tear, tear, tear, until nothing but ____ remains

Lucian opened his eyes.

Pure darkness enveloped him, as if someone turned off the sun. Leon gaped, staying far away, while Zane watched from the ground with that same far-away look of his. Both seemed to be suspended in time.

Of course Lucian heard every word of their argument. He even selfishly claimed the chance to undo the seal while they argued, despite this being a team effort. He pitied Zane, really.

They were so much alike. Lied to. Used. Changed. Given a better purpose, only to have it stolen from them.

But Lucian finally had a chance to make up for his mistakes. He’d speak to Vitam, he’d apologize on behalf of humanity, and he’d finally let the god heal. Vitam needed to be healed, like his father once did, like so many of his father’s followers once did, like the attendees of the church did, over and over and over again.

When did Lucian have his chance to be healed?

He stepped towards the rubble of the seal. He thought something slithered out of it, long and red, but it disappeared—instead, a little boy stepped out of the dust.

No—a little boy exactly like Lucian.

“Are you taking my form?” Lucian bent down out of habit, before straightening himself. “…You’re Vitam, aren’t you?”

Vitam smiled, wide and big. “Yes. I’m so happy to finally meet you! You’re the one I chose as my avatar, aren’t you?”

Lucian had no reason to doubt. He recognized His voice from years of divine intervention. “Um—yes… where are we?”

“We’re in a special field I’ve projected. As it stands, you’re dying in the real world.”

Right, that made sense. The spell Lucian cast put him at death’s door, and no one equipped to heal would be coming for him until it was too late. Lucian didn’t regret keeping that detail from Zane—he saw the look in the other man’s eyes.

But there was no changing fate. And there was no cleanse without death. “Oh, our god, our peacekeeper, I’ve come to beg for your forgiveness,” Lucian began, getting on his knees—until he blinked, and he somehow landed on his feet again.

Vitam laughed. “No, there’s no need for that. I’m fine. I’m glad humanity’s enjoyed the gift they’ve harvested from me.”

“You’re—…what?”

“I’m not suffering, nor am I being used. This is what I’m here for. To grant magic to all of humanity, and guide them to pure Calm and Happiness.”

“Oh…”

What?

“Of course,” Vitam continued, either ignoring or not sensing Lucian’s distress, “there’s more I wish I could do. I want to fix this world—I want to give humanity the blessing it truly deserves. Haven’t you ever felt this way? You like to help others, but you’ve always struggled with how. What could truly fix the pain nestled deep in their hearts?”

“Um…”

“Sorry. I just can’t help but follow my Avatars carefully. May I tell you something?”

Lucian blinked—Vitam changed, grew from a boy to a man, a mirror copy of himself that grabbed his shoulders and pulled him close.

“I know how you can clean that rot off. I know how you can make your friends happy, and fix this broken world. Right now, it’s just terrible. People use each other, hurt each other, driven by Sadness and Rage. It hurts to be powerless. I understand—I spent most of my existence powerless to those horrible feelings. I’d been convinced they were needed, that suffering improved existence in some meaningful way.

“But we can hope for better. We can be heroes. You can stand side by side with your friend there—and you can both be Happy.

“Don’t you want that?”

…Yes, he did.

“You don’t want to die, do you?”

“No—I don’t, but I—”

“You don’t have to.” Vitam enveloped Lucian. “We don’t have to die. We can fix everything.”

“We can… fix everything.”

And everything will be a pure, perfect Calm.

—————————————

Zane ran towards Lucian the second he collapsed. He listened to Lucian’s heartbeat—still. Shit, shit.

“Get back here!” Leon called, but Zane ignored him and ran to the door, Lucian thrown over his shoulder. Maybe if he begged, Pearce might help—but would that interfere with freeing Vitam?

…Who gave a damn?

Who gave a damn about freeing Vitam anymore?

Though Zane spoke with confidence, he couldn’t shake the unease nesting in his heart at Leon’s story. Memories came back in pieces, though same as the ‘beach memory’, he viewed them as though they happened to someone else. At least he didn’t have to worry about becoming someone else after regaining his memories, because it seemed he’d never be that person again.

How reassuring. Truly. Zane shook his head and hurried down the stairs. “Say… hypothetically,” he said out loud, as if that’d rouse Lucian, “this Untitled Evil God is real. You’d tell me if you died to free an evil god, right?”

Zane wanted to laugh, but his throat went dry. Lucian almost slipped from his grip.

