Miteki Amafuu

Ominously, floorboards creaked.

Gusts of loneliness phased through the 32 year old woman, who pressured the floor beneath with bare feet.

Another day of denying her coworkers inviting her out for after work dinner. She was a lonely mother, devoting her free time in afternoons to her one and only child.

Rushing home, she was met with a home that greeted her with the sounds of her rustling work clothes, the pitter-patter of her feet, the creaking of wood and the rippling lakes outside. There was no sound of running towards her. The hug she needed. The voice she had to hear. None of it greeted her.

She had to admit, it left a wound.

She went deeper into her home, and smelled sugar in the air.

Her eyes widened with hope. She picked up the pace, trying to catch her daughter in the bakery.

Not a soul.

Where was she…?

"Bless?" She called out.

"My Bless, are you there?"

"Anywhere?"

She vaguely heard Bless' small, soft voice in her ears. "Ma, 'anywhere?' Are we in a movie? You're 'BEST STAR!'"

She checked everything, opening every cabinet, pulling and sliding apart every door. Including spaces where Bless was too small to fit.

Pulling the smart oven doors down, her nose was met with boxed up castellas and spiralling meringues.

"She went out to handout cake inside the village?"

Miteki Amafuu sighed without noticing. "Why do you do things for people who don't appreciate?"

Miteki Amafuu had seen Bless do things like these many times. Though she was wrong this time, based on data, it was a logical assumption with proven instances.

Miteki Amafuu dragged herself to her room.

As soon as she realized her daughter wasn't home, all the energy she had mustered up left her body.

Her spine slumped, and her posture cracked into a hunch.

Her eyes barely kept themselves open as she slid her bedroom door, opening.

Her vision saw spirals.

She rubbed her eyes like a koala, feet sliding on the chilling tatamis.

Her room was humid and a damp sensation attached itself on her sides and neck.

Her bedroom was attached to an atrium, whose doors weren't closed since morning.

The coldness of the outdoors wasn't intruding, if the doors were inviting the atmosphere that two-manned their glacial vibe along.

As Miteki Amafuu slid the atrium's doors to a close, she heard footsteps run up behind her.

The energy that left her body replenished, pulsing through her ears and chest.

She had no time to turn, even as adrenaline surged through her body.

By the time she blinked, she heard a deep voice sound behind.

"Chomp! You are dead!"

Arms encircled her torso.

A warmth around her waist multiplied the coldness of her untouched body parts.

Her back still behind the creature that'd just killed her, a smile sneakily crept its way to her face.

She didn't notice it as she said, "Oh. I'm dead."

"Ma, I missed you!"

Miteki Bless had successfully spooked Mama Miteki.

"I missed you too… Why'd you do this?"

Miteki Bless didn't let go. She snuzzled her face into her mother's back. "Do I need a reason to surprise you?"

"No, not necessarily." Miteki Amafuu was sweating.

"I got home early is all."

"That's great! Did you have an epic, awe-inspiring moment that convinced all your teachers to let you go early?"

Miteki Bless laughed embarrassedly. Her arms tightened around her mother, a happy mishap. "Haha, ma, I'm not that impressive."

"Right, right. I've deeply misunderstood my own child, how could I!" Miteki Amafuu said this dramatically, but it was obvious she meant every word. "You're way more impressive than what anyone can put into words. You're Bless, Miteki afterall."

Her mom made sure to compliment her everyday. Somehow, Miteki Amafuu was one of those people whose compliments never grew old. Every new compliment would strike at Bless' heart and make her feel small in front of her mom. Yet, when going out into the world, she could take on anything.

"Ma, no one is here and I still feel embarrassed…!"

Good, that her mother couldn't see her face.

"Hah!" Bless felt her mother's abdomen crease and de-crease. Her face rose and descended as her mother's back pushed up and down from laughter. "Will you be so kind as to let your mother turn around and hug you?"

"… Ummm, no?"

"Why not?" Miteki Amafuu couldn't stop smiling. Her composure had left long ago.

She was rejuvenated.

"I want to hug you more…"

"I promise you, the hug will feel better when reciprocated."

"Buuuuutttttt I don't wanna let go!" She buried her head in her mother's work shirt.

"Hey! Stop! That tickles and my shirt is dirty!"

"Miteki Bless!"

