! We haven't dealt with the Demon Lord, so I've still got a job to do!"

"In regards to the Demon Lord…"

Bernard clears his throat and sits firm in his seat, preventing me from shaking him around.

"We have scouts tracking the Demons' movements. In a few days time, we will be riding out to meet the army in one final offensive."

"T-The whole army!?"

"Indeed. This incident has shown that we cannot handle this alone. With a village lost and the army deployed, there is no use hiding our intentions any longer."

The might of a human kingdom facing off against a band of deadly monsters, there will be no shortage of casualties on both sides.

"We have to stop this…"

No matter how much I may be in denial, Ailith and her demons are our natural enemies. That should have been the case for me since the night where my life was destroyed. However, I can't hate that girl. Seeing her upset at the fate of her children still plagues my thoughts.

"Rado?"

"Sorry, just thinking about something."

Bernard looks at my face with concern. I can't be wasting their time worrying about me. Should I fail, they need to be ready for an all out war with an army of deadly creatures. However, I intend to do whatever it takes to keep that from happening.

"Come! We should sleep! I, for one, will need a lot of rest for tomorrow."

"What will you be doing?"

Laying down with my blanket, I answer Leon with my back to him. While the others wind down, my eyes aren't closed.

"I have to prepare for a difficult battle, one that only I can take."