False Paladin

Princess hugged me with all four of her arms—just tight enough to feel smothering, but not so much as to be painful. My lamp fell to the ground, its weak light dying for good.

I embraced her back, though I could barely wrap my arms around her entire being. Gentle creaking sounds came out of her while she held me and lifted my feet a few centimeters off the ground.

Finally, she set me down then ran into the dark for a second before emerging with a… an aged peach, which she offered to me.

"Ah, thanks, I'll leave it for later if you don't mind. I brought you some presents too." I unpacked my bag and took out several pieces of smoked fish and some days old apples, though much fresher than her present.

As she stared at the food, a line of saliva ran out from her mouthparts, down her neck. She shook her head in a very human-like gesture, then grabbed me by the arm and started pulling me toward the dark.

I stumbled a few times in the uneven terrain, but little by little my eyes got used to it, helped by the faint light coming from above.

How deep are we going?

Apparently, deep enough to come out through the other side of the chasm, where I got blinded by the sudden light and my sight had to readjust once again.

The place was like a clearing in a forest but instead of trees we were surrounded by rocky mountains. Many of the walls were painted with all sorts of random shapes and forms, like the drawings a kid would make. A few additional openings led to other chasms, some of them too small for Princess or me to fit.

And there were also many boulders stacked on top of one another forming little towers, most of them between three to five pieces tall.

"Is this a playground or something?"

She sat on a small patch of yellow grass that somehow survived here and looked at me, asking me to sit with her.

And so, we had lunch at her place—or perhaps this counted as a picnic? Whatever it was, it made the apples taste sweet as if they were bathed in honey.

ᗢ⫘⫘⫘⫘𖦹⫘⫘⫘⫘♡

Princess showed me each of her drawings and stone towers one by one, like a daughter bragging to a parent. Then we painted something on an empty wall together, mostly random lines since I was no artist myself. She also tried to have me build one of those stone stacks, but the rocks were a little too heavy for me to lift, so she did almost all the work. The result was… well, I knew some people who'd call it art.

Next she showed me around the other sections of her home, which was a significant upgrade from the cave I'd made her live in back in the day. There were so many extensions and paths it was like a maze.

Soon, the darkness began to grow as the day neared its end.

I had no source of light left, but Princess simply brought her pincers together and made a floating ball of yellow light appear. What kind of magic was that? Aid magic? Protective?

She guided me to the deepest section of one of the chasms, where she'd gathered a not-so-small mountain of dry grass—well, as dry as this weather allowed.

A bed of sorts.

We both laid in it, one next to the other at first—but after shifting for a while she grumbled and instead went to place her head over my belly and pulled my hand over her head.

"You want me to pet you?"

She didn't answer—not like she needed to.

I gently slid my hand over her head, feeling the hard but smooth surface of her carapace.

We were in a small bubble of light surrounded by void—and it was like nothing else existed at all. A world small enough for me to take care of.

Eventually the ball of light went out, plunging us both into blackness. The rhythm of her breathing changed at the same time.

She'd fallen asleep.

I continued caressing her head for a while longer.

My motions growing uneven.

…

It's time.

"No, not yet," I thought to myself. The night was long. I could afford to extend this moment just a little longer.

But rather than calm me, that thought just made my fingers tremble further.

My hands got sweaty and grew cold.

Then, something wet dropped on the back of my palm.

Crap.

I wiped at my face. If my tears fell on her they might wake her up, and then I'd be unable to go through with…

With…

What I had to do.

Focus.

You can do it.

I began gathering my strength. Magic manifested as a puncturing tingling in my fingers, one I had to force. It had gotten so hard to use my powers lately. I was really about to lose them for good.

Just one last time, I summoned my Recovery Magic, intending to use it in a way it should never be used.

You'll have regrets no matter what you do.

Just get on with it.

So you can save the rest of the Cursed.

Her life isn't worth more than…

"Shut up!" I screamed at my own thoughts. "I'm sick of this."