“You’ll—come back, like, I can’t leave my friends behind, and then you’ll do something about it. Come up with another plan, start having visions, maybe you’ll get Vitam on our side and we’ll have an epic god battle.”

He wanted so badly to laugh. To act like it was nothing.

“C’mon, Lucian… you know, I wouldn’t be here if you weren’t stupid enough to break me out of the planet’s core. Our of the spell they put me under. Even though deep down I wanted a better world, I pushed it down and accepted my punishment. But you proved me wrong. And even though you always said I was a good hero or whatever, I wouldn’t be half a hero without you—all of you. We’re gonna find Shay and Effie and we’ll bring you back. So—don’t have too much fun being dead, okay?”

…

I’m so stupid.

Maybe he should have pushed Lucian out that window, instead. “You don’t have to die,” he said. “We can fix everything. We can—fix everything.”

Lucian always struggled with how to help others. He took on the position of an avatar twice, acting through higher deities to find some kind of purpose. To cleanse something deep and horrible from his soul Zane couldn’t grasp.

But Zane didn’t think for a second Lucian was anything other than a nervous guy who wanted to make the world a little brighter.

He made it to the bottom of the stairs. The door laid ajar, and two of Vitam’s Guardians stood alongside Shay and Effie.

“Zane—” Effie began, taking a step forward, then stopped, hands over her mouth.

Zane almost spoke, but Lucian jolted, breaking free of his grip and landing on the floor without much trouble.

He put a hand up. A pure white light descended on the Guardians alongside their companions, and their bodies froze, though the way their eyes darted told Zane that they still saw all that happened.

Only Zane hadn’t stopped.

“…That’s odd,” Lucian said. “I don’t know if they’re doing that—but that’s all right. You’ll let me help you, right?”

Zane’s mouth flapped open. “Uh… huh.”

We?

Lucian smiled, wide and thin with tight lips pulled taught. “Yes, we. Vitam showed me the path I’ve been meant to follow, as His avatar, and He’s given me a second chance. Under the guidance of a true deity, I’ll heal the pain of this world, exactly as we’ve done before.”

“First—starting with yours.”

Lucian’s hand glowed white as it reached for him. It made something twist in Zane’s gut, as though he were about to be torn apart by a monster, and he jumped back.

“Hey, hey, what’re you doing?” Zane laughed, hands up. “It’s still you in there, right? Lucian?”

Lucian tilted his head, that kicked-puppy look all too familiar. “Um—yes, yes it is… please stay still. I promise I only want to help.”

“Well, maybe I wanna know what’s in the medicine, doc.”

“…Same as always, huh…” Lucian stepped back, hands clasped behind his back. “Zane—I have the power to free you from your pain.”

Zane scoffed. “My pain? You’re talking like Leon.”

“Oh, I’m nothing like that disgrace to Happiness—I, I mean, he’s misguided.” Lucian violently twitched, expressions snapping in a moment as if fighting against one another. The pit in Zane’s stomach grew, and he kept an eye on Lucian’s hands. “But we’re going to fix that. We can fix everything.”

“Fix how?” Zane said. Lucian didn’t respond. “Tell me how you’re going to fix me, Lucian.”

Lucian shuddered, then leaned on his staff. “You know—I can’t lie to you. Rage is the root of your pain. So, He wants to free you from it.”

“Maybe I can help you,” Zane said, though he knew he couldn’t help with this. “If you think you have to do something extreme to help people, you don’t. Just tell me what’s going on and we can stop this. Where’s Vitam?”

‘Lucian’ laughed.

“I am Vitam. And we’ve—we’re going to bring the world Happiness, just as I set out to do hundreds of years ago.”

He lunged, but Zane jumped back, dodging Lucian’s attempts to close the distance. “Good luck with that,” Zane said, “but I’m not going to sit back and let you decide what’s best for people. There’s other ways to help humanity than forcing people to bend to your will. You’ll have to alter reality if you think you can get rid of everything that pisses me off!”

Lucian reared his hand back, then stopped. Zane had the feeling he said something he shouldn’t have said.

“…Alter reality… yes, with my Avatar, we have that power now. You’re right.”

He smiled.

“Thank you, Zane. And goodbye. I hope we see each other again in a kinder world.”

The avatar—the god, whatever Lucian became raised his hands, and the church fell to pieces, stones swirling in a maelstrom and becoming something else—something taller, taller still…

Zane’s breath hitched, and as though hit by a deep deep darkness, he passed out.