The scary big name, the scary full name.

Miteki Bless wasn't scared.

Miteki Amafuu used her full name from time to time but rarely in potent anger. Miteki Bless was a good child who didn't cause trouble, except when she was on a reckless endeavor. Her full name was called frequently in concern, infrequently in anger.

The only rotten thing about Miteki Bless as a child, was that she was spoiled rotten. She wasn't spoiled with material things. Her mother spoiled her with freedom and opportunities, understanding and care.

'Hand over the world,' and she'd try to hand it over for a lifetime. Her heart was full of Bless.

Bless relented, losing strength in her arms.

The two embraced each other in silence, swaying occasionally on the spot.

Miteki Bless was falling asleep in her mother's arms, lulled by the rythm of her heartbeat, pulsing in her ear.

Tiny snoring emitted from her in her light sleep.

Her mother was taller than her by a few heads, so their heights aligned up perfectly when they hugged.

It was as if their DNAs were built to comfort each other.

Miteki Bless was short just right, tall enough for her mother's chin to rest on her head without straining her neck and posture.

Miteki Amafuu was tall just right, enough for her daughter to rest her head against her chest, calmed by her heartbeat.

Miteki Bless almost fell asleep. And had she fallen asleep, it would've probably been the first good quality sleep she'd have in awhile, for awhile.

The comfort of her mother's arms reminded her of something crucial.

The scent of sugar lingering around…

She baked, but forgot to cook an actual meal for her mother!

"Ma!" She pried herself out of the embrace. "I forgot to make you dinner, wait here! I'll set up hot pot!"

Seafood boil, I’ll make you!

Manners maketh man; Miteki Bless maketh seafood.

She took three steps and her hand was gripped.

Her mother tugged. "That can wait. Stay here. With me. I want to know about your day."

Her mother's gaze was sweet, sweeter and sweeter, more sugar in it than the cakes combined.

It was a weird analogy, but her mother reminded her of the perfect candy apple found at festivals. The job done so well, the shininess was deflective.

Her mom was too pretty. Her beauty made people want to freeze her in time and experience her forever from a distance, fearing you'd ruin her at a close range.

"Let's lay down and look at the sky while we talk. You enjoy that, do you?"

"A lot."

"Don't be disappointed, we'll cook together."

"Cook together!?" Bless was overjoyed. "Waitwaitwait. No! You need rest mama!"

She opened the doors, stashing them inside the walls with a cranked slide.

She lead the way inside the atrium, laying down right in the middle of it.

"I don't feel tired right now." Facing up, she patted the space beside her. "Come on, lay."

Bless laid down on her side, curled into a fetus position.

She rested her head on her mother's outstretched arm and snuggled closer, feeling a chill creep up.

"Your day?" Her mother was trying to figure out why she was crying without bringing it up.

"I don't know where to start!"

Bless wasn't automatically thinking of all her crying in the hours before.

She was eager to tell her mother about everything.

"Oh! There was this class I was looking forward to but," the upside down c shape her mouth made looked too comical to take seriously. "I was so excited for profession class! Wuwuwu! Ma, isn't my luck the worst!?"

"Your luck is the worst, the worst." She comforted, trying not to laugh. Her body bobbing up and down gave it away but Bless said nothing.

"And the train! Look, this dad, yanno? He slapped me!"

Miteki Amafuu's head snapped in Bless' direction.

Immediately, Miteki Amafuu stopped being amused. Anger filled her for a moment, before thinking more closely about it. Her daughter must've handled it, talking so loosely.

She hid her frown and plastered a proud smile on her face. What Bless needed at this moment wasn't her anger or concern but a listening ear. "How'd you deal with him?"

Hearing her mother question her instead of showing concern made Bless happy, especially the structure of that sentence. It implied her mother knew she'd dealt with him already, wanting to know how.

"Easy! I told him, sit down! He was making a bad impression in front of his family, think about his kids, think about how they feel… He looked almost hypnotized, ma! I'm not exaggerating when I say this, he looked like he was a follower of the divine…" Miteki Bless' pace slowed down near the end, the words resonating with her like a sweet dream. It flushed over her, and she blushed.

Wasn't this… wasn't this mimicking the events of today? She blushed, embarrassed at the things she had done today. "God," she whispered, the remark not missing Amafuu's ears.

