Sayuri

Splash. The instant my shoe hits the pavement, ice-cold water floods straight through the canvas of my sneakers.

"COLD! Cold, cold, cold!" I shiver violently, wrapping my arms tightly around my chest to hoard whatever little body heat I have left. The heavy rain hits my face in stinging pricks—like tiny nettles poking into my skin. My uniform skirt is dripping wet, clinging uncomfortably to my legs, and my soaked shoes make a disgusting squelch-squelch with every stride.

Yet... I can’t help the small smile tugging at the corners of my lips.

He actually took the umbrella.

I really thought he’d see right through my stupid lie. I mean, "I have another one in my bag"? Classic. But he took it anyway. Seeing that stunned, flustered look on his face was completely worth getting drenched for.

As I jog down the sidewalk, I pass a pair of girls from another class sharing a big pink umbrella, giggling and staying dry. A guy runs past them holding his plastic school bag over his head. I slow my pace to a walk, watching the rainwater ripple down the pavement.

My mind drifts back to his eyes.

He looked so lost... like he was carrying the heavy weight of the entire world on his shoulders.

Maybe he’s pretending, too. Maybe beneath that cold, silent glare and those sharp walls he puts up, he’s just as tired of hiding as I am.

By the time I reach my grandma's house, my teeth are practically chattering. I sit down on the cold wooden step at the front door, squeezing my hair into a wet coil to wring out as much water as I can so I don't flood the entryway.

I slide the door open with a cheery chime. "Hey! Grandma! I'm home!"

"Hello, sweetie! How was school?" Her gentle voice calls out from the kitchen.

"It was good!"

She steps into the hallway, her face instantly melting into concern. "Oh my goodness! Why are you so wet, dear? Here, let me get you a towel."

"Y-yeah... thank you, Grandma."

My grandma has always been the softest, kindest person I know. I’ve never once heard her raise her voice... I wonder how she does it. How does she stay so gentle while carrying the loss of my parents?

She returns a second later, draping a warm towel over my shivering shoulders and handing me a steaming mug of hot barley tea. As I grab the mug, she reaches out, gently tucking a wet lock of hair behind my ear.

"You look so much like your mother when your hair gets soaked like that," she says softly, her eyes glinting with a quiet, lingering sadness.

I freeze for a moment. My chest stings. A sharp knot forms in my throat. I felt it burn to the point of tears almost coming out, but I force my facial muscles into an instant, bright grin.

"O-oh, yeah! Well, I forgot to put an umbrella in my bag today, haha!" I rub the back of my neck, putting on my best sheepish laugh.

"Alright, dear. Next time take one, okay? I don't want you catching a cold."

"I will, Grandma! I promise!"

I slip off my soaked shoes, leaving them neatly by the doorway, and turn toward the stairs. My legs feel heavy, like lead pipes. I take two steps up—OUCH! My foot slips on the slick wood, and my chin clacks straight into the step above me.

"Hehe... right on the chin," I mutter, rubbing my face. "Nice going, Sayuri..."

I stumble up the rest of the stairs and push open my bedroom door. The room is dark and silent. I stand in the doorway for a beat before flicking on the light switch.

The sudden brightness illuminates my desk. Right in the center sits a small wooden picture frame—a photo of me when I was ten, sitting on my dad's shoulders while Mom laughs beside us under a clear blue sky.

I walk over, my hand trembling slightly as I pick it up.

They keep telling me it wasn't my fault... but...

N-no. Stop it. It's fine. I'm fine! Just stay strong! Let's turn that frown upside down!

...God, I sound like I'm losing my mind.

My legs give out, and I sink onto the edge of the bed. Slowly, I curl into a tight ball, pulling the framed photo against my chest and feeling the cold glass against my shirt as tears quietly spill over.

When I wake up, the morning sun is streaming through the blinds. My head feels heavy, my throat is scratchy, and my body aches from sleeping in my clothes, but the warm sunlight gives me just enough energy to sit up.

New day. Fresh start.

I put on a clean uniform and sit at my vanity, dabbing on a bit of extra makeup so I don't look completely washed out. I stare into the glass, forcing my mouth to stretch into a wide, cheerful smile.

...But my reflection doesn't move.

The girl in the mirror just stands there, staring back at me with flat, unblinking eyes and a blank expression. It's like my body is trying to act, but my soul is stuck five seconds behind.

"Sayuri, sweetie! Breakfast is ready! Come eat so you're not late!" Grandma calls from downstairs.

"Coming!" I yell back.

When I look back at the glass, my reflection finally catches up, wearing my familiar, tired smile. Man... I feel like an anchor today.

I drag myself downstairs and sit at the dining table, taking a bite of toasted bread. I reach into my bag to grab my schedule—and my stomach drops straight through the floor.

A bold red circle on my planner jumps out at me: PERIOD 2 - MATH UNIT EXAM.

CRAP!

My morning tiredness vanishes in a flash of pure panic. I frantically dump my school bag onto the table, grabbing my math textbook with one hand while cramming the rest of my toast into my mouth with the other, wildly flipping pages.

No, no, no! Quadratic equations?! I am SO dead today!

I pack my things into my bag, dust myself off, and call out in a muffled voice, "Bye, Grandma! I'll see you later!"

"W-Wait, sweetie—" I hear her call out behind me.

Before she can stop me, I slip on my shoes, open the door, and hurry into the cool morning air.

As I jog down the street, I spot my friends walking ahead. "Hey, guys!" I yell, waving my arm.

They turn around, but as I catch up, their cheerful expressions quickly fade into worry. "Oh, hi, Sayu-! ...Wait, did you sleep okay? You have dark circles under your eyes, and your voice sounds super raspy."

"Yeah, h-hehe... sorry," I laugh, though my throat aches as I force a bright, cheerful smile onto my face. "I think I might be catching something... but it's alright! I can tough it out for this test!"

I turn my gaze toward the bright blue sky, my smile fading into the quiet morning.

I wonder... if I'll ever get better...

Afterword:
Sayuri. I envy Sayuri. She fights so hard for people to smile so they don't worry about her. I lost that. I question myself, asking if what I did was a good thing. But when I did... nobody was there to save me. So I drowned.