Killing Princess to try and save thousands of Cursed? Bloodying my hands to make up a lie and carry the weight of the entire world like some kind of stupid hero of legend?

No, enough of that shit.

"I refuse."

With a rough push, I woke Princess up, who stood and summoned another ball of light. Her face dimly illuminated under the spell was so humanly worried.

"They're coming for you… for us. We need to go. Now!"

Her head cocked to the side, staring at me, then her eyes blinked and she began moving. She left to go somewhere deep inside the chasm, presumably to fetch whatever she wanted to bring on the journey.

That left me again in the darkness, with nobody else but myself.

I don't care if this might be the wrong choice.

I don't care what some true Paladin of legend might do.

This is my choice. No one else's.

Standing on my feet, I felt so strong for some reason. This was what I'd always wanted to choose, wasn't it? I'd just been too crushed by imaginary duties, responsibilities and should do's.

Sorry, Rasbora, it seems I lied to you. We won't see each other again.

𖦹 ᠃ ⚘ ˚ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠃ ✤

Days later.

There was very little mist around here.

In fact, I could see the sun during most days, though its light was weak and barely gave warmth. Still, the biggest advantage to this was that I could clearly see the terrain under my feet, which was somewhat important since it was more uneven than a broken vase.

It made me miss walking through muddy marshes where the ground would grip my feet with each step and soak me all the way to the knees.

But this was our only way to reach the Cursed Lands: by traversing the mountains.

Also, it turned out some Cursed even lived up here. The things were really adaptable. Princess and I had been hunting some of them for the past few days, since we had no access to fish up here and I didn't wanna gamble with unknown berries.

Killing Cursed for food shouldn't have been so different from just killing them period.

Yet it was. It didn't feel wrong—just necessary.

I was currently preparing a fire, waiting for Princess to come back with today's catch.

In the meantime, he appeared next to me.

"Whoa, where are we?" This was the first time he'd emerged since I ran away.

"I… well, I've made some choices, as you can see."

"Y-yeah… I can see."

"Sorry."

"No, no. Why are you apologizing? I'm not scolding you or anything."

"... Then would you have scolded me if I'd instead chosen the other option?"

"I'd agree with whatever you did as long as it made you happy. And hey, you look good to me right now."

"Do I? I'm actually exhausted. I haven't taken an extended break in over a week. Still not sure whether we're being followed or not so I don't dare to slow down until we reach the Cursed Lands."

"I don't know how to explain it. Like yeah, you look tired, but also so strong at the same time. Do I make any sense?"

I smiled. "Yeah. You do, actually."

"Nice." He crossed his arms with a satisfied grin.

Then, after a while, he lowered his head.

"Dori, I know I just appeared but… I'm feeling sleepy already."

"... Yeah, I expected as much." I was reminded of the scratch I got the other day on my knee.

One I couldn't heal myself.

My powers had all but left for good, ever since I was right about to… kill Princess with them. With effort, I could still summon a minuscule amount of my magic if I tried, but I couldn't use that power for anything—the last few drops left in a dry well, soon to disappear.

Too soon, perhaps.

"I think… this might be a longer goodbye than usual," he said.

"Can't you stay at least a while longer? I'd like some advice for the future."

"I'm sorry, Dori. I feel like I'll pass out any moment."

I looked at the crackling fire. The wet wood resisted burning, but eventually it would crumble away and leave nothing but ashes.

Standing up, I went to give Oscar a hug. I passed right through him.

"I'll miss you," I said.

"I know. But please, live a happy life regardless. That's all I want for you."

"I'll do my best." Tears weren't coming out for some reason—it still didn't feel real.

Oscar's image began fading, more transparent every second. I closed my eyes, storing the memory of his smile—accepting I'd never see it again.

Then, out of nowhere, I felt warmth against my cheek. Something firm and soft.

I opened my eyes, but Oscar was no longer there.

Only the lingering feeling in my face remained.

One I was certain I'd never forget.