"Ma, he kneeled and went back to sit with his family…"

Miteki Amafuu looked down on her arm, being used as a pillow by her daughter, and to the left, at her free arm. She couldn't clap.

"Put 'er here," she put up her left hand.

Miteki Bless, with a close-eyed smile high-fived her mom, giggling. "You're so childish!"

Miteki Amafuu neither agreed nor denied, "Why did he hit you anyway?"

"Eh." Miteki Bless blinked self-consciously. "I forget?"

Miteki Amafuu bit her lip to wash away the sad expression trying to claw its way up her face. She was gentle when speaking, her tone coaxing and delicate, "You must've been so scared."

"N-No, ma. You know I deal with this everyday, there's nothing for me to be scared of!"

"Still." She pushed a hair strand clinging to Bless' nose away. "That's nothing for a child to go through. It's okay to be scared."

Out of habit, Bless shook her head, accidentally knocking her face onto the grass and dirt. She flattened her lips and they seemed to vanish the same way she wanted her action to. She was secretly relieved when her mother didn't comment on her foolishness. "Ma, I'm brave."

Brave does not mean fearless.

"Bless, this world is dangerous." She didn't stop at moving hair strands cluttered on her daughter's face.

She stroked her hair with the tedious precision she'd use when handling a scalpel or needle.

Everything about her was so nursing.

"When you feel defeated, just know you're my daughter."

"It's okay to be scared, Bless."

"Ma…" Bless whimpered.

"You know I cry easily!" She shook her head again, remembering not to shake it downwards.

"Who was it, saying, 'I'm brave'? That was you. Little one."

"Ah! Stop teasing! Stop!"

Miteki Bless wanted to end it on the spot, when her mother went quiet and didn't reply.

Miteki Amafuu stared at her in a daze, her eyes marked on her, her chest slowly rising as she breathed.

The stars were bright in the blue sky.

The identity of those stars weren't known.

Yet, the stars gravitating in space weren't aware that others knew them, going as far as to map them out and name them.

Beings so little, the stars would most likely need microscopic lenses of their own to see.

Stars and humans were at a distance where each existence looked small to one another.

Would stars find humans pretty?

"Ma? Earth to maaaaa? Ma! Stop hanging out with the aliens! I'm on earth, out out, out of your head!"

"Huh?" Miteki Amafuu snapped out of it. "Sorry, I was admiring my daughter…"

Had they been standing, Miteki Bless would've stomped.

… What's stopping her? Lying sideways, she stomped into the thin air.

The invisible substance scattered from the invisible force, colliding somewhere else inside the atrium.

"I'm your daughter! So stop talking about me in third person!"

Miteki Amafuu laughed in mischievous. "'Stop, stop, stop!' Is this the word of the day?"

"No!"

"Look at all the stars in the sky," she stopped stroking Miteki Bless' hair, directing her to look at the sky up with a pointy finger.

Then, pretending the stars were a group of kindergarteners she was teaching, she said in a low, yet organized voice, "Today's vocabulary is…"

She made her lips fart for a makeshift drumroll 'please.' "Can you guess it?"

"Ma!"

"Turuturuuuu…! You all got it right! Bravo, it's stop!"

"Arrghhhh, you'll be the death of me!"

Miteki Amafuu spoke in a destroyer of the universe's voice, "Kuku… I brought you into this world… I'll take you out of it!"

For immersion, she even brought a finger to her forehead, pretending she had holographic space goggles on!

Miteki Bless cringed. "Guh… What the heck, bro."

"Do you want to go eat now or continue telling me about your day?"

Bless groaned. She was comfy on the ground, ruining her peace on the grassbed for food she'd digest and forget about over night seems less than worth it!

"Day!"

A problem lay in her reply.

She didn't know what else to talk about.

Suicidal student council that duped her into embarrassing herself with a fake cult's fake startup?

How winning a stupid orchestrated game suddenly made her suicidal classmate stop wanting to be suicidal?

Did she even know if the others weren't going to commit suicide either?

With a headache coming up, she played it safe and stuck to the profession topic. "Oh, oh, oh! Yes, why did you want to be a nurse?"

Miteki Bless asked this question every year.

Somehow, her mother never got tired of answering it.

Miteki Bless had her dreams and aspirations memorized, start to finish. If her mother kept the sentence structure the same everytime, she could even recite it by heart and predict the order of the words.

She played it by ear.

"Well, the reason for it isn't grand at all. I was in and out of hospitals a lot, I couldn't see myself thriving in any other place. I didn't know what I wanted to do exactly, I was going through the motions and grasping at every little thing that would let me work. I was once a janitor."

She laughed, entertained by her previous self. Before, she used to laugh at this memory self-deprecatingly, until Bless kept asking her this question over and over. She could look back on it now and be proud of herself for trying, and see her past fondly. "I got fired during my secretary days. I sucked at it. Actually, I'm sure you got your temper from me."

Bless grimaced, Amafuu laughed harder.

Even after years, that line, that face, it never got old!

"And one day, I volunteered, jumping through hospitals. I even tried out at an equine vetinary—wasn't for me. But along the way, I met a bunch of patients that shaped the person I am today… it made me want to be a nurse, the proximity and relationships I could have to dying people."

Amafuu laughed painfully. "It never gets less morbid the more I say it."

She was bemused.

Bless always grew more fascinated and infatuated with this story.

You could relegate it to a simple, "she wants to be a nurse to help people!"

But Miteki Bless saw it as more than that. Willingly making bonds and connections with people you might not see tomorrow, to ensure they don't suffer and disappear alone.

This is one of the reasons Miteki Bless trusted her mother so much.

Someone like that, even if they claimed their actions were selfish, was always helping people.

Pushed to the brink, Miteki Bless had no doubt that her mother would remain the same way, no matter how harsh the world turned.

Someone true to themselves and someone who would stay true to themselves in order to bring comfort to another being's life, that was noble.

"I almost want to be a nurse."

In her beginning years, Bless had been tempted.

However, she was the type of person to deeply research into things. A few visits to her mother's work should've been enough, but she toured other hospitals under the guise of academia and intellect.

It wasn't just that, her mother somehow convinced the hospital she worked at to sponsor her.

Using their finances, Miteki Bless blazed with dedication, writing 10 published papers.

At the time, her mother was in the process of getting used to her personality. This period in life taught her two things about her daughter.

She was thorough, time-taking in what she enjoyed.

Yet, she was impulsive and erratic in what she enjoyed!

That was a horrible combination for everyone that experienced the child that was Miteki Bless.

A person thorough in finding out how to enjoy the things she was interested in, becoming impulsive and messy and reckless once the data of fun was compiled to a satisfactory amount.

Of course, as a human being living on earth, Miteki Bless had to research ways to find life fun.

Once life became fun, everything she did was reckless, messy and careless.

In one paper, she slandered a hospital to test reactions in her scholarly circle.

In the other, she praised it under her same name and had law officials come knocking at her door.

She sarcastically said, "They published my draft."

Miteki Bless was always honest. From her perspective, anything she published was a draft that would only be completed after she lived her lifetime. Unfortunately, she lost interest in her papers quite fast.

She then published 5 more papers on that hospital—considering it was her favorite—praising it for its faculties, the food, the service, the accessibility, while pointing out its flaws that were worth critiquing. One point she made received backlash, condemning the kind chef-man who was hired on a schedule similar to an office worker on project-based shifts.

He was later accused of harassing a few of the staff members. Miteki Bless didn't suspect him of any of this, it was a coincidence, she said. She trademarked him as "leery-eyed," which was unprofessional in a scholarly paper.

The rest of her papers didn't matter, she wrote condensely about the atmosphere between hospital colleagues and noted how they had to be fixed. This factor is what convinced her not to work towards being a nurse.

She could thrive in that type of setting, but it was distracting, trying to help people while competing with colleagues who always spoke fake niceties while speaking meanly behind your back, trying to manipulate the ups and downs in your pays.

"Mm, I still don't know what you want to be in life. You want to be so many things—you do so many things. Will you ever settle?"

Unlike parents who convinced themselves their children were just in the "finding themselves" phase, Amafuu had a keen understanding that Miteki Bless would probably never settle if she outlived a galaxy and its dying stars.

She probably had more gas in her than the stars themselves.

What a stupid thought.

"Yes. No? Yes? Ma, ask me one question at a time. These aren't easy, yanno?"

"I know."

"What will you be in the future?"

"I want to start my career in neuroscience before expanding out!"

"Neuroscience?" Miteki Amafuu twirled one of Bless' hair strands, wrapping the darkness around her finger. "Mind telling mother why?"

Bless had expressed interest in neuroscience, plenty. It never seemed like it would be more than a hobby.

It was the type of thing kept in a pocket, not blistering across every seam, slip and sleeve.

"Remember that woman we met last year? At that children's facility?"

Amafuu nodded, perking up.

"I saw her, yanno. Really taking care of the children there. She knew their interests, their likes, their habits… she knew how to comfort them. A bunch of little fledglings she saved, mm. I talked with one of the kids there, I don't remember his name. He told me that outside of them, she attended seminars to advocate for the less abled who had people in other fields to take care of them."

She swallowed saliva. It was the first time she had told anyone this.

"I mean! Ma!" Her sudden loudness was startling but welcomed by Amafuu, who smiled wider, seeing—hearing—her daughter be so passionate.

"She scheduled meetings with city planners to make sure they incorporated a buncha things for the blind, amputees, wheelchairs… whatever you think and whatever you can't think of! Ma, she really thought of everything."

She swallowed saliva again. "That's heroic to me. Elevated Miki is everything a hero should be, insistent to the point of inconsideration for the betterment of the people, too honest and hard-headed but well-meaning!"

Don't you realize? You're describing yourself.

And…

"Sama?"

Miteki Amafuu was lividly jealous.

She propped herself up as best as she could with one arm down and under.

Her free arm stretched up, then fell without warning.

It blasted Miteki Bless… with tickles.

"Ma!"

Bless rolled over, trying to cover up all her sensitive parts.

Big mistake.

Rolling off her mother's arm gave her mother more power.

Two hands tickled her without stopping.

Tears were jumping out of her eyes as she laughed, having fun, having confusion rush through her, her stomach cramped and her abs swelled as she kept rolling—kept rolling—kept rolling, and rolling.

She looked like a Rollie-pollie, getting in and out of her ball.

Miteki Amafuu became out of breath and flopped over.

Bless took it as her opportunity to strike back, until she saw how short-winded her mother was.

She flopped down onto her mother's stomach, listening to her stomach bubbling.

"Ma——"

"Bless——"

"—You go first."

"—You go first."

The darkening sky turned their laughter into buzzing fireflies, so luminous underneath the escaping moon.

"Bless, are you sure about it?"

"What do you mean?"

Miteki Amafuu struggled to speak.

She panted, her breath right above Bless' head. "Neuroscience..."

She kept her words short.

"Yes, I'm sure."

The silence yap ratio was in effect.

Maybe it had less to do with Lydie, and it was a Miteki-thing.

The ability to make people ramble without end when met with silence.

"I really have an urge to connect with people. I don't think I'm cut out for public speaking at all. But Miki-sama is like an unsung savior, she does this all under the radar. How many people live out this life without being heard or seen for the improvements they bring to so many lives? More than anything, I want to join that group of people. I want to spread my influence all over, selfishly imposing my will on others and force them to be happy, like it or not. More than anything, I want to save someone."

Bless kept one part silent.

I think saving people is a way to save myself.

It wasn't that she didn't trust her mom with these words; it was that she trusted her mom more than she trusted herself.

It was hard to say words so hopeful and share them, when part of them came from a source so distrustful.

It felt like speaking them out into existence would make those words twist into something much worse.

"I'm not anyone special at all. I want more than anything to be special, and make someone know that they are special. The world has so many special people expiring, ma. It's why I'm so happy you're my mama. If you didn't exist, how could I know special people exist?"

Miteki Amafuu weakly wrapped her arms around Bless laying on her stomach.

Don't you know already? A melancholic smile reaching even past her eyes, teasing at her stressed eyebrows.

It's not easy, hearing my child speak this way about herself.

I'm so sorry, so so so sorry… you hide your pain from me, and I struggle, vainly getting them out of you. And even when I do, am I even helping you?

You are already the person you want to be.

"You are a hero, my Bless."

Miteki Bless' breathed decelerated.

Mustering the words that she'd kept unheard felt like pushing her limits.

"… Saving others feels like the only way to save myself…"

The misery of the day caught up to her.

Miteki Bless fell asleep, unable to hear her mother say: I